Elphaba stretched luxuriously. She had slept very well last night, enjoying a particularly vivid dream involving Fiyero and his fantasy-inspiring lips. It was his own fault, she decided, having been half-awake when he had brushed his lips ever so lightly against hers. What else could he expect after teasing her so?
Remembering the dream, she recalled where she was and with whom. She smiled at his sleeping face, so sweet and carefree. His eyes blinked open, meeting hers with a sweet smile. "Hey there."
She smiled back, "Hey there yourself."
He stroked her cheek. "Sleep well?" She nodded, blushing. If he only knew...
"Good," he whispered, leaning closer to brush his lips against hers. Apparently it hadn't been as much a dream as she'd thought. Somewhere deep in her unconscious she had known that all along, but it was all just so unreal to her.
As wonderful as it was to kiss him, she didn't think she was ready for this. She couldn't even pinpoint why, but it was so overwhelming. Fears and doubts swirled in her head. What if he didn't want her once they started this? What if she drove him away with her less than pleasant nature? What if he met someone better, such as, well, anyone?
She couldn't lose his friendship. Over the past few months, they had grown so close that their friendship overshadowed even hers and Galinda's. He meant everything to her, and she had seen so many couples end up hating each other at the end. It was better to have his friendship at the expense of his love than to chance ending up with neither.
Pulling back from his tempting lips, she sat up, saying softly, "Fiyero…"At her tone, he could tell he was in trouble. "Can we talk?"
He sat up to face her, his hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry. Did I…?" She shook her head as she looked away, biting her lip, and he let out a long breath, his hand dropping. "So I'm in real trouble then?"
She looked up at him, surprised, "No. Of course not," but she couldn't hold his eyes for more than a second. She wished they could go back to the pleasant spell of dreams, leaving practicality and reason behind.
"Then why won't you look at me?"
"Fiyero…" She couldn't find the words, his hurt expression ripping her heart apart.
"Look, just … spit it out. It's just making it worse." His eyes were now avoiding hers, preemptively protecting himself.
"I think we should just be friends." She said bluntly, holding her breath as she watched his reaction. It was not a happy one.
He swallowed, biting his own lips in an uncanny imitation of her bad habit. "Friends?" The word stuck in his throat, and he just kept nodding agitatedly. She felt like such a jerk.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, fighting the disappointment she felt as keenly as he did. "You just mean too much to me."
Frustrated, he sighed. "Then why?" He collected himself, calming his voice and blanking his face. "Why don't you want to at least try?"
She stood up, pacing. "Look, I don't have a lot of friends, and of all the friends I have, you're the most important." She caught a microscopic smile on his face at this admission, the first mention she'd ever made of it. "I don't want to lose that. Too many things can go wrong. I'm difficult, and you're just going to end up hating me." She blocked his interruption, finding it easier to continue once she started. "Then I'll have even less than I have now. I can't lose you. You're my best friend."
Exhausted by all the personal confessions she'd just made, she was even more certain that a relationship was too difficult for her to figure out. She felt so exposed; she never wanted to talk like this again. He had regained some of his patience now, and his voice was gentle. "Elphie…Phaba. You won't lose me." He stroked her face softly. "I care about you, too. More than you know." He leaned to kiss her, and caught himself, redirecting to kiss her cheek and pull her into a hug.
She wanted to believe him, but she was just so scared. "Can you promise me that?" She pulled back, serious now and convinced that she was right. "Can you promise you won't get sick of me? Or bored? Or that I won't get sick of you? Can you promise that we won't drift apart?"
He shook his head, recognizing that nothing he said could convince her. "Fine. You win." Sadly, he brushed his hair back, "Whatever you want."
His eyes were so miserable, it melted her heart. "I'm sorry," she whispered sadly.
He squeezed her shoulder, "Me too." She leaned her head on his shoulder, and he pulled her to him, rubbing her back. It felt so wrong for him to comfort her when she was the one breaking his heart.
She walked in the room, still too altogether dazed to process the events of last night. Galinda's voice called out to her from under the pillow, "Elphie? Is that you?"
"I should hope so. Who else would it be?"
The pillow flopped off her head, and Galinda smiled. "You didn't come home last night. Where were you?"
She tried not to blush. "The library."
The blond narrowed her eyes at Elphaba as if trying to read her mind through her skull. "The library closes at 11. Even I know that."
"We were just finishing the project."
"We?" Her roommate perked up, launching herself across the room to meet Elphaba on her bed. "Who's we? Was…Fiyero there?" She seemed about ready to explode with giggles, having long suspected the crush developing there. Elphaba merely nodded tersely. "Ooh! And where did you go after the library closed?"
She blushed in earnest now. "His room to finish the project."
"His room?!" Galinda was practically jumping up and down. "You went to Fiyero's room and spent the night there?! What happened?! You have to tell me!"
The exclaiming was torturous, and Elphaba knew she had better tell or face the whiny wrath of the bubbly blond. "We worked on the project…" She stalled out.
"And?" Galinda asked greedily.
"I fell asleep, and he finished it by himself."
"How sweet!" Elphaba nodded sincerely. "And?"
"And, he fell asleep too."
The girl gave her a sharp look. "Where?"
Oh this was horrid. She dodged, "What do you mean where?"
"Where did Fiyero sleep?"
"In the bed of course."
"And you?"
"In the bed of course."
"You slept in the bed together!" Galinda's cry had probably woken half the floor, and Elphaba looked up at the ceiling for mercy. Please fall on her. Please? "What happened next? Did he kiss you? Are you his girlfriend? Spill it already!"
Elphaba sighed, ready to tell her that it was none of her business, but suddenly the urge to actually say it out loud was overwhelming. "He kissed me." Galinda squealed. "And then he said he liked me." Another squeal. "And then we decided to be friends." Another squeal, then Galinda paused.
"Wait...what do you mean?" She tilted her head, confused. Elphaba explained what happened, and Galinda looked shocked. "Are you crazy?! What is wrong with you? Fiyero likes you, and you like him, and you just want to be friends?! Why?!"
"I just explained."
"Well, I know, but you're too smart for such a stupid answer. Don't you realize how much Fiyero likes you? He's been moping after you for ages!" Galinda continued to rant her disapproval, and Elphaba worried for a few minutes if her friend was right. Was she making a huge mistake?
It was too late, the decision already made and done with.
She couldn't help but be a little defensive as Galinda continued her rant all the way through their classes and into the next couple weeks. Even after the project was presented (the first time Galinda had been back to class in ages), Elphaba had to listen to her yammering all through class. The constant pestering just made her more stubbornly hold to remaining friends with Fiyero. If it was this much annoyance after one night of soft, unbelievable kisses, how much worse would it be to break up after a longer relationship?
Under the constant stress of Galinda's nagging and their own hurt and disappointment, things had been awkward between the two ever since. True to his word, Fiyero had honorably kept his distance, not even daring to touch her with his previous friendly gestures. She'd never realized how often they had touched until it was gone, and she found herself paradoxically more attracted to him now that the earlier comfort was denied her. Look, but don't touch. It was torture. She felt only his eyes now, piercing and deep, with longing so clear on his face she wondered how on earth she had missed it before.
His eyes were on her now, and she couldn't help how her heart raced. She always felt so naked under his stare.
Her dreams had come to punish her, haunting her with memories of his lips, his hands, his body against hers. Could he see it on her face? Perhaps it was better that he didn't touch her, as if even his finger slipped against her now she might pounce on him.
The tension between them grew, threatening to consume them. It sure as hell didn't seem to help their friendship, so filled with angst they were in each other's presence now that they had fallen largely silent.
He turned his eyes on her again, shaking her from her rambling introversion. "Elphaba can I talk to you?" Nothing good ever followed that. It had been two weeks since that fateful night, and still those words filled her mind with memories and dread. She nodded with equal reluctance, and he continued. "I know I promised not to pressure you, and I won't bring it up again. But…"
He looked so totally unhappy, as if she were keeping him locked in a closet. His eyes were filled with such yearning, more eloquent and poignant than any words. Leaning his head back to compose his thoughts, she tried not look at his very attractive throat so exposed.
There was just the slightest bit of exasperation in his words, "I don't know how I could prove myself more to you. I've tried so hard to go slow, bite my tongue, and not scare you away. You need time, and I gave you time. You need space, and I gave you space. But I can't just be friends with you. I'm always going to want to be with you. I just want you to understand that. I won't force myself on you or smother you or anything like that, but I will always be wanting more."
He took a breath, fixing on her a look of pleading that ripped her apart. "Please. I promise, I will try my hardest not to be the jerk that I know I can be. And I promise that even if you refuse now or ever, I won't stop caring for you. I couldn't if I tried. I've never cared about anyone the way I do about you. You push me, make me want to be better: a better student, a better friend, a better person. You're all I think about, everything that matters to me."
At this he grabbed her hand, and she felt a shudder of her own longing. "And yes, I'm scared of losing that too, but can't we lose it either way? What makes this way safer?" He laced his fingers with hers, both of them focused on that connection rather than the dangerous exposure of each other's eyes. "Elphaba, why can't we try? Maybe I'm not the person for you, and maybe you will just get sick of me and my brainless antics. But maybe, just maybe, we do belong together. Isn't it worth it to see? Isn't it at least worth a chance?"
He ran out of words here, and he looked at her so hopefully and hopelessly all at once. She felt like an idiot.
She nodded, staring how their hands fit together, then softly she breathed, "You're right."
He sighed, leaning his head back against the wall. Then her words hit him, and he jumped up, tilting her chin so she looked him in the eye. "Wait, what? Really?"
She had to smile at his comical confusion. Blushing, she nodded, breaking away to look down again. He would have none of that, pulling her face to his for a happy, eager kiss. He crushed her to him in a tight hug, pulling back to tell her, "You won't be sorry. I'm going to make you happy. I swear I will." He continued with similar manic promises of happiness and devotion.
Smiling against her will, she fought the laughter his overly enthusiastic actions brought. "Fiyero…" she started, losing her nerve to tell him how his lips could be more pleasantly occupied, but at her demure glance, he got the message, pulling her to him for a series of slow, beautiful kisses. She hoped they wouldn't regret this later, but right now it just felt so very good.
His lips were smiling at first as he met hers, but soon they grew soft and serious, dispelling the tension and awkwardness that had grown between them and replacing it with a sweeter kind of tension as her heart sped up. Each kiss a promise, Fiyero offered her his heart, and she learned to just keep quiet and accept it.
