Chapter 11

Dude, Where's My Bumper Car?

Ah, it was that time again. The leaves were falling, the temperature lowering… pretty much all that lowering crap. Everyone wanted to go to the fair, but didn't want to follow previous trends. You see, they're cool like that. So they were all thinking of who they wanted to take, except Gaara and Sasuke, who were all like, you know, cool about it and stuff, and now it was the day before. Some were already grouped, others left wondering. Shikamaru, Ino, and Chouji were all going together by parental decree, but most were still indecisive. These are their stories.

-LEE'S HOUSE…-

Lee opened his door promptly after the door bell rang, and was greeted with a strange sight: Neji. Well, surprising, because Neji is always a weird sight. "Well isn't this a strange sight I am greeted with!" announced Lee.

"Cut the small talk, latex boy. This is only a last resort. You think I wanted to come here? NO. I am only here to get you to give me a ticket. I need to get into that fair, but I can't get a ticket," responded Neji.

"Why?"

"Remember last year? When I kept ending up in things? Well apparently it counted as using them without paying, so I can't buy a ticket. You will have to get me one."

"Why do you want to go so much?"

"Because if I don't, the terrorists will win."

"…Huh?"

"Why do you think I am coming?"

"…Uh…"

"Never mind. Just, never mind. SO can I come with you?"

"Of course! Yeah buddies!"

"NEVER say that again."

"You're hurtful, Neji!"

-INO'S SHOP…-

Ino, giving out fair tickets since her flowers were being displayed at it, noted a new arrival. "What do you want, Forehead?" asked Ino.

"I need a ticket, Ino pig," responded Haruno "Forehead" Sakura.

"No."

"Fine." Sakura ran at the ticket, and the moment she grabbed it, Ino had grabbed it as well. After a long struggle, the ticket fell into heavy-duty glue that looked like water. They both picked up the ticket, one hand right over the other, causing the glue to splash up. Te kept struggling for a while longer until Ino finally gave up. When she tried to remove her hand, she found she couldn't. Sakura also tried to remove her hand, but to no avail. "Our hands are stuck together!"

"No –beep-, Sakura! We put our hands in glue!"

"NOOOOOO!"

"There goes my plan with Shik and Chou-wait, yay! But I'm with you… not yay…"

-HYUUGA MAIN HOUSE…-

Hinata was disturbed by sporadic knocking. She slowly opened her door and saw Tenten. She muttered, "Hey…"

"Hey, we have so totally got to go to the fair 'cause we are good friends and stuff, 'kay?" responded Tenten, hardly understandable at her voice speed.

"Um… okay."

Tenten rushed off, leaving behind a very confused Hinata.

-NARUTO'S APARTMENT…-

Surprise, surprise, a knock on the door. Naruto opened the door to see Temari. She addressed him, "I have an offer you can't refuse!"

"O RLY?" asked Naruto.

"Yeah. There is an exhibit where both types of twins get a prize, so we are going to go as a cross between both types, as we look sort of similar with different genders."

"O RLY?"

"Okay, that is getting really –beep-ing annoying."

"O RLY?"

-NEXT DAY, SIDEWALK…-

Sasuke and Gaara were racing to be the first one into the fair. Unfortunately, they both tripped at the same time, dropping their tickets in gum. When they lifted the tickets, they found that the ticket backs were stuck together. When they reached the fair, the dude at the entrance booth smiled, saying, "Ah, a double ticket! This means you two have unlimited access to all rides and exhibits for free as long as you both go together."

"Can we get new ticke-"

"Fine!" interrupted Sasuke, covering Gaara's mouth before he could finish.

"Alright!" The receptionist opened the gates for them. They both entered, Gaara muttering like a chided four-year-old.

-MEANWHILE, WITH LEE AND NEJI…-

"Why do you need to come here?" asked Lee for the 42nd time.

"Seriously, shut the –beep- up Lee," responded Neji for the 42nd time.

"You never hang out with me, and now that you are, you won't' explain…"

Neji sighed and used Gentle Fist to shove Lee into a lake. He then walked off, ignoring his slowly drowning ally.

-WITH INO AND SAKURA…-

"Pig…"

"Forehead…"

"Pig…"

"Forehead…"

-WELL, NOW WITH TEMARI AND NARUTO…-

"You aren't twins," commented the dude running the twin award thing.

"We are! We so totally are!" responded Naruto.

'You can't be both paternal and identical twins."

"But we are! We so totally are!"

"It is physically impossible!"

Naruto sighed and responded, "O RLY?"

"Yes!"

"O RLY?"

"Yes!"

"O RLY?"

"YES!"

"O RLY?"

"ARGH!" The dude pulled out a revolver and shot himself in the head.

"Wow…"

"Yes, greater than any justsu is 'O RLY?'"

They walked past the dude and took the twin stuff. Temari jokingly asked, "Oh really?"

"With great power comes great responsibility. You don't have great responsibility."

-BACK WITH LEE AND NEJI…-

Much to Neji's disappointment, Lee had survived and was now back to bugging him.

"Let's ride some rides!" Lee begged. This phrase had a 42-count now too.

"FINE! Just shut up!" responded Neji.

"Yay!"

"What ride…"

"Speed!" Lee pointed to a 300 foot tall arm-like ride that swings you in circles.

"NO."

"Wuss."

Neji, who would never back with that word said, ran at the ride. They both walked up to the ride and gave the tickets to the operator. Neji entered first with Lee following. As soon as they were strapped in, though, Lee used all of his Taijutsu abilities to ditch Neji. HE was laughing so hard, and the ride was going so blurring fast, that Lee could not see Neji's outstretched middle finger.

-WITH SHIKAMARU AND CHOUJI…-

Chouji, as usual was stuffing his face (no, not his whole face, his mouth), and Shikamaru was doing… um… something. Not really. Finally something interesting happened. Chouji, after gorging himself on turkey, was in a sort of drunken stupor. He stumbled around and entered the Orbiter, that spaceship ride that spins really fast. It started, and the time he stumbled out, there was a layer of murky liquid all over the floor. Chouji was thrown out instantly, and Shikamaru was sad. Not really.

-WITH GAARA AND SASUKE…-

The two were looking at painting exhibits when they saw an adorable little puppy rolling in the grass, hand-drawn. Sasuke's eyes started to well up with tears as he said in a baby voice, "Aw, so cute!"

Gaara, having the same reaction and speaking in the same way, added, "Yes he is! Yes he is!"

Sasuke started to frown and returned to his normal voice saying, "We must never speak of this."

Gaara undergoing a similar response, agreed, "…Yeah…" Then, in a fleeting attempt to revive his masculinity, he punched Sasuke hard in the arm.

"Thanks, that helped… –beep-hole."

-WITH SHIKAMARU…-

Shikamaru was walking along when he saw Ino and Sakura arguing. He raised both of his hands and lowered them, repeating this movement a few times. He then called out, "Ladies, ladies, no need to argue."

They stopped bickering, smiled, and responded, "You're right, thanks!" Then they both walked off, hand in hand (obviously).

Then Shikamaru yelled, "Why does everyone leave! I am not a monster!" and ran off crying. Not really.

-WITH LEE AND NEJI…-

After Neji stumbled out of the ride and his vision was remotely stable, he yelled, "ARGH LEE!" and rushed at Lee, preparing to Gentle Fist the living –beep- out of Lee. As soon as he was about to hit Lee, though, Lee back flip-kicked him right into a Super Slide, out of self defense, of course. Well, possibly. A random kid slammed into him, sending his head into the ground below and killing the kid. Oh well, the kid didn't matter anyway. And after a while of being stuck in the ground, Neji thought he didn't matter either. He said some inaudible phrase to the outside world that was intended to be "I need to use the bathroom…"

PKO: SAKU!

Coming to theaters… the greatest fusion of all time…

THE HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER SKY!

It is a multi-genre cross—ebony and ivory, fire and water, pirates and ninjas! WOOHOO! Er… anyways, here is a little synopsis, following in the commercial footsteps of all the other poorly summarized movies. Whatever. Not my problem.

Introducing Sean Connery as Marko Ramius, nuclear submarine captain and amateur rocket builder. Here is a clip. "He's got a bullet in him the size of a –beep-ing… well… bullet!" exclaimed Ramius, referring to his father.

"We can't tell him to stop being in a coma-er, stop going to the mine-er, uh… never mind," responded his mother.

So there you have it! Awkward scenes, jokes requiring viewers to see other movies, a well as plenty of other things that well insure that this movie goes straight to DVD! And UMS!

PKO: SAKU!

-WITH GAARA ND SASUKE…-

The two were competing in the mallet game. Sasuke, with all his strength, slammed the bell right out of the meter. The bell fell right onto Sasuke's head. In a half-conscious stupor, Sasuke started running around blindly, accidentally activating Chidori. It fizzled out as he ran into the side of a tent. He reactivated it and ran right through the material of the tent and into the tent. He tried to reactivate it to rip away some chairs, but he passed out. Unfortunately, he had stumbled into the hypnotist's tent just as the spell started. The hypnotist announced, "When I snap my fingers, this man will awaken, but the next time he hears a snap, he will act like the first person he knows that he sees. I alone know how to reverse the effect!" He snapped, and both Sasuke and the dude awoke.

-A WHIEL LATER, FOOD TENT…-

Everyone was eating their separate meals, if the sand Gaara was eating could be considered a meal. Gaara opened a pack of chopsticks to do… uh… something as Sasuke walked to the table they were sitting at. Sasuke was just about to sit down when Gaara snapped apart his chopsticks. It just so happened that Sasuke was glancing at Sakura when the snapping occurred. He immediately latched onto Gaara saying, "I lub you, Gaara!"

"What the –beep-, you homo!" asked Gaara, very perturbed. Of course, his next move was to send Sasuke back ten feet with his sand.

"You know you like me!" The general consensus of the girls at the other little tables was, "That explains a lot…"

The snapping of Gaara's sand armor… and ribs… and stuff, caused by a repeated hug switched Sasuke's personality again. This time, he was looking at Naruto. Saruto™ instantly let go of Gaara and started spasmodically wiping off some invisible dirt. And visible sand. He then started searching for Sasuke, which was basically a bunch of walking in place. Gaara snapped to get Saruto™'s attention. He succeeded, as the hypnotized boy turned around just as he snapped, causing a change in character to none other than Gaara himself. The resulting glare fest took out a good hour or so of daylight.

-MEANWHILE, WITH NARUTO…-

After Temari had left, Naruto was starved for attention when he suddenly noticed a tent with a sign indicating a jutsu class. Unfortunately, the truth of the matter was, wind had knocked down the paper flyers indicating that tent's name and the adjacent gay seminar tent's name, and someone had replaced them in the wrong places. Naruto took his seat just as the speaker asked him a question. "Hello, newcomer! Well, back to business, when did you first realize you were 'different?'"

"Well, since as far as I can remember in this angsty flashback," responded Naruto.

"So it made you sad?"

"Yeah, it was like a huge, pink-hot flame inside…"

"You didn't come out of the closet for a long time, eh?"

"Well I didn't really know, you know? Me teacher told me. He was kinda mean 'bout it…"

"Is he like you?"

"No! He has that long hair and crap!"

"Oh, so you're more butch."

"No, I'm Naruto!"

"So you haven't come out yet?"

"Many times! Most everyone around the village knows now."

"So you just don't really fit into the common personas."

"I like to think of myself as an original, yeah."

"Good attitude. We can all learn from his attitude of 'I'm queer, and I'm here!'"

"…WHAT THE –BEEP-!"

-MEANWHILE, WITH SHINO…-

He killed a hobo. That's about it.

-NOW WITH HINATA AND THE OTHER TWO, INCLUDING TEMARI…-

Um… well really, they were just doin' stuff… I guess…

-NOW WITH NEJI…-

"Okay, I don't need to use the bathroom anymore…" he muttered, still inaudible. But I know. I know.

-THEN, SOMETHING INTERESTING…-

Naruto, totally freaked out, ran right through the gate guarding Neji and the bottom of the slide and slammed right into Neji, sending Neji right into a nearby wall. Soon everyone gathered around him, but completely ignored him as they noticed Avalanche, a ride that goes around in wide circles. They all got on, even Shikamaru and Neji, and it started all too soon for the latter to realize he wasn't strapped in. Within a few orbits, the white-eyed wonder was air-borne and again found his head underground. All were very shocked and concerned. Not really.

To be continued in Chapter 12,

"What's up, Doc?"