Chapter 11- Ice melts eventually

It was not until just before dinner that the girls got a chance to talk about Miss Hardbroom's blatant show of concern for Miss Drill early that day. The PE instructor had gone to get washed and changed after realising she had large stains of dried blood on her T. Shirt. Miss Hardbroom still had not emerged from her tent which is where the girls assumed she was.

'I have never seen her care about anyone, she was worried you could see it in her eyes', Jadu said of HB.

'I know, when I passed her the blankets, she thanked me and I thought she was going to cry for a minute', Maud added.

'They have worked with each other for quite a long time', Mildred said defending HB as always.

'Yes but they are always at each others throats. They never see eye to eye on anything', Enid countered.

'Well she just showed us that she's human after all. I always thought she was', Mildred announced.

'Yes, but in front of everyone like that. You would think she would threaten us all into secrecy, it won't do much for her reputation', Ruby said.

'Ye, the ice queen has a heart, she's ruined. The first years will run amuck!' Enid said in her Hardbroom voice.

'She certainly didn't try to hide it today. She was genuinely concerned about someone. I think this is a historic moment, we should honour its importance and drink to it,' Maud suggested raising her half drunk mug of tea.

'Yes….erm…to HB. The wicked witch of the west is human and capable of emotion like the rest of us', Enid said grinning.

'Oh I preferred the ice queen', Mildred said giggling.

'Ok to HB, the moment the ice queen melted and revealed that she has a heart', Enid tried again.

'To HB, the ice queen with a heart', the rest of the girls said in salute, raising their mugs and drinking a mouthful of cold tea together.

At that moment Miss Hardbroom walked in front of them to the table containing their plated food. She took a plate and headed towards the part of the clearing that lead to where Mildred goes for detention each night.

'Mildred meet me at seven in the same place as before. Do not be late', she snapped angrily as she marched from sight.

'Do you think she heard us?' Maud asked anxiously.

'Well she would have said something wouldn't she. We would be living a life of hell by now if she had heard any of that', Enid said casually, but something in her face suggested she was not sure.

'She would have to have been deaf!', Mildred said sharply, 'I bet she is waiting until we get back or until we think we have got away with it, then wham she will make us wish we had never been born'.

'She has never sat on anything like this before', Maud said with a puzzled expression.

'Well there is nothing we can do about it now. We will just have to be extra quiet in potion classes and keep our heads down for a while', Jadu advised.

'Oh it's alright for you lot, I have detention with her in an hour', Mildred said annoyed.

'Sorry Millie, I hope she doesn't take it out on you', Enid said realising that she was the one responsible for most of what had been said.

'Oh it can't be worse than usual. I can handle it, I hope', Mildred replied trying to stay optimistic.

What the girls did not realise is that their conversation had indeed had a profound effect on Miss Hardbroom. As she walked past the girls she felt emotionally violated, as though parts of her defence had been chipped away and exposed a part of herself that she was not comfortable with them seeing. This is what she had feared most. It is not talking to Miss Drill that caused her pain, she trusted the PE instructor and felt deeply for her. However, any relationship they pursued would be lived out before the girls. It was exactly incidents like the one that happened today that would jeopardise her role as the teacher she had worked so hard to become. She was not prepared to let the girls see past her meticulous façade.

As she walked into the forest she clicked her hand in the air and a small green spark of magic flew from it.

As Miss Drill walked out of her tent she hit something odd and inexplicable that made her stop outright. As she stood there a letter floated down in front of her that she collected mid fall. She opened it and realised that her fears over earlier had been justified. She had remembered how Constance had cradled her and talked to her constantly to reassure her. She had never seen fear in the woman's face but that too had been clear today. She had distanced herself from the potions teacher as soon as reality had caught her up realising that at any moment she would likely panic and run away from the situation. She had felt the comfort and the warmth of her grip and felt safe in such terrifying circumstances but she had pushed that away to protect Constance from her predictable reaction to it. Clearly, she had not done enough to dampen those fears.

Miss Drill,

It is clear that our relationship has caused me to act inappropriately in front of the girls. They need discipline and rules which I cannot provide if I appear distracted. You once said that they respect me and perhaps they do but for the formidable, unkind, professional that I am. You have a caring relationship with them that I cannot have. It is for the sake of their future and the integrity of the school that we should end this now.

I am sorry Miss Drill but we must remain professional and forget any connection that has formed over the past few days between us. Otherwise, I will have no option but to leave Cackles Academy,

Miss Hardbroom

'So, without her unapproachable front Cackles would crumble? How very Constance Hardbroom', Miss Drill thought to herself. 'And what connection is she talking about? We have touched on something that must have been there years. All that fighting and upset, we are like two teenagers. Well, if she thinks that is getting close then maybe it would be best for us to leave it at that.' But, Miss Drill had seen the true HB and she knew what she could be. Heckity Broomhead had crushed her emotions and made her into a soldier. Miss Drill would not give up on her, but at the same time she did not want to loose her forever.

She spent the rest of the evening staring at a plate of food and moving it around with her fork. She stared at the trees and occasionally talked to the girls but she wasn't really paying attention, she was miles away thinking about the woman she loved, the woman she wanted to save from herself, but was too afraid to.

In the forest, perched on a stool, Miss Hardbroom snapped her fingers to get rid of a plate of food she could not eat. She knew that she would have to stay detached from her feelings. All she could think about was Miss Drill in pain and her being able to do something to comfort her. The girls were right, she had felt human, warm and caring and though it was alien to her she had cherished that feeling. She had felt like a protector. That is why she stayed so strong so that in emergencies she could protect everyone around her. Deep down she waited for the moment Heckity Broomhead went too far with another pupil so she could finally stand up to her and show her how the balance of power had switched between them. And yet, Mildred thought that she shouted at her all the time, felt useless and victimised. She had changed that but how many other things were there that she did like her former teacher. Was she becoming her and if she was could Imogen stop her doing so? She didn't know. These feelings for Imogen had confused her and she did not enjoy being unsure. She had to return to order. Her feelings for Miss Drill must not come out, she must revert to the woman she was before this ridiculous camping trip began.

As she reached this logical conclusion Mildred arrived for detention.

'Page 71 Mildred. You will be making an invisibility potion. I expect your good work today to continue so you may achieve your first clean sheet, free of calamity or error, since your arrived at Cackles', Miss Hardbroom said crisply and Mildred responded with a partial smile at the acknowledgement of her 'good work' today.

'That is nothing to be proud of Mildred. One day in hundreds is hardly an achievement to boast of', Miss Hardbroom snapped. 'Find your ingredients and start at once'.

Mildred's smile turned to a frown and finally to a downcast expression of sadness. HB was clearly not in the mood for leniency tonight, she was back to normal it seemed. So, she got her ingredients and started making the potion. Twenty minutes later she realised HB kept glaring at her.

'You should be ready by now Mildred, what is taking so long?' she asked impatiently.

'Sorry Miss, it is not mixing properly…I think I…'

'put too much bindweed in Mildred….Yes you did!' Miss Hardbroom said sharply as she disappeared from her seat and re-appeared behind Mildred and looked over her shoulder at a greenish, gloopy mixture. 'For heaven's sake Mildred how hard can it be to put in the right quantities of the right ingredients in the right order!' Miss Hardbroom practically shouted at the girl.

'I must have slipped….I wasn't sure, the instructions say three bundles but I didn't know what a bundle was', Mildred said defensively.

'Which one was it Mildred, did you slip, or did you not understand the directions?' Miss Hardbroom asked sarcastically.

'A little of both Miss,' Mildred replied sheepishly.

'Oh, so two mistakes. One wasn't enough then? This really is not anywhere near good enough Mildred', Miss Hardbroom said in her disappointed voice that Mildred still classed as shouting since she was stood right next to her.

'Sorry Miss, I was flustered'

'Well you will be more than flustered if you do not get it right the second time around. You will repeat it until you have made it correctly. Don't dawdle girl, clear up and start it again', Miss Hardbroom snapped and then returned to her seat at the front in the blink of an eye.

Mildred cleaned up; failing to lift her head once due to the intensity of the situation and the way HB had made her feel. She got all of the ingredients laid out and realised that when the bindweed was loose she genuinely did not know what a bundle was. She stared at the bench for a moment scared of getting the potion wrong but also dreading asking HB something that she should already know.

Miss Hardbroom noticed the young witch's dilemma and decided to wait and simply observe her next move. She was relieved when Mildred asked her a question.

'Miss Hardbroom, could you tell me how big a bindweed bundle is please?' Mildred choked out quietly.

'You should have learnt that in the first year Mildred. How do you expect to do potions correctly if you do not even know the terms for the measurements?' she asked in response.

'I don't know Miss', Mildred said.

'No I am sure you do not. And why have you not deemed it important enough to ask this question in past classes?' Miss Hardbroom asked.

'Because I knew I should know it and I didn't want to get told off', Mildred said honestly and then regretted saying it.

'So getting a potion completely wrong each class is preferable to asking a question that exposes your lack of basic knowledge just the once', Miss Hardbroom reasoned and Mildred suddenly realised that she was right. If she had asked that ages ago she may not have got so much wrong. She did not reply to her teacher, choosing to look at the floor in shame instead.

'I didn't think so. Sometimes Mildred a little courage can prevent a lot more misery in the long run. A bundle is exactly 50cm of one strand rolled up. That applies to every weed or anything that grows to over 1m high. I suggest you write that down Mildred and then make a successful invisibility potion. Time is of the essence girl' she said still a little annoyed at her obvious fear of asking questions in class but slightly reassured by the fact that she had finally managed to ask her. Her ignorance of bundles had been a constant irritation to the potions teacher as she observed mistake after mistake during lessons.

'Yes Miss,' Mildred said equally relieved that she now knew and was adamant that she would ask more questions in lessons regardless of the consequences.

It took Mildred fifteen minutes to make the potion again and this time it formed a smooth liquid.

'I have finished Miss Hardbroom,' she said proudly.

'Let's hope it is right this time, place it in a vile so I can see it then you can test it yourself', Miss Hardbroom directed.

Mildred poured it out and Miss Hardbroom confirmed that the potion was the correct colour and consistency.

'It is important that you only take a small sip Mildred. This potion is very powerful and one sip will last for around two minutes. As much as I would not mind you disappearing for a while there is no telling what danger you could get yourself into if both invisible and unsupervised', Miss Hardbroom said and the warning was clear in her tone of voice.

'Yes Miss Hardbroom', Mildred said and took a tiny sip from the vile. She was instantly invisible and placed the vile back onto the bench so HB would not be able to make out her whereabouts. There was something really liberating about being able to escape her form-tutor's staring eyes.

'Do not wonder off, stay exactly where you are until you materialise', Miss Hardbroom commanded, as though reading Mildred's thoughts.

At that moment Miss Drill burst into the clearing. Miss Hardbroom stood up sharply and raised her hand up to stop the PE instructor.

'Miss D…', HB said quickly but could not get the words out before Miss Drill had talked across her.

'I know what your going to say Constance and I don't care. I am fed up of you only thinking about yourself, or the school. You never care about anyone's feelings enough to jeopardise even a small part of your rigid persona. You could be happy, you could be….' She blurted.

'I…' Miss Hardbroom tried again, with less patience and a certain degree of panic in her face.

'No Constance, let me finish. I love you for the woman that you are, the strict, impassive formidable witch and the gentle, caring and vulnerable woman beneath. You are so strong and yet that strength protects such insecurity and a self-consciousness that you seem adamant to prove right. You are not another Mistress Broomhead and you never will be. But, turn from me and you turn from your chance to be happy and to be free from your past once and for all. That is all I have Constance. I need you and I am prepared to say all this because I think you need me too.'

Miss Drill finished and Miss Hardbroom could not speak. Her face was a picture of shock and horror. Miss Drill realised that she needed time to think. She had hoped that her words might have stirred some immediate response but clearly that was not the case.

'It is up to you now. I have said all I can', Miss Drill said with a heavy heart as she turned and left the clearing.

Just as she had turned and begun to walk away Mildred had re-appeared but fortunately the PE instructor did not notice. There was a heavy silence in the clearing as HB attempted to compose herself enough to deal with this mess and Mildred did not dare speak or look towards her teacher.

'Well you have plenty to tell your friends now, don't you Mildred', Miss Hardbroom said finally.

'I would never…'

'Oh no I am sure you would not. Just like you would never happily call me an ice queen with your friends or toast the fact that I am actually human!' Miss Hardbroom snapped, her voice almost a shout.

'Well I…'

'There really is absolutely no defence Mildred! Do not insult me by creating one' Miss Hardbroom shouted.

Mildred stood there is silence. She felt awful. Plus, she was completely blown away by what Miss Drill had just declared. She wished so badly that she had not been there.

'Oh I am sorry Mildred it is not you that I am mad at. I am mad at myself, you may go back to camp now, I will clear up here. And I would appreciate it if you did not mention anything you overheard tonight to anyone else,' HB says obviously flustered and at a total loss of how to handle this situation.

'Do you lover her?' Mildred asked before she realised what she was saying.

'Why would that be any of your business?' HB asked defensively, feeling very uncomfortable with the position Miss Drill had placed her in.

'Well I…sorry Miss Hardbroom…but I have already heard a lot more than you ever wanted me to. I just thought you might like to talk to someone who, well likes you and Miss Drill and knows what it feels like to be misunderstood sometimes', Mildred said tentatively.

' I see.' Miss Hardbroom said and looked at Mildred intensely. 'Why is it always you that finds me at my most weakest?' she asked finally.

'I don't think your weak, not even now, or ever. Maybe it's because you are always putting me in detention', Mildred said trying to ease the mood.

'Yes for good reason. You are the one who should wish to see me at a disadvantage the most Mildred and yet all you ever do is try and help me. You are too soft sometimes perhaps!' Miss Hardbroom said still looking at Mildred with a perplexed expression.

'You want me to take advantage of this!' Mildred exclaimed in clear horror.

'No. I just want to know why you do not even wish to do so?' Miss Hardbroom clarified.

'You know why', Mildred said as though she were talking to a friend, 'I don't like it when you shout and you are terrifying and intimidating at times but you care an awful lot underneath all that. I know it and Miss Drill knows it too. What you strive so hard to hide, you make obvious in the lengths that you go to conceal it.'

'Do not overstep your mark', Mildred, Miss Hardbroom warned.

'I like you, you will have to come to terms with that', Mildred said ignoring the warning completely. Maybe she was making the most of this situation but not in the way HB feared.

'Mildred…I think we have had enough honesty lately' she replied visibly flustered again.

'I promise I will go back to camp and never breath a word of anything that I have seen this evening if you answer one question,' Mildred said and her heart pounded fiercely.

'Blackmail Mildred!' Miss Hardbroom snapped.

'I would not say anything anyway. I was just…' Mildred started saying, ashamed of her last sentence.

'prying into other people's business', Miss Hardbroom finished and then looked at the girl in front of her as she cowered and looked guilty like so many times before. She did wonder what Mildred really made of it. She trusted the girl and in the past she had often made some interesting judgements. She was actually grateful that it had been Mildred who had overheard Miss Drill's rant. The other girls did not understand her like Mildred did, despite all the shouting and the constant harassment she gave the child. Mildred was all that Miss Hardbroom wished to be in many ways. She wore her emotion for everyone to see and would never give up on someone if they showed the slightest inclination that they were capable of change. She had never given up on her, always tried to help her when she had been pushed to the limit, had never pushed her over the edge and been happy to see the back of her though Miss Hardbroom had constantly given her enough cause to do so.

'for the reason that you have always supported me despite our obvious differences, ask your question Mildred', Miss Hardbroom said each word slowly and deliberately.

'Do you love Miss Drill' Mildred repeated the same question because she thought she knew the answer and wanted to know if Miss Hardbroom was capable of saying it out loud.

Miss Hardbroom spent a moment calmly starring at the trees and then turned to look at her curious observer 'Yes, I believe I do.'

'Will you tell her, Miss?' Mildred asked as HB confirmed what she already knew.

'That is two questions Mildred and no I doubt I will tell her, because a relationship is unthinkable for the very reason we saw justified moments ago!' HB replied, standing up and drawing this conversation to an end. Mildred had heard quite enough for one night. 'Good night Mildred'.

'Can I say one more thing, Miss?' she said anxiously.

'Mildred not now, I think you have meddled enough don't you?'

'I am sorry Miss Hardbroom but I can't leave without saying it', she said with growing fear of a blunt retort.

'If you must Mildred', her form-tutor said impatiently.

'You know you once said to me that you only know one tune and you cannot dance to any other. Well maybe that is because you are too afraid of learning a new routine. One that you are not as good at', she said honestly and then braced for retaliation.

'And I suppose you think that change is easy!' Miss Hardbroom said sharply.

'No just worth the effort. I am changing so I become a better witch. I think you want to change so that you….well so that…you' Mildred hesitated unwilling to highlight HB's flaws that were obvious to all around her.

'are more approachable and able to show my true feelings to people', Miss Hardbroom finished the sentence for her. 'Yes, Mildred I want to be more human, as Enid kindly put it earlier but I do not wish to loose who I am in the process', she said softly.

' You will always be you, Miss. Sometimes you just have to act without reason, just because you know it feels right', Mildred offered.

'Ah yes, that is a typical day in the world of Mildred Hubble isn't it?' Miss Hardbroom retorted a little annoyed at how simplistic she made everything sound.

'Yes and I may get upset and feel down and get put down by people a lot. But, I am happy with who I am. I have good friends and I work hard to reach a sometimes impossible future as a witch and I always stick up for you despite the fact that you would never do the same for me. All I have is the fact that things feel right when I do them and I would not change that for anything', Mildred said passionately. She was almost shouting. Clearly hurt by the fact that Miss Hardbroom was still treating her like someone who wonders through life in a daze.

Miss Hardbroom was shocked at the outburst. No-one besides Miss Drill and occasionally Miss Cackle had spoken her mind in defiance of her like that. Perhaps the number of people capable of standing up to her was a little too many nowadays. She had finally pushed Mildred to breaking point and the girl had fought back rather than have her character criticised.

'I am sorry Mildred, I did not mean to question your integrity', Miss Hardbroom said calmly observing the girl with a little admiration. She would make a fine teacher one day. 'For what it is worth Mildred I think you are very lucky to be the person that you are. I envy your ability to see the best in every situation. I also pursue what I deem to be right and proper. I realise we differ on our outlooks but perhaps our convictions are equal. I will try and take a leaf out of your book and act without too much thought, simply because 'it feels right'.'

'I hope you do Miss. Not because I want you to change. You are no Broomhead or ice queen for that matter. But, because it will make you happy' Mildred said genuinely with a smile.

'Thank you Mildred, now get back to camp before the others think you have been gone too long and say anymore that I will live to regret' Miss Hardbroom said with a smile of her own.

'Yes, Miss' Mildred said.

'Oh and tell your friends that HB was as strict as always and in no mood to be talked about behind her back', Miss Hardbroom added, her eyes smiling and glinting with mischief.

'oh…yes, Miss' Mildred said embarrassed by her use of their nickname for her.

Mildred disappeared into the trees and swore she heard HB chuckle to herself.