Don't own Twilight and its characters. Anyone you don't know are mine and most of the plot, some things borrowed from SM, like back stories somewhat…Don't sue; I ain't got a thing but a passion for the written word.

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James, thank you for being my Beta and my sanity police, your friendship truly knows no bounds!

Broken

Chapter Ten - Disconcerted

"My body never knew such pleasure. My heart never knew such pain."

Bella POV

I don't know what woke me up, but now that I was awake, I needed to use the washroom. Imagine my surprise when I walked in there still mostly asleep, shocked at the fact that I had once again fallen asleep without nightmares plaguing me and, what a wonderful word that 'And' there he stood, in all his naked glory. I tried to avert my eyes, but, I just couldn't do it.

He had an amazing body and as my eyes traversed slowly downward, the quick intake of breath was very much needed, but it did little to alleviate the sudden desire coursing through my system, could I really be feeling desire, could this be what it felt like, I had never felt it before, but my body seemed to know what it wanted.

I didn't know how to handle this new feeling. In seventeen years, I had been used and abused, I had sold my body for the perverse needs of men, and not once, in that entire time had I ever felt anything that could even come close to this feeling. It started low in my stomach, a pleasant ache that just screamed for attention.

Oh, and the beautiful, hypnotic movement of his hand on his massively impressive length. It caused my insides to go weak, and a slow steady heat course through my body. I felt the moisture dripping down my thighs, and knew, this was desire, it was lust in its purest form, it was alive and feeding me from within coiling tighter with each stroke of his hand.

When he moaned as his release washed over him, I thought my legs were going to give out beneath me.

However, as my body reacted to his obvious pleasure, my mind was taking in the fact that he was still hard. I couldn't help myself, my tongue darted out of my mouth and moistened my lips, it was a nervous habit, but one I realized with pleasure, that he liked, and when I drew my bottom lip between my teeth, I delighted in his second orgasm. He hadn't even moved his hand. I felt almost drunk on the power that I seemed to wield over him.

I can't be sure how long I stood there, staring at him, but I knew if I didn't move soon, I was going to toss all my caution to the wind and take what my body so desperately wanted, needed.

My voice was unrecognizable when I spoke, it was husky and yet slightly hoarse, as if I hadn't used it in a long time. "Go-goodnight Jasper."

Before I could convince myself that leaving was a bad idea, I dashed out of the room and in to the bedroom I had been using.

My nakedness not even a glimmer in my suddenly over stimulated system, mind, it, I was nothing but desire.

My heart was beating unbelievably fast, my breathing was shallow and the only thing my mind could concentrate on was turning around and taking what I wanted. I wasn't sure what had come over me, but it felt like my entire being was revolting against what I knew was right and what it wanted, isn't this the fire that I was playing with earlier.

And why all of a sudden was I trying to deny myself this one thing, that I wanted so bad?

Knowing that I had to get control of my emotions, I threw myself on the bed, drawing the blankets around me, hoping that for once, the flimsy material could protect me, but this time, it wasn't what was on the other side of the blanket that I was worried about.

"Bella?"

God! Was fate going to be so cruel, as to tempt me with someone so amazing, when I had no sense of willpower, even the inkling to abstain was slowly dwindling away. My body knew what it wanted and whether I liked it or not, if Jasper didn't leave soon, I was going to jump him and have my way, whether he liked it or not.

"Jasp…" I took a breath; his name didn't want to leave my lips. I concentrated on breathing, the slow steady movements of in and out and I am sure it would have worked too, if he hadn't moved in to the room and sat beside me.

And what little sense I had left, evaporated completely as he pulled the blanket from around me, exposing me to his penetrating gaze. I was so lost in his eyes, I couldn't even comprehend that when I jumped on the bed, I should have thought of donning some kind of clothing, put a barrier between me and what I so desperately wanted. But it didn't take a genius to figure out I was all but impending any thoughts on whether or not this should happen, because the only think I could think of, was the feel of the slight change in temperature as his fingers danced over my heated flesh.

With him so close, and in such a state of undress, I could see hundreds of tiny crescent moon shaped scars marring his beautiful body. My fingers moved delicately over each silvery mark I could see, barely ghosting his icy flesh with my fingers.

He shivered beneath my ministrations but he didn't move, just let me do what I wanted. I tried to tell myself to stop, but before I could convince myself to stop moving closer, my lips were on one very prominent scar, my lips feathered over the slightly raised flesh on his collarbone.

"So beautiful, so perfect…" I breathed. It came out reverently, a whispered oath of things to come, but it was so much more than that. It was a fissure in my wall, cracking and shattering on the terrain of my heart, mind and soul.

It was true, even with his numerous scars, he was beautiful, almost achingly so. And when his fingers gently grasped my chin, brining my face level with his, my breath hitched and then his lips descended on mine, his movements were slow but he was thorough with his exploration. It was like being kissed by granite draped in silk, his lips were so firm but they seemed to conform to mine, like they were made with my lips in mind.

I had never been kissed before, I had no idea it could be this…much. It was without a doubt the most intimate thing I had ever experienced and I wanted it to never stop.

I was drowning in a sweet oblivion I never knew existed. It was an amazing feeling, and for once, I wasn't thinking about my past, I was thinking solely of this moment and what was happening to me.

"Bella, we have to stop…" Jasper whispered against my lips.

"Why, why do we have to stop, when something feels this good, it can't be wrong, just shut up and kiss me already or rather, again!" I knew I was being illogical, but I didn't want this feeling to stop, I wanted to feel it, more than anything in the world. I had never felt anything so achingly right.

I knew I was using Jasper again, but I couldn't care, I needed this, I needed him. However, in using him, I was also trying to give him something, something no one else had had, like the kiss being my first, there was one other thing, gift, I wanted to share with this perfect man.

I don't know why, but it felt like my entire world hinged on this one act, as if the decision, one way or another, was us standing on a sharpened blade, if we fell one way, life would be forever changed, but if we slipped off the other, darkness would forever hold us…destroying it all…

I was trying with all my might, to figure out a way to continue, but when he gently, but forcefully moved out of reach of my grasping hands, I felt the weight of my grief press on me tenfold.

"What the hell Jasper? You don't get to do all this and then just stop. You know you want me, why fight it?"

"Yes, I would have to be dead and buried to not want you, but that doesn't mean I am going to be your proverbial drug. I want to help you, but I refuse to offer you an escape between the sheets while I make love to you, and you just take what you need. It doesn't work that way. You want something from me then offer me something, start talking, we have all the time in the world, and you might as well start saying something. Because when we make love, it will be because it is the only logical next step for us to take!"

I couldn't believe his audacity, he thought he could get us both all hot and bothered and then just stop, just walk away or in this case, move away.

With a glint in my eyes, I turned fully towards him. "No worries Jasper, if you don't feel like you can perform, you go do what you need to, I on the other hand, need a release."

I was bold, brazen and felt so alive but the double side to that proverbial knife, left me terrified and as close to panicking as I had ever been.

XXXXXX

"Temptation working my body with a hot flash of animal lust."

Jasper POV

I don't know if it was obvious to her but I realized I had all but confessed my feelings.

'Make Love' those two simple but powerful words had slipped out before I even had a chance to contemplate what I was going to say. My God, this woman messed with my head. I was going to be the one needing physiological help after spending a week with her, I was all but positive.

And then my mind finally caught up with her last statement. What the hell was she planning…?

I watched in stunned silence as she laid herself down on the bed, and laughed as she none-to-gently kicked me as she was…making herself comfortable.

I knew I should leave the room, run from it, if at all possible, but I couldn't move, I couldn't even facilitate the effort need to breathe.

Her fingers danced a trail over her abdomen, dipping lower to tease her curls before moving back up.

My eyes felt ready to pop out of my head.

She placed one tantalizing finger in her mouth, sucking on it, and the next thing I knew, that same finger was playing with her stiffened peak, swirling tantalizingly around it, causing the skin to pucker even more. I watched in stunned silence as she moistened her other finger and began the same ministrations on her other nipple.

I felt like I was in heaven and hell, my erection, which I had been fruitlessly willing away, sprang back with a fierceness that I had never felt before. And then she had to go and make it worse, her left hand left a blazing trail from her breast to her apex, and that same, lucky, finger dipped in to her body, my god I wanted to be that finger.

I couldn't be sure if it was her or I who moaned so wantonly, but it was a beautiful sound and wrought with so much sexual tension, desire and longing, I was finding myself hard pressed to keep my hands or any other appendages to myself.

The little minx knew exactly what she was doing, and while a blush colored her cheeks and neck, her little pink tongue just refused to stay inactive, it repeatedly slipped between her luscious lips and moistened them, perhaps easing some of the pain from her nibbling on them, abusing them.

I may be a vampire, but truly I am just a man…

XXXXXX

"When I get that feeling, I want some sexual healing."

Bella POV

I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I felt powerful. My brain kept telling me to stop, but my body refused to listen. Once my fingers slipped in to my center, I couldn't stop the movement of my hips thrusting, with that movement, my fingers sunk more deeply in to my heated center. It was an amazing feeling and I was powerless to stop it.

It was an odd feeling to feel completely powerful and yet utterly powerless all in the same instant.

My speed increased as I felt myself moving closer to an edge I had never been near. My breathing was jagged and the moans that escaped my throat as I got closer to the precipice turned me on even more.

I was almost positive that I could hear Jasper moaning as well, and while that was hot, I was completely lost to my own pleasure. But my eyes never left his, and each time I sucked my bottom lip between my teeth, his groan ignited my raging desire even more.

I wanted him that was not a lie; I wanted him more than I had ever wanted anything. My virginity was no longer an issue; I wanted him to take it. I don't know why I felt so strongly about it, but I did. I tried to focus on the details, but my body was taking control and I gladly let go.

I didn't want this feeling to end, it was amazing, but as my other hand started playing sweetly, with my engorged clit, I couldn't hold on any longer. It hit me like a typhoon, rolling over me in giant waves, the tide of my orgasm pulling me to the surface, only to wash me back under, I screamed, I couldn't help it, it was so intense, my back arched off the bed, almost thrusting me into his waiting lap, my orgasm not fading in the slightest, it was like mini quakes raging through me, it was nothing short of phenomenal.

Ten minutes later I was still trying to get my breath back, it felt almost impossible. I had never felt something so powerful, so all consuming.

My body was little more than mush, and my brain wasn't much better. But I knew I wasn't going to be able to remain coherent much longer, a beautiful sated bliss was gently easing me closer to sleep and I wanted to welcome it with open arms, but first I had something to say.

"Do you mind getting off my bed, I'm tired, and want to sleep? I seem to recall the shower being of use to you before, why don't you go take care of your own release now." I don't know where I found the strength, let alone how my body managed to hold me up, but I sat up, placed a tender peck of my lips on his and flopped back to the bed, snuggling in to its warmth and promptly fell asleep.

XXXXXX

"She's been everybody else's girl, maybe one day she'll be her own."

Jasper POV

My lips tingled from her rather chaste kiss, considering a few moments before, she wasn't at all modest, she took what she wanted and didn't give a flying fuck that I was there or saw her at her most vulnerable. I knew I should have left the room earlier, but my God, I would have missed an amazing show.

I understood what she was doing, by my refusing her; she was going to make sure I had an almost impossible time doing so. I wanted to call her on it, but the sad fact was, I was basically just a man, and I longed for her, and desired her more so than the nourishment I could take from her blood or any other.

I wanted to stake my claim, wanted to make her mine in all ways. But and it was a pretty big but, I wanted her to be whole before then.

If I had to put up with, that was such a poor choice of words, but it suited the situation and if I had to walk a fine line of being in a state of constant arousal, so be it. I wanted her, needed her, but I could resist. I had been resisting feeding on humans for a long time now, resisting her shouldn't be any more of a challenge…I hoped.

I quickly covered her naked form, the slight sheen of sweat and the difference in temperature of the room caused goosebumps to break across her porcelain skin and with that, I slipped silently out of the room. The part of me that wanted to claim her as my mate, roared its displeasure, but I took a small sense of pride that for once, the man and the vampire, were pretty much on the same page.

I didn't bother with the shower; I went to my room and with the vision of Bella pleasing herself I masturbated. It was a tantalizing image to masturbate to, but even while I was thinking of her and her skilled hands, my mind kept going back to her watching me, and it was with that thought that I shuddered with my release, basking in the growing softness of my cock, it was about freaking time 'General' Jasper' took a break. For the first time ever, the 'Major' was tired, I swear, I could almost drift to sleep…

A small smile settled on my face, I knew I hadn't really made any headway, but it was something. And besides, the fact that I wasn't aroused right now was enough to make me smile. I couldn't remember a time I had ever been erect for such a period of time. I wasn't sure how much more my body could take, I was impervious to many things, but I wondered if my lust, my desire and my love for Bella would ultimately be my undoing.

XXXXXX

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