Chapter Nine: Little sister's secret truth

The arrival into Dublith was marked by the setting sun and Edward waking Lily. She'd fallen asleep with her head upon his shoulder and how she slept for the better part of the afternoon on this rocky, bumpy ride, Edward couldn't fathom. He certainly couldn't and now his rear was asleep and his lower back ached.

They said nothing and maybe there was nothing to say, he couldn't think of a thing, nothing hopeful, and nothing happy… He'd been trying to think of something to tell Lily, something to tell himself to help their mother but he just couldn't come up with anything. He didn't know how to fix her and knew alchemy wasn't going to do it.

Izumi met them at her front door, arms folded over her chest. She gave them a once over then sighed. "You didn't find him,"

"We did, he's dead." Lily replied softly. "May I take a bath?"

Izumi nodded and gave Lily a gentle hug before she'd let them pass. Ed flopped down upon the sofa, beside Sige with a heavy sigh. "Your father called," Sige said gruffly.

Ed nodded. "I'll call him back, what'd you tell him?"

"That you took Lily to Yok Island." Izumi replied.

Ed scratched his cheek then rubbed his eyes. He was exhausted, drained, and just wanted to take a bath then collapse into a real bed. I'll take her tomorrow morning so we don't have to lie to him and it won't make you into a liar."

"Edward," she said.

"What's for dinner?" He asked, slowly dragging himself into a standing position.

"Edward," this time when she spoke it was more of a warning and he knew what she wanted but he didn't want to discuss this, not right now.

He sighed and wondered why he wasn't hearing any bath water. "There's nothing to talk about. We went, we saw, we came back empty handed and disappointed and now I'm at a loss. I'll have to call Dr. Hiasen in the morning and see what else he's got."

Barking, loud distressed sounded from upstairs and they all looked toward the stair case. Ed frowned. Logan never barked unless something was wrong and there shouldn't be anything wrong, he and Lily were the only two up there.

"I'll be right back," Ed said.

"Edward,"

Ed waved his hand behind him before he hit the stairs, jogging up. "Lily, are you okay?" he called.

There was no answer from her but Logan bounded from the bathroom and latched his teeth into his pant leg as soon as he made the second floor and began to tug, growling.

"Alright Logan," He replied trying to move around the fox. This was the strangest behavior he'd seen from the animal. It made the hair rise upon the back of his neck, his breath come shorter, and a strange sense of fear began to build inside his heart.

"Lily, Lily!" He tried the door. It was locked.

"Brother," She called in a panicked voice only lifting Ed's own panic. "I need you!"

"Unlock the door!" He shouted.

"Is something wrong up there?" Izumi called.

"I can't, I can't get up. Ed please, god please! HELP ME!"

"Are you in the way of the door?" He didn't know what was going on but his sister's plea scared the crap out of him. She'd never called out to him in such a way before. It was worse than when she was scared.

"No, hurry please!"

Ed lifted his leg and kicked in the door as hard as he could. The hinges gave way, the wood splintered and collapsed into the bathroom just as Izumi made the top step.

At first he thought he might have hit Lily as she was bent over, sitting upon the toilet, but then he saw the dark scarlet blood seeping from in between her fingers, fingers clamped over her lower thigh right above her knee. Scarlet trails ran down her right leg to the floor to pool at her feet and it was still coming, flowing like he'd just turned on the water to wash his hands. Not at high power but not trickling either. And lying next to her feet was the pocket knife Al had given her for her birthday last year.

"What the…" he breathed. No, his earlier suspicions couldn't be true… could they?

Lily lifted her heard, tears streaming down her fair cheeks. "I really did it this time brother. I just wanted to-"

Izumi shoved Edward to the side and yanked a towel from the towel rack just above the toilet. "No time for talking. Ed can you carry her?"

Ed nodded, watching in mild fascinated horror as the blood soaked through the towel Izumi was tying around Lily's slender leg. It was… He'd lost almost that much blood when he'd tried to bring his mother back and lost his leg. If they didn't get Lily to… She was going to DIE!

The last thought was all Edward needed; the strike to his heart was all it took to get him moving. He waited while Izumi tied another towel around Lily's leg, as tight as she could. Lily didn't even whimper, just reached for him and held on tight as he hurried from the bathroom and toward the stairs.

Everything turned into a rushed blur of motion. All he could think about as he turned himself as numb as he could be, was that he'd once again let Roy Mustang down and Roy was going to kill him for this. He should have been paying more attention, should have… He didn't know what. All he did know was that Lily wasn't going to die before he did, he didn't care what she wanted or what she thought. He wasn't going to let her go, not now, not when she had so much ahead of her.

To Ed's great relief Lily made it to the small Dublith hospital and there was a doctor and nurse present. They took her from him and even allowed him to stay in the room, not that he'd be parted from her. He didn't even remember when she'd passed out, how long it had taken for him to run the two blocks here, or that Izumi and Sige had been on his heels. All he did know was Lily looked deathly pale, all color gone from her face and there was so much blood.

The blood, he'd seem so much in his life but… hers was everywhere even upon him, staining his white dress shirt, her dress. God it was even in her long black hair.

Just what the hell was going on with her to make her ever want to do something like this?!

The doctor shoved him aside. "You need to stand back, we don't have much time." And as if the scene before Ed was heart breaking and confusing enough, the nurse moved her hand and a small arc of blood shot into the air and splattered in a vivid mess upon the table.

"Damn it Carrie; keep your hands over the wound!" The doctor barked.

Ed swallowed and found himself backed against the starch white walls, trembling. He didn't understand, it was just so… And for the second time in Edward Elric's life, he feinted from the sight of blood and a horrid display before him.


When Edward awoke Izumi sat beside him and Sige stood at the window, looking out. He was in a very small room, in a hospital bed, the overhead light dull but much too bright for his liking.

"I would think being a Dog of the Military you'd have seen enough blood not to faint at the sight of it." Izumi said with a perked brow.

Ed rubbed his face then tried to sit up but his teacher held him down. "Lily?"

"Unconscious, but she'll live. I don't know what she was doing but she cut deep enough to slice open an artery in her leg. After the doctor closed it, stitched her up, and cleaned her up he noticed scars. Not many just a few upon her left leg. He thinks they were self inflicted and after tonight I have to agree with him."

Edward winced. He couldn't push aside the pain now, he was too… It flooded him and he wanted to cry. Anger also came and boiled up inside like a hot storm ready to explode in a torrent of steam. WHY?! Why would she do this?!

"Is there something you haven't told us?" Sige asked.

"Have you called our Dad?" Ed asked. How the hell was he going to explain this? And with what was going on with Riza… This would break Roy's heart. How could Lily do such a thing?!

"No," Izumi replied. "Not yet. I should have, but…"

"Thank you, I'll…" Ed wet his lips and tasted grime on his tongue. "I'll tell him, but I need to know why first. He has to have an explanation."

Sige turned from the window and typically he was a quiet person, letting Izumi speak, but today… "Do you really think she'll talk now Edward?"

Ed shrugged. "She doesn't have a choice, not anymore."


After being fed meager hospital food, more like cold dinner leftovers, Ed was allowed into Lily's room to sit and wait for her to wake. He wasn't going to take any refusals on the matter; Lily didn't like to be alone and certainly hated it when in the hospital. Besides, even though his anger was beginning to outweigh his internal suffering and confusion, he didn't want her out of his sight. He just didn't want to lose her let alone trust her at the moment.

He sat beside her bed watching, waiting, letting his eyes roam over the IVs, one for blood, and the other an antibiotic, inserted into her arm. Slowly he looked down at his clothes. Blood stained him, mostly his left shirt sleeve where her legs had rested upon his arm while he'd run with her. It was dark reddish brown and stiff from drying. There was blood upon his pants and some upon his chest. He wondered how much was upon Izumi's floor.

Then his thoughts strayed to why Lily would do such a thing, if it had been intentional or merely an accident. He tried to think back to the mess in the bathroom, the moments before. She'd called to him, called to him as if she were scared and even sat holding her leg with a look of whitewashed terror upon her face.

No, he decided after sometime, Lily hadn't been out to commit suicide but that still didn't explain why she'd been cutting herself in the first place. He just didn't understand it. Sure she was unhappy, even he could tell there was something bothering her after being back from his mission for a few days, but he…

He wished he could call Roy or Al… Al! No, he couldn't call Al, not yet. He couldn't worry his brother just yet, not until he had the information.

Lily let out a soft whimper, gaining his attention. Her hand pushed against his gently, weakly, and her eyes fluttered open. Her dark orbs searched the room and finally fell upon him but she didn't seem to register his presence.

"Lily," There was a harsh edge to his voice.

All he got in response was a mumble. She must have been given something, perhaps a pain suppressant.

"Daddy," she whimpered softly.

Ed felt a small tug inside his heart. Even now, even if somewhere inside of her she knew she'd be in trouble, she was still a Daddy's girl, always had been and always would be. And it was so sad, knowing that as soon as Roy learned of this, of the cutting, their father would be… Well knowing Roy he'd blame himself for not seeing it sooner, blame himself for what ever was wrong, what ever it was that made Lily think she had to do this to herself.

He cleared his throat. Well if he was ever going to get a straight answer out of her it would be now. It probably wasn't fair but it wasn't fair to their family for her to harm herself either.

"Lily,"

"Big brother,"

Ed wet his lips and calmed himself against how tiny she sounded. Then her dark eyes met his and he all but shattered to pieces all over again. That fear was back in her dulled black gaze.

"I want to go home,"

"I know," he replied quietly.

"May we go now?" she asked, seeming to sober up a little. "I don't want to be here."

Ed shook his head. "Not yet, but soon. I need you to talk to me little sister. I need you to tell me what's wrong."

Lily sighed and rolled over in the bed to face the window. He was just about to yell at her when she spoke. "I didn't mean too,"

"I gathered that, but why Lily, why?"

"You wouldn't understand."

Gritting his teeth to bite back an onslaught of screams, Ed rose from the chair and climbed into bed and as calmly as he could, he slipped his arm around her. Maybe if he just approached this gently, soothingly, he could finally get the answers. "Try me,"

Lily curled upon herself as if trying to curl into a tight ball that couldn't be undone. "I… don't know who I am. I know what people want me to be but… I'm a ghost!" She began to cry. "Brother I'm empty inside and I-I c-cant feel th-things. It w-was the o-only way, only t-thing I could con-control. Let me kn-know I was s-still alive. So scared and w-when I'm n-not I c-can't f-feel anyth-thing."

"Shhhh," He whispered. She was right he didn't understand, not entirely. But he wouldn't cut himself open as a way to know he was still alive either. The first part of it he did understand a little. At least he could see what she was trying to say.

"D-daddy's going to h-hate me. No one w-was supp-"

"Shhhh," He couldn't handle this, not right now. He couldn't listen to her cry like this, so lost, so alone, so scared. He couldn't stand to feel her body tremble like this against his, it just wasn't natural or right.

"I'm so so-sorry, it's too m-much,"

"What is?" He dared to ask.

"E-everything, I-I just wanted," She erupted in sobs and nothing was understandable from there on out, maybe a few words here and there but Ed could only make sense of a few of them. She clearly was a devastated mess and what hurt the most from what he did understand was all this time she seemed to think she couldn't talk to anyone without it bothering them, without fearing she'd interfere, felt as if she would just be adding to everyone's load.

And this entire situation wasn't solely upon her shoulders in blame, it was everyone in this family's fault for not pushing to get an answer even if it made her angry or she didn't want to talk about it. They just took her word for it and let it go.

Ed tightened his arms around her like he would a small frightened child for after all in many respects, no matter how grown up she could and had acted she was still just a little girl.

"I need you Lily. I need my little sister just as much as I need Al. It might have been an accident today but what about tomorrow? Or the next day? Lily, you have to promise not to hurt yourself. I c-cant lose you or anyone else do you understand?" He said it softly and only did so as not to further upset her, even though he felt like yelling and shaking her, knocking some sense into her pretty little head.

She nodded but didn't turn over and in the end she cried herself to sleep.


Roy set the morning paper down and looked up at his sleepy, beautiful wife when he heard a knock upon the door. "You expecting someone honey?"

Riza shook her head as Black Hyate left his place beside her and ran to the foyer. "No,"

He nodded and rose to get the door. When he answered, he found Jason Mathews standing upon the porch, looking at his feet. This young man was becoming an almost regular guest in this house what with him showing up every couple of days. Either he was very determined to date Lily or he was just that bored.

"Sorry to bother you so early General Mustang," He began nervously.

Roy smirked and pocketed his hand. "May I ask you something Jason?"

"Uh, sure,"

"Do you live alone or with your family?"

Jason seemed overly nervous suddenly; even his hand trembled as he pushed his thin rimmed glasses up on his nose. "I-I live alone."

Roy nodded and stepped aside. Well that explained a few things, not many but he was starting to get a picture. "Lily isn't home yet, but you're welcome to come in and have breakfast with Riza and I."

"Well actually I came to ask if Mrs. Mustang was feeling better." Jason replied. "And thank you for the offer but I've got to get to work soon."

Interesting, if this young man was looking to court his daughter, he certainly was going about it in a good way; being kind enough to look in on her mother.

"Riza's doing a little better, thank you. Are you sure you won't come in; I know the zoo doesn't open for another two hours."

Jason smiled a little timidly as the phone rang. "Uh,"

"Roy it's Edward," Riza called. "I think something's wrong,"

Taking no expense in time, Roy pulled Jason inside and closed the door. "Just head into the dining room," He instructed and hurried to take up the phone.

"Edward, what's wrong?"

"Dad I know what's wrong with Lily." Ed replied shakily, which usually meant trouble and his tone was one that spoke of shame and hurt. He'd heard that tone before and it scared him.

"What happened?" He asked calmly and listened. As Edward explained everything in detail to him, and better than he'd ever done so in any mission report, Roy began to feel cold all over, as if the blood was draining from his body to pool upon the floors beneath his feet and soaking into the wood.

He was quiet a long time before he wet his lips. "Dad?" Ed asked.

"I'm here Ed, how is she now?" Roy asked.

"Sleeping,"

Roy removed his glasses and pressed the back of his wrist upon his forehead. "Are you alright Ed?"

"Not really... if Al calls don't tell him yet, please."

"I won't," Roy replied. "I'll be there soon, just stay where you are."

"Lily wants to come home Dad," Ed said quietly. "I want to come home."

The General sighed, he didn't want them traveling alone, not with Lily injured and… suicidal and Edward in such a shocked state. "Edward,"

"Please, I'll watch her; I won't take my eyes off her. I just think we need to come home. It will take less time if we just come home."

"Be careful, we'll talk more about your trip to Kishuwa when you get home alright?" What else could he do? He wanted Lily home as fast as possible and making them wait for him… He should, he really should just drop everything and go get them.

Roy made up his mind, "I'll meet you half way. I don't care if you have to carry her, Ed, get her on the first train and meet me in East City, don't go any further is that clear?"

"Yes,"

"I mean it."

"I know, hurry I'm not sure what to say or do."

Ed's words made everything he'd said before truly sink in. Before it had just washed over his skin, chilling him, but now it soaked into his pores and caressed his bones. "Just stay with her, tell her," Roy paused. Even he wasn't sure what to say, so he said the first thing that came to mind, "Tell her you love her, tell her I love her, her mother loves her, Al loves her, and what ever you do don't leave her alone for one moment."

Roy tried to still his hand as he slowly hung up the phone. He could not go into the dinning room and tell Riza this but he had too, she had a right to know. However she'd want to leave now but he didn't think she was well enough for a three day train ride, no she needed to be near Dr. Hiasen but he couldn't leave her alone. He'd have to call Maes, fill him in, and ask if Gracia could come and stay with Riza while he was gone.

He didn't even want to think or rationalize or even try to understand why this had happened, not at the moment, he'd have all the time he needed upon the train. So he headed for the dinning room and stood where his daughter's empty chair was. He paused a moment looking upon it. This one chair, Lily's chair, it could have been forever empty if…

He shook his head and put his glasses on again. "Riza I have meet Lily and Edward half way home, something's happened." He glanced at Jason indicating that he didn't want to discuss it in front of the young man.

"Are they alright?" Jason asked before Riza could.

"At the moment, no. I need to leave as soon as possible." He replied.

"Roy," Riza said with slight panic.

Jason rose. "I should go, would you tell Lily I'll look in on her when she returns?"

Roy nodded. "Of course, I think that might actually be a good idea." At this point he figured Lily was going to need everyone who cared about her to remind her of that very fact.

"I'll stop by before and after work everyday while you're gone to look in on Mrs. Mustang. Um…" Jason reached into his vest and pants pockets producing a pen and a small note pad. Quickly he scribbled down something and passed it to Riza. "That's where I can be reached at the Zoo and at home. Call anytime, for any reason."

"That's-" Riza began.

"Thank you Jason, I appreciate that," Roy interrupted. He wasn't taking anymore chances, not with anyone in this family. Hell he didn't even care if the boy was trying to win points or if he really was concerned, just as long as people were checking in upon his stubborn wife while he was torn in a different direction momentarily to retrieve his daughter and son.

Jason nodded and lifted his coat from the back of the chair he'd been sitting in and shrugged it on. "I'll show myself out,"

Roy said nothing, just moved to his wife's side.

"What is going on?" Riza demanded. "What happened to them?"

Roy pulled her close. "Lily almost… She almost killed herself-"

"What?!" Riza gasped, pulling away.

"It was an accident," Roy said quickly. "Ed got to her in time, with Logan's help of course." He'd not leave that fox out of the credit, not when he'd barked, alerting Ed of the danger. "She was cutting her leg,"

"Cutting?!"

The fear, hurt, and confusion in Riza's beautiful brown eyes stung in ways he never knew possible.

"Her legs, the doctor found scaring. This time she cut too deep and in the wrong place and sliced open the artery in her upper thigh."

"Dear god," Riza breathed. "We shouldn't have let her go, shouldn't have let Edward take her. Roy is this-"

"No!" He barked. He'd never let Riza blame herself for this. There had to be more too it than them not telling the children what was going on. "I'll make her tell me everything before we get home. What ever you do, don't tell Alphonse if he calls. I don't want him rushing home to this and neither does Edward. We'll tell him, just not yet. I'm going to call Maes and have Gracia look in on you while I'm gone, but I have to go. Promise me you'll go to all your doctor's appointments and call someone when you feel sick."

Riza barely nodded but Roy didn't have any more time to discuss it further.

"Just bring them home Roy. Bring her back!"

Roy nodded noting the hint of anger in her voice.