100+ reviews, that's insane. Sincerest thank you's to anyone that takes the time to review, and thank you for all the follows/faves, you're all far too good to me. And finally, an update that didn't take completely forever! I didn't have much time to edit it, so sorry for any typos/general mistakes.
Chapter 11: If You'll Have Me
Emily buried her face into her pillow, letting out a discontented sigh as she stirred back into consciousness. She couldn't remember falling asleep; couldn't even remember climbing beneath the covers for that matter. She lifted her arm to wipe the sleep from her eyes, only for it to stall in its movement as it caught against soft skin. She looked to her left to find Paige sleeping soundly beside her; as she cast her eyes down she found Paige's hand clinging to her shirt, holding on to it tightly as she slept. Emily wondered if it had been a conscious action, or something that had occurred throughout the night; either way a sense of ease washed over her with the knowledge that Paige hadn't objected to her spending the night.
Emily couldn't decide why she'd ended up staying the whole night; all she knew was that she hadn't been able to stop herself making excuse after excuse to stay a little longer. In her initial reluctance to leave she'd decided to find the laundry room, figuring she was okay to stick around at least until her clothes were done in the dryer. She was glad that Paige hadn't gotten round to checking it before she left; waiting for them to dry was the perfect excuse to stay while she waited for them; more truthfully now she thought back to it, while she waited for Paige. Once that was done, Emily returned to Paige's room to gather her things, and, after taking in the slight unkemptness of it all, decided it wouldn't do any harm if she stuck around to neaten the place up a bit. She wondered now if Paige had noticed the difference when she'd eventually returned; if it gave away how restless she had become whilst waiting for Paige to come home.
As for why she hadn't been able to bring herself to leave; Emily didn't know what was keeping her here. Perhaps it was worry caused by the wealth of unreadable emotions that had graced Paige's face when she'd hung up the phone, or how unsettled Paige became after her slip up, if she could even call it that. Girlfriend. It was only a word, it didn't have to cause so much trouble, but the fear in Paige's eyes as it had passed her lips let Emily know that it may well have. She liked them as they were. Pressure free. She wasn't sure she was ready to have the 'what are we' talk, still afraid of what it might do to the balance they'd so easily settled into.
She cast her eyes back to Paige; Paige's brow knitted into a tight frown as she slept. She didn't look peaceful, she looked pained; the look coupled with the vice like grip Paige had on Emily's shirt allowing Emily to feel confident in her suspicion that Paige probably hadn't had the best of nights.
Her hand came up almost instinctively to smooth across Paige's furrowed brow; as if she could take away some of the tension simply with her touch. It was all Emily could think of to do, a small comforting gesture to try to counteract the sense of hopelessness that had imbedded into her ever since Paige had left the night before.
It seemed to have the opposite effect; Paige jolted under Emily's fingertips, the hand gripping Emily's shirt loosening as Paige's eyes fluttered open. She watched as Paige's eyes darted around for a moment, her hand falling away from Emily as she brought it up to rub her eyes.
"You're still here," Paige said croakily, Emily unable to determine whether she was asking a question, voicing disapproval or simply stating the obvious.
"Yeah, I'm here," Emily stated somewhat dumbly, suddenly feeling nervous that perhaps Paige had wanted her to leave after all; that maybe Paige wanted or needed to be alone right now. "I wanted to wait for my clothes to dry and I…" I wanted to wait up for you. "…I must have fallen asleep. They should be done now."
She kept her eyes fixed on Paige for a moment, the look Paige was giving her unreadable; it was making her uneasy. Paige always made her feel so welcome, her presence so wanted; Emily didn't like the uncertainty washing over her due to Paige's silence. After another moment Emily decided to take the silence as her cue to leave.
Standing up she instantly cursed her decision to wear nothing but one of Paige's skimpier shirts to bed; at the time she thought it would be seductive, Paige had certainly found it inviting the night before; now all she felt was horrifically underdressed. She could feel Paige's eyes watching her, self-consciously tugging at the hem of the shirt to try to cover her underwear as she padded over to Paige's dresser.
"Are you leaving?" Paige asked from behind her, Emily's eyes flitting back to see Paige's face once again pulled into a frown.
"Do you want me to?" Emily asked, desperate for Paige to tell her what she wanted right now; more correctly, what she needed.
"You can stay if you want," Paige shrugged, sitting up slightly in the bed, her eyes still fixed on Emily.
"Do you want me to?" Emily repeated, cursing her inability to just put her foot down and say no. No, I'm not leaving until I know you're okay and we're okay and that's that. Once again Paige didn't respond, her eyes instead falling to the comforter, Emily deciding that perhaps leaving would be for the best after all. Somehow the room had become suffocating; the weight of the silence becoming too much for her.
"Wait, don't go." Paige's voice rung out behind her as Emily moved to tug on some sweats, Emily not failing to notice the need laced in Paige's words.
"Are you okay?" Emily asked, finally finding the three simple words she was searching for, though the answer was clearly written on Paige's face. "Is your Dad okay?" Emily watched Paige stiffen at the question, a reaction Emily was coming to associate with any mention of Paige's Father. She suddenly began to worry that something serious had happened; perhaps he was more ill than she thought; maybe his condition had gotten worse throughout the night. She slid back beneath the covers, scooting as close to Paige as possible without actually touching the other girl. Paige wanted her here, that was established, but having never actually seen Paige so withdrawn, she didn't know how exactly she was supposed to comfort her.
"He's okay. I think," Paige shrugged, giving Emily a stiff smile.
"Are you okay?" Emily repeated, hesitating momentarily before taking Paige's hand lightly in her own.
"Not really," Paige sighed, sinking further into the mattress, her free hand coming up to cover their entwined hands.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Emily asked, though she was already fairly certain what the answer was going to be.
"Not really."
Emily knew that was fair enough, it was clear from everything; her voice, her expression, and the telling way she gripped Emily's hand that Paige was exhausted, physically and emotionally; that whatever was troubling her had worn her out.
It was something Emily was coming to learn about Paige; she seemed to be particularly guarded when it came to talking about herself, especially in regards to her family. She had noticed it now and then; at one point she was sure they had even talked about it, back when they would sit outside Rosewood High and pretend they were just friends. She remembered remarking that she found the mystery surrounding Paige intriguing, that perhaps that was why she was so drawn to her. Now she knew with certainty that she would give anything to know what was going on in Paige's mind, but she also knew now wasn't the time for questioning. What Paige appeared to need was comfort.
"What can I do?" Emily asked, Paige's eyes flicking up to meet her own, the look Emily found there almost one of disbelief, much to her confusion. "Come here."
"What?" Paige said sceptically, eyeing Emily almost suspiciously as she rolled onto her back, holding her arm out.
"Come here," Emily repeated. If she couldn't help Paige by listening, she was determined to give her comfort in some way, even if it was just letting her know she was there, without having to actually utter the words out loud. Paige scooted closer hesitantly, before relaxing into Emily's embrace as she laid her head on Emily's chest.
"Em?" Emily felt the arm around her waist tighten a little, Paige letting out a heavy sigh before closing her eyes almost contentedly. "I'm glad you're here."
Paige felt a smile of her own tugging onto her face, watching intently as Emily talked animatedly about how the local ice-cream parlour couldn't be beaten. She took in the way Emily's cheeks dimpled slightly the more enthusiastic she became and tried her best not to physically combust at the cuteness that was Emily Fields. It was nice, hearing Emily talk about her hometown so enthusiastically. Emily had driven them to Rosewood, the two sitting atop an overlook just above the town, sharing some of, according to Emily anyways, Pennsylvania's finest ice cream.
"It's nice up here." Paige smiled, looking down over the small town as Emily slyly switched their ice cream tubs, Paige shooting her a playful glare as she caught her.
"I like it, it's always so quiet. Peaceful." Emily said in agreement, setting her tub aside as she scooted a closer to Paige, linking their arms together. Summer was drawing to a close, the familiar chill of autumn creeping into the air; Emily thankful for Paige's warmth, Paige thankful for Emily's closeness.
Usually when Paige felt this low, and definitely after a run in with her Father like that, her first instinct would be to go; go anywhere as long as it was away from everything and she could clear her head, stop her emotions from consuming her. Normally she would lack the confidence to believe it, but there was something about today, the way Emily was acting around her, that made her fairly certain Emily understood that need, and bringing her here was Emily's way of telling her she got it. Emily had explained upon arrival that this was one of her favourite spots to go to when she needed to escape; if she couldn't swim to clear her mind, she would sit here, sometimes for hours until she felt like herself again. Paige was thankful that Emily had wanted to share it with her, especially today of all days.
"I never realised how big Rosewood actually is," Paige mused, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled over them as she looked down over the town. "I mean, it's small, but it looks so much bigger from up here."
"It's definitely small," Emily said with a small smile, thinking back to what it was like to grow up in a small town like Rosewood. "Have you been to Rosewood often?"
"Not really. My folks live near here, so I used to go to church here as a kid. I've been a lot more lately, with Caitlin going to school here," Paige shrugged. Her parents house was just on the outskirts of Rosewood, but she had spent a lot more time in the city growing up.
"Where did you go to High School?" Emily asked, a slight hint of cautiousness creeping into her voice. She didn't want to say the wrong thing and accidentally drudge up anything that would upset Paige, especially now that Paige seemed to be relaxing; the tension that had consumed her almost entirely that morning now noticeably ebbing away.
"I went to a private school in the city," Paige answered, reminding herself that opening up a little didn't have to be a bad thing, especially if a relationship with Emily was something she wanted in the long run. "Just outside of Philly. By the time Caitlin was old enough, my Dad…" Paige faltered, quickly gaining her composure before Emily had the chance to worry. "By the time Caitlin was old enough he didn't have the money, he lost his job. So um, that's why she ended up at Rosewood High. It's closer to their house anyway so."
"Did you like it?" Emily asked, unable to stop herself now that she finally knew something about Paige's past. "The school I mean."
"It was okay. It was an all girl school, so you can imagine what that could be like. Sorry to shatter the illusion I'm sure you have of me," Paige smirked, Emily happy to see a little bit of Paige's playfulness resurfacing for the first time that day. "But I was a bit of a dork back then, so I was sort of an easy target. Then I met Dawn, who I'm sure you've noticed can scare the bejesus out of anyone, took up field hockey, swimming…ended up becoming a bit of a jock. I was pretty tightly wound back then so the school being so regimented worked out well…" Paige trailed off as she looked at Emily in bemusement; Emily was smiling proudly to herself, her eyes fixed on Paige. "What?"
"Nothing," Emily smiled, squeezing Paige's arm slightly. "I never knew that about you. It's nice."
"If you say so," Paige giggled, having another spoonful of ice-cream.
"Who was your first kiss?" Emily said with a small grin, Paige letting out a small chuckle at Emily's apparent giddiness.
"You're asking a lot of questions today Miss Fields," Paige smiled, watching as Emily shrugged innocently.
"I'm just curious about you, that's all." Emily said nonchalantly, deciding to elaborate. "I feel like most of the time we end up talking about me. My friends, my life. It's nice to hear you talking about yourself for a change."
"Sean Ackard." Paige answered; she watched Emily intently for a moment, waiting to see if a look of realisation was going to grace Emily's face, smirking in amusement as it did. "I know, you don't need to tell me. I mentioned it once when I was living with Caleb, Hanna nearly passed out."
"How do you know Sean?" Emily asked in surprise, recognising the name of Hanna's high school boyfriend instantly. Rosewood really was a small town.
"We met at church," Paige began, shaking her head with a laugh as she thought back to it. "My Dad was a deacon, his Dad is a pastor…he took me out one night, we were like…13? And he was so sweet, but that kiss was awful. My Mom was heartbroken when I didn't want to go out with him anymore."
"Hanna dated him for like 2 years," Emily chuckled, still shaking her head in disbelief.
"Who was yours?" Paige asked, watching Emily's eyebrow raise questioningly. "What?" She said, mocking Emily's voice from earlier. "I'm curious about you, that's all."
"Don't laugh okay?" Emily said, Paige turning to give Emily her full attention, her eyebrow raising in curiosity. "Spencer."
"What?" Paige said is surprise. "Spencer as in…Spencer?"
"It's not how you think," Emily began, her cheeks pinking slightly as she readied herself to tell the story. "I had just started dating this guy Ben. But really I had a crush on…"
"Spencer?" Paige asked once again, taking a moment to mull it over before nodding. "I get it. She is kind of…"
"Kind of what?" Emily asked in amusement, her eyebrow quirking playfully as she watched Paige's cheeks flush slightly. "No, not Spencer. I had a crush on our other friend, Alison." Emily said, Paige noticing the slight frown that tugged onto Emily's lips as she spoke the other girls name. "We were playing truth or dare, and when I picked truth everyone found out I had never been kissed. Alison made a big deal out of offering to teach me, she knew I liked her then, even before I did. But I freaked out because…well I really wanted her to kiss me. Everyone was there, and they were looking at me weird, so when Spencer picked dare I dared her to kiss me…and she did."
"Tongue?" Paige said, causing Emily to snort.
"No tongue," Emily said, rolling her eyes at the way Paige raised her eyebrows suggestively.
"Well, at least it was with someone special," Paige chuckled, giving Emily's arm a quick squeeze. "Um...First love?" Paige shrugged, deciding to continue their little game of 'getting to know you'.
"Alison," Emily repeated, Paige once again noticing the way Emily spoke her name. The word was heavy; laden with something deeper than just first love. "When other people weren't around, she had this way of…making me feel special. Nothing ever happened, well she kissed me once, but after that…"
"She moved on?" Paige asked, Emily thankful for the interruption. It had been a long time since it had happened, but she couldn't bear the look of sympathy that tended to wash over people when they recognised the name and remembered who Alison was, the name from all the papers, the missing posters, the trial.
"Yeah," Emily smiled, Paige looking at her with a hint of scepticism. "I met another girl not long after Ali left… y'know, a first reciprocated love. We dated for a while, up until college. Anyway, who was yours?"
Paige opened her mouth momentarily, closing it quickly as her face scrunched into a frown. Nobody came to mind. "I um…I don't think I really had one."
"What do you mean?" Emily asked, looking at Paige curiously.
"I um…I've never had one?" Paige repeated, her arm coming up to scratch at the back of her neck, Emily noticing the familiar stiffness returning as Paige spoke.
"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable," Emily said with a hint of concern, placing her hand on Paige's forearm softly.
"I know. I just know it must be weird…not ever…" Paige began, trying to think of the best way to explain.
"It's not weird," Emily assured her.
"The first time I kissed a girl, I freaked out. We were fighting and um, I just kissed her out of nowhere. She told her parents, they told mine…that didn't go down too well," Paige shrugged, Emily noticing the slight discomfort creeping over Paige, apparent in everything from her expression to her posture. "I tried my best not to get involved with anyone after that, I told my Dad it was a joke. But I got older, realised it wasn't and there was this one girl, and before I knew it we were dating. It caused a lot of trouble. I figured maybe I could fall for her, open up. But, she was also dating this guy from another school…and well that was that. I didn't really date after that, just focused on school and swimming. Then with moving around so much I haven't really managed to date anyone, not seriously anyway, it's always just been very…casual with girls. Not that I'm um…like a commitment-phobe or a…I just…I'm rambling aren't I?"
"I don't mind it," Emily smiled, sliding her hand down Paige's arm until it came to grasp Paige's hand, giving it a quick squeeze. Paige smiled at the contact, she'd been waiting for it all day, fiddling with Emily's fingers in her own as the two settling into a peaceful silence once again, Emily feeling Paige relaxing again beside her.
"I think it's why you scare me so much." Paige continued, glancing down at their entwined hands before fixing her eyes on the view ahead, catching Emily looking at her quizzically as she glanced in the dark-haired girls direction. She felt a frown tugging onto her face, scared that she'd once again said too much, went too far.
"Paige?" Emily asked, Paige simply picking up her ice cream tub and beginning to finish it off; apparently she wasn't going to elaborate, much to Emily's annoyance. Was Paige saying that she scared her because Paige was falling for her? That she was going to be Paige's…Emily felt her stomach flip at the thought. "What do you mean?"
"You're melting."
"What?"
Paige reached over, scooping up some of the ice cream dripping down the side of Emily's tub and licking it from her finger. "This is the best ice cream in Pennsylvania right? Don't waste it."
"Help me out then," Emily smiled, reaching around Paige to grab her discarded spoon, handing it to the other girl and placing the tub between them. Emily felt Paige cautiously wrapping an arm around her waist as they once again settled into silence.
"What the hell was that movie?" Paige asked with a scoff as they made their way out of the small cinema, glancing behind her to see the creepy attendant still staring at her. He'd done it for most of the movie, Paige shooting him a glare until he was out of sight.
"You didn't like it?" Emily asked, biting her lip anxiously. Once the time had come to leave to overlook, she'd racked her brain for something else to do, something that meant she and Paige didn't have to part ways just yet. The movie theatre had seemed like a good idea at the time. In truth she herself had dozed off in the theatre, the feeling of Paige's fingers softly playing with her hair all the comfort she needed to drift off into a deep sleep.
"It was…interesting," Paige shrugged, not realising Emily had such strange taste in movies. "Astro Zombies? I should've guessed it was going to be…"
"Bizarre," Emily finished, shooting Paige an apologetic shrug. "Sorry, they don't really show regular movies here, I just couldn't really think of anything else to do."
"It was…different, different is always good," Paige smiled, linking their arms together as they made their way down the street. "Now drooling all over my favourite jacket however...that you can apologise for."
"I was not drooling," Emily scoffed, bumping her shoulder into Paige playfully.
"Whatever. You also snore like a trooper," Paige grinned, Emily's eyes widening.
"I do not!" Emily said defensively, unable to keep her look of annoyance up as she felt laughter bubbling up inside her.
"Don't worry, we were the only ones in there anyway," Paige smiled, laughing lightly as Emily's eyes not so subtly scanned Paige's collar for traces of drool.
"I don't snore," Emily said once again, freeing her arm from Paige's grasp until she could link their fingers together.
"Thanks for today Em," Paige said, giving Emily's hand a quick squeeze. Emily nodded her head in understanding; happy that her hunch that morning had been correct, that getting Paige away for the day was helping her get out of her head. "You want to grab some dinner in town? I don't really fancy heading home just yet."
"I was thinking we could get some take out from the Grille," Emily said, pointing across the street to the Apple-Rose Grille.
"Are you sure you don't want to sit in?" Paige asked, the two breaking apart as they crossed the road. "It'll get cold by the time we get it back to my place…or your place; they're both quite a drive."
"I have a better idea actually," Emily said, Paige's eyebrow quirking questioningly as Emily simply smiled and tugged her into the restaurant.
Paige was unable to keep her eyes off Emily, something about the way she was trying to mask her nervousness as she drove them to their undisclosed location, or maybe it was the excitement she seemed to be trying to hide, making Paige smile. Emily was adorable when she was trying to keep things secret; Paige could tell she was desperate to just get to wherever they were going quickly. They pulled up onto a street, Paige watching out the window as they drove by house after house, Emily eventually pulling onto a driveway and coming to a stop.
"Where are we?" Paige asked, looking up at the house in front of her before looking back to Emily.
"This is my parents house."
"We're having dinner with your parents?" Paige asked in surprise, Emily rolling her eyes in response.
"No. Come on." Emily smiled before exiting the car, climbing up the steps to the front porch as Paige lagged behind her. She waited patiently as Emily rooted around in her bag, Paige's eyes catching sight of an old woman watching them from a window next door. Emily finally got the door open, motioning for Paige to follow her.
"Nice house," Paige said as she stepped inside, her eyes flitting around; the house was smaller than her own had been growing up, but there was a distinct homeliness to it that had always been lacking in her own childhood home. "Is that you?" she asked, walking over to a picture hanging on the wall, a miniature version so obviously Emily smiling back at her. Emily took Paige's hand in her own and tugged Paige back towards her insistently.
"I'll give you a full tour later, come on," Emily smiled, leading her towards what Paige guessed was the dining room. "Wait…" Emily stopped as an idea popped into her head, Paige walking into her as she came to a sudden halt. She grabbed the bag of takeout from Paige, turning them around and leading Paige back towards the living room. "Wait in here, I won't be long."
Paige watched in amusement as Emily skipped off, walking further into the room and looking around, once again noting the warmth; little things here and there giving the place that welcoming touch, something Paige recognised was also prevalent in Emily and Spencer's apartment.
"Ready?" Paige looked up to find Emily's head peaking around the corner, Paige getting up and following her throughout the house, smiling widely as she walked into the dining room.
"Candlelit dinner?" Paige smiled, leaning over and kissing Emily's cheek softly before taking a seat. "Wine? Candles…takeout..."
"I meant it when I said I wanted to make it up to you for cooking all the time," Emily said taking her seat opposite Paige, happy the opportunity had presented itself. "And if I actually cooked I think it would kill you, so this kind of worked out well," Emily smiled motioning to the cartons of takeout.
"Where are your parents by the way?" Paige asked as she began eating, only now realising they were the only ones in the house.
"My Mom's visiting my Dad this week," Emily said, Paige nodding in understanding.
"He's in the army right?" Paige asked, remembering Emily mentioning him often; she had gotten the impression Emily and her Father were very close.
"Yeah," Emily nodded, grabbing the wine bottle and topping up Paige's glass. "He's in Texas right now."
"Do you see him often?" Paige asked; they had talked about Emily's parents briefly, but she didn't know much about them.
"Sometimes once every few weeks, sometimes not for months," Emily smiled sadly, taking a sip from her own glass. "It's better now he's in the states, if anything there's less to worry about. It's harder on my Mom now though. Before I left for college we were here together, but now she's just on her own. She tries to go down there as much as she can."
"This is a really nice house," Paige mused once again, her eyes taking in the table set up, wondering when the last time she'd actually eaten somewhere with place settings had been.
"What was your house like growing up?" Emily asked, frowningly slightly at her wording. She'd been trying to find a subtle way to casually probe a little more about Paige's youth, her family, hoping she hadn't just ruined what was shaping up to be a rather pleasant day by making Paige uncomfortable.
"Um, you saw it once, I gave you a ride home when I picked up Caitlin?" Paige shrugged, Emily thankful that Paige hadn't been too fazed by the question. "It's sort of like this. A little bigger…less…my Dad's more into…minimal stuff. Less photographs and…uh, homely things."
"Paige?" Emily asked, getting Paige's attention, her eyes that were studying the room now meeting Emily's own. "What happened yesterday?…I just really want to…I don't know, understand what happened last night. What made you so upset this morning. If that's too personal..."
"It's okay. But I'm sorry, I just…can't. Not right now." Paige said, picking up her glass and taking a swig. "Can we um, can we maybe go back next door?"
"Sure. We can watch a movie if you like?" Emily asked before she blew out the candle, stilling Paige's hands as she went to clear the table, they could do that later. Instead she took it into her own and lead Paige back into the living room, carefully balancing her glass and the bottle in her hand.
"As long as it doesn't involve lab-created, lucha libre zombies, then yes, that sounds good," Paige smiled, thinking back to the terrible film they had watched earlier that day.
"Do you want anymore?" Emily asked once she'd popped the DVD in, lifting up the bottle of wine, Paige shaking her head softly in response as she took a seat on the couch, Emily mirroring her action and flicking on the TV.
"Seriously?" Paige said, giggling slightly as the opening credits began to roll. "It's only September Emily."
"You don't like It's a Wonderful Life?" Emily said with genuine concern, pushing at Paige's shoulder until she leant back on the couch, resting her head against it and linking their fingers together once again.
"Yeah, at Christmas," Paige smiled, Emily looking up at her with such genuine disappointment Paige couldn't help but find it adorable, leaning down to press a soft kiss to Emily's forehead. "I love this movie. Good choice."
Paige settled down, smiling to herself. It had been a long time since someone had gone to such an effort to make her comfortable; Emily had strived all day to just make her smile, or laugh. She wasn't sure if there was any place she would rather be at that moment than here. Here with Emily resting against her, the room only lit by the glow of the screen, watching christmas movies way before the holiday season; something she'd normally loathe but with Emily just seemed right.
She thought back to what she had considered earlier that day at the overlook; talking to Emily, opening up, didn't have to be a bad thing. She felt safe here, Emily was someone she could trust, and it was clear that on some level, even if it turned out it wasn't in the way she hoped, Emily really cared for her.
"Yesterday was the first time I've spoken to my Dad in about four years, apart from one really awkward accidental phone call." Paige's voice broke the silence, Emily looking up to find Paige's eyes still fixed on the screen, Emily mirroring her actions but squeezing Paige's arm, letting her know she was listening. "And the only thing he said to me, after four years of basically ignoring me, was you can go now. Like I was just…a babysitter. It left me pretty cut up. It's a long story, me and my Dad, me and my family, and I'm sorry I can't bring myself to tell it to you right now, but I needed to say thank you. For today, for understanding what it was I needed, even before I did. And thank you for staying last night. I know it was probably accidental…but you have no idea how comforting it was to know that I would wake up this morning and that you'd still be there with me. That I wasn't alone."
Emily looked up at Paige, finding that her eyes were now focused on Emily. Emily gave Paige an understanding nod, shifting until she could pull Paige into her arms, the other girl returning the hug with earnest. She might not have gotten the full story, but Paige had trusted her enough to confide in her at all, and that was good enough for Emily.
"It wasn't accidental."
Paige stirred out of her slumber just in time to see the credits rolling, Emily shifting beside her to turn off the DVD, her eyes flitting back to Paige and catching her letting out a long yawn. She smiled sheepishly as she rubbed her eyes.
"Are you tired?" Emily asked, Paige giving her a small nod in response. She frowned at the prospect of leaving; being away from home, with Emily no less, wasn't something she was quite ready to give up just yet.
"I can call a cab..."
"Come with me," Emily said standing up, offering out her hand to Paige.
"Where are we going?" Paige asked with a smile, Emily simply lacing their fingers together and tugging her to her feet. She flicked off the TV off as she passed, leading Paige up the stairs through the dark house, kicking her old bedroom door open before leading Paige inside, stopping after closing the door behind her.
"Nice room," Paige said, making her way past Emily and taking a look around, paying close attention to the collections of photo's dotted about the place, easily recognising miniature versions of Hanna, Spencer and Aria alongside Emily, and many other random face's she didn't recognise. "Yours I take it?"
"It hasn't really changed since I was like fifteen," Emily shrugged a little nervously, watching as Paige walked around, studying every last detail. She thought back to how she had felt the night before as she'd stepped into her own old bedroom, how much she couldn't stand to think about the way she was then as she'd entered it. She wondered how Emily felt when she came home, what Emily was like when she was fifteen.
"So," Paige said, Emily smiling as she recognised Paige's cocky grin returning, happy that Paige seemed to be feeling a little more herself. "Did you do this often when you were younger? Sneak girl's into your room while your Mom was away?"
"Um, well…no," Emily said, laughing slightly at the bemused look Paige was giving her. "In High School, Maya's parents were less strict, so we'd mostly be at her place and in college, Ellie had her own place so…none."
"Interesting," Paige said with a smirk, Emily laughing at the expression on Paige's face. She watched as Paige shrugged off her sweater and hung it on the edge of the bed before leaning against it.
"It's lovely," Paige said again, smiling genuinely. "Window seat! No way…" Paige said excitedly, shifting over and plonking down on the floor in front of it. "I always thought they were cool."
"I guess," Emily smiled, happy to see Paige so genuinely happy after the bouts of sadness she had been prone to throughout the day. She stood for a moment, smiling at the contentedness on Paige's face; the way she seemed to study Emily's room with wonder.
"Are you coming over here or what?" Paige asked with a small grin, Emily noticing something else lingering beneath her gaze. She walked towards Paige slowly, taking a seat next to the other girl, barely settling onto the ground before Paige was pulling her in for a soft kiss, smiling into it, followed by another, then another. "I've wanted to kiss you all day."
"Why didn't you?" Emily asked, biting her lower lip nervously when Paige didn't respond, instead opting to pull back and lace their fingers together, softly kissing Emily's cheek.
"I was too busy…thinking I guess," Paige shrugged, resting her head on Emily's shoulder. "Dad and…well, last night..."
"I guess we should talk about that," Emily said with a sigh, Paige looking at her in confusion for a moment before realising what Emily was getting at.
"Ah," Paige said, frowning as she realised what Emily was referring to. "I'm sorry, it just slipped out..."
"You don't have to be sorry," Emily cut Paige off.
"But it is something we should talk about?" Paige asked with a frown, noticing the change in atmosphere. "I've never done this before, had the 'what are we' talk."
"For my last two years of High School I was in a relationship. Then I met Ellie at college orientation, so for the past 4, almost five years, I've been in a relationship. I feel like I've never just been Emily, you know, on my own? I'm always their version of me."
"I understand," Paige nodded, though she felt like she was the exact opposite; she'd always been on her own. "Look we said when we started this that if you changed your mind there would be no hard feelings. I still mean that. If you need to be…on your own, If it's what you need, I can deal."
Emily nodded, though she couldn't decide if it was in agreement or just for lack of words. Was that why she'd been so bothered by Hanna calling Paige her girlfriend? She'd changed her mind? She wanted to be alone? She couldn't find an ounce of certainty within her as she looked to Paige, the sadness clear on her face even though she'd so calmly offered to call it quits. Emily's brow furrowed as she looked up, something occurring to her. "Why did you sit on the floor?"
"Uh…I really don't know. It looks so comfy up there," Paige smiled, her mind not really focused on the question, or on where they were sitting. All she knew was that Emily was beside her, lit only by the moonlight, or maybe it was the street light; none of it mattered, because what she knew with certainty was that Emily had never looked more beautiful to her, and the fear that Emily was agreeing with her, the fear that Emily wanted to end things just as they were beginning suddenly felt like an anvil in her chest. Emily's eyes met hers, Paige's gaze instinctively flitting to the floor; she was afraid of what she would find in Emily's eyes should she bring her own to meet them.
"I've been thinking about it since last night. Whether I want to be getting into another relationship right now. Whether I'm really ready." Emily said, Paige's eyes still fixed to the floor. A part of her felt awful for talking like it was something she was still considering; for all she was just being honest, her relationship with Paige was already set in motion, and she knew Paige's feelings were developing as rapidly as her own. Her main fear when they'd first agreed to give them a try was that she would hurt Paige with her uncertainties; the knowledge that it was an real possibility made her heart twist. "Paige I…"
"Don't tell me." Emily looked up at Paige in confusion, finding the slightest hint of pleading coupled with affection in Paige's eyes. "I've loved today. And I don't think I could take it if it ended with you telling me you wanted us to be over. I promise, tomorrow we can be serious and grown up; I'll listen to whatever you have to say, and respect whatever it is you decide. But please, can we just have tonight? Just for us?"
Paige's hand came up to gently cup Emily's cheek, stroking the skin there gently as she leant in ever so slightly; as if asking permission to continue. Emily closed the distance slowly, placing a series of long, slow kisses to Paige's lips before standing and offering out her hand for Paige to take, pulling the other girl to her feet. Paige's lips met hers again the instant they were on their feet, kissing her so slowly and with so much want Emily felt her knees weaken.
It wasn't long until the kiss intensified; Emily could feel the want consuming the kiss, unable to distinguish what was Paige's and what was hers. Her hands impatiently began pushing Paige's shirt up, the slightest of whimpers escaping Paige's lips as the cold air hit her exposed skin.
"Take it off," Paige mumbled against her lips, clearly reluctant to part for too long. Emily complied instantly, lifting the material up and off without their lips having to part for longer than mere seconds, Paige's hands beginning to tug impatiently at the hem of her own shirt. They pulled back panting, Emily's eyes flitting to the bed.
Emily felt Paige's fingers brushing against her wrist softly, motioning for her to follow as Paige made her way over to the bed, taking a seat on the edge of it. Emily made her way over to stand before Paige; the look in the other girls eyes a mixture of nerves and lust. Emily moved forward to kiss her, only to frown as she felt Paige's hand on her chest, stopping her movement.
"You're wearing too many clothes."
Emily's eyes flitted up to Paige, her own nerves creeping over her as she took in the look on the other girls face and understood what Paige was asking her to do. Paige's hands moved to undo the button of Emily's jeans, her eyes still glued to Emily's as she lowered the zipper before scooting back up the bed, resting on her elbows as her eyes fixed on Emily once again. Emily stood back up, her gaze dropping slightly at the way Paige was staring at her; the gaze so intense it was almost unsettling; the most invigorating kind of unsettled Emily had ever felt. Paige swiftly tugged off her own jeans as she waited, throwing them off the side of the bed and once again resting on her elbows, looking up at Emily expectantly.
Emily lifted her shirt up and off, flushing slightly as it got stuck halfway, eventually letting it fall to the floor. She continued, quickly shrugging out of her jeans, flushing once again slightly at her own haste. She wondered if perhaps she should be going slower; attempting some sort of seductive strip tease for Paige's enjoyment. The way Paige's eyes trailed over her body with the more clothing she shed gave her confidence enough that Paige didn't care; the way Paige's breath caught as she reached for the clasp of her bra let her know she was doing something right.
"Wait," Paige said, Emily stilling her movements as Paige called out. "Come here."
Emily complied, making her way to the bed and allowing Paige to pull her into her lap, Emily's skin tingling as she felt their bare legs tangling together for the first time. Paige began placing soft kisses along Emily's collarbone, her hands sliding up to undo the clasp of Emily's bra; Emily could hear Paige swallowing hard as she tugged the straps down.
Paige let out a shaky breath, her eyes taking in every inch of Emily as she cast the material aside.
"You are so beautiful," Paige almost sighed, kissing a trail up Emily's neck, leading the way to Emily's lips. The soft sigh Paige released as she finally kissed Emily caused Emily to pull back and look down at Paige, thinking about just how lucky she was to be in that position right now, her back arching as Paige's mouth began exploring her chest, her lips tentatively brushing over a nipple.
Emily's hands sought out the clasp of Paige's own bra, desperately wanting to feel Paige's skin against her own, her movements faltering as Paige began flicking her tongue back and forth over her nipple, her hand coming up to roll the opposite one between her fingers; the sensation causing Emily's mind to fog over. She found herself impatiently tugging at the straps once she'd managed to loosen Paige's bra, Paige smirking against her chest before rolling them over, tossing the garment to the side.
Emily leant up to capture Paige's lips softly, missing the contact, her arms wrapping around Paige's shoulders to pull the girl down onto her, almost sighing in relief as she felt their skin coming into contact finally. The weight and feel of Paige above her, the feel of Paige's breasts against her own, was something she hadn't realised she'd been craving until that moment.
"Paige…" Emily gasped, feeling wet lips against her neck, Paige's thigh falling between her legs, the pressure causing Emily to let out a breathy moan. They began rocking together as Paige's teeth scraped against the skin of her throat, Emily pulling Paige back up to her to crash their lips together heatedly.
Paige pulled back, placing a series of firm yet almost chaste kisses to Emily's lips before reaching down, breathing shakily as she slowly began tugging off her own underwear, quickly followed by Emily's. Paige groaned as she lowered herself back down, Emily releasing a loud moan at the sensation of their naked bodies coming in to contact fully.
"Okay?" Paige asked, her lips returning to Emily's briefly before gently cupping her cheek. Emily didn't think she'd ever get over the way Paige was always looking at her; always full of so much affection and concern; never-failing to make her feel wanted, the feeling seemingly quadrupled now they were in their current position. Emily nodded in response, Paige leaning down slowly to capture her lips once again.
"I want to be with you."
The words cut Paige off before their lips managed to touch, Emily's eyes meeting hers with such sincerity Paige felt her breath hitch.
"What?"
Emily's response was a kiss; a kiss so full of everything that both excited and terrified her in equal measure. It wasn't long until Paige's hands were roaming her body, the slight surprise wearing off as she began kissing Emily back with matching vigour.
"I want to be with you," Emily repeated as they broke apart, making sure Paige's gaze was locked with her own, hoping Paige could see the sincerity her eyes. "Ready or not, It doesn't change how much I want you, how you make me feel."
"Do you mean it?" Paige asked in surprise, pulling back so that she could see Emily fully. "It's not just because we're almost naked and getting all, well, hot and bothered…"
"I mean it." Emily smiled, leaning up to kiss Paige softly. She felt Paige grinning into the kiss, pulling back just as the heat began to consume them once again. "I'm yours, if you'll have me."
"Emily," Paige smiled, placing the softest of kisses to Emily's lips. "I'm already yours."
