The song is Lost In Paradise by Evanescence. In the story, Miku creates this song in this chapter and the song in the last chapter was Hanging On by Ellie Goulding. Miku created that song at the end of the last chapter. Also, the video is good mood music.
I didn't go to school the next day. I told Dad that I wasn't feeling good emotionally and wanted to stay home because all my friends were unfaithful mutes; I really did tell him this while my face was shoved into my pillow. I always spoke my mind with my eccentric dad because I knew he would understand me. When Haruhi and I got home after school yesterday, I hadn't talked to her for a few hours, I was too busy trying to calm myself. I still remember the conversation we had, it was seared into my skull.
Last Night
I had already changed into my comfy house clothes and I was locked up in the storage room, also known as my music room. I glanced at a picture of Kotoko that sat next to the old, grand piano I sat at. I missed her. Before she died, I would cling to her on my mom's anniversary instead of Haruhi. I loved Haruhi even then, but Kotoko was a mom to me even before my real mom left. Kotoko was my rock and when she became sick, she'd told me that I wasn't going to be alone. I was going to find people that loved me and would take care of me, that I had to be strong; I had to think of others and give everything I was into loving people. She didn't believe that I was damaged, and instead loved me and called me her second daughter. I really missed her.
I blocked everything out and concentrated on what I was feeling, so I could put it into music and lyrics. I took a shaky breath and pressed the dark notes that floated about in my head. Instead of planning lyrics, I just let my soul fly from my mouth.
I've been believing in something so distant
As if I was human
And I've been denying this feeling of hopelessness
In me, in me
All the promises I made
Just to let you down
You believed in me, but I'm broken
I have nothing left
And all I feel is this cruel wanting
We've been falling for all this time
And now I'm lost in paradise
As much as I'd like the past not to exist
It still does
And as much as I'd like to feel like I belong here
I'm just as scared as you
I have nothing left
And all I feel is this cruel wanting
We've been falling for all this time
And now I'm lost in paradise
Run away, run away
One day we won't feel this pain anymore
Take it all away
Shadows of you
Cause they won't let me go
Until I have nothing left
And all I feel is this cruel wanting
We've been falling for all this time
And now I'm lost in paradise
Alone, and lost in paradise
After screaming my heart out into the empty room, I just sat quietly for awhile until a light knocking on the wood door broke me from my depression. I pushed up my glasses and sighed,"Come in, Haruhi."
My sister came in and sat down beside me quietly, pressing a curious finger on my piano,"Miku, I know you're upset and hurt. You're more important to me than some debt I owe, and I shouldv'e spoken up when she threatened you like that and defended you. You're my little sister, and I need to be there for you like a big sister should. I won't let you hurt like that again, or let you feel alone. Can you forgive me?"
My eyes watered from behind my lenses and I attacked my sister in a hug,"I forgive you!"
She chuckled lightly and squeezed me,"Now, do you really want to quit the Host Club? If it's what you really want, then that's ok. I can handle the debt myself."
My expression dropped,"I hear you trying to guilt trip me."
Haruhi sighed,"Miku, why did you forgive me?"
"Because you're my sister," I told her in a 'duh' tone,"Of course I would forgive you if you apologized genuinely."
My sister got a serious glint in her eyes and leaned closer,"Then why won't you forgive the hosts?"
I instantly closed off,"They didn't stand up for me. None of them said a thing, and then Kyouya had the nerve to demand I show up the next day after I was completely humiliated! No one said anything! I thought they were my friends. I actually trusted them to have my back since they claimed we were a family, but at the first test, they totally failed! Even Tamaki-sempai! He carries on and on about how I'm his beloved daughter and how precious and loveable I am, but he just stood there like an idiot! Daddy my ass! I never know what to expect from the twins, but I never expect silence! And Kyouya? That ass! I thought we were getting closer and even becoming friends, but I was horribly wrong. Then what really just tops it all off, Hunni-sempai and Mori-sempai. I actually talked to Hunni and hung out with him. We were close, and for once, he had nothing to say. I can't even talk about Mori-"
I choked a bit from a sob,"I actually thought he cared. I let myself think he cared about what happened to me. I know he doesn't say much, but he could've said anything and I would've known he put effort in. I let myself like him, like all of them. Except for Renge, I never liked her."
My older syblling stayed quiet before holding me close again,"I know it's hard to let people in, but we're human, we make mistakes. They made a mistake. You forgave me when I made a mistake. Can't you forgive them?"
I rested against Haruhi's chest thinking everything over,"I'll think about it."
Current Time
So, we're back to my free day of moping and thinking. I groaned angrily into my pillow before checking the clock to see that Host Club activities would be starting soon. I started to lift myself from the bed and slipped on a pair of cheetah print Uggs to go with my all black outfit. I didn't have the energy to change into my uniform and since I was going to be there after school I didn't see why it mattered. All the hosts were going to see is a little more leg and me in glasses.
It was about a 10 minute walk before I arrived in front of the large, pink buildig that I called my school. Sighing, I made my way to the club room only to find it empty. I went further into the room and looked out the large bay window. The hosts were all sprawled out into groups all over the courtyard and strangely enough, a camera crew filmed what they did. I made my way down to where I saw Haruhi and when I was just around the corner, I heard the beginnings of an argument.
"What do you mean we're the villains?" A stupid sounding boy asked.
"Who our dad's are have nothing to do with us!"
I rounded the corner at a speed I only reached in times of desperation and caught the hand that was going to shove Renge away,"What do you think you're doing?" I asked icily.
The thug-student was shocked and stuttered,"I-I sh-she..."
I gripped his larger fist harshly,"You were going to hit Renge, a girl. Why don't you try hitting me?"
"Mi-Miku," Renge called softly,"You c-came..."
I ignored her when I noticed the other thug actually try to take me up on my offer,"You want to act tough? Then let's see it!"
This is ridiculous! I just came to pick up Haruhi and show her I wasn't going to stay couped up in my room all day! The red-head thug threw a wild punch that I easily dodged and then tried to tackle me. I pulled my leg back to gain momentum before swinging it up to deliver a harsh heel-kick to his chin. He got knocked back several feet and his already scared friend ran over to him, picked him up and dragged him off. I slowly placed my smoking foot back on the ground and took a labored breath. I coughed a bit before turning to see the hosts watching me with shock and Haruhi watched with a look of proud. Renge began crying, so I reluctantly opened my arms. She dove right into them and sobbed into the chest of my favorite hoodie, crying over and over that she was sorry and didn't mean what she said.
"I'm so sorry, Miku!" She sobbed," I was so wrong to say that horrible stuff to you, and even though I hurt you, you still saved me."
My heart softened and I held the fragile girl to my smaller body,"Renge, even if I was still completely pissed at you, I would've saved you...my hearts too soft."
I heard her give a watery giggle,"I was so wrong about you, Miku. I'm sorry again. Can you forgive me?"
It was if everyone held their breathes,"Yeah, I forgive you, Renge."
Haruhi decided to speak up,"Isn't it better to get to know someone before judging them? You become better friends that way and you don't insult people or mistake them for something they're not."
Renge looked at Haruhi as if she were Kyouya,"You're right."
A Smash caught our attention. We turned to see Kyouya had smashed the lense of the camera that had been recording the whole time. Surprisingly, Renge didn't get upset. She really took Haruhi's words to heart. She must've realized she didn't know Kyouya because she nodded agreeably.
I smiled before coughing a bit due to my earlier kick-buttery. I hid it behind my hand and tried to slow my breathing. I was so focused on that, that I didn't notice Kyouya come up next to me, pulled my hand from my mouth and replaced it with my spare inhaler. I jumped a little from his sudden appearance before taking my medicine. I didn't look up or make the effort to catch anyone's eye, not even Kyouya's. I was still a bit mad, so I just wrapped my arms around myself and walked over to Haruhi.
"Let's go," I told my sister, " I've had enough action for one day."
Haruhi nodded and I took the lead,"Wait! Miku!"
I halted and cursed the air, but made no move to turn around,"What?"
"Can you at least look at us?" The twins whined miserably,"We wanna apologise, but we wanna apologise to your face."
"Yeah, Mi-chan!" Hunni chirped sadly," We're really sorry we made you quit."
My older sister put her hand on my shoulder in a comforting way that made me exhale roughly and turn to face the miserable hosts,"Well, go on."
Tamaki took over," We don't want you to quit, Miku! You're precious to us!"
"Yeah," Mori uttered forlornly. (I'm not even sure how he managed that).
Kyouya fixed his glasses,"I admit, I was a little callous. We don't want you to quit. We'd like it if you came back"
My brows furrowed after I realised none of them apologised for anything specific; they had no idea what they were sorry for,"Do you even know why you're apologising? Why I got upset and quit? Did you not understand?"
They all looked at me confused and a little hurt that I didn't accept their apologies,"But, Miku," Tamaki began,"We said sorry."
I shared an incredulous look with Haruhi," Again, do you even know why I quit?"
"Because Renge was saying mean things, right?" Hunni asked innocently.
Renge shifted from beside me, so I turned to her,"Don't worry. You actually knew what to apologise for and you meant it."
Hikaru and Kaoru stepped toward me," But we do mean it! We want you back and we're sorry."
It felt like talking to children,"Look, guys, I appreciate that you want me back and you're sorry that I left, but I refuse to be part of the club until you realize what you put me through and apologise properly. That revelation should come when you figure out what you did, or didn't do. Bye. See you around school sometime."
"But Miku!" Tamaki protested," We don't know what we did! Can't you just tell us, so we can say sorry? "
I kept walking,"It shouldn't take that much brain effort. Haruhi knew exactly what you all did that hurt me. You all are smart, figure it out."
