Ch. 11 Dawning Realizations
Renee slipped quietly out of bed, so as not to disturb her sleeping husband. Looking down at Charlie with absolute adoration, she pondered the long, difficult, and often painful road they had traveled to get to this magical point in their lives. Why did she ever leave her husband in the first place? He had only ever treated her with love and respect, always looking to meet any need she might possibly have, often before she even realized she had one.
Doting. That was the perfect word to describe the way Charlie had been in their first marriage. She had felt smothered by all the love and attention he had showered her with. Looking back, Renee felt the sting of shame at how ungrateful, and immature she had been. Charlie had been roughly the same age as she had been; nineteen; he had only tried his best to be a good husband as he had understood one to be, and she had rejected him!
Renee wanted to be able to blame her behavior on the severe postpartum blues she had gone through after Bella had been born, but she knew better. That had only been a part of the problem.
She had felt trapped by what she had foolishly considered a bad choice. Her mother had repeatedly told her that being married at such a young age, robbed her of her future, and Renee had believed her!
She went through years of depression and loneliness after the divorce, riddled with doubt and guilt. Bella had been her lifeline.
And then Phil came along.
Phil had been two years younger, handsome, and somewhat accepting of Bella. Renee, recognizing that her daughter was getting closer to leaving the nest,was thrilled at the prospect of having someone to share her life with. So with some misgivings, she accepted Phil's proposal.
She should have realized what a selfish prick he was from the beginning, springing the move to Florida on her the way he did, no wonder Bella felt pressured to move to Forks(thank heavens she did!).
Renee had pretended to be happy at first, not wanting her daughter to know how desperately she was missed, but after the wedding, Phil had gotten his draft notice from the Seattle Mariners, and his excitement led to arrogance, led to abuse, and ultimately, led to him telling her he was tired of being saddled with her emotional baggage and neediness. Besides, she was not getting any younger.
The rejection had devastated her at first. She had had to dig deep and swallow hard to go to her daughter for help, but she didn't know what else to do. She had nowhere to go, no money, and worse, nobody to lean on.
Bella had immediately accepted her mother with open arms, and the Cullens had done the same.
She was shocked when she opened the door to find Charlie standing there, looking like he had just stepped off the cover of GQ, yet that was nothing compared to the fact that he wanted her to have dinner with him! He actually cared for her. Still!
Dinner had been an all night affair, neither wanting it to end. Charlie had been the perfect gentleman, treating her with the same respect as he had on their first date when they were teenagers, there was no behavior on his part reflecting a prior claim to her affections. Plus, he had clearly spent a great deal of time preparing to ask her out, the fitness and fashion boot camp he had endured under Alice's regime clearly indicated that he felt he had been the reason for Renee's rejection. It had taken several months to dispel that notion, but in the end-the bond of love and trust had not only been restored, but strengthened beyond comprehension.
And now. Now they had bodies to reflect their relationship. They had been through the crucible, and come had come out refined, forged into something that was nigh unbreakable, in body, in spirit, and in their renewed, reborn relationship.
Renee went up topside. The deck was clear, as everyone was in their rooms, determined to try to sleep for the first time in their immortal lives.
It was becoming increasingly clear to her, that while her immortal body didn't need to sleep, her mind felt
During the course of her and Charlie's courtship, Renee had chosen to go to the gym with him, in order to spend more time with him. She had discovered that she quite enjoyed lifting weights, and reveled in the sensation of tension generated in her muscles from the work out, but when Charlie went to his MMA class, she opted to attend a yoga and meditation class- learning about the importance of becoming more aware of her body through her breathing, stretching, and turning her mental focus inward. She had gotten out of practice since the wedding, and was curious to see how her altered body would respond to such activity.
Going to the prow of the boat, Renee dropped into the lotus position, taking slow, measured, and deep breaths, in through her nose, out through her mouth. Once again turning her mental focus inward, she seemed to start falling inside herself. She became acutely aware of herself on a molecular level, and was able to instinctively discern the differences between what her body had been, and what it now was.
Everything seemed to be...crystallized. Halted in it's development, perfected in the state it had been in at the time of the change. This was why her body seemed impervious to outside influence, be it external force, pressure, temperature, or the passage of time. This also explained the lack of need for food. Although she was unsure as to the role the need for blood played, the sharks blood had changed all the rules, induced incremental changes where none had before been possible.
Continuing her inward journey, she came to her now dead heart.
The biggest shock upon awakening, had been the absence of a pulse, as well as the lack of a need for respiration. She still couldn't get used to it.
Continuing to breathe deeply in her meditation, she noticed her chest had begun to warm, just as it always had in mortality, only more so.
An idea came to her, in her heightened awareness. What if the whole idea of being one of the undead, was wrong? What if her heart wasn't dead, but rather...in stasis? A cocoon even?
Renee's mind raced with excitement.
What if being a vampire was actually nothing more than a stalled metamorphosis? Somehow, the sharks blood had brought them out of that stall.
Examining her heart more closely, she summoned all of her considerable vampiric strength, and with intense concentration, shattered the hold that the stasis had put upon her heart.
Ba-boom. Ba-boom. Ba-boom.
Like a sleeping giant coming awake, her heart beat for the first time in two days, and it filled her ears with it's rhythmic beating, and a rarefied sensation of life, seemed to race throughout her body.
It was indescribable!
Suddenly, she felt as if fiery acid had flooded her veins. The pain was terrible, it broke her concentration, and an unwilling scream tore from her throat as she collapsed, unconscious to the deck.
