The next day, Pepper requested Darcy's help, and so Darcy was whisked off on Stark's private jet to somewhere or other. Actually, the circumstances were somewhat impromptu, with Pepper barging into her room at the god awful hour of 7 am, dragging her out of bed, throwing what she apparently deemed a suitable outfit at Darcy's head and taming her hair into some semblance of a ponytail. Darcy was still rubbing sleepers out of her eyes when Pepper marched her up the stairs of the plane twenty minutes later.
"Why?" Darcy yawned.
"I need your diplomatic skills for a deal in Japan," Pepper told her in a stressed out CEO kind of way, and Darcy didn't ask any more questions, just accepted the small Stark device with headphones that Pepper thrust at her. Moments later, headphones having sprouted from her ears, Darcy listened to a summary of the international crisis currently befalling Stark Industries.
Back in New York another kind of crisis was occurring.
"What should we make for breakfast?" Clint asked. There were shouts from everywhere.
"Bacon!"
"Eggs!"
"French toast!"
"Fried Bugelkamph and sausage!" Thor roared, and there was a moment in which everyone stared at Thor in a sort of WTF kind of awe. Natasha broke the stalemate by sliding over to Clint and wrapping her leg around his waist, leaning over so that her cleavage was displayed to him.
"I like eggs and bacon," she purred, nipping his earlobe. A visible shiver ran through Clint, and he turned back to the others.
"Eggs and bacon it is!" he said, his voice a good octave higher than normal. Natasha smirked smugly. Jane grinned. Tony scowled.
"Not fair!" he protested. Thor shoveled down poptarts.
Once breakfast was on the table and the last piece of bacon had been dueled over (Stark versus Clint), Natasha called the table to order.
"Who's found Banner yet?"
"Actually, I have," Stark said darkly. "He's in Antarctica, supposedly studying the gamma radiation given off by a meteor that landed there recently."
"Oh, I did hear about that," Jane began, somewhat excitedly. Then she caught herself. "That is nowhere near a compelling enough reason to ditch Darcy like that."
"I agree with Dr. Foster," Steve said quietly, and it was decided.
"Ok, here's how we're getting him out," Stark said.
Two days later, a thoroughly exhausted Darcy returned to New York with an equally-exhausted-but-much-more-graceful-at-hiding-it Pepper.
"Anything interesting happen while I was gone?" she yawned, burying her head in a mug of hot chocolate.
The Avengers exchanged a look that Darcy, still half blind, missed.
"Not much," Steve answered.
"Hmm," Darcy hummed, laying her head down on the table.
"Pepper? How'd it go?" Tony asked.
"She's brilliant," Pepper said wearily. "I want her."
"Mine," Jane muttered absentmindedly, watching Darcy fondly as she passed out on the table. "But I can share. She's more happy threatening people with you than she is as a lab assistant."
"Darcy?" Pepper asked. "What do you think of that?" There was no response.
"Darcy!" Tony bellowed.
"WHA? I DIDN'T DO IT!" Darcy yelled back, jerking awake and looking utterly disoriented for a minute, in which she managed to trip herself on the chair leg, and she tumbled painfully from her chair. "Freaking insensitive bugger," she mumbled at Stark, who was now busy giggling. "Shut up."
Steve helped her up, and she pointedly thanked him for his gentlemanly deportment, which made Steve chuckle.
"I bet Stark's face would look beautiful on that punching bag," he told her.
"Stark's face would look beautiful on anything," Darcy said dryly, Tony nodding and agreeing heartily, "even my toilet paper."
"Hey!" Tony sulked. "Pepper, save me from the cutting wrath of Her Majesty the Princess Darcy! She wishes to eat me for breakfast!"
"She will if you don't shut up," Pepper muttered, nearly face planting in her own cup of coffee, "And I will help her."
"Oh the love and affection in the room," Tony cried, and Natasha slapped him upside the head. "You stole that from Gibbs," Tony accused.
"No," Clint corrected, sneaking a look at Natasha, "Gibbs stole that from Natasha."
"Is it disconcerting that I believe that?" Darcy muttered. Her head drooped again, and only Steve's quick grab for the plate of eggs in front of her saved them from becoming her hat.
"Okay, little lady, time for bed." Steve said, hoisting Darcy out of her chair. Tony opened his mouth to make what undoubtedly would end up a dirty comment, and Natasha slapped him again.
"Did you know," Darcy said conversationally, hanging off Steve's arm as he mostly carried her to the door, "That it is currently 2 a.m. in Osaka? And that I have gotten exactly 20 minutes of sleep in the last 2 days?"
Steve replied cordially that he did not know that. As soon as they were gone, Pepper pulled her head off the table.
"Did it work?"
"Did it work," Tony scoffed. "Who do you think you're talking to?"
"Genius billionaire playboy philanthropist?" Natasha quipped under her breath, and Stark glared.
"Anyway, I made it to the SHIELD field base in Antarctica. Bruce acted like nothing was wrong."
"Bastard," growled Jane.
"The short of a long and soulful conversation is that he is afraid of hurting her."
"He already has," Natasha said.
Steve reentered the room. "What'd I miss?"
"Banner being a dumbass."
"So not much."
"No."
Steve looked at Stark. "Will he be back?"
Tony Stark dropped his act and looked deadly serious. "I gave him a few things to think about. Most likely he will slink back after a while, but he has some things to figure out first."
Steve nodded, satisfied with this, but Jane scowled. "He better do his figuring fast, or so help me God I will drag his sorry ass back."
