(A/N: Wow…has it been a long time since I've put up a chapter. I know I didn't write anything to you lovely readers in the update from before, so I apologize for that. I know I could tell you why I wasn't posting, but that's just excuses, even if they are true. I would love to insure you that I do plan to finish this story, and this time not let month's slip by between chapters, at least making a noble attempt at that anyway. Anyway, please enjoy this chapter and I hope you'll all forgive me for my absence!)
It's hard to believe, especially for myself at this point, that I have come to a place like this in my life. Then again no one ever really knows where they are going or where they will end up in their future. I certainly didn't expect to be offered a membership into one of the most deadly organizations I have ever seen. After finally becoming a member, I learned a few things, such as the group's name.
Akatsuki.
Quite the name to be honest, it certainly wasn't what I was expecting from a group of wanted S-ranked criminals and missing-nin. However, in a way it did fit the 'dream' that the leader had so fondly spoken about. Apparently it was to seek an honest world, a world where there was no war or lies or anything, only peace and truth. To say it was a farfetched idea would be an understatement! In a world such as this I doubted that things like lying and war would ever end. Still, it was a nice thought, that these criminals weren't just going about trying to make money, but actually had an honest goal in mind. Still, the goal just seemed so hard to believe in…just how did the leader plan to go about it?
I sighed to myself, I could never really stop myself from letting my mind wander onto such topics like that, and then again, when your job is to do nothing but read and then burn what you read, you can get tired of it fast as well. It wasn't the easiest thing either. There was constantly new information coming in and I was already way too far behind. I was making very good progress though; I almost had the floor cleared! When I was first brought into this room of old cocktail napkins and scrolls I thought it would take forever. It turns out though one can really read a lot in one day. Thank goodness I was a book worm from the start, or else I'd just have given up at this point! Glancing to the clock that I had recently put on my wall, something I took from my room on the upper level, I realized that it was two hours past lunch time…my stomach growled as a reminder that I has put off a meal far too long.
Sighing again, I stand up, closing the scroll I had just finished and tossing it into a box of papers that I needed to burn. I usually did it every time I ate. It meant I know what I read and what I burned and nothing would be nosed over by the others. So far, as much as I knew anyway, none of the other's had ever seen the room I worked in. They knew it was there but they never stayed long enough at the bases to have the time to peak. Not like any of them seemed to care though, they had more important tasks to work over and finish, such as tasks from the leader and so on. I was glad though, it meant I didn't have to worry much about an info leak of any kind. I wasn't too keen on learning on what my seal did to me anyway…
The blue haired woman, who later told me her name to be Konan, was the one who placed it on me. It had been painted on but once it was finished it became like a black tattoo on my back. I could never see it well anyway, only remembering a few parts to it before I was pulled away from admiring the work on my body to be taken to a quick uniform fitting. It really was more her throwing a coat at me as well as some pairs of black pants and black fish net shirts to wear. It was a nice change to the other clothing I had been given to wear by Kisame though, this actually covered me up and kept me warm. I rarely got to wear the coat though, there was no point wearing it inside. After that, I was put right to work, unfortunately learning that my original purpose had become useless a few days after my capture.
Apparently even my village didn't trust me with some things, as there was more to the shield scroll than I ever thought. According to spies of the organization, the shield scroll had been also protecting something else, a scroll with names. Names of what I had no idea…but names that the leader wanted. The only reason I was learning about it though was because leader wanted me to memorize a stolen map of the scrolls new location. It was rough, but I would have it memorized in no time. Enough to be able to give anyone who asked a good pin point location of said scroll…at least when the other info arrived. I only just had a map so far and nothing else on it.
Grabbing the box, I headed up to the next level, planning on burning the papers while I snacked on something. I didn't know what it would be though considering that I had been in the base all alone since I had joined. It was strange really; the moment I joined it seems that everyone was suddenly on a mission and running about doing errands for the leader. I barely was given a moment to say goodbye to my own mother before Deidara and Sasori took her off to the rain county. I'm just glad to know that my mother is safe and sound now; they even sent me a letter! How it arrived I had no idea…it just ended up on my desk one day. I've learned it to be the main way that leader likes to communicate with those who aren't above ground. I don't know how he does it, but he does it and at this point I've just learned to accept it…Though I'll be honest, with all this solitude I would appreciate a short hello every now and then. The letter with mother had been short, but not without love and care.
She was smart like that to keep things simple and to the point. Considering she wasn't happy to know I had just joined a criminal organization, I had gotten quite an earful from her right in front of the others for that choice. She had little choice but to follow though, least my sacrifice be made in vain. I'm far happier knowing she's well off now, save in a nice apartment working as a waitress in a bar that was in a hotel, apparently a bar that was frequented by our organization…or at least by members who were in the area. The loneliness is hard to deal with though. I would think this place to have some life to it but no…it is only me.
Stepping onto the next level, I hum a bit to myself to pass the time on the way to the kitchen. It was near the entrance and for good reason as well. You'd be surprised how hungry one could be after living off gathered food and meal bars…Deidara could half his weight away in food alone! As I approach the training area I hear something, and then something else. At first I thought I was just hearing the create of the place, it was under a lake after all and it echoed like crazy in the halls. It was amazing that I didn't get paranoid with all the strange sounds at night! These noises though weren't echoes…
I glance around the corner of the door, holding the crate close to my chest. Even though I'm a part of the organization didn't mean that I was comfortable just yet. There were other's that didn't know of me more than likely, or at least some I have not yet. I don't know how many but not knowing some was not knowing too much in my opinion, especially considering what these people were usually like. I feel my throat clog as I see none other than my first captor and molester, Kisame. He was shirtless for some reason, probably because at the moment he was ripping a wooden dummy a new one. I was certain that if that training post could feel pain it would be screaming in agony with the way his punches shook it so violently. It held strong somehow though, taking his strong kicks and arm swings.
I didn't really try to hide anymore as I watched, half covered by the wall while the box, arms and face stuck out obviously as I watched him train. It was strange, in the beginning I would fear this man but now…It was hard to explain. The moment that I said I joined his whole person changed, his expression his way of looking at me. It didn't have that desire to tease, to lust after. His face just became a solid brick. It also didn't help that he seemed to be gone just as much as everyone else, if not more so. I made me wonder why he would change so suddenly around a person like myself. I hardly changed, unlike Hidan, I couldn't take a hit, not even a small tickle. And yet Kisame was no avoiding me like I was contracting the plague. A part of me was glad for it but another smaller part was insulted…He had been so pushy and now…it was as if I had turned suddenly ugly or something! It wasn't the most logical feeling to have considering what he has done but damn it I'm a woman first and I have some pride!
I was finally noticed though as Kisame took a pausing in his fighting, originally just lazily glancing over in my direction to shake out the sweat from his hair, only to turn back and look at me more alert. I wasn't sure how long we stared at each other, eyes locked as I still held onto my box, slowly stepping out into the doorway as my nails dug into the wood harshly. Even now, with his distance I still feared him, but at the same time I strangely craved the attention…He was the only one to ever approach me in that way before, even if it was against my will…
I shake my head roughly, bringing myself out of such ridiculous thoughts. I in no way wished for Kisame to go back to his old ways! No way, no how! I couldn't even believe that I had thought such a thought. Playing off my sudden movements I spoke, trying to smile though it came off small, shy and nervous as it always did around him.
"Welcome back…" I start slowly, adjusting the box in my grip. "I didn't hear you enter, I suppose I was sucked into my work. When did you return?" I quickly ask, trying to make light conversation.
He continued to stare, but not so obviously this time, turning away for a moment to grab a nearby towel and wipe the sweat off of his face and body. He then tossed it over his shoulder before walking closer without hesitance.
"Few hours ago." He said sternly, his face solemn as he stood before me, a good few feet away as he paused.
I noticed that his headband was gone, and his sandals had been kicked off as well for his training. He was still sweating a bit, even after wiping down and he was breathing a little heavy from having suddenly stopped his hard work. I couldn't see much else though, it was as if nothing he had done in the past, or even said in the past, had ever happened and we were just two people who happened to know each other.
"I…I see…" I said slowly, his demeanor making feel as if this was his version of the cold shoulder. It certainly felt like it with the way he held himself. I stood there for a bit longer before I had to break the silence again. "Well! I'll leave you alone then…I-…I've got my work to do."
I turned on my heel and started to quickly make my way to the kitchen once again. Walking quickly again as I feel him watching me.
"Alright…" He responded simply, his voice hanging before I hear him turn and leave the doorway.
I stopped myself, turning to see that he did leave just as the sounds of training started to sound once more in the halls of the base. I couldn't help but wonder what he was doing here on his own. Why without Itachi? Usually they were inseparable. Up until I had been added to the group, they were never apart for missions. I wondered for a moment if maybe Itachi was here, just somewhere else in the base and keeping to himself. Entering the kitchen, I paused a moment in the doorway as before, half expecting to see Itachi sitting there eating, but he wasn't, only making me further realize that I probably really was all alone with Kisame. Taking a deep breath, I went about my work. Kisame's new attitude was more than enough to tell me that he wasn't going to make a move, but one could never be too certain around a missing-nin. They had the ability to be just as fickle.
I set the box on the table before going about making some food, nothing fancy, just some pieces of dried fruits and nuts that had been in the cabinets. I didn't like making too much of a mess anyway when I was also the only one eating. Taking a seat, I rested for a moment, just looking at my box. I knew every word in there, from the plans for a base in the south to the information on an ambush on a target of theirs. And now I was to burn it, as required of me, to keep anyone else from learning of our past or present plans. I huff a bit, feeling that this was a bit wasteful of paper, even if a very good safety measure to me taking. If only I had had the ability to actually out it to use, such as fueling a fire to keep warm. It wasn't needed for the base though, it stayed a comfortable temperature always. I had no idea how but it did.
Instead I stand again, wandering over to a drawer and pulling out a box of matches. I also grabbed a towel and quickly dried out the sink before tossing some of the pages into it. I had to become creative when it came to figuring out where to burn all of the papers. The sink had seemed to be the safest place, If need be I could soak the fire if it had gotten too out of control. Thankfully it had never come to that point…yet. I pulled out a match and lit it, looking over the yellow flames before tossing it into the sink and watching the papers go ablaze in fire. It didn't take long before it had all been consumed and all that remained were ashes. Repeating the process until nothing remained of the papers in the box, I started to scoop the ashes of the the sink, they would have clogged the drain otherwise.
It was around then that I heard something behind me, a shift of something. I would have thought nothing of it but then I remembered that I wasn't alone. Pausing, I turn around, seeing another familiar face…Itachi. Glancing quickly to a clock that had been placed in the kitchen, I realized my burning piles had been a bit more than usual. It had taken me a few hours to finish all of the burnings! It wasn't usually that long, an hour at most. I looked back to see him observing me for one reason or another, quiet and calm as ever.
"Welcome back…" I said as I did before to Kisame, giving a bit of a calmer smile before turning back to my work. "Did Kisame leave ahead of you? Usually you both come back together." I stated, knowing very well how the duo worked together after seeing them coming and going way too many times to count.
"We had separate missions this time around…I didn't know he was back." Itachi said in his smooth voice, making me look to him again in surprise.
"A private mission?...That's unusual…Are you all supposed to work in teams?" I asked plainly, as I scooped up more ash into a small trash can I had pulled over from the wall.
"Yes, but I was informed he had a private summon from leader. He didn't tell me much more." Itachi replied as he moved over to the table to have a seat.
A strange silence fell over us as I continued to clean up my mess, finishing and setting the trash back in place without much though. As far as I knew there was no type of jutsu for bringing paper back to its proper state after being burned, so I wasn't worried about the ashes being left there. Besides, they'd probably be taken to wherever the other trash I made was taken. Wandering back over to the table, I stand near my box, grabbing the edges gently. Now it was time to fill it all over again. I had to go and finish the last of the papers and this base would be done. But there were an unknown number of bases left to finish, and this one took me weeks to do on my own. Glancing to Itachi out of the corner of my eye, we lock gazes for another moment before I look away again.
"Itachi…" I started to say, turning to face him completely. "Has Kisame been acting different for some reason? I mean…well…You remember the beginning. You were there! Kisame doesn't seem like the person to suddenly give up on something that he…desires." I finished, choosing my last word carefully as I knew damn well that it wasn't affection that had been driving him to molest me in a bathhouse of all places.
Itachi said nothing for a while, just sitting there in silence with a thoughtful look on his face. He adjusted himself in his chair a moment, resting an arm on the table lightly as he looked up at me again, strangely serious this time. "Right after you joined, Kisame was called by the leader before this time. I had no idea what they would need to speak of but when we met up again on our mission he seemed to be thoughtful…and concerned. I wasn't sure what was said, but I do remember that I hadn't left out any details in the reports…even the less that kind one's on Kisame's image. I've notice that he's been distant with you, both in topic and in conversation. I've come to believe that leader has put a forbidden marker on you."
"A…what?" I said, looking more confused than understanding.
"Leader had you join for a reason and you are right…Kisame doesn't give up easily. I believe that leader gave Kisame a warning to control himself, least he risk doing something to jeopardize the plans more than they already have with us having to take you in the scrolls place. I'm certain you are aware now of what you were taken for originally?"
"Of course, first damn paper I picked up. I was to unlock another scroll for you guys." I retorted quickly as he started to listen to him better now.
"We can't risk another dramatic change in plans again; on top of that you know too much of our information now for it to be alright for you to have a mental breakdown…Leader can't afford it. At least, this is my theory." Itachi finished, looking as calm and cool as ever.
"So you're telling me that the only reason that Kisame isn't coming near me is because leader thinks physical contact is a risk?" I questioned, the idea making no sense save for the part about his molesting ways being a cause of me having a break down.
"Yes… and no." Itachi corrected. "Emotions are strong things, Seiyuuki, you know that better than any of us. If Kisame were to become emotionally attached it would be devastating…a weakness. Kisame is and will always be a man of loyalty. If he believes in it then there is nothing stopping him from following it through. As his loyalty is for the Akatsuki…it's possible it could be for you."
"You mean…He might have feelings for me…like, romantically?" I asked, feeling slightly breathless at the notion. I had never thought that anyone would love me like that, especially now that I was marked as a criminal and killer just like the other's. Even if it was Kisame who was the possible man it was still…well, flattering. Even more so considering how I treated him in the past.
"Can't say. Kisame hasn't spoken of any of this with me. This is all speculation on my part. Though, the evidence that is before us makes it all seem very likely. Kisame's never had reason to avoid a member so feverishly before. Like I have said, his loyalty is strong to the organization…It's probably the only thing keeping him from acting on his emotions now." He said coolly to me once more before he stood up.
"What if he does then, have feelings for me I mean? Feelings are feelings, what harm are they? You can't tell a person how to feel, killer or not." I said, finding this course of action to be the wrong one. Yeah, it was nice knowing that Kisame wasn't going to molest me anymore, but forcing him to keep his emotional distance as well made keeping a comfortable team relationship difficult if not impossible. If he wasn't allowed to come near me then how could I learn to adjust? "Besides, he had one thing on his mind in the beginning, I doubt that it has changed since then."
With that said I grabbed my box, making my way towards the kitchen door. I could feel Itachi watching me with his eyes, turning to face me still from his spot near the table.
"There's more to Kisame than what you see on the outside Seiyuuki, you should also know that very well. Besides…I believe this meeting with the leader was requested by him…You might want to keep that in mind." He called out to me; catching me and making me pause in the doorway.
I hesitated, even though I would have preferred to just keep moving on. Itachi had a point. Kisame constantly whined to Itachi he had lost his chance on me when I was still captive. If there wasn't another reason then he wouldn't be so calm and private about it. Had I really done something to affect him emotionally? If so then, what could someone like me do? I shake my head again and quickly move along, leaving the conversation like that. There was no way that Itachi was right. Kisame had been driven by lust and that was all. I had such terrible things to Kisame, there was no way that he would have feelings for a girl that so heartlessly hit him and yelled such cruel things. It just didn't makes sense at all! I quickly headed to my work not even daring to peek into the training room and as trotted right by. I didn't want to see Kisame now, the idea that Itachi presented seemed ridiculous and foolish. Still, Itachi was never the kind of man to make pointless guesses or silly assumptions. He observed things well and even was the one who suggested that I apologize to Kisame. In the end it just brought the old Kisame but…but he hadn't done anything other than kiss me. I still didn't like it though, it just…well it just didn't fit what had happened to us.
Arriving in my work area I tossed the box onto the floor tiredly, not realizing that I had gotten so tired. I would have gone upstairs to sleep but with the two of them up there I just didn't want to risk it. I could bump into Itachi again and be further enlightened on how my molester might be in love with me, or worse, I could run into Kisame and be unable to get the idea of him having feelings out of my head! No…working sounded like a much better…much safer option to the other two.
Moving over to my desk and slumping into the seat, I looked over the map of the scroll location I had left open. I had only gotten half of it looked over and memorized, having paused for lunch with the other. Any idea of dinner also seemed like a silly idea, as my appetite had suddenly disappeared. Grabbing a corner, I start to rub it between my thumb and forefinger lightly, taking in the feel as I try to think about what Itachi meant by all of that and what I could have possibly been missing in the way Kisame acted.
I could only hope that work would help me get by and maybe keep my mind off the strange possibilities…
(A/N: Another one? Man, I am just terrible I keeping my notes together! Just wanted to say quickly that I appreciate all that you, the reader's, are doing. I've gotten a couple more watchers for this story and I wanted to say thank you for taking interest at this point. The fact you even clicked on this story with such large a large gap between the publishing date and update date is surprising, for I wasn't expecting to get any more people to take interest since my constant disappearances. As for my other readers, I do hope you have returned and enjoy the hard work I am putting into this stories completion. Reviews are always welcome!)
