Me: SAW is a very gory and disturbing movie…that's why I like it.
Gaara: Isn't this supposed to be a crack fic? And why'd you move the rating up?
Me: The SAW parts really graphic…and it's actually really funny in some parts of this chapter and creepy too.
Gaara: …
Me: Reader discretion is advised. If you get queasy or disturbed easily you probably don't want to read this, but you should cause it's awesome…well my brother said it was really good and he hates it when I talk about my fics. Disclaimer please.
Gaara: Akuma owns nothing…and I think she's finally lost it with this chapter…
A low scratchy voice played on a tape recorder, "You wanna play a game…"
"No, I just wanna go back to sleep…" Naruto replied.
The voice coming from the tape recorder replied, "Shut up Naruto, you're playing the game weather you like it or not, you and your friends." Naruto was standing in a room with Sasuke, Kakashi, Hinata, Sakura, Ino, Kiba, Shikamaru, Chouji, Lee, Neji, Gai, Gaara, Konkuro, Temari, Itachi, Deidara, Sasori, Tobi, Kisame, Orochimaru, Kabuto, and Shino. The room was practically empty and the tape recorder was on a small table in the middle of the room. Curled up in the corner there was a girl with green hair that faded to black at the ends wearing all black clothes.
"Hey, who's she?" Naruto said pointing towards her, "I've never seen her before."
"Why don't you ask her?"
"No, don't do it!" Sasuke shouted, "This is the part where you find out she's an evil zombie and she eats your brain after she dissects your body and splits it into a bunch of pieces and spreads them all over the world!"
"Dude, I don't even wanna know what kind of twisted world you live in…"
"He's been watching scary movies so you can just ignore him. So, why are we here?" Shikamaru asked.
"So, you aren't going to ask that girl who she is?"
"I'm sure that the writer's convenience will tell us sooner or later…" Shikamaru replied.
"Okay…well, there's a lot of you here so I'll just read from my list."
"A list…"
"Yes, a list:
Naruto- idiot, got mature in Shippuden
Sasuke- emo fruit that needs to die cause he's really annoying
Kakashi -old pervert
Hinata- hasn't told Naruto how she feels and needs to get some backbone
Sakura and Ino- really annoying
Kiba- cheater(double teamed Naruto in Chunnin exams)
Shikamaru- lazy
Chouji- Glutton
Lee and Gai- look really creepy and 'youthful' annoyance
Gaara- eyeliner and hasn't destroyed the village yet
Neji- Constant repetition
Konkuro- talks to his puppets
Temari- just there because her brother's are there
Itachi- didn't kill Sasuke
Deidara- dude looks like a lady and killed self to kill Sasuke
Sasori- got killed by Sakura of all people
Tobi- annoying and useless
Kisame- didn't kill Gai
Orochimaru- creepy Michael Jackson pedophile lady
Kabuto- serves and practically worships Orochimaru
Shino- bug boy
"Wait, I'm here because of Gaara and Konkuro!?" Temari shouted.
"Pretty much."
"I'm gonna kill them!!"
"Now you're here because you wanna kill my Gaa-chan!"
"…the reasons we're here make no sense and for the ones that are supposed to be here are here for the wrong reasons…" Neji said calmly, "And you still haven't told us who you are and whet we're doing here…"
"Do any of you know what SAW is?"
"…a tool…"
Sasuke started to panic, "No, the movie SAW!! It's Jigsaw on that recording!! We're all doomed!!! And there's 23 of us here, 2 divided by 3 equals .666!!!! We're all going to die horrible painful deaths with no chance of escape!!!!!!! We're all doomed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"…yeah I was talking about the movie and no I'm not Jigsaw, I'm Mushroom, and yeah, you really need to lay off the movies…"
"Oh, and Sasuke there isn't 23 of us, remember that girl in the corner?" Kakashi said pointing to now empty corner.
"…uh, where'd she go?" Sasuke asked. He turned around and the girl was right in front of him. "Ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She's the ghost from The Grudge in a new form!!!!!!!!!"
The girl just stared at him, "…you really need to lay off the movies, and how am I like ghost from The Grudge?"
"…you came out of no where…and if you aren't a ghost then who are you?"
"I'm Sora, and I'm not a ghost…and you're as crazy as Mushroom…"
"You know Mushroom?"
"Unfortunately yes…"
"Are you like Amanda? Are you here as Mushroom's apprentice? Are you a sick psychopath that puts her victims in some insane trap and make it impossible for them to escape?!!"
"No! I'm a victim here too, just not from an anime/manga…"
"…why are you here? I don't remember bringing you here or anything."
"…so how do you know each other?" Sasuke asked.
"In school we competed to see who had the sickest mind…I won."
"You cheated!! And now I remember why I brought you here! You'll see that my mind is sicker, that is if you survive…"
"…you haven't even told us what the 'game' is…"
"I'm getting to it. Well, right now you're all breathing in a poisonous gas and the antidote is in the bottles of Mountain Dew, but you need to drink every single drop, if even the teeniest drop spills, there won't be enough antidote to work. Any questions?"
"Uh, yeah…if this is a tape recording, how are you answering us?" Shikamaru asked.
"…uh…if your life is in danger why are you asking questions instead of trying to survive?"
"There's no Mountain Dew in this room…"
"There's a few bottles hanging from the ceiling…"
Everyone looked up towards the ceiling, and there were 10 twisted, bloody corpses hanging from the ceiling. "…I think I'm gonna be sick…" Naruto said.
"…so, where's the Mountain Dew?" Sakura asked.
"There are 10 corpses and there are 5 bottles of Mountain Dew buried inside them, so you have to dig through them, but be thorough, cause you don't know where in the body it's buried…"
"We have to dig through the bodies?" Sakura said beginning to look sick.
A body fell from the ceiling and made a splat sound when it hit the floor. When everybody looked up they saw that Itachi had cut the body down. Itachi jumped down and everyone just stared at him, "…what? Once you kill enough people you get used to a thing like this." He cut a hole into the stomach and started digging around inside it after a few moments he pulled out a bottle of Mountain Dew completely covered in blood. "Yum…code red…" He opened the bottle and started drinking the bottle, then Sasuke attacked him causing Itachi to drop the bottle spilling the rest of the contents. "What the hell is wrong with you!!?"
Sasuke replied, "Me!? You're the one that dug into some dead dude's body and started drinking something completely covered in blood!! And I'm gonna make sure you don't survive this." Everyone just stared at him quietly.
"…now there's 4 bottles left and 9 bodies to dig through…" Shikamaru said, "And since some of these people won't even come near these bodies it may take a while…"
"Don't worry Shikamaru I can go through these bodies instantly!" Naruto shouted. Naruto charged up his charka and shouted, "Wind Release: Rasenshuriken!!!"
"Naruto no!!" But it was too late Naruto had already shredded the remaining bodies to pieces covering everyone in blood. "…well I can see that we're pretty much screwed…you know, the most disturbing part of this is that the bloods warm…"
"I'm a blood munster!" Neji said running around.
Sasuke bumped into crow who had his mouth opened dripping with blood. "Ahhh!! It's Chuckie!!!!!!!!!!!" He shouted in fear, "I'll make sure you stay gone!!! Katon: Pheonix fire Jutsu!!!" The fireballs went directly to Crow burning him into ashes.
"Noooo!!!!!!! Crow, the only friend I've ever had…" Konkuro said looking as if he were going to cry.
"I knew I should have gotten rid of your jutsus…anyway now that everyone's messy I think a shower is needed." Water started falling from the ceiling washing the blood off of everyone.
"This water smells funny." Kiba said smelling the air, "…this isn't water, it's gas!!!!!"
"It's kinda cold in here" Sasuke said to himself. "I know! Katon: Grand Fire-" Before Sasuke could finish his jutsu he was tackled to the ground by Kakashi.
"Honestly I didn't think you were that stupid…" Kakashi sighed.
"Nothing will stop me from getting warm, nothing!!!!!!!!" Sasuke shouted trying to get free.
"I don't think so…Chouji, sit on him."
"Okay." Chouji said eating his chips, then he sat on Sasuke.
"Ahhhh!!! I can here my ribs breaking!!!!" Sasuke shouted under Chouji.
"…actually that was me eating my chips…"
"…oh right…it's warm under you…"
"…I really didn't need to hear that…" Shikamaru sighed lighting a cigarette. He threw the match behind him and it landed in front of Tobi.
"Uh, oh…" Tobi said. Everyone started rushed out of the room through a door that nobody saw earlier.
After a bunch of people came out Sasuke shut the door behind him and leaned on it. The only ones that made it out were Naruto, Sasuke, Kakashi, Hinata, Kiba, Shikamaru, Chouji, Gaara, Konkuro, Temari, Itachi, Deidara, Sasori, Kisame, and Kabuto. The ones who didn't make it out were heard banging on the door and screaming.
When the screaming stopped Kabuto looked around frantically, "Oh no!! Orochimaru-sama hasn't come out!! I won't move on without him!!" Then he pushed Sasuke aside and ran into the flaming room. When he went inside Sasuke shut the door again.
"It's too bad that the others couldn't make it out." Sasuke said solemnly.
"Actually, they probably would have made it if you didn't shut the door…" Temari said.
"What's your point? It's not like any of those people were important."
"…good point…"
"…you're all idiots!" Sora shouted.
Everyone stared at her. "…I forgot about her…" Kiba said.
"Hey, why wasn't your name up there when it listed everyone who survived?" Konkuro asked.
She replied, "Because I'm not a Naruto character and nobody will even notice I'm here."
"Why are you here anyway?"
"…Mushroom probably wants me to witness the terrible evil…so I'll Mushroom will probably let me live." Then a huge ax came out of no where and cut off Sora's head.
"Cocky little bitch…so, who's next?" The person holding the ax turned their head. It was a woman with long black hair, an extremely pale face with bloody scars on it, and she wore a long white dress that was torn up and had bloodstains on it.
"Ahhh!!! It's Samara!!!!" Sasuke shouted.
"What? No way, how would she get here?" Gaara asked.
"That TV." Sasuke answered pointing to a big plasma screen on the wall next to him. It was on and had a white circle on it.
"…oh, well then…RUN!!!!!!!!!!" Everyone started running away from Samara. They came to a dead end and long black hair started coming out of the wall and then there came a face with blood shot eyes.
"It's, it's, it's…THE GHOST FROM THE GRUDGE!!!!!" Sasuke shouted. The ghost started moaning, she stood in front of them. Kakashi who happened to be the poor sap in the front dropped dead, and Chouji who was in the back dropped dead too.
"You bitch! They're mine!!" Samara shouted behind them standing over Chouji's body.
"Well, it's not my fault you couldn't kill them back there!!" The ghost shouted. Pretty soon they started pulling each other's hair, and beating the shit out of eachother. The survivors snuck off into a room that appeared out of nowhere. In the middle of the room there was bloody heap.
Meanwhile, out in the hallway where the two spirits were fighting. Samara said, "I think they got away."
"Well, it's your fault." The ghost from the grudge said pulling out a chainsaw.
"No, it's yours!!" Samara shouted pulling out a flamethrower.
"…you do realize that since we're both dead we can't actually kill each other right?"
"What's your point?"
"…don't know…" Then they started attacking each other with the random weapons they pulled out of no where.
The ghost from the grudge cut Samara up into pieces, then the pieces stacked up on top of each other, "Haha!! What's that little tower gonna do?!" Then the little tower attacked her, "Ahhhhhhh!!"
Back with the Naruto characters, they went up to the heap. He heap was Crow; he stood up and started making the clattering sound. A small TV in the corner turned on, on the screen there was a person with a mask of bandages covering their lower face, a black hood shaded his eyes which were glowing red. "Hello…now you finally get to see me…"
"Wh-who are you?" Naruto asked.
"…are you serious?! My words are in italics, I'm Mushroom!!"
"…you look all cool and creepy and your name is MUSHROOM!!!? What's your last name!?!?"
"Fairy." Mushroom said happily, "Remember my name cause you'll be screaming it pretty soon…"
"Mushroom Fairy!!!!!!!" Gaara shouted.
"See? Now the reason I'm here is to explain why Crow is back. I brought him back so he can get revenge for his death, but he can only kill one person…and that person will peobably the idiot who torched him in the first room…"
"Who's the idiot that did that?" Sasuke said laughing. Crow charged after Sasuke who screamed, "Ahhh!! Kiba, shield me!!!!" Sasuke put Kiba in the way and Crow killed Kiba instead, then he disappeared. "…poor Kiba, it's too bad he couldn't make it…" Sasuke said solemnly.
"…wow Sasuke, I didn't know you were that pathetic…anyway, there's a bottle of Mountain Dew in this room. It's was sewed up in someone's stomach, the first 2 syllables of their surname is Uchi, their first name is Sasuke, they have an obsession with scary movies…and for all you know you may be in a genjutsu that he subconsciously activated due to all those scary movies he watched…"
"That Uchi Sasuke sap is such a loser, completely paranoid from scary movies…why is everybody looking at me like that?" Everyone just glared, "I can't be Uchi Sasuke, I would have a scar on my stomach, which I don't." He lifted up his shirt and there was a huge scar on his stomach. "Uh oh…" Sasuke was attacked and beat up by everyone except the Akatsuki members who just stood there watching the fight with popcorn.
"The Mountain Dew is mine!!!!!" Hinata yelled causing everyone to fall silent and stare in surprise as she took out a kunai and split Sasuke's stomach open and pulled out the bottle of Mountain Dew. The outside surprisingly was completely clean. She opened the bottle and stared inside it, "…there's blood inside it…well, here goes…" She took a small sip, "…why does it taste like Code Red?"
"What? Let me see." Naruto said taking a sip, "…it does taste like Code Red…" Soon everyone was trying it and the bottle was empty. And Sasuke bled to death on the ground but no one seemed to care.
"…your all idiot, one of you could have survived…"
"Oh look, I found the remote!" Deidara said waving a remote control in the air. Then he pressed the button to change the channel, the channel changed but they were still the same, "Damn it, the only show is about some ugly guy named Mushroom Fairy…"
"…your next…" Akumaru appeared on the screen next to Mushroom, "What the!? What's this dog dong here!?" Akumaru ran off scrennand crashes and explosions could be heard. "What!? No!!!! Damn dog, that's why I'm a cat person…"
"…uh, what's the next 'game'?" Shikamaru asked.
"This…" Mushroom snapped his fingers and the door locked and a bunch of bodies fell from the ceiling along with long ropes of barbed wire. You have to climb the barbed wire ropes to safety before…"
"Before what?"
"You'll see…" The TV clicked off and the bodies started moving. The bodies stood up and started moving towards them.
"Holy SHIT!!!!! Zombies!!!!!!!!" Neji shouted. And he ran towards a barbed wire rope. When he got to one a zombie came out of no where, its jaw was ripped off and it's tongue hung out dripping with blood. It's arms were covered in deep bloody gashes admit Neji and started the flesh off his bones.
A few moments later Deidara Shino, and Konkuro were being eaten alive by the zombies while everyone else watched from the upper level. "Wow, using them as a diversion was a great idea Sasori." Kisame said watching the blood fest below them.
A TV behind them clicked on, "See, I told him he was next…and well, now that Sasuke's gone there's no one to go crazy over scary movies so I'm going to let him take over your mind for a little while okay Itachi?"
"What?! No!!" Itachi shouted running up to the TV.
"Too bad." Mushroom snapped his fingers and Sasuke took over Itachi's mind.
"Huh? What happened? Hey, I'm Itachi! That means if I kill myself I kill him, sweet!!"
"Uh huh, very nice…but now this chapter's almost over…so we'll continue this in SAW 2…" Mushroom took off his bandage mask revealing bloody razor sharp fangs.
"…why are you're fangs covered in blood?" Temari asked.
"What did you think I did with the remnants of your dead friends?" Mushroom answered with a sinister smile.
Me: Well? What'd you think? I know it was a it gruesome in some parts but other parts ere still kinda funny weren't they?
Gaara: …this is so messed up…
Me: Yeah, I know. If it was too graphic for you anyone tell me and I'll tone it down a little bit.
Gaara: It was too much or me…
Me: Not you…please review!
Death Count for SAW 1: We started with 23. We ended with 7.
