Not As Dumb As You Think
Chapter 11: Hurt in the Worst Way

A/N: Okay, here's my new chapter, sorry about the length, and few and far in between updates. :/ Before you read, just a warning, lots of angst in this chapter, and the next few to come. Some of you might just kill me for this, and I'm sorry, but I kinda had to! Again, I'm sorry. (Runs off for cover)

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee in any way, shape or form.

Warning: Abuse, self injury, rape, smut for later chapters.


"Are you sure about this Brit?" Rachel asked uncertainly as the two other girls had packed the last of her things in her bag. Brittany smiled reassuringly as she zipped up the backpack and carefully set it on the bed.

"Of course Rae, my parents will be totally fine with you staying over. Plus, this way we can totally cuddle all the time." The sides of Rachel's mouth quirked into a small smile as the bubbly blonde shouldered her overflowing bag with ease. The tall blonde took Rachel's hand in her own, and gave it a quick squeeze. "C'mon, cheer up, we're gonna have a bunch of fun, it'll be like, one super long sleepover."

Rachel giggled quietly, and met the blondes comforting eyes. Santana chose this moment to clear her throat awkwardly, and the couple turned to find the Latina looking at everything besides them. She finally met Rachel's eyes, and quirked her eyebrows.

"Berry, I'm not saying I'm not gonna miss you, but let's be real, I haven't got my mack on in over a week, and with a sex drive like mine, that's almost enough to kill a bitch." If it wasn't for Santana's playful smile, Rachel would've been slightly offended, but instead she broke into a grin and hugged the slightly taller girl. "But just so you know, I'm totes gonna be staying over at least a couple times a week, just to, y'know, check up on you guys."

"Thank you Santana," Rachel whispered sincerely, "Really, for everything."

"Hey, don't mention it, no one messes with my girls and gets away with it. Now, are you ready to move all your shit over to Britt's house?" Rachel nodded enthusiastically, lifting the remainder of her bags off the floor.

It hadn't taken very long to move all of Rachel's things into Brittany's room. The blonde had cleared extra space in her closet and dresser just for the diva.

Once Santana had made sure everything was handled, and finally left, Brittany had kept her promise and the couple had spent a good majority of the day cuddling. Overall, Rachel seemed fairly happy.

That was, until she had received an unexpected phone call.

The pair had been relaxing on the sofa, half asleep, when Rachel's phone had violently jumped to life. The starlet groaned and reluctantly tore herself from Brittany's grip as she answered.

"Hello?" she mumbled quietly at Brittany stirred beside her.

"Rach, sweetie? It's dad and daddy."

"Dad?" Rachel immediately perked up, a large grin spread over her features. "How's your cruise going? Are you having fun? Are you taking plenty of pictures?"

Rachel heard her daddy's melodic laugh travel through the receiver, and her smile widened.

"Of course we are honey, but that's not what we called for. We have some great news!"

"Really? What is it?" Rachel bounced on the sofa in excitement.

"We were able to book a five-star hotel in the Bahamas, top floor at that! It cost us a fortune, but I heard the food here's exquisite! We're extending our vacation a month. You don't mind, do you sweetie?"

Brittany felt her girlfriend tense next to her, and the mood in the room instantly shift. She sat up and began to trace soft circles into the shorter girl's lower back.

"Of course not," Rachel had uttered in feigned excitement. "That sounds absolutely exhilarating."

"Oh, I just knew you'd understand Rach," her dad squealed in anticipation, "Well, it was great talking to you hun, but me and daddy have appointments at the spa in half an hour." He laughed. "You know I can never deny your dad's puppy dog eyes. Love you Rach!" And with that, the line went dead.

"Love you too." Rachel whispered quietly, before slowly ending the call.

A silence had filled the room for the next few minutes, as Brittany had continued drawing lazy shapes into Rachel's skin.

Brittany cleared her throat to break the silence before resting her head on the brunette's shoulder.

"Baby, is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine," Rachel answered robotically.

"Rachel…" The blonde pleaded softly.

"I'm fine." She repeated. She stood up and headed for Brittany's room. "I need get started on my homework." She excused herself lamely. Brittany groaned inwardly as she disappeared around the corner.


As soon as Rachel was out of Brittany's line of sight, she broke into a light sprint. She headed straight for their shared bedroom, and immediately began to dig through her backpack. As time passed, her frustration grew, until she finally had found what she was looking for.

A little black ring box.

She threw her bag to the floor, before sprinting to the nearest bathroom. She slammed the door behind her, sitting on the closed toilet seat and carefully opening the box. She removed the razor with shaking hands, setting the container on the sink and slowly rolling up her left sleeve.

She took a deep breath before slowly dragging the sharp blade through her soft skin, careful not to hit any old cuts or scars. She exhaled sharply as the calm washed over, and she relaxed for a moment before repeating the process. She closed her eyes as a soft smile graced her lips. She leaned back as everything bad in her life had seemingly disappeared. But, her moment of euphoria was quickly shattered at a quiet knock on the bathroom door.

"Rach, you in there?"

Rachel had to think fast. She wasn't ready for Brittany to find out about her nasty habit, she had just got the blonde and she didn't want to drive her away. She frantically scanned the bathroom and instinctively grabbed a handful of tissues, and began to wipe at her arm.

She glanced up at the door just in time to see the doorknob slowly turning. Shit, she had forgotten to lock the door behind her. The brunette panicked, and tilted her head back, holding the now bloodied tissues up to her nose.

"Rae, are you…"

"I'm fine," she answered automatically. "I just… bloody nose, that's all."

Brittany gasped at the unexpectedly large amount of blood absorbed in the tissues, taking a step closer.

"Do you need help? I can-"

"No no, that won't be necessary; I've handled plenty of bloody noses before."

"Are you sure?" the blonde asked in concern, "I've never seen that much bl-"

"Oh no, I'm sure, this is completely normal for me," Rachel winced, going unnoticed to Brittany; she hated lying to her girlfriend, "stress, you know?"

"I-I guess…" Brittany slowly answered in defeat, "Do you want some privacy?"

"Yes please," Rachel winced again, she didn't want to turn away Brittany, but she certainly couldn't tell her the truth.

Brittany reluctantly retreated from the bathroom. She paused in the doorway, turning to face Rachel, her eyes downcast, one last time.

"Just, uh, hurry up and clean up. Santana will be over in thirty." She exited the room, firmly closing and locking the door behind her. Once the blond had gone, Rachel sighed in relief.

She lowered her arms, and rolled down her sleeve to inspect the damage, hissing in pain as dried blood clung to the fabric of her hoodie.

She whimpered softly as several angry, bright red gashes met her eyes.

This was the part she hated.

The guilt.

The reality of what she was doing to herself.

She knew this wasn't normal, and nowhere near healthy, but this was her dirty little secret.

Her addiction.

And she knew she couldn't make this go away overnight. She knew she would eventually have to tell Brittany, to get help, but that could wait. Right now, this was the only thing she could rely on one-hundred percent. And she was going to cling to it as long as she could.


"So what should we eat?" Santana asked, phone in hand, as the trio plopped onto the sofa. "We could order from that Tai place down the road, but I'm not sure if they have any vegan selections…"

"Oh no, it's fine, you guys can order whatever you like." Rachel answered nonchalantly, flipping through the channels on the oversized flat screen.

"Rae, we need to order something you can eat too, what do you want?"

"No, really, it's okay." Rachel turned to the blonde, and laid her head on her well-toned shoulder. "I've long since abandoned my vegan lifestyle choice."

"Oh really?" Santana asked with a quirked eyebrow. "And when did this happen?"

"Well, you see," Rachel muttered, suddenly taking great interest in her nails. "F-Finn," she choked on the boy's name, "got sort of mad because I wouldn't eat or cook any of the foods he liked." Brittany grimaced, and the two cheerleaders exchanged glances.

"Are you sure sweetie?" Brittany softly shook her shoulders in reassurance, "You know we don't have a problem with ordering something special."

"Yeah, I'm sure," the diva replied, brushing off the blonde's concern, returning to surfing the channels. "Just order whatever you like."

Santana grumbled in annoyance, before quickly placing their orders, before settling on the couch next to Brittany.

The food had arrived within forty minutes, and within another ten, Santana and Brittany had convinced Rachel to eat. So far, the girls were having a great time pigging out, and watching mindless television.

Once they had stuffed themselves full, they had sprawled themselves across the carpet, staring up at the LCD TV screen. Rachel herself hadn't necessarily been paying attention to the dribble on television; she had been too lost in her own thoughts.

Specifically, thoughts about her life; thoughts about Finn, thoughts about Santana and Brittany, thoughts about their strange sudden friendship, thoughts about her eating disorders, her self mutilation, her fathers, Quinn and Kurt, school, Glee, the list seemingly never ended.

Her head was swirling with thoughts, and to be honest, she just wanted them all to shut up.

She groaned and turned to her side, burying herself into Brittany.

"You okay?" the tall blonde had asked almost instantly, threading her fingers through brunette hair.

"Mmm, head hurts," she mumbled quietly. Brittany began to softly massage the shorter girl's back in comfort.

"Is it bad? I can get you an aspirin." Rachel shook her head, relaxing into Brittany's warmth.

"Just stress." She answered shortly.

"Stress? You're not gonna have another nosebleed, are you?"

Rachel tensed at this, cautiously turning to Santana to gage her reaction.

"Nosebleed?" The Latina immediately questioned, "What nosebleed?"

Rachel opened her mouth to answer, but Brittany had already beat her to it.

"Right before you got here, Rachel had this massive nosebleed. It was so weird, you should've seen it. There was a lot more blood than normal."

Santana nodded unconvincingly at this, shooting the diva a questioning stare. Rachel smiled weakly, and hid her face in the side of Brittany's neck.

"It was nothing," her voice was muffled by Brittany skin, "It was probably just high blood pressure."

"Uh-huh…" Santana turned her attention back to the TV set. "We'll take about this 'high blood pressure' thing later. My dad is a doctor."

Rachel groaned internally.


Brittany was currently laying her king sized bed, wide awake. Alone. Rachel had left at around 9 pm, she had went back to her house to pick up some more clothes for school, and Brittany figured the diva would be fine.

But it was now nearing 12 am, and honestly, Brittany had started worrying two hours ago. At this point, it wasn't even worry anymore; it was nearing the state of panic.

She turned to her side, and debated on whether she should call Santana, or get out of bed and drive to the diva's house. She sat up in her bed, and made to turn on the lights, but her hand paused mid air, as she heard the front door open and shut. She breathed in relief before settling herself under the blankets, waiting for the brunette to join her in bed.

Brittany heard rushed footsteps up the stars and down the hall, before her bedroom door flew open, and roughly shutting behind the dark figure. Ragged breathing echoed in the otherwise silent room, and the blonde sat up in confusion.

"Rae?"

The brunette had shakily climbed into bed besides the cheerleader, clothes and all, and began to tug at the taller girl's clothes.

"Britt, I need you," she whispered hoarsely. She tried to pull the sleep shirt over the blonde's head, but a gently yet firm hand had stopped her own.

"Rach, what's going on? What're you doing?"

"I-I need you, please Brit," the singer's voice trembled, as she tried again to remove the other girl's clothing. "I-I'm so sorry, please, you have to believe me, I-I didn't... I didn't m-mean to… h-he…"

"Wait," Brittany firmly cut her off, and the pieces began to click together. "You had sex? With someone else?"

"P-please forgive me, I-I didn't even like it, he-"

Brittany scrunched her eyes close, trying to control the anger that had suddenly began to broil.

"Let me get this straight, we haven't even been together for one day," she turned on the light at her bedside, and scrunched her eyes shut in disappointment, "and you already…" her voice trailed off as she opened her eyes, and was met with heartbreaking vision of Rachel's horribly beaten and scratched face. Her eyes trailed down the small girl's body, and gasped when she found her previously perfect outfit, ripped, and loosely hanging from the brunette's limbs.

"It… it hurt so bad…" Rachel choked out, before completely breaking into tears.

It seemed as if all the air had rushed out Brittany's lungs as she scrambled to engulf her girlfriend in a bear hug. Her thoughts were jumbled and incoherent, and all she was able to mutter was an unintelligible "Oh… my, god."


… I know you all will probably hate me for this, and I'm sorry D: I'm just a dark person like that.

QUESTIONS:
1. Quintana?
2. Should Brittany find out about the cutting sooner, or later?
3. What's your favorite Pokémon?