Hello out there! Hope you enjoy this chapter, I spent a lot of time trying to get the wording JUST right.
Enjoy :)
DISCLAIMER: Wow, if you are still reading this...as Raph would say, "Words fail me..."
CHAPTER 11: Drowning in Death
8:30 AM (Next Day) – Lab/Infirmary
RAPH:
I don't know fer how long I stayed crouched over his body, just holdin' his hand like it was tha only tie I had ta him. The time didn't seem ta matter, tha days didn't seem ta matter, shell tha years didn't even seem ta fuckin' matter anymore.
Ma older brother was on his deathbed. And it was ALL. MY. FAULT.
Why did I have ta leave the Lair just ta go bash some damn heads? Why did I have to let my damn temper get the best of me and argue wit' Fearless? Why did I have ta tell him I damn HATED him and didn't need him!?
Cuz really, nothing could be further from the truth. I loved every single member of my family and would die protecting them. Mikey was the annoying little brother who drove me up the wall, but I'd kill anyone who took away that bright smile of his. Donny and I saw each other on a sort of equal level, when we fixed our rides together or simply talk to each other about the pains and pleasures of being middle siblings.
And Leo, he was my big brother, ma sorta-mentor, and best friend all rolled into one. We were the two eldest brothers who'd always gone off ta explore the sewers together when we were kids, and he was the one who'd always had my back then through thick and thin. The one who'd seemed to at least to partly GET ME, even when we argued from dawn to dusk and back again.
And HOW had I repaid him for all those years? Sent him inta the Foot's waiting jaws with that bastard scientist at the forefront. Honor or no honor, I swore that I was gonna hunt down that son of a bitch and make him pay….pay fer EVERYTHING, even if it took meh tha rest a ma life…
A growl worked its way up the back of my throat at the thought, but the scowl immediately slipped from my face when Leo shivered and muttered something before going still again. I tightened ma grip on his hand and pulled the shifted bedcover back up so it touched his chin.
But not today. Today, I was gonna ta sit on dis damn uncomfortable chair by his damn bedside until I knew dat he was gonna be okay. And then I was gonna damn apologize like a good brother would have done before Fearless'd ever even left tha dojo – a true apology for everythin' that had happened ta him…
…happened ta him cuz of me.
I blew out a deep breath, letting the air whistle through my teeth. Why did this always seem ta happen? Why was I the one who seemed ta get us inta scrapes? Even compared ta tha knucklehead it seemed dat I was always causin' da most trouble for ma bros. All cause of ma damn temper…
I closed ma eyes. Mebbe I'd go on a trip, like Leo did when he got all broody and went to see the Ancient One in Japan for guidance. Apparently it worked like a charm, cuz he came back the prodigal son to rescue us all like his old self. If he could do that, maybe I could learn how to do that too – how to let go of my anger, just like Fearless did.
'Course if I did come back like dat, ma bros would prob'ly lock meh up in tha mutant loony bin when I stopped reactin' ta Mikey's pranks or arguin' wit' Fearless all tha time.
I gave a grim chuckle at tha thought. That'd be tha day.
BEEP…BEEP BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP BEEP…
I tensed at tha unsteady beat of Leo's heart and was about to call Donnie when the rhythm slowed and gradually steadied.
BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…
I let out a breath I wasn't even aware I'd been holding and dropped back down into the chair with a heavy thud.
It just wasn't fair. I don't care if I sounded like a stupid kid, because it just wasn't fair that one of the strongest, bravest, and most fearless ninja I'd ever seen, defeated by a stupid bug that was eating him up from the inside. No fighting on the physical or spiritual plane could change anything, and it seemed like dere was nothin' we could do.
Well, there is one thing you could try…a voice whispered in the back of ma mind. Immediately I bit ma lip and shook ma head. What difference would it make? Odds are no one's listenin', so it wouldn't help.
It wouldn't hurt either. The voice insistently replied.
I sighed and opened ma eyes while letting go of Fearless' hand as I slowly pulled myself out of da chair so I was kneeling next ta his bed. I recaptured his hand and pulled it towards meh so ma lips were brushing his knuckles as I bent ma head and closed ma eyes again.
"Uh, hey…" I hesitantly whispered as if I expected someone ta actually answer me. 'Course the only reply was the unsteady beat of Leo's heart monitor. "Dis is stupid…" I muttered and began to pull away.
Try. The voice compelled.
I sighed and closed ma eyes again. "Uh hey, I don't know if you're out there, or even what the shell I should call ya, since people call ya by so many different names. And technically I don't even know if they all apply to tha same 'ya'…"
Great, now I sound like Don…I thought, but still plunged ahead.
"Honestly, I'm not really even much of a believer, but right now I'm desperate and I dunno what else ta do. So I'm just just asking ya ta hear me out briefly.
"Yeah, I know that I shouldn't be selfish and stuff when praying since you're only supposed ta ask fer World Peace and all dat jazz when talking ta ya dis directly. I'm a proud turtle who don't like ta owe anyone else favors, but right now I'm willing ta get down on ma knees here and beg ya ta spare Leo's life. My family, the city, the Earth, the entire multiverse it seems, ALL NEED MA BIG BRO.
I mean, how many times have we saved dis world from all the grisly fates dat villains like ta throw at it? How many times has Leo led us ta victory against tha Shredder, Bishop, Stockman, and all tha latest plots dat they'd cooked up? I know it's against Bushido code ta ask fer anythin' in return, but dat has ta count fer somethin' right?
"So please, I'm beggin' ya, please fer all the dirty crooks out dere who deserve ta be hung out ta dry by their thumbs, please take one of dem instead of Fearless. He's ma brother, and if one of us dies, the rest of us will topple to da ground like a house a cards. Please just let us go back to our death-defyin' crime-fightin' lives so we in turn can save other peoples' lives from all dose scumbags out dere who need their asses kicked."
I scrunched ma eyes and gripped his hand tighter. "Please don't take ma big bro away from me." I whispered.
Raphael…
My head whipped up as I desperately scanned tha room. "Who's there?" I demanded hoarsely, "Show yourself."
Raphael, it will be alright…
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…
I yelped and jerked backward, instinctively slidin' a sais inta ma left palm. My eyes immediately snapped to the flat horizontal line traversin' across the monitor before widenin' in horror.
"DONATELLO!" I screamed and flung myself off tha ground, scrabblin' at Leo's neck with clumsy fingers fer a pulse. Nothin'.
No…
"RAPHAEL!" I could hear a voice callin' my name. At least I think it was ma name. It was hard ta think when I felt as if I couldn't even breathe.
"RAPHAEL!" A sting on ma cheek jerked ma head sideways. Ma hand automatically covered the red mark on ma face as Donny's face finally filtered inta ma vision.
"Raph, watch the monitors. I'm charging the pads for defibrillation to try to restart his heart. Tell me if you see any changes or irregularities during and after each round I apply." He gave me a shove that sent meh scramblin' toward the monitors. I took a deep breath. Stay calm, you won't be able to help him if you don't stay calm.
"CLEAR." Donny said, lookin' at ma briefly as I glanced at da screens before noddin' and the pads descended.
His body jerked once before goin' still…deathly still…
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…
Again. "CLEAR." Don all but screamed as he rubbed the pads together and pressed them back down on Leo's chest.
I glanced at the heart monitor. Nothin'.
"Donny!" I shouted, "His ticker ain't ticking!"
"CLEAR!" The electricity cracked like a whip, arching his body before collapsing again.
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…
Please no…
"LEO!"
"My son!"
Please God, no…
"CLEAR!"
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…
After tha seventh try I waited for Don to charge the pads again. But when I glanced up he was just standin' there…starin' at dat dang heart monitor like it was tha bane of all existence…
WASTIN' precious time….
"Donatello!" I snarled, "What da shell are ya doing? This is no time ta take a fuckin' break! Hurry up with dose things!"
But those gloomy chocolate eyes never strayed from dat flat horizontal line. I was about ta grab the pads from his hands and start goin' at it myself when Don finally leaned forward ta turn off the monitor.
Tha temperature of the room seemed ta plummet to sub zero as we all just stood there – too shocked ta move before our genius bro finally broke tha heavy silence.
"On the morning of XXXX in 20XX at approximately 8:37 AM," he dully stated, "Hamato Leonardo is declared dead of heart failure after previously sustaining a stab wound in the upper chest cavity…"
And tha world shattered inta a thousand glitterin' fragments before ma very eyes.
"No…" I whispered. It can't be…Leo…Leo…
"LEOOOOOO!" I screamed.
AHHHHHH! I finally did it, I killed LEO! ...or did I...
Tune in next time to find out! And while you're at it, please let your hungry author know how you're feeling right now...
Seriously, go on, I take take all the anguish and ravings about me (possibly) killing Leo, just know outright flames, please! Constructive criticism is welcome and thoroughly enjoyed :)
