Hi everyone! Sorry for the slight break. I was just enjoying the first week of summer! It's been too lovely out to sit inside and write...forgive me please. Anyway...while I have been outside, I have been thinking about these stories and where I am going to take them. So stay tuned.
Thanks for reading everyone and for all your amazing feedback! You all are amazing and I adore each one of you! Mwah!
Enjoy!
And Then What
Chapter 11
Jax
"Teller!"
Jax walked to the IO officer who called him over, wondering what he wanted.
"Your attorney is here," he stated.
Jax wrinkled his brow in confusion, but nodded and allowed the officer to escort him to the room reserved for attorney visits.
Jax walked in and was uncuffed as he sat across from Lowen.
"What brings you down here?" Jax asked, leaning forward and rubbing his forehead. He hadn't seen Lowen in months. Since he had made a deal, their case and their sentence was pretty black and white.
"I came to deliver this," Lowen said, sliding a letter to him, which he accepted. If Lowen was delivering it, it meant that whatever it was, the writer didn't want it to be read by prison officials.
He studied the penmanship, immediately recognizing it, and jerked in surprise before asking Lowen, "Tara sent this to you?"
She nodded and said, "To my office. She wrote that it be under the strictest confidence I didn't read the enclosed letter. She signed the seal to make sure I didn't read it."
Jax flipped the letter in his hand, and there it was. Her signature. He fingered her delicate scrawl before tearing open the letter. Enclosed was a letter written in her hand, and a picture of the boys.
In her neat print, she started the letter by telling Jax that she and the boys were fine, along with brief updates on both boys.
Thomas had started to crawl and for his third birthday, Abel got a trike. Jax smiled at the image her words painted, but he remembered the photo she had included, which depicted the event.
Abel sat proudly on his trike, which was a Harley Davidson big wheel. He chuckled at Tara's selection, and studied the image fondly. Thomas held onto the trike's big wheel for balance as he looked up at his brother.
He read on, and was surprised that Tara had decided to move out of her apartment. She had purchased a house. The closing was at the end of the month and they would move in after that. Located in a close suburb of Portland, Tara described the neighborhood as being kid friendly and in a good school district.
He was surprised she was moving. She hadn't mentioned anything to him when they had last spoke.
It had been four months since he had last seen or heard from Tara and the boys. He had healed nicely, according to the doctors and even to a grudging Tara. She knew the minute that he was out of the hospital ward, she would have to say goodbye to Jax and take their boys home and leave him behind.
Jax had asked her not to write or phone...unless necessary. There were eyes and ears everywhere in prison and information could be bought. So he knew the less contact he had with her and the boys, the safer she would be. Tara had reluctantly agreed and upon his release from the prison, she had left, taking the boys with her.
Jax had been planning since they had left how he would get out of Samcro. As he thought everything over, he came to the conclusion that he needed Clay on his side. He needed Clay to release him from the Sons. Jax imagined his picture hanging upside down on the wall. A year ago, the idea would have tormented him, but now...it didn't seem so bad.
The club isn't my legacy...you are my legacy...his dad had said in the dream. And even though it had been a dream, Jax knew it was the truth. His father had never wanted the life for him or his brother. This sentiment resonated in Jax because he never wanted the club to be apart of Abel and Thomas' lives.
While Chibs, Kozik and the other boys handled the Club on the outside, Clay very much had a plan brewing on the inside. Jax could feel it, even though Clay didn't talk about it. Whatever it was...it had to be big.
Jax knew Clay would only reveal the plan when he wanted to. Jax just hoped that it was something that he could manipulate Clay into giving him his freedom for.
Jax scanned the rest of the letter, not really wanting to read it in front of Lowen. She was watching him, waiting instructions.
"Thank you for this," Jax said, folding the letter up and slipping it in his pocket, along with the picture.
"Do you want me to respond?" Lowen asked.
Jax shook his head and said, "No. And I would appreciate that you keep this all confidential. Even from Gemma. I don't need her sniffing around Tara any more than necessary."
"Gemma's house arrest will be done by the end of the month," Lowen informed him as studied him, "She wanted to know if she had been put on your visitation list. She has gotten the paperwork to me."
"She is on the list," Jax said stiffly. He had been having a hard time with his mother lately. Since his dream, he hadn't been able to forget her part in the nightmare. And although he knew it didn't really happen, he was still wary over his mother...knowing just what she was capable of.
Their phone conversations had been brief and tense. Gemma was mystified and even hurt by her son's behavior, but Jax couldn't help it...the cold blooded nature of Tara's murder in the dream...it wasn't something he could just get over.
Jax was angry that he had revealed where Tara had run to so many months ago to his mother. He just hoped that when Gemma was released from house arrest, she didn't go to Portland, looking for Tara or the boys. Luckily she was on probation and wouldn't be able to cross state lines for a while.
It also helped that Tara would be moving and Juice was currently locked up with him in prison, so Gemma wouldn't be able to access the club's go-to hacker to try and track her down.
Lowen packed up her briefcase and asked, "Is there anything else I can do while I am here?"
Jax shook his head, standing. He wanted to ask Lowen to get a message to Tara, but he didn't want to risk it. Gemma could get to Lowen…as he thought about it, he realized how far his paranoia had gone. But he wouldn't change it….not when Tara and the boys' safety was on the line.
Jax tapped the reinforced glass window to let the guards know he was ready to go back to his cell.
Lowen walked by and said, "I was happy to help, Jackson."
"Thanks," Jax said, anxious to get back to his cell so he could read through Tara's letter thoroughly.
Lowen exited first while Jax waited for the guard to come back and escort him to his cell.
As he walked back to his cell, Hanley stopped him.
"Teller, I need to see you in my office," he said gruffly.
Jax wondered what he wanted. He never went to Hanley even though he was Jax's assigned counselor. The prison gave every inmate a counselor to check in and make sure that they weren't suicidal. Jax wasn't suicidal, so he didn't think it was necessary to talk to him.
Jax still hadn't figured out Hanley's motives, so he was wary.
Jax followed Hanley into his office and sat after Hanley motioned for him to sit in front of his desk.
"I understand you have just been to see you lawyer," Hanley said.
Jax nodded, wondering where this was going.
Hanley leaned back in his chair, studying Jax as he thought something through. It made Jax uneasy.
"You remind me of myself when I was younger, Teller," Hanley said, shocking Jax. How did he make that connection?
Hanley smirked and lifted up his sleeve to reveal a large back splotch on his upper arm...Jax had seen it before.
"You…?"
Hanley nodded and said, "I was a member of the Devil's Tribe Motorcycle Club. Indian Hills. Got out shortly after I patched in."
Jax raised his eyebrows in shock.
"Devil's Tribe? We-"
Hanley smirked and nodded, "Sons patched over them. I heard."
Jax now really wondered where this was going.
"So...why did you leave?" Jax asked, wondering if Hanley would tell him.
Hanley leaned forward, resting his elbows on his desk and said, "I killed a man. My first and only. It changed me. And I realized soon, it would change me into someone I didn't know. Did I really want to be somebody who got used to killing people?"
Jax nodded in understanding. After his first kill, he had acted nonchalant in front of the club, but when he went home to his empty house, he cried.
Hanley smoothed his shirt back over his blotted out tat and said, "I know you don't trust me. Don't trust anyone and that's smart. But, I will offer you this advice: getting out...it isn't something that can be done with your club. You just need to walk away."
Jax looked at him and wondered how Hanley knew he wanted out.
"How do you know?" Jax asked, tense now. He wondered if he would tell Clay...tell the guys.
Hanley shrugged and said, "When your old lady came...I saw how different you were with her and your kids than when you are walking these halls."
Jax remained silent as he listened. Would he tell Clay? Could Hanley be bought?
"You don't belong here, Teller," Hanley said, "And you need help. There are government programs-"
"Being apart of an MC at one time, you should know we don't exactly work in government circles," Jax said, cutting him off.
"You may not be working in a system supported by the American government, but you are working in a government. You have just traded it out for one where you have less rights and are in more danger. Especially the deeper you go," Hanley said.
Jax clenched his teeth. All these things he had thought himself, but to hear it validated by this guy...
"Think about it...even your MC has a president, vice president ...you have a pecking order...a social order. You have laws. MCs aren't anarchists. It's a romantic idea, but what you have subscribed to is a cult of violence and chaos, trying to stay afloat," Hanley said.
Jax swallowed as he listened to the older man. He was right.
"I don't get invested in cases, typically," Hanley said, leaning forward, "But when I first spoke to your old lady, I looked over your case file."
Tara...what had she said to make this man give a shit about Jax.
"She is...special. I never could tell my old lady anything. She had an idea of what I was. What the MC was. I hated that. Having secrets. Eventually, she left me. Took our kids with her."
Jax nodded, and said, "I'm sorry. Must be tough."
Hanley only nodded and said, "Your old lady...you are lucky to have her. She is strong."
Jax nodded. Tara was strong. Stronger than Jax.
"Don't you lose her," Hanley said, "You are going to need her. And you are going to need help...from somebody if you want to get out."
Jax remained silent as he looked over Hanley. Why was he telling him this.
"I have a lot of contacts that could help you, Teller," Hanley said, "They could help you get out safely. I won't pressure you to take my help or to trust me, I just want you to know, my office door is open."
Jax nodded and Hanley gave him a tight smile.
Jax stood and Hanley tapped the glass for guard escort.
Before the guard unlocked the door, Jax turned to Hanley and asked, "Why are you doing this? Why do you want to help me and Tara?"
Hanley smiled a sad smile and said, "I needed help and nobody was there. Wouldn't you some lost kid if you were in my shoes?"
Jax didn't get a chance to answer him before the guard was there, ushering him out of Hanely's office.
Tara
Tara directed movers as she wiped out shelves, listening to Thomas and Abel run around the empty house in excitement. She would stop them, but she knew that the more energy they burned, the longer they would be out later when they went to bed.
Tara had a lot of work to do and not a lot of time or hands to help her.
She had begun cleaning the house the day before, cleaning up the nursery and Abel's room before moving on to the rest of the house. First the bathroom, then the kitchen, and finally her own bedroom. Big rooms would be last.
"Ma'am, the crib?" a mover asked.
Tara nodded, dropping her rag.
"The crib and anything marked 'Thomas' goes in here," Tara instructed, showing them in the nursery. It had been freshly painted a grassy green color. She had hired a lady that worked at the hospital to paint dinosaurs on the walls, since Thomas had become obsessed with them since their visit to the dinosaur exhibit in Stockton.
The mover nodded and she heard him call out the orders to the guys. Soon the room was full and Tara busied herself in there to pack everything away and set it all up so she could put Thomas down in his bed for his nap. It took her a couple of hours, especially since she had to direct the movers to other rooms of the house with all the furniture and boxes.
Once she was satisfied with Thomas's room, she moved onto Abel's, whose room was painted sky blue. One wall had a street mural with motorcycles on it. Abel was very much like Jax, especially with cars, trucks, and motorcycles...anything on four wheels. He also liked trains.
Tara worked in there frantically, thanking the finished movers and feeding the boys lunch about halfway through.
After lunch, Thomas went down for a nap almost immediately and Abel insisted he wasn't tired even though he rubbed his eyes.
Tara smiled and said, "How about I put on a movie for you? You can try out our new couch."
Abel smiled and nodded and Tara led him into the barren family room, where the new couch still with the plastic on it sat. She ripped off the plastic and set Abel up, grabbing him a throw blanket from one of the laundry baskets and a pillow.
Tara put in Frozen, knowing that if Abel didn't fall asleep, it would at least keep him occupied while she finished up his room.
As she finished up his room, even getting some of the pictures hung up, she felt herself tiring after such a long day. Tara knew she wouldn't be able to get to her room tonight. She would just be able to make up the bed and crash.
Tara walked into the living room and spotted her Abel sound asleep on the couch. She smiled and walked up to him and kissed his forehead gently. She had enough energy to finish the kitchen so she could make some dinner.
But the kitchen ended up taking longer than she liked because she had to think about where she wanted shit...how she wanted it organized. By the time she was finished, she didn't have any energy to cook dinner, so she ordered a pizza for her and Abel.
Thomas woke up at the doorbell and Abel was back to watching Frozen, sucking his thumb as he watched Tara answer the door. Tara quickly grabbed a crying Thomas out of his crib before she answered the door. Tara expected the pizza boy, but the man standing there wasn't a pizza boy. Unless they now delivered in suits….nice, expensive suits.
"Uh, hi?" she asked, bouncing a fussy Thomas on her hip.
"You aren't pizza," Tara said, smiling.
"No," he responded, "Sorry I didn't mean to disturb you. You seem like you have your hands full."
"Oh, no, just getting ready for dinner," she said, "Can I help you?"
"No, I am your new neighbor," the man said. He was really handsome. Tall, dark hair. Kind brown eyes...built, but not too much.
"Oh," Tara said, sticking her hand out, "My name is Tara."
"Sean," he replied gesturing towards his house, "Sean Dwyer." He took her hand and squeezed it a second before releasing it and saying, "Just wanted to introduce myself and say welcome to the neighborhood. If you need anything, go bug Mr. Havers across the way," he joked with a smirk.
Tara smiled and he said, "Just joking. Mr. Havers is eighty seven. And crotchety...so I can help you with anything."
Tara laughed and said, "Thanks Sean. I appreciate it."
He nodded and said, "Well I'll let you get back to your evening. Enjoy your pizza."
Tara smiled and nodded as he took a step off her porch. She closed the door as he left her pathway and she walked back to the living room.
"I'm hungry," Abel whined when Tara appeared without their pizza.
Tara nodded and said, "Should be soon, honey."
Abel focused on the screen once more and zoned out to Elsa and...oh crap what the hell was her name? Tara felt like she had seen this movie a hundred times, she should bloody well know the damn main characters' names. Ana! That was it.
As Tara began to plop down, the doorbell rang and Tara looked to Abel who gave her an excited squeal.
"That's pizza baby!" she said, jumping to her feet.
She jogged to the door and opened it. When she reached for her billfold, the pizza guy said, "A man from next door paid. Said to give you this."
Tara crinkled her eyebrow and took the receipt with the scribbled note.
Enjoy your dinner! Consider this your housewarming gift! -Sean
Tara smiled and said, "Thank you," accepting the pizza from the teenager. Tara closed the door and called to Abel, "Come on baby, dinner is here. Go wash your hands in your new bathroom."
Tara heard Abel scramble from the couch and run towards the bathroom to do as he was told. She listened for the sink, knowing sometimes Abel tried to pretend he washed...but there was the unmistakable sound of his climbing on his little stool and the faucet running. He must be excited about the new house.
Tara set Thomas in his high chair before going to the fridge and grabbing out the milk for Abel and a can of soda for her. She then grabbed a tiny jar of applesauce for Thomas and the box of cereal that was sure to end up on the floor.
Tara opened the jar as Abel came back in and sat on his chair, waiting for his dinner. His hands were still wet and Tara grabbed a towel and dried them before putting his plate down in front of him. Abel began eating and began talking about Frozen to Tara as she absentmindedly listened to him.
She sat down and slowly fed Thomas who would occasionally push away the spoonful of applesauce she was trying to feed him. She then reached for the baby cereal she had bought him and poured a little pile on his high chair tray. He immediately fisted some of it and lifted it to his applesauce covered mouth.
Tara smiled at her boys as she ate her own pizza. Her life...it was busy and hectic, juggling two boys and her career. Tara had caved and bought a car, which made everything much easier to manage. And as Abel grew, she knew she wanted Thomas and Abel to have a yard...a place to ride their bikes. So she bought a house.
Initially, she thought she would wait to move...wait for Jax. But a small part of her still had a hard time believing he could get out. Jax was so entangled in it. She had barely made it out. How did he think he was going to?
So Tara knew she couldn't wait. She wanted the best for Abel and for Thomas. And she wanted it for them now. Jax...he would always be welcome. Always. But they couldn't put their life on hold for 'maybe'.
She looked around her new house. Their new house and imagined them growing up here. Her next big buy would be a swing set...or a treehouse. Maybe for Christmas.
Tara smiled at the thought. When Thomas had first been born...hell, when Abel had first come to live with her, Tara wasn't sure she could do it. Be a single mother. Raise Thomas and Abel alone. It was so much work. Gratifying, but sooo much work.
Sometimes Tara cried herself to sleep with Abel, who cried out for Jax that first week relentlessly. Then when he stopped crying for Jax, Tara cried harder...wondering and worrying if Abel could forget his father so easily. That week, she had taken every photo she had of Jax and plastered his face around their apartment, so Abel was force fed his image to remember.
As she looked around, she knew...even if Jax didn't come to stay, they would be okay. It would be hard and Tara and both boys would miss him terribly. But...they would survive.
Now, Tara prayed that Jax would come back. As easily as she could imagine the boys growing in this house, she could imagine Jax and her grow old here. She could see their life together if he got out. And she wanted it. So, sooo bad. She wanted that more than anything. She didn't just want to survive without him. She wanted him here, with her and the boys, safe and happy.
That would be the image she would cling to. Maybe she couldn't believe Jax when he told her he was getting out, but she sure as hell would hope for it. She would hold on to that hope and that image.
So do you all remember Sean? From the dream in chapter eight...he was the guy Tara married in the first part of Jax's dream...just to add a little drama! Let me know what you think! Thanks for reading everyone!
