XI.

A month passed, and suddenly Shepard was smack dab in the middle of the mess on Horizon, helping Miranda save her sister from her controlling and abusive father.

Miranda didn't know why she was surprised; the woman always did have a knack of showing up at the right place at just the right time, and to be honest, while she originally didn't think she needed help, she was immensely thankful that Shepard had shown up, as her show down with Kai Leng had left her considerably worse for wear. It infuriated her, to be bested in that way, especially by someone who was nothing but an indoctrinated lap dog of her former boss, but in the end Kai Leng mattered so very little, when suddenly her father had a gun on her and was using Oriana as a human shield.

Shepard tried to talk him down, had even managed to succeed with some well-placed threats, but Miranda couldn't just let him walk; she had a chance here, a real chance to finally live free of her father, a chance to guarantee both her and Oriana's safety so that neither of them ever had to go into hiding again, and so she took it.

He screamed as her biotics pushed him through the window; it was easily the most satisfying sound Miranda had ever heard, even more so than the crunching sound of bones when his body hit the floor. Even now, just thinking of it, it made her smile. Miranda had never been one for killing; she did it out of necessity, not because it gave her pleasure, but that… oh that gave her a high so intense that Miranda doubted anything else would ever come close to it.

She wished she could have told Jack about it.

Miranda remembered when they spoke about killing him, and she reckoned the woman would have been proud of her; at least, if she didn't currently hate the air that Miranda even breathed. In the end though, Jack was only a brief thought as she enveloped her sister in her arms, realizing that for the first time in as long as she could remember, she truly had a family.

And it was strange, realizing that she wasn't alone in the world anymore.

Soon afterwards Miranda joined the war effort, although she was still getting a few sideways looks from the Alliance due to her past affiliation with Cerberus. She procured herself a private fighter though, knowing she would have to prove herself with or without the Alliance's backing, and soon she found herself teaming up with former colleagues to strike at miscellaneous Cerberus bases. Between that and providing valuable anti-Cerberus intel to the Alliance, eventually she seemed to earn something resembling actual approval from the people who were once her enemies. It was strange, and yet… and yet in all honesty, Miranda had never felt a more fulfilling sense of duty.

She spoke to Oriana often, and they were quickly becoming close. Perhaps in the end though, it was inevitable that they would get on; they were genetically identical, after all, down to the very last strand of DNA. But even still, there were so many differences between them that it was a wonder how they even could hold a conversation with each other.

Miranda was so contained, while Oriana was vibrant and excitable; she smiled like it was so easy for her, whereas many years of military life had hardened Miranda to the point that only a selective few would ever be on the receiving end of such a gesture. And Oriana was funny; she was witty and had such a wonderful sense of humor, while Miranda couldn't tell a joke even if her life depended on it. But it was nice, being able to speak with her whenever she wanted; Miranda had spent so many years wishing that she didn't have to leave her behind, yet knowing that in the end, it really had been the safest thing for her, and would provide her with a better life than Miranda would have ever been able to give her.

Which, now that she thought about it, was precisely what she had done to Jack. Apparently she hadn't changed as much as she had thought over the last fifteen years, because she was still going back to the same default when it came to people she cared about.

"What; what is it?" Oriana asked curiously, causing Miranda's gaze to drag back to the holocam on her desk where she was speaking with her sister. "You totally spaced out on me for a second there; what were you thinking about? You just got this really funny look on your face."

"Nothing, I'm just—I'm sorry, Ori," Miranda apologized, running her hands over her face for a moment as she exhaled a long breath. "I'm probably just tired; it's been a long day. What were you saying?"

"Oh no, you're not getting out of this that easily," Oriana responded, smirking as she folded her legs under herself on the couch. "Come on, you're always asking about what's going on in my life, but I hardly know anything about yours; so tell me what's wrong, because I know it's not just that you're tired."

Miranda sighed. Was she really so easy to read?

But Oriana was right; Miranda hardly ever talked about herself, and perhaps that really wasn't fair. Her sister wanted to get to know her just as much as she did her, after all. And so, after a long pause, Miranda finally admitted, "I got invited to a housewarming party."

Oriana's brow lifted. "And that's bothering you because… you don't like parties?" she guessed, to which Miranda snorted.

"No, it's not the party itself. I do know how to have fun, you know," Miranda responded, a small smirk peeking out despite herself. But then she got serious, and exhaled another long sigh. "It's just… I believe someone is going to be there as well and it could potentially become… well, fairly awkward, to say the least; if not full on violent."

"What, like an enemy of yours?"

"Former lover, actually."

Suddenly, Oriana looked very interested as she leaned closer towards the holocam. "Ohh, really? You must tell me all about him!" After a decidedly long silence though, Oriana's brow rose. "Or her? Or… are they a mono-gender species like an asari? I'm not xenophobic or anything; I wouldn't judge."

"She's… a human female," Miranda answered, wishing this conversation didn't feel as uncomfortable to her as it did; but then again, it wasn't often that she talked to anyone about her personal life. "And we didn't exactly leave things on the best of terms; I… sort of disappeared without saying anything to her, and while I firmly believe that it was for her own good – because I wanted her to have a better life than what I could have provided for her at the time – she… I don't think she sees it the same way."

"Sounds familiar."

"Yes, that's… that was what I just realized, actually," Miranda admitted, running her fingers through her hair as she leaned back in her chair. "I suppose I have a default when it comes to the people I care about. But is it so terrible, to want something better for someone than what you yourself could give them?"

"No, I don't think it is," Oriana responded, her expression masking in sympathy. "And Miri, I don't—I don't blame you, for walking away. I ended up with loving parents and I had a great life; save my birth father kidnapping me that one time, of course." She cracked a smirk, and it echoed on Miranda's face. "I mean, of course I wish I knew you so much sooner than this, but if you're ever worried that I don't understand why you did what you did, just know that I… I do, okay?"

Miranda smiled, feeling like for once, she wasn't getting everything wrong. "Thank you, Ori."

"I really should be the one thanking you actually. You've saved me more times than I can even count."

Miranda chuckled softly, shaking her head as she downplayed it. "It's nothing, really. I suppose that's just what one does for family, you know?"

Oriana smiled at her, but as she watched Miranda's own expression fade and her eyes avert, her brow creased and she asked, "You're really hung up on her, aren't you?"

"Yes," Miranda admitted softly, albeit a little reluctantly as she turned her eyes back to the holocam. "I suppose I am. Feeling something for someone, it doesn't—it's not something that happens to me very often, and I… I miss her. And I know it's foolish; it's been nearly a year and we're in the middle of a war and, even if she didn't despise my very existence, there was no way we could make it work with her being on the front lines and me being stuck here but…" Miranda sighed, shaking her head. "That doesn't change the fact that I simply miss being with her. It's all rather pathetic, honestly."

"Do you love her?" Oriana asked curiously, tilting her head to the side.

"No, nothing that intense," Miranda responded, because she did know that at least. Still, in the end though, not being in love with Jack didn't make it any easier to be away from her. "To be honest, we weren't even together that long, and the majority of our relationship was rather… physical; but there was something about her that… that I just connected with, you know? And honestly if you ever met her you'd probably think I was insane, as we come from entirely different backgrounds and don't look at all like we would ever get along. Although I suppose in the end we still didn't, not really, but it was that sense of struggle with her that I really enjoyed; it gave our relationship this kind of push and pull aspect that kept things interesting. Jack was… Jack was fire, and I loved that it burned when I touched her."

Realizing she had said far more than she intended to, Miranda's cheeks reddened as she pinched the bridge of her nose. "I'm—I'm sorry, that was… probably far more information than you needed to know; I didn't expect to start rambling."

"I think it's sweet actually," Oriana responded with a smile, and while it didn't lessen Miranda's embarrassment any, it at least made her feel better that she hadn't managed to embarrass her sister in the process. Apparently, once someone finally got her talking about it, everything just began to spill out without any sense or reason; although it probably helped that she trusted Oriana, despite only just beginning to get to know her. "Have you told her how you feel?"

"Jack and I don't talk about feelings," Miranda told her with a sigh. "We're both bloody awful at it; even admitting that we seemed to have fallen into a relationship with one another was like pulling teeth. I can't—I could never say those kinds of things to her."

"Why not?"

"It's… awkward," Miranda struggled to get out, trying to make sense of her feelings. "Romanticism isn't exactly my thing; perhaps I can say the right words every now and again, and enjoy a sense of closeness with someone, but it's never any kind of large-scale declaration, which is what that would be. She knows I care about her though, and she knows that I regret hurting her; I have said that much, at least."

"But if you want to win her back and, from what I'm reading off of you right now, that's exactly what you want, despite the war and despite having to figure out how to do something long distance," Oriana began and, damnit, was she suddenly transparent now? "I think maybe a large-scale declaration might be the thing, especially if that's not something she's used to from you; it will make an impression."

"How is it that you are giving me relationship advice right now?" Miranda asked, finding this situation extremely bizarre. She was the older sibling after all; shouldn't this be the other way around?

Oriana giggled.

"Because I don't have a love life and yours is apparently in shambles?" she guessed, prompting Miranda to roll her eyes at the word 'shambles', like it was some kind of gross overestimate even though it really was a fairly accurate description. "Besides, I read a lot of romance novels and that's got to be good for something."

"Perhaps," Miranda agreed, although she still didn't know if outright stating all that she felt for Jack was the way to go with this.

"But…?" Oriana prompted, noticing the conflicted look on her sister's face. Miranda sighed.

"But there's a part of me that's…" Miranda hesitated, not really sure she wanted to even admit this. But maybe she needed to start talking to people, maybe she needed to start trusting people, and if she couldn't do that with her own sister, then who could she do it with? "That's… afraid, I suppose, that she'll just… throw it back in my face. Jack isn't the most delicate person in the world, and she's still very angry with me."

"Well you never know until you try," Oriana suggested lightly and yes, that was true. Still, exposing herself in that way would leave her extremely vulnerable, and that wasn't exactly something Miranda was comfortable with. "Just go to the party, Miri; you never know, it could be the best decision you've ever made."

"Or it could very well be the worst."

Oriana rolled her eyes at her pessimism. "Just go. You know you want to. If you didn't, you probably wouldn't have even brought it up to me."

Well that… that was true, Miranda realized. How was it that, already, her sister knew her so well? Miranda had always thought of herself as a rather closed off sort of person, but perhaps she was more transparent than she originally thought. Or maybe it was that Oriana was one of the few people who had ever bothered to look close enough to see what lay underneath.

Chewing lightly on the inside of her cheek, Miranda glanced up to see her sister's encouraging smile in the holocam, and she finally nodded, relenting to at least try. After all, she had already lost Jack, so it wasn't as though this could get any worse.

But perhaps those were just going to turn out to be famous last words.

[x]

"What the fuck is she doing here?"

Well, already this was going swimmingly, wasn't it?

Miranda stood in the entrance to Shepard's apartment, everyone's eyes having turned to her at Jack's little outburst. Generally, Miranda didn't mind attention, good or bad, but this really was fairly awkward; most of these people had been around when she had left without a word of goodbye, and knew exactly what it was that she had done to Jack. Perhaps it was a bad idea to come here. But Miranda just straightened her spine and steeled her jaw, intent on not having the woman drive her out when she had only just gotten here. "I was invited," she responded stiffly.

"Which you were aware of, Jack, so don't act like this is suddenly news," Shepard responded flatly, thoroughly unamused by the woman's response to Miranda's presence, especially since, apparently, she already knew that the operative was coming. "Look, I care about both of you, but I don't want any drama tonight; so if you really feel the need to fight about your failed relationship like a couple of angsty teenagers, then I'm going to forewarn you that I will not hesitate to kick both of your asses all over this apartment. Am I making myself clear?"

"Whatever, Shepard; you wanna screw up your own party by inviting the Cerberus bitch, then that's on you. I really couldn't give half a fuck," Jack scoffed, folding her arms across her chest and shooting Miranda a fierce glare that she really wished didn't bother her as much as it did. Why did she let Ori talk her into coming here? No matter what she said to Jack, she doubted it would make a difference; like it or not, they had fallen back to square one, and it was doubtful that they'd ever make it back to where they once were.

"I'm not with Cerberus anymore," Miranda tried to defend, looking at Jack with disbelief because, wasn't she aware of that already? Surely she must be. "I haven't been for quite a while." But the woman just snorted in response, completely uncaring because apparently, that really hadn't been her point.

"Maybe not, but you're still a grade A bitch; aren't you, Cheerleader?"

"Jack," Shepard warned, but Jack just threw up her hands like a white flag and took a couple steps backwards.

"Relax, Shep; we're good. I got better shit to do than deal with the bitch anyway."

As Jack finally turned and walked into another room, although not before shooting her former lover a sarcastic smile and a flip of her middle finger, Miranda released a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding. "I'm sorry," she apologized to Shepard, feeling awful for bringing this kind of unpleasantness into an environment that, for all intents and purposes, was supposed to be fun. "Perhaps I shouldn't have come."

"Ignore her; she can act antagonistic all she wants, but it's not going to change the fact that everyone knows she's been waiting for you to show up all night."

Miranda's brow rose in surprise.

"Jack may be many things, Miranda," Shepard told her with an amused smirk. "But subtle? Isn't one of them. She's been practically ready to pounce every time the doorbell rang."

"She just wants to reaffirm her hatred for me, Shepard; I hardly think that's anything to be overjoyed about," Miranda responded sullenly, wishing she knew how to mask her disappointment better. This wasn't at all how she wanted this to go, but perhaps she had been foolish in hoping for anything different.

"She's just upset; give her time."

"It's been a year."

"And she's only seen you twice," Shepard reminded her. "Give her some time to adjust to your presence, Miranda; her bitterness isn't going to just magically disappear just because you want it to." Placing her hand on the small of her back, Shepard guided her former subordinate over to the bar then and encouraged, "Come on, have a drink with us; you'll feel better."

And for a while, she did. She got to catch up with Tali and Jacob, the latter of whom she was happy to find out was expecting his first child. She also got to know Liara a little better and, generally speaking, she was having a fairly good time.

Although it probably helped that Jack seemed to make a point to stay in a different room than her, a decision which Miranda didn't feel the need to challenge, as perhaps it would be best if she didn't violate the space that the other woman clearly needed. In the end though, if Jack wished to speak with her, then Miranda knew she would; pushing the issue would only result in a fight that Miranda didn't want Shepard to have to deal with, especially since she already seemed to have enough headaches as it was.

"God damnit, Kasumi, for the last time, stop going through my underwear drawer!"

Kasumi, for the most part, had been running around the entire apartment cloaked, getting in everyone's business and even sitting on Vega's back during him and Jacob's little dick measuring competition that, for the most part, included a demonstration of physical prowess. Miranda had a heavy eye roll reserved for that, but at least Ashley seemed to be enjoying the show. Still, Kasumi's little invisibility addiction grated on Miranda's nerves, as a part of her still wasn't over the woman ratting her out to Jack back on the Normandy. In the end though, the woman seemed to be entertaining herself with bothering Shepard, which, so long as she wasn't in Miranda's business, the operative was perfectly fine with. Tonight was supposed to be fun, after all; and she already had enough drama as it was with Jack.

As Shepard was torn away from the underwear incident to deal with Wrex and Grunt's Krogan version of a dick measuring competition (what was it with males and their incessant need to come off as physically superior?), Miranda turned away from the scene and headed towards the bar to refresh her drink. Unfortunately however, she was stopped about halfway there by EDI.

"Operative Lawson, I was wondering if I could have a moment of your time to speak with you about breasts."

Miranda blinked. "I'm—I'm sorry?" she asked, wondering if she had heard the AI right. It was strange enough, seeing EDI walk around with an actual, physical body, but now she wanted to talk about breasts? That… didn't exactly seem like a topic that would be of interest to an artificial intelligence.

Apparently however, she couldn't have been more wrong about that.

"I would like to speak with you about breasts," EDI repeated, completely serious. "I have estimated that we share roughly the same measurements and I have some questions regarding the fascination they seem to evoke in a wide variety of species; do you have a minute?"

"Not… right at this second, EDI, but perhaps if I get a free moment we can discuss it later," Miranda answered, trying to be polite despite how odd she found this entire conversation; it wasn't exactly what she had been expecting when the AI approached her after all, and she was eager to get out of it. Besides, if she were being completely honest, EDI's newfound body and independence unnerved her a little; she knew Shepard trusted her, but an unshackled AI was a huge risk. "In the meantime, perhaps you could ask Liara; she's also… well endowed."

Or in other words, please just ask anyone else other than her, because this was not a particular topic that she wished to get into; she was already more than aware of the stares she garnered because of her chest size, but she felt no need to provide some kind of in depth analysis when the short answer was that the general populous was rather perverted.

"I have considered that, but Doctor T'Soni's breasts are noticeably larger and I don't feel as though it would make for an accurate comparison, as I have noted more individuals stare considerably longer at our chests than at hers. I have hypostasized that it is perhaps because you are human, and I myself have taken a rather similar form, whereas she is an asari."

"I really don't believe the fact that she's an asari makes any difference," Miranda told her, wishing the AI would have just given her an out when she had suggested she speak to someone else about her… curiosities. "I'm sure people are just too afraid of what Shepard would do to them if she caught them staring at her girlfriend's breasts for too long."

"That is a very plausible hypothesis, Operative Lawson, thank you for your input," EDI responded gratefully, and Miranda forced an awkward smile in return. "I will look forward to speaking to you about this further at a later time."

And then, thankfully, she was gone, and Miranda found herself exhaling a disbelieving breath as she made her way towards the bar. She stopped short however at the sight of Jack and the newest addition to the party, that… Traynor woman, flirting in an extremely blatant manner. She was standing up against the bar with Jack practically on top of her, one hand leaning on the edge of the marble countertop as she whispered something in the other woman's ear. Traynor laughed at whatever Jack had said, her fingers gently brushing the teacher's hip, and Miranda suddenly felt like she was either going to break something or be very ill.

She turned around so fast that she nearly slammed smack into Vega, who held out his hands and exclaimed, "Whoa, where you going in such a hurry, Mama?"

"I… apologize," Miranda struggled to get out, feeling a little emotionally frazzled at the moment, which seemed to cut through her usual confident demeanor. Jack had always had a way of stripping her of that though, whether the woman realized it or not; although Miranda was certain the amount of alcohol she had consumed didn't provide her many favors in that area either. "I didn't see you."

Although she wasn't exactly sure how; the man was as big as a house.

Vega smirked as he leaned against the threshold of the door, looking like he was settling in to hit on her or something else that she completely did not need at that moment, which apparently Shepard noticed as well, because she slapped him on the arm as she bypassed him, saying, "Barking up the wrong tree there, soldier," before she entered the other room, thankfully giving Miranda the out she needed. She didn't particularly want to have to deal with shooting anyone down right then; she just wanted to get the hell away from Jack and whatever she was planning to do to that Traynor woman before the former even noticed that she was there.

That plan however, was shot to hell when Shepard took notice of the two of them and immediately decided to intervene with an exasperated, "Jack, what did I say earlier? Stop trying to drag someone else into your drama."

Jack looked up as Traynor turned around in surprise, a glare being painted across the former convict's face as she exclaimed irritably, "What the fuck, Shep; you've been taking cock blocking classes or something? Piss off."

"If it was anyone else you were doing this to, I probably would, but Sam came here late and is walking into this blind," Shepard reprimanded as she poured herself another drink. "That isn't fair to her; she doesn't know about your history."

"I'm sorry, am I missing something?" Traynor asked, completely confused by the sudden shift in the atmosphere in the room. Suddenly, people started to realize Miranda was actually still frozen in the doorway during all of this, and as all eyes suddenly turned on her, the operative felt the desperate need to be elsewhere as she quickly turned around, but not before Jack saw her, and not before Traynor seemed to realize what the problem was with a rather disappointed acknowledgement of, "…Oh."

Miranda didn't stay to hear the rest of the conversation.

She felt so foolish, for allowing Jack to even get to her like this, when she knew that, logically, the entire reason the woman was even hitting on Traynor was to make her jealous. She obviously still felt the need to get back at her after all, and Miranda felt like an idiot for making that goal embarrassingly easy for her to achieve. It was beginning to really bother her, how much she bloody cared about the other woman; and perhaps in the end it was just the alcohol in her system causing her to become frustrated with how things were turning out, but a part of her was wondering why she was even bothering. Why was she allowing herself to get so hung up on Jack when the woman clearly wasn't willing to give her a second chance? It was nothing short of masochistic, and she needed to—she needed to just make it stop, because she didn't like the person she was becoming because of it.

She felt needy. Weak. Absolutely and completely bloody pathetic.

And she was done with it.

Which was what she told herself over and over after she had retreated upstairs and into Shepard's adjoining bathroom, just trying to find some sense of privacy while she leaned over the sink, looked in the mirror, and basically coached herself to regard Jack as nothing more than a wall fixture. And it may have worked if she had had more time to do so, but not long afterwards the bathroom door was angrily pushed open by the very woman she was trying to avoid, and suddenly Miranda found herself trapped in a small room with the problem she didn't want to face.

Damnit, what the hell was it with them and bathrooms?

"You fucking told Shepard to do that!" she accused, pointing at her angrily. "Do you need a goddamn hearing aid or something? What the fuck part of stay out of my life didn't you understand?!"

"I didn't tell Shepard to do anything," Miranda defended, quickly growing upset that this was leading to yet another fight that she just, damnit, she just didn't have the effort for! "It's not my bloody fault that you were embarrassing yourself by hitting on that woman, when everyone knows the only reason you were even doing so was to make me jealous. Which you succeeded in, by the way, so I would appreciate if you stopped handling this break up so damn childishly and just leave me alone if you don't wish to reconcile, because I just don't have the effort for this anymore, Jack, I just don't."

"Fuck you, you don't have the 'effort' for it!" Jack shouted, closing the door behind her so that either Shepard wouldn't hear them fighting with each other and intervene, or to frankly just keep Miranda here so she could continue to scream at her. "Because suddenly it's some big fucking burden for you to be a raging cunt now?"

"How can you even—how are you making me out to be such a villain right now?" Miranda asked incredulously, staring at the other woman like she couldn't make heads or tails of her thought process. "I have never approached you with anything other than apology and regret, and yet you're making it seem like I'm filled with all this animosity towards you when, in actuality, the only one here that can even closely resemble the word 'cunt' is you for how you've been acting toward me."

"Oh, fuck you—"

"No, I'm not finished!" Miranda practically shouted, interrupting Jack mid-sentence. Approaching her, Miranda got right up in her space as she continued angrily, "And the sad part is that I don't even know why I'm surprised! I don't know how I can look at you and see anything other than an emotionally stunted teenager in a woman's body, and I don't know how I had ever bloody expected that there might be a way for us to move past this, when you can't find the maturity to default to any emotion other than anger!"

"And the worst part? The most ridiculous fucking part of all of this?" Miranda continued, apparently on a tirade now that later she would be sure to blame on the liquor in her system, rather than all the emotions inside of her that she never really had any hope of trying to control now that she had begun to let them out. "Is that I still want you; for some bloody, stupid arse reason, I can list out everything that's wrong with you, everything that makes you an irritating person and an even less than stellar romantic partner, and I'll still want you regardless of all that. And I am sick of it, Jack; I am sick of being emotionally torn to pieces because I'm still hung up on a woman who has absolutely no intention of even trying to understand why I did what I did, nor is willing to accept my apology for going about it in the wrong way. So tell me, what's the point? What the hell is the bloody point?!"

She shoved her then, just frustrated beyond belief with Jack, with herself, with this entire situation. "Don't fucking touch me, Cheerleader—"

"Fuck you!" Miranda shouted, apparently having reached the end of her rope as she pointedly shoved Jack again, just wishing that the woman would get the hell out of her life, because she hated the person she was becoming because of her; she hated how upset she was, she hated how much she cared, when Jack apparently couldn't be arsed to return the sentiment. "Why am I the only one who's getting ripped to shreds because of this; did you even care for me at all, or are you only pissed at me because when I walked away from you in front of everyone, it wounded your precious pride?"

"You think I didn't care?!" Jack shouted, apparently becoming deeply offended by that as she shoved Miranda's hands off of her. "You think I didn't fucking care? You were the only thing I did care about in my pathetic excuse of an existence back then, you selfish bitch; and yet you still fucked off on me!"

"What I did wasn't selfish!" Miranda exclaimed, shoving Jack backwards again because, apparently, the former convict wasn't the only one who's lack of emotional capability made them fairly juvenile. Again, Miranda would rather blame the alcohol than herself. "Stop calling me selfish, when letting you go was one of the most decidedly un-selfish things I have ever done in my entire life! Do you think it was easy for me? Despite my better judgment I had grown attached to you, Jack; and walking away from you made me feel sick, but you deserved better in life than what I could have given you at the time!"

"Well maybe back then I thought that you were the best thing life had ever given me, did you ever fucking stop to think of that?!" Jack shouted, apparently not registering the intensity of that statement as she kept yelling. "I don't give a tiny rat's ass if you think something else is better for me or not; how I feel and what I do with my life isn't for you to fucking decide!"

But Miranda barely heard the rest of that, what Jack had said before making her freeze in place as she stared at her, a myriad of emotions playing out across her face. Her lack of a response seemed to clue Jack in as to what she had actually revealed, and as her face noticeably paled, Miranda was already halfway through denial because no, if Jack had felt that way about her, then she wouldn't be acting like this right now; she would have at least tried to listen to her, and not push her away at every little turn.

But this was Jack she was talking about, and she was fairly drunk, and honestly, not a damn bit of any of this made sense to her anymore; all she knew right now was that she was just very, very upset.

"Don't say things like that!" Miranda demanded, shoving her again because, in all honesty, she didn't know what else to do anymore. She just wanted Jack away from her. "Don't you dare use something like that just to make me feel terrible, Jack; this isn't a goddamn joke!"

"Miranda, stop fucking—stop shoving me!" Jack shouted, getting fed up with Miranda's need to outwardly express her frustration, which at least gave her a way to avoid the present conversation. She pushed Miranda's hands off of her, but the older woman wouldn't stop.

"No, I am sick of you!" Miranda shouted, pushing her back so hard this time that Jack's back actually collided with the wall. "I am sick to death of you, of this, and I just want this to be over, Jack; I want all of this to just be bloody—"

"I said stop fucking shoving me, Miranda; fuck!" Jack exclaimed fiercely, her hands hitting the operative's shoulders this time as she pushed her off of her in one fluid motion. However, she seemed to not calculate the force of the push very accurately, because instead of just shoving Miranda backwards a step, it was a full three until she reached the edge of the hot tub, lost her balance, and fell in with a surprised shout.

"Shit, shit!" Jack swore as she immediately barreled in after her, scooping Miranda up in her arms as she brought her to the surface of the water. "Fuck, I didn't mean to—are you okay?! Did you hit your head?" Miranda couldn't answer though, too busy coughing up the water she swallowed as Jack practically cradled her against her body. "Miranda!"

"I'm—" She coughed a few more times, hitting Jack's shoulder to try to get the woman to loosen her damn grip. "Trying to—fucking breathe, you stupid arsehole!"

"Jesus," Jack breathed, practically slumping against her as she leaned her forehead against hers, apparently relieved by the other woman's animosity towards her, as it proved she wasn't as hurt as she feared she had been. "I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry; I didn't—fuck."

Miranda closed her eyes then, the coughing having subsided as she buried her face in Jack's neck, just wishing that the stupid woman didn't hold so much power over her emotions. She was just so tired, so upset, so drunk, and feeling so bloody helpless that the combined intensity of all those things made a tear fall down her cheek as Jack held her close to her soaked body.

"I hate what you've turned me into," Miranda breathed, her voice becoming choked with emotion. "I bloody hate that I cry over you; I don't cry over anyone, over anything and you—you've ruined me, broke something inside of me, and I— I hate you for it, Jack. I bloody hate you for it…"

"Miranda…" Jack tried, her voice barely above a whisper; her tone was tight, strained with her own emotion that she hated showing just as much as Miranda did. But the operative just shoved herself out of Jack's arms, shaking her head as she tried to fight the feeling inside of her that she was starting to contribute to weakness, because feeling something for someone was clearly doing nothing else but dragging her down, and that wasn't something she needed right then.

"What?" she asked, the word practically choking in her throat as she turned to face the other woman, only to have her heart stop in her chest as she watched Jack's mascara run down her cheeks in jagged lines, the other woman staring at her with an emotion Miranda didn't know how to name.

"I…" Jack began, trying to form words as she looked absolutely bloody terrified by the woman in front of her. But Jack either found her courage, or was just too tired to lie to her anymore, and finally told her in a defeated breath, "…I really fucking hate you for it too."

Miranda released a breath she didn't know she had been holding, choked back some more of her tears, and then moved before she could think better of it, grasping the sides of Jack's head as she firmly pressed her lips against hers. She didn't—she just didn't know what else to do, everything inside of her just bubbling over to the point of no longer knowing how to express how she was feeling with words.

And Jack, apparently having found herself in the same predicament as Miranda, let her do it.

They grasped for one another, the kiss they shared bruising yet fairly uncoordinated as neither of them really knew what they were doing, or even how they should be feeling towards one another. Miranda tangled her fingers in the other woman's hair before shoving her shoulder in frustration, more tears spilling down her cheeks as she realized that Jack was the chaos that had invaded her once well-managed life, and a part of her hated herself for craving something so disastrously unpredictable because of course this would be the result; of course it would completely ruin her, and yet still, there she was coming back for more, because apparently she wore masochism fairly well these days.

"I hate you," Miranda panted against her lips as Jack tore at the wet fabric that stuck to her body. "I hate what you've done to me; I hate you…!"

"Shut up," Jack demanded, cutting Miranda's words off with a fierce kiss that left her breathless and wanting as she shoved the woman's soaked leather jacket down off of her shoulders. "Just shut the fuck up!"

She sunk her teeth into the base of Miranda's neck then and the operative threw her head back and groaned, fingernails digging into Jack's shoulder before she forcefully pushed her backwards, causing the woman to fall against one of the resting ledges of the hot tub before she clambered on top of her, straddled her waist, and kissed her with every ounce of longing she'd kept locked up inside of her for the past year.

It was frustrating and more than a little difficult, trying to undress each other in the water. Jack completely tore her cat suit in her frantic effort to strip her from it, and Miranda hadn't expected Jack's cargo pants to be so damn heavy when they were drenched. But they eventually removed all their clothing, and Jack grabbed Miranda's ass as she guided her back on top of her, kissing her with a passionate fury of teeth, tongue, and uncontrollable emotion, before finally slipping three of her fingers deep inside of her.

Miranda grasped for her head, fingernails scraping over the shaved part of Jack's skull as she gasped hard against her lips at the more than welcome invasion. "Fuck," she breathed, her inner muscles squeezing around Jack's lithe fingers. "I've missed you," she admitted in a broken whisper. "I've missed everything that you bloody are, and God, I despise you for it; for making me crave you, for turning me into something I was never supposed to be…"

"Stop," Jack begged, still sounding rather emotional herself as Miranda watched another black line trace the contour of her cheek. "Stop fucking making me—just shut up, please just shut the fuck up!" She kissed her then, just trying to make Miranda's words cease as she fucked her, prompting the woman atop her to moan as she desperately reached for every part of Jack that she could grasp, just wanting to take every single bit of her in and burn it to memory, in case this was nothing but some screwed up way to finally find a sense of closure with one another.

Despite Jack's desperation to make her be quiet, she didn't fuck her into silent submission; instead she took her time with it, perhaps just trying to do the same thing that Miranda was and commit it to memory as she finally, eventually, trusted that Miranda would stop speaking and cause her to feel things she didn't want to feel, and pulled back from the kiss in order to watch the pleasure etch itself across the operative's face as she corkscrewed her fingers and prompted a sharp gasp.

Miranda held her gaze as Jack slid her fingers in and out of her, the heat from the tub not at all to blame for the rosy hue that had flushed its way across her cheeks and down her chest, tightening her nipples and making a fierce fire erupt in the pit of her abdomen. She touched her face then, allowing her thumb to slide down Jack's bottom lip as she ground against her hand and panted out her name, her head beginning to grow foggy as she was brought closer to the edge.

When she finally came it was with a violent shudder, the orgasm wracking her entire body as she allowed her eyelashes to flutter closed and her head to fall back. Jack kept her hold on her so as to not allow her to fall backwards into the water, and once Miranda got her bearings she straightened her spine and looked down at her, her chest still rising and falling rapidly as she tried to catch her breath and figure out what the hell they had just done, and what any of it even meant.

But as they stared at one another, Miranda realized that no, she wasn't ready for this to be over with so quickly, and so before Jack could say a word she had kissed her again, climbing off of her just enough so she could nudge the other woman's legs apart with her knee. And as her hand found its place between Jack's thighs, feeling the former convict gasp hard against her lips as she reached for her in wanton desperation, Miranda decided that, fuck it, they could figure out what all this meant tomorrow.

Because tonight? Tonight Jack was hers.

TBC…