"Ty, you ready go?" Ashley asked me, poking her head into my cubicle. She actually startled me, I had been lost in my own thoughts for several minutes, her voice brought me back to reality.

"What?" I asked not hearing her first question.

"You ready to go?"

"Um yeah, I think so. I just need to go grab my stuff."

"Okay. I' gonna go wait outside with Gerard while he has his smoke. Meet us out by the bench."

"Will do." As soon as she left I stood from the chair and glanced out the window at the dark sky. It had been light out when I began talking to Josh. So much time had passed, looking at the clock I saw that we had talked for almost three hours. Three whole hours to save a life. Except he only promised one night. One night was nothing compared to the infinite number of days possible in a human life.

I was haunted by him because I understood where he was all too well. I was scared for him because I knew all the dark thoughts that could infiltrate the mind. Thoughts that taunted and tormented and tore you apart. It took so much to rid oneself of those thoughts. It had taken me years and still the thoughts would creep back to me sometimes. I knew how to deal with them better now, but the point is one night was a lot to promise, but it didn't promise much. It didn't promise an entire lifetime.

I wanted that for everybody, but especially for this stranger on the phone. This stranger who I felt oddly connected to, even though I didn't even know his last name. The desperation in his voice continued to echo in my mind, and I wanted nothing more than to be the one to rid his voice of that hopelessness and desperation. It was crazy of me to think this way and I knew it, it wasn't good to become so invested in one of my clients. But I couldn't help what I was feeling.

I walked back to the break room and grabbed my stuff before going outside to meet my friends. Gerard was sat back with most of his hair in his face and a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. Ashley sat beside him carrying on with a one sided conversation which was a special skill of hers. I had to smile at the view. They were both ridiculous human beings and I loved them so much for it.

Ashley halted her passionate speech about why jam was better than jelly when she saw me. "Yo Ty Jo get over here! The next bus will be here any second now."

"My timing is impeccable as always."

A small sound escaped from Gerard, "ha."

"What Gerard, do you have something to say to me?" I shook my head, I knew he was laughing about my horrific track record with being on time. There was one time, I showed up two hours late to my own surprise party. But really that wasn't completely my fault, I had fallen asleep on the bus and ended up three towns over.

"Nah, it's nothing," he muttered with an amused expression on his face.

I grinned knowingly. "Yeah that's what I thought."

The bus came and my two friends boarded but I decided to stay behind and walk home. Ashley asked me if anything was wrong and I told her I just wanted to clear my head on a walk. She looked concerned and I knew she would probably send me a million texts and snaps tonight, being the mother hen that she was. I waved goodbye to them and slowly made my way home through the dark streets.

My mom saved me. She was called the second time I ended up in the hospital, and she came and saw me. She broke down when she saw the state I was in and resolved to get me help. Without my father knowing she got me into a rehab center and paid for all of my treatment. If she hadn't stepped in and gotten me into treatment I know I would be dead now. That was almost five years ago now. I didn't know how so much time had passed, how I had changed so much. But I had and I was thankful for it.

I knew I should text my mom sometime, it had been a while since I'd last spoken to her. Almost a month and a half. It was hard because in order for me to see her, she had to get away from my father. As far as he knew she had nothing to do with me and my whereabouts were unknown. It hurt a lot. It hurt so much to not be able to see my family, not that I missed my father or brother that much. But my extended family still didn't know about me, and where I was.

I knew my mom loved me, I knew she went out of her way to provide for me as best as she could given our situation. I wouldn't be able to afford my rent and go to school at the same time if it weren't for her financial help. But a part of me still resented her for allowing my father to kick me out of the house in the first place. For not confronting my father and being on my side throughout my childhood. It was hard because I loved this person but I was also faced with her flaws. It had been a constant battle for me throughout my life, but it seemed worse since we reconnected.

I stored these thoughts away for the time being, resolving to bring it up at my next therapy appointment. I arrived home to my empty apartment and tried not to let the silence get to me as I settled in for the night. It wasn't too hard to forget the silence as my thoughts were consumed with the boy named Josh who wanted not live and not to die.