Chapter 11
Over the next couple of days, Tim took a bit of a risk and started talking with other patients about the overall feel of the center, about the doctors in charge. He kept coming back to them in his mind. The patients themselves weren't part of it as far as he was concerned. This was a problem that had been going on for years. So a doctor. He'd filtered out quite a few, but the ones who were left...none of them seemed at all likely.
Two of them had been addicts in the past, and Tim would have thought that just having that experience would take them away from attacking people in the same position they had been...but, of course, Tim knew himself to be biased in that regard. He couldn't imagine attacking someone going through the same thing he did, particularly not if they were relying on him for help. He hadn't seen much of Dr. James, but he'd talked to other patients under the guise of curiosity about their progress, and Dr. James seemed very competent and trustworthy. Dr. Bowers was excellent in the group sessions Tim attended.
All these people seemed to be good people doing their best to help the patients in their care. ...but one of them was likely a serial killer. How in the world could he find out who it was?
Tim walked into his haven in the library, hoping for some time alone to think, but he heard someone crying. As he walked to the corner sitting area, he saw Kate.
"Kate, what's wrong?" he asked.
She looked up at him and smiled.
"Nothing, really. Just..."
Tim walked over and sat down.
"What is it?"
"Oh...I was talking with Dr. Bowers and...about how much trouble I've been having lately and...he just...made me more aware of how much pain I could cause by not making it."
"What do you mean?" Tim asked. That was the last thing he would have thought someone like Kate needed to hear.
"He said that he'd lost someone close to him when he was younger, someone who had decided not to try to get off drugs. He said the man was high and didn't know what he was doing, but that he still committed murder."
"That doesn't mean that you will," Tim said. "You're not like that guy. You're in here. You're trying. You'll make it, Kate. I know you can."
Kate shook her head. "I don't know, Tim. It's not going to happen for me like it is for you. You have a chance of getting clean and staying that way. The drugs I'm hooked on...even if the addiction is broken, I'll still feel that desire...and what's waiting for me out there? What if I become the person who gets high and commits murder? I don't want that...not for anyone else, but not for myself."
...and Tim saw, perhaps for the first time, just how important it was to have someone there for support. Kate had no one and she was trying to do it without knowing why. So he took an even bigger risk and wrote out his number on a piece of paper and then handed it to her.
"What's this?"
"When you make it through all of this here, and if you haven't a reason to keep going, I want you to call me. Anytime. Day or night. Call me and I want to help you find that reason."
"I'm not your friend, Kate," she said, looking at the piece of paper without taking it. "I'll bet we're nothing alike, Tim."
"You're not like her, I admit. You don't look anything alike, I'd guess that you and she have very little in common. ...but Kate was a friend I lost. You're a friend I could gain...and good friends are hard to come by."
"And you think that I could be a friend to you? Look at me, Tim! Really look at me!"
"I am. I have," Tim said. "I can see what time and the drugs have done to you...but I can also see that spark of life that everyone is born with...a spark that hasn't gone out. Maybe you can't change everything, but you can make a new life for yourself...if you have something to shoot for."
Kate looked at Tim, as if trying to ascertain whether or not he was being sincere.
"I mean it, Kate. I'll be out of here in a couple of weeks. Things are going like I hoped they would. I want you to have that, too...no matter how long it takes. I just want you to know that there's at least one person who will miss you if you were to give up."
"And that person is you?"
"Yes. It is."
Kate's eyes filled with tears anew. She hugged Tim tightly and then left the library. Tim considered going after her, but he didn't, choosing to let her go and maybe think a little bit about the possibility he'd presented. If it were possible, she'd have more than just a near-stranger like himself waiting for her. He didn't know if it was...and he didn't know that he was enough to keep Kate trying, but he'd done his best.
Absently, he began tracing the pattern of scars on his arm. His thoughts drifted from Kate to what she'd said about Dr. Bowers. From what little Gibbs had been able to tell him, they hadn't seen anything like that in Dr. Bowers' past. None of them had pasts indicating a potential for resenting recovering addicts. If what Dr. Bowers had said was the truth, then there was something they had missed...something that might be important. Gibbs wasn't going to be coming unless Tim asked for him to come. Maybe he could make use of Dr. Ryan. That would be best.
Decision made, Tim headed for his room to write the note he'd pass off to Dr. Ryan. He sat down on his bed and considered. Then, he took one of the cards that Gibbs had given him to use for giving important messages and started to write.
We've missed something with Dr. Bowers. Maybe look for something in his younger years. There's a possibility that someone he cared for was killed by a drug addict. Kate mentioned it when we were talking today. If it weren't for talking to her, I wouldn't have known. It might be nothing. Dr. Bowers is a really good psychiatrist and I don't want this to be right, but... and I hope that you've found someone from Kate's family.
Then, he got to his feet and headed off to find Dr. Ryan, card tucked away out of sight in his pocket.
He saw her down the hall.
"Dr. Ryan? Could I talk to you for a minute?"
She looked at him.
"Is something wrong?"
"I don't know. Could we talk?"
"Of course."
She led Tim into her office and gestured for him to sit.
"What's up?"
"I need you to get a message to Gibbs for me. I don't know when he'll be coming back for a visit and I think this might be important and I want them to get on it right away."
Dr. Ryan looked a bit uncomfortable but she nodded.
"Dr. Ryan, this is important," Tim said. He could sense that she was nervous about this. "I know you're worried about your part in this, but I need your help here."
"Of course, Tim. I'm sorry. How do you deal with this kind of thing?"
"I'm no expert in being undercover, but you just deal with it because that's what you have to do. There's no other choice, really. You get it done."
Dr. Ryan took a breath and nodded again.
"I'll get it to him tonight after work."
"Thanks. I really appreciate this."
"I should be saying thanks to you, Tim. You're running a risk and all because you trusted me when I brought my suspicions to you."
"We thought your suspicions had merit, and if I'm right, we might have reason to investigate more openly."
"I hope so...for your sake as well as mine."
Tim smiled. "I'm actually appreciating some of the time I'm spending here. Therapy can help no matter what the circumstance. ...and I've seen things here with the people, the patients that has made me appreciate so much more what I had when I was getting off benzos myself. It's easy to forget, but I had a lot of people pulling for me and I wouldn't have made it otherwise."
Dr. Ryan smiled. "I told you that therapy can always help if you let it."
Tim chuckled and stood up.
Dr. Ryan put out her hand. Tim shook it and headed back out. It was almost dinnertime and he wanted to be there to talk to others.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
Dr. Ryan was heading out of the center. She was in a hurry. She didn't want to put off giving this message to NCIS, no matter how worried it made her. She hadn't read what Tim had written, feeling that she wouldn't be a good enough actress to maintain her usual attitude.
"Kathy! In a hurry?"
Dr. Ryan stopped halfway through the door and turned around.
"Greg, hi."
Dr. Bowers was coming over to her.
"In a hurry?" he asked again.
"Yeah. I'm meeting a friend and I don't want to keep him waiting."
"Him?" Dr. Bowers asked, grinning suggestively.
Dr. Ryan blushed. "He's just a friend."
"Well, I won't pry, but you dropped this on your way out. Too much of a hurry."
He held out the card Tim had written.
"Oh! Thank you! I hadn't even noticed."
She just barely kept herself from snatching it from Dr. Bowers, putting out her hand casually instead.
"You're on half-day tomorrow, aren't you?" he asked.
"Yeah. I'm on in the morning and then off in the evening."
"Lucky you."
"I'll be stopping by just before lights out to make sure Tim gets his medication, and I want to check with him. He's doing really well."
"Amazingly well, I agree," Dr. Bowers said. "Well, I don't want to keep you. I'll see you in the morning."
"Thanks, Greg. I really appreciate your help."
"It's my job."
Dr. Ryan smiled and him and hurried off to her car, relieved that she hadn't lost the note. She drove away from the center and dialed the number Gibbs had given her.
"Gibbs."
"Hello, Agent Gibbs? This is Dr. Ryan."
"What is it?"
"I have a message for you from Agent McGee. Can I drop it off for you?"
"Yeah. I'm at NCIS. Come on over."
"Okay."
Dr. Ryan breathed a sigh of relief that she was getting this passed off quickly. It was so far outside her realm of experience that she just didn't have the confidence Tim had. The sooner she could get the note in the hands of people who knew how to deal with it, the better.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
Dr. Bowers walked slowly to his office, his mind working very fast. He'd always been a quick thinker...and an equally-quick actor, but he'd have to think hard about this. Planning ahead. He couldn't be stopped now.
