Chapter 10- Conflicting Fears
'One of my biggest fear is being forgotten.
But then again, humans are forgetful.
I must admit,
I think I would be happier if I'd forgotten a lot of things.'
- Amekawa Shiori 雨川 詩織
Shiori hears a sniffle from the little head that is still buried in her shoulder, the pair of soft arms around her neck tightening to the point that almost chokes her. At that moment, she doesn't mind that her younger brother is suffocating her with his tight hold, the first thought that comes to her mind, along with a sense of comfort and reassurance, is how strong and healthy he has gotten in her absence. Although she could still see traces of paleness in his skin tone, compared to how it was before, the changes are remarkable.
- At least now she knows that her parents are doing some things right.
"There now, don't cry, Tsubasa. You're making me want to cry as well," Raising a hand to pet his hair, Shiori whispers into his ear, "If you stop and give me a smile, I'll give you a piece of chocolate."
Though her bribe is simple, it works. The small boy in her arms falls silent immediately, balling his hands into fists to rub the tears away from his eyes before looking up at his sister, "I stopped crying, may I have chocolate?"
She gazes at him for a while and bursts out laughing, "Yes, you may," carrying him up in her arms, she walks over to her desk and opens the top drawer, showing him the few choices he has. While the toddler is busy pondering, Shiori belatedly remembers the red-haired youth that had came in along with her brother.
She finds him leaning against the wall beside the door, watching the two of them with an unexplainable expression on his face. She catches his eyes and gives him a smile that conveys her gratitude. It is a genuine smile- far more genuine than any he has ever seen this far. Her grey eyes are bright and clear, as if the veil that has been obscuring them is removed.
"Thank you, Akashi kun."
However, before he could give her a reply, they are interrupted by the ringing of her phone. Her expression stiffens when she sees the name of the caller, her eyes darting towards her brother before landing on her phone again. Struggle is apparent in her entire being as she picks up the small device, her knuckles turning white from the force she is using to grip it. She spares Akashi a glance, hesitating before finally raising the phone to her ear-
- "Hello?"
A sudden silence descends upon the room, causing the voice coming from the other side of the receiver to sound louder than it really is.
Akashi isn't one to listen in on someone else's conversation but it is hard not to in situations like this. Now and then he hears the words spoken by the unknown caller and it's not long before he pieces all the information together. Red and gold eyes turn to look at the little boy who is currently happily munching on his chocolate bar, blissfully unaware of the trouble that is brewing just a few steps away from him. In his peripheral vision, he notices the older girl's growing unease and frustration.
- "Why is he at your school, Shiori?"
A different voice enters the scene and Akashi could sense the immediate change in the atmosphere. It is as if all air is suddenly removed from the room, and even to someone like him, it is uncomfortably stifling. He recognises the feeling; it is the very same feeling he had experienced growing up as a boy under his father's strict and sometimes cold rule- but he has grown out of it. As he slowly surpassed everyone's expectations, he has broken free from these emotions that have weighed him down for years.
However, it is also apparent that Shiori has never grown out of hers.
And somehow, Akashi knows that there is more to the story that anyone could have guessed.
Because under all the tenseness, he catches the horror and fear that have flashed through her face the second she heard the new voice. There is no mistaking the hitch in her breath, and there is definitely no mistaking the tremor that taken control over her hands.
She opens her mouth but there is not a single sound that escapes her.
It is almost painful to watch.
"Nee-chan? Who are you talking to?"
Not noticing anything wrong, the little boy beams as he finishes the last of his chocolate. Tilting his head to the side, he looks up at his sister, then, when realisation dawns, he perks up even more-
- "Ah, is it papa?"
He tugs on Shiori's arm, taking the phone from her stiff fingers-
- "Hello, papa?"
...
Shiori is trembling.
Why?
Why of all days- of all methods...
Why must Tsubasa come to her school?!
Her grey eyes are dark when she stares unseeingly at the toddler who is currently happily chatting with his father on her phone. Anger flares in heart, but remains unnoticeable because the fear she is feeling simply overshadows everything else. This is something she wants no part in, something she has been desperate to avoid ever since she moved out from the Amekawa main house. This is exactly why she does not even think about going back... because the same thing always happen.
Please...
Please just stop trying to see me, Tsubasa...
Please, for once, just be like them and pretend I don't exist...
For once, please just let me live...
A sharp gasp escapes her. There isn't enough air.
"Onee-chan?"
"Amekawa."
She distinctly hears two voices when she leaves the room in a hurry. She doesn't know where she is going; all she knows is that wherever her feet is taking her is safer than being there in the room. How could she be so stupid? How could she have forgotten that there is simply no way on earth her parents would allow Tsubasa to leave the house- much less allow him to come all the way to her school to see her, the disgrace... the unwanted.
Something warm slides down her cheeks and she halts abruptly in her steps. A choked sob leaves her lips and she sinks down to the ground, hugging herself as if that action alone could hold her crumbling life together. She is slowly but surely falling apart, and there is no way for her to prevent it from happening. She wants to cry for help, however, who can she cry out to?
"I just want this all to be over," she whispers to herself, her voice sounding so broken that it is unrecognisable even in her own ears.
Please... forget I ever existed...
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
"Onii-san, did I do something wrong?"
The boy's ignorance is so ironic it is almost laughable. However, it is not the boy's fault. No, from what Akashi has deduced, neither of the Amekawa siblings are in the wrong here. This boy- for the lack of better word- is too well-protected from the world while his sister is left unprotected against the harsh reality of their society. Being an only child, Akashi can't say that he understands what it's like for siblings to grow up in the same household but he does know that it shouldn't be this. The warring hurt, resentment, and love he has seen in the older girl towards her younger brother speaks of a story the Amekawa family has been hiding from outside eyes- a story that, just like so many other secrets other families have kept hidden, is meant to never be exposed. Nevertheless, it is secrets like these that causes the fall and destruction of those people that are involved in it- be it willingly or forced.
"No, you didn't do anything wrong."
In the end, that is all he says to the boy. He doesn't offer further explanations or reassurance, despite the teary eyes of the young child.
There is none to offer.
He does not know what is going on in their lives, nor is he in any position to give one.
"Did your father tell you when he is coming to get you?"
Grey eyes brighten at that question. Tsubasa beams as he replies, "Papa said he's coming right now! He told me to tell nee-chan to take me to the front gates…" He trails off, remembering that his sister is no longer in the room with him, "Nee-chan… Say, onii-san, do you think nee-chan will come back? Papa is coming so she should be able to meet papa, right? Nee-chan never comes home so she never gets to see papa and mama, and, I think papa and mama forgot about nee-chan because they never see her. You know, like how I forget things all the time until I see it again. Nee-chan will come back, won't she?"
Unknowing to the young boy himself, his hopeful eyes and innocent words are like a sword, piercing deep into the chest of the girl who is just about to enter the room.
Shiori bites down on her lower lip. Right at that moment, she wishes with all her heart that she hasn't turn back… that she hasn't listened to her logic that she shouldn't just leave her brother here.
She is a fool after all… isn't she?
Hardening her heart in hopes that it would not hurt anymore, she walks into the room and announces her presence by saying-
- "Come, Tsubasa, you should leave."
There is no emotion in her voice when she says that sentence, even her eyes are empty; guarded and steely. Her gaze that lands on her brother is nerve-wreckingly cold and stoic.
But of course, the only one that notices the change in her attitude is Akashi.
...
Akashi stands at the side- so that he remains unseen- when Shiori sends her younger brother off at the gates. He seems to be doing that a lot lately, especially today: watching her.
He recognises the man that is now standing in front of the pair- Amekawa Katashi, head of the Amekawa corporation, one of his father's business partners. He has met the man a handful of times, mostly in business galas and meetings of that sort. To Akashi, he is no one special; for while the Amekawas are wealthy and are being held in high regards in their society, he knows that their riches and positions are all passed down from their ancestors. In other words, the current head has no ground in boasting his non-existent 'achievements'... which the man does not-so-discreetly whenever the opportunity arises.
Like the Akashis, the Amekawas are people of pride. However, compared to the Akashis who strive for perfection in all they do, the Amekawas are simply basking in the glory of their forefathers.
At least, that is Akashi's impression of them until he meets this upperclassman of his, and... Kuroko Tetsuya.
Akashi has always known that Kuroko is related to the Amekawas, he has been aware of the fact ever since he noticed the boy's existence in the basketball club in Teiko. He has been to the teen's house a few times and while it is obvious that the Kurokos are well-off, they never flaunt their fortune in the face of others. In fact, Akashi is sure that no one other than himself is in the know of Kuroko's blood-relations.
Nearing footsteps draw his attention back to the present.
His gaze is calm when he directs it at the approaching girl, a bitter smile on her lips as she comes to a stop in front of him. He waits. He waits for her to break the silence first.
"So you've seen it all."
She says at last, resignation coloring her tone.
...
For years to come, Akashi doesn't think that he could ever forget the words that have reached his ears that evening.
- "My father did not even look at me."
- "I'm the unwanted child that is abandoned from the moment I was born into this world."
- "I don't belong."
- "My existence is unneeded."
- "When I die, I'm pretty sure not one of them would remember my voice- no, they wouldn't even remember my face. And the fact that I've ever existed."
- "Say, what do you think being forgotten feels like?"
...
The girl before him keeps her smile when she speaks.
But he knows she's on the verge of breaking.
'...I'm tired.
Can I rest now?'
- Amekawa Shiori (today)
This chapter is a little late but... Happy (belated) Birthday, Akashi!
To my readers, an advanced Merry Christmas to you all and Happy New Year!
I know I've been gone for a long time but life has been really rough for me this past months. But on the bright side, I've finished freshman year! :)
Thank you all for the favorites and follows, and for your patience.
I do not own KnB; OCs and this plot are mine.
