I am SO sorry. I never intended for it to be so long between updates, the only excuse I have to offer to you is that I've had such a bad case of writers block with this update and I'm not even sure why! Hopefully it was just this particular part and I'm over it now, and the next update will be out much sooner! I'd promise but that'd likely end up with the opposite result than any of us want! Until then..
Big huge thanks to Lori for beta-ing and all the girls who kept me from throwing my computer out of the window when that damn blinking cursor taunted me!
Eleven
Hanging up the phone Nathan typed the name of the man he'd just hung up with into a vacant appointment block. An italicised phrase written next to tomorrows date caught his eye and he leant back in his chair staring at it. He'd tentatively written it in before he'd even spoken to Haley. Making sure his day was completely free in the hopes she'd be willing to attend the college open day with him. Picking up a stress-type ball Haley had brought him as a gag gift when he'd first started working there, he threw it up in the air a couple of times before aiming it at a make-shift basket he'd attached to a filing cabinet on the other side of the room. He watched as it effortlessly flew across the distance and his thoughts wandered to how he'd built himself up to ask her, spending hours of the time he should have been working in this exact position, or staring at the wedding portrait that sat on his desk amongst a couple of other pictures his wife's delicate form graced. He'd practised how he would ask, and the arguments he'd present her with. Thinking of ways he'd convince his head strong wife that looking into her options was best, explaining how he wanted more for her, wanted everything he knew she was capable of achieving.
He hadn't expected the simple okay he'd received the night of the charity dinner, and after he'd gotten over the shock he'd wonder if it were too easy. Although always wanting to do what was expected of her he'd never known Haley to do anything she really didn't want to, even when it came to him. She knew her own mind better than most. Better than him, he knew that for sure. She'd been so adamant around the time of their anniversary that going back to school wasn't for her, avoiding the topic at all costs in order to evade another fight, and he wondered if now she was entertaining the idea simply to indulge him. The past week had been busy, the rise in Dan's public profile thanks to his charity award had meant he wasn't around the dealership so much, and he'd typically pushed all his duties down onto Nathan, meaning he'd been home later and later and had lost any opportunity to discuss things with Haley. She'd told him earlier in the week that she'd switched shifts so she'd be free all day, so he was certain they were still on for it. He just hoped they'd have time to talk about things before they went. The last thing he wanted was to cause a bigger rift between them by pushing her into something she didn't want, or wasn't ready for.
He was drawn out of his thoughts by the sound of voices and laughter in the corridor outside his office.
"Thank you Daddy – Daddy Dan." A familiar seductive laugh followed the breathy voice before his fathers own gruff laugh joined in.
"Rachel, it was one thing for you to call me that when you and the boys were kids, but really, it takes on a whole other meaning now." Nathan's eyes narrowed in disbelief as he heard his fathers response, was he flirting with her? Unable to stop himself he pushed back from his desk and walked over to the door. Looking out he was greeted by the sight of Rachel, Mr Gatina, and his father, who were stood in the doorway of Dan's office. A pair of keys being dangled from Dan's hand into Rachel's palm.
"Ah Nathan, son," Dan spoke up when he spotted his son looming in the doorway. "we were just sorting out a lease for Rachel whilst she's in town. Come and say hello to Gregg."
Almost having to remind himself not to slouch in the way he would have done ten years ago, as his father ordered him about like a sullen teenager Nathan walked up the corridor, and shook the older man's hand.
"It's good to see you again, boy. I spotted you at the fundraiser last week but didn't get a chance to talk. How've you been? I was so sorry to hear you weren't playing anymore. I was hoping you'd bounce back from that injury."
"Have to put the effort in to get over these things Gregg. Something my Nathan's not too fond of." A strong hand made its way menacingly onto Nathan's shoulder as his father joked with the other man, and Rachel watched the younger Scott's face cloud over with a familiar look of barely concealed anger she'd at one time been more than accustomed to.
"Why don't you two catch up, and Nathan can help me with the car? It'd be nice for us to catch up too." Rachel suggested, grabbing Nathan's hand and pulling them away from their fathers before she got an answer. It wasn't like she was expecting them to turn down her request.
"Thank you Rae." She joked when they'd gotten into Nathan's office and he'd shut the door behind them, making his way to his chair and sitting down. He looked up and glared at her as he grunted his response, causing the red head to hold her hands up in defeat and roll her eyes. "Or not."
"God she's really not changed since high school." Rachel said picking up a photo frame
"Who?"
"Your wife." A bubble of laughter escaped along with the word, and she had the decency to send him an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry, but I still can't believe you have a wife."
"Well I do." He reached over and snatched the picture back possessively.
"I can see that." She picked up the wedding portrait this time. "And no invite for little old me?"
"Like you would have come." He held his hand out and she laughed at his action before passing the frame over.
"I might have – Just to see if it were really true. She's definitely plainer than I would have expected."
"What are you talking about, Rae?" He snapped back, almost unintentionally, his fathers jibe had put him in a bad mood and although he'd be happy to waste some time catching up with an old friend, her insulting Haley was not going to be part of that.
"Just not what I'd have figured for your type." Rachel answered cautiously, sensing that she was edging toward a line she wasn't allowed to cross. She surprised herself by how easily she could still read his mood. "Or what I knew it be."
He looked down at the picture and a warmth spread through him as took in Haley's beaming features and the couple they made. As far as he was concerned she was as far from plain as possible. Even first thing in the morning without a scrap of make up on he'd notice another thing about her that mesmerised him. He'd joked with her once that it felt like she was hiding these parts of herself for him to discover just to keep him on his toes, but he could honestly say her beauty took his breath away. Some days even more so than the last.
"Type or not, she's the one I married." His tone was clipped, and told her not to push any further, she wondered whether it was Dan who'd put him in this mood or he was simply that protective of Haley James. Scott. She corrected herself, laughing a little under her breath. Haley Scott. Who'd have ever seen that one coming?
"Yeah, I get that," She smiled over at him hoping to lighten the mood. "so uh, how've you been Nate?"
"Fine, Good." He answered willing himself to relax. He wondered if she even knew the smile she was giving him was flirtatious or it was just habit by now.
"So, how long are you in town for?" Nathan asked eventually after a few moments of uncomfortable silence where they both looked aimlessly around his office trying to think of something to say.
"Not sure yet." She shrugged, perching herself on the edge of the desk and flicking her hair over her shoulder, smirking at him. "I'll be around long enough to catch up don't you worry. Find out how Nathan Scott the ultimate player, became Nathan Scott – family man."
Nathan flinched a little at the insinuation of a family, a couple of months ago it wouldn't have bothered him. Haley and Lucas being what family meant to him. But with Haley's need for a family of their own weighing down on him it took on a whole new meaning.
"I'm not sure about that – but catching up sounds good." He sent her a small smile, his bad mood letting up a little. He'd cursed her presence when she'd ushered him into his office, feeling the need to be alone and dwell and curse out his father's words, unsure of how much more of it he could take. But now he was grateful she'd been around to drag him away. He didn't know if it was the fact that they'd been here a million times before, he'd rant and rave, lash out, and she'd take it, listen, and suggest he worked off some pent up energy on her, she knew this side of him, of Dan. Or the fact that she'd brought up Haley, and despite the off-handed insults, and the protective rush that ran through him at them, he'd felt a calm wash over him at the mention of his wife. "We're having some people over to dinner next week, you should come."
The casual way he tossed 'we' into the conversation through Rachel a little. The Nathan Scott she'd known thought rarely of anyone other than himself, and here he was naturally referring to being of a unit.
"Here's my number at home." He scrawled the digits down onto a piece of paper and winked at her before handed it over. "Give me a call in the next couple of days and let us know if you're coming. If you're sticking around for a while you might as well have some cool people to hang out with."
"You were never that cool, Nathan."
Puffing his chest out, he let out a sceptical laugh, shaking his head. "You used to think differently. I'll call and get the car brought round."
"Don't worry about it, Dan already did. I'll speak to you in the next couple of days." She smiled over at him and held the paper up to signal she'd call, before hopping off the table and sashaying out of the room.
-----
"I feel old." Haley grumbled to Nathan as they walked further onto the universities property, taking in the sight of students, and prospective students, mulling around the grounds, and the booths set out to entice you with all that they had to offer.
"You're not old." He laughed as she glared up, walking ahead and picking up a course book off the first table. She knew he was right, at 24 she wasn't old, but the last time she'd been on this campus she'd been 20years old. A twenty year old with a year and a half of college under her belt and the world at her feet. Maybe she'd never dreamed big, but she'd dreamed bigger than turning her part time job from high school into a career, she'd expected more from herself and admitting that was something she didn't know if she was ready to do. Something that being back here was throwing in her face. She never regretted for a second taking time off to help her Mom when she got ill, but that's what she'd always planned on it being. Time off; not dropping out completely.
Her intellect was something she'd always be quietly sure of. While the other girls had panicked about the test in the bathroom before the last bell while they applied another layer of lip gloss and fluffed their hair as they explained how they just couldn't study enough because of some boy or friend drama she'd always been prepared. Learning had come easily to her, and she'd used this to her advantage. She worked at it like others would a natural flair for athletics, not taking it for granted and just coasting by, but honing it until her natural flair became a practised art.
She'd always had a thirst for knowledge, her constant why's and how's had driven her parents and siblings to distraction when she was growing up, but nothing ever sat right with until she could understand it. Or at least that was how she'd lived her life for the first eighteen years, dreaming that maybe it was ticket out, to a world beyond the small town stereotypes and the shadows of her more attention grabbing siblings and friends. But then fear had set in, the idea of moving away, of leaving the people, the town she knew so well she could almost say what tomorrow would bring before it happened, and the person people saw her as. Haley James – smart girl. She was a big fish in a small pond at Tree High Hill when it came to academics. She had an identity in this town, be it the smart girl, the tutor girl, even as Taylor James' sister, or the youngest of James clan she was someone. At the ivy leagues she'd applied to she'd just be another girl with a perfect GPA who'd worked hard through high school to get where she was, but now she was there, she didn't who she was. So she'd played it safe, like she always did, and stayed close to home, trying to work up the nerve, the courage, the identity, to become something, someone, more.
The dilemma of that final push had been taken out of her hands by her mom's illness, and she'd on occasion guiltily felt almost grateful for it, the two years of her life with her friends scattered around the country, the looming question of what she wanted to do the rest of her life hanging over her head had left her in an uncomfortable uncertain place, being a person she never knew she was. Someone who was insecure. Someone who was afraid. Someone was lost. Feelings that hadn't left her until Nathan. Because even if she wasn't sure of who she was, he knew her….somehow, and he loved the person he knew. And she loved him for that, more so maybe than any of the other million reasons she loved him.
"Haley?" A voice broke her from her thoughts and she turned around to face the person addressing her. Surprised that she hadn't even felt it when Nathan had walked up beside her, resting his arm around her shoulder. She grinned when a short elderly gentleman came into view.
"Professor Thatcher." The older man smiled over at the young woman who smiled widely along with her greeting.
"I thought that was you but I wasn't sure. I have to say I never expected you to come back here. One day I'm writing you a sparkling reference for a transfer, the next thing you're missing from my Great American Authors seminar."
"Yeaah, it was a pretty hectic time."
",,and your mother?" He asked with a sympathetic gaze.
"Oh she's fine now." Haley promised, "better than ever!"
"I'm glad." Professor Thatcher smiled honestly at Haley before his eyes travelled up to Nathan.
"Oh, gosh, I'm so rude. Professor Thatcher – This is my husband, Nathan Scott." She gestured to her side, smiling up at Nathan. "Nathan, this is Professor Thatcher, the best thing about this place, there should be a booth dedicated solely to him."
The two men exchanged handshakes and greetings, and Haley stifled a giggle at the blush that rose on the older man's cheeks, his hand moving to the rim of his glasses. "Husband eh? I guess you broke the two date cycle?"
"What?" Haley spluttered as the professor chuckled and her husband gave her a curious look.
"I overheard you being talked about more than once, and the boys always said that you could ask out Haley James, and she'd probably say yes, but you'd never get past a second date."
"I.." Haley began but trailed off. Was that true? Between her one serious high school boyfriend her senior year, and meeting her husband at 22 had she really not been out on more than two dates with a guy? She suddenly felt very sheltered and inexperienced, and not all that old anymore.
"Works for me." Nathan joked. "Boosts my ego."
Haley couldn't hold back a snort. "Like you need anymore ego boosting, babe."
She turned to her old professor who was taking in the sight before him, the woman he saw seemingly much more confident and at ease with herself than the girl he remembered. "His head gets any bigger we're going to have to think about renovating the entry way to house to accommodate it.."
"Haley!" Nathan laughed as his wife just threw him a dazzling smile in response, wrapping her arm around his waist as she turned back to her conversation partner. He'd not been able to gauge her mood all morning; her sister had had a prenatal appointment the day before and Haley had been watching the children for her. When he'd gotten home there was a message telling him that Vivian and her husband and decided to stay in the city for dinner, and she'd be home late. When she'd gotten home she was quiet and slightly withdrawn, and he'd decided against questioning her on if she'd really wanted to go the college the next day. Although she hadn't told him he knew she must be finding it hard to watch her sister's developing pregnancy, especially as Vivian seemed to have decided that Haley would be her confidant this time, citing that she hoped sharing the experience would help bridge the gap from sisters into friends as she'd watched the two youngest James girls do in recent years.
"You look familiar, Nathan, were you ever a student here?"
"No sir." Nathan shook his head. "I went to Duke."
"Ah, a blue devil.." Speaking of the school's mascot seemed to trigger something in man's memory. "Of course, you're Mayor Scott's son."
"Uh, Yes sir." Nathan replied, hoping that was where his recognition was end and he wouldn't push on to his failed basketball career.
"My son went to Duke, a good few years before you I'd say though. Class of 94."
"Yeah." Nathan laughed in relief but it could easily have been taken in the context of the conversation. "That was a while before me."
"I suppose it would have been. The students stay the same age and I just get older. – Are you thinking of coming back Haley?"
Blinking a little when the conversation was turned back to her Haley swallowed the questions that were swirling in her mind due to how she'd felt her husband stiffen at the mention of his alma mater, noting how the tenseness in his stance had come before the mention of his father.
"Um," She shook her head willing herself to focus on the conversation. "Yeah, I'm looking into it."
"Completing that…teaching degree was it? Or do you have that now?"
"Yeah, it was teaching, and no Sir I, uh, haven't made it back to school yet."
"And you decided to come back here rather than one of those fancy big schools you were talking about when you were here?"
"Well, my life's in tree hill now, even more so than before." She answered, and she caught the way Nathan's gaze bore into her as she said. "Besides, this school isn't so bad."
"I like to think we're nice enough." Professor Thatcher leant over and patted her on the shoulder, and nodded at Nathan. "Well I'll let you kids get back to looking around. You let me know if you do come back Haley. Be a pleasure to see you in my classroom again."
"Thank you."
"It was nice meeting you." Nathan spoke up glancing briefly away from Haley.
"You too son. You've got yourself a very special girl there." He smiled at the young couple before turning and walking off.
"He seemed nice."
"Yeah, he is." Haley nodded, flicking through the course book in her hand as she took a few steps forward. Turning when she noticed Nathan wasn't following her, the same intense gaze he'd fixed her with since she'd spoke of her life being in tree hill still boring into her. "What?"
Nathan looked around at the bustle of people surrounding them and held his hand out for hers, pulling her away from the crowds toward a secluded bench when she put her hand in his.
"What?" She asked again, pure confusion etched on her face.
"Would you want to?" His serious tone puzzling her more.
"Would I want to, what?"
"Go to a bigger school," He questioned, his hands clasped around hers. "A better school. UNC? Duke? Somewhere out of state?"
"Oh." She shrugged, taking a deep breath before she continued, ground she hoped to avoid treading on needing to be brought up for her to answer. "Nathan, babe, I.. I don't even know that I want to go back to school. You know that."
"But we're here.." Only a little while ago he'd felt soothed by how comfortable she seemed in the environment. Easily teasing him as she spoke with an old professor, how she'd used the word yet when they spoke of whether she'd returned to her education. His fears that she was doing it for him suddenly weighing down on him again.
"I just, wanted to see.."
"What?"
"If I wanted this." She said with a shrug, and a half smile. "You seemed to want it so badly for me and I.."
"So you're here for me?" He interrupted, his stomach flipping as his fears were confirmed.
"No, not exactly." She looked out ahead of them, taking her hands from his and ringing them in her lap. "I'm here for me too. I don't know whether I want this. And if I do whether I want to teach, or something else. But if I do go back to school. Here's fine. Here's more than fine. I don't need to go to a big fancy school. Besides we couldn't afford it even if I wanted to."
"We could work something out." He put two fingers at the side of her jaw, turning her face so she was looking at him. "If you want that, we can do it. I'll do whatever I can to give you what you want, Hales."
She'd promised she wasn't going to do it. She wasn't going to bring it up. She was even going to try her damnedest not to think about it. She was going to look at the courses, work out how much more she had to do to get her degree, maybe even look into something other than teaching. She was going to look and see what she could do with her future. Even if it was a future without… But he was pushing so hard. Too hard. "You know what I want, Nathan. We both know what I want, and it's not a fancy education."
He looked at her, the tears building in her eyes, taking in the pain that shone out from behind the chocolate brown orbs and he swooped in, drawing her closer to him as his lips met hers. He didn't know what to say to comfort her, but he hoped she could feel how much he wanted to, to comfort her, and how much he wanted to give her what she wanted, even when he couldn't.
She pulled away from him, he still didn't say anything and she didn't know what else she could say. They hadn't really talked about her wanting a child. He'd pushed the college issue and she'd been too scared that if she asked too often for an answer it would be the one she wasn't sure she could bare to hear. She loved the way he kissed her, the way he held firmly but delicately, almost if she were so fragile she'd break in his arms, and then kissed as if she were anything but. But it wasn't enough right now. She'd felt the love in his kiss, she always did, but at that moment it didn't comfort the way she knew he wanted it too.
"When I was a child, I never really knew what I wanted to be." She started quietly, her lip wedged between her teeth as she tried to work out how to proceed. "I've told you this before…"
He nodded, remembering a similar conversation one evening as they'd walked along the docks, they'd been together a couple of months and apparently her parents had been on at her to look into finishing her education. The symmetry of the situations was not lost on him.
"I knew I wanted to go to college, sure, I enjoyed school so why not? Learning things was great as far as I was concerned." She stopped, sending him a sheepish smile as she revealed that geekiness that raised its head now and then. "But I didn't dream of careers, and job titles. I dreamt of a husband I loved, and a house with a white picket fence, and yard full of noisy kids. My noisy kids. And I have most of that now, and I love the life we've got, Nathan, I do. I just want the rest, I can't help it. I'm sorry."
"Don't apologise." She winced at his harsh tone turning away from him, but he was having none of it, twisting her body back so he could look into her eyes. "You've got nothing to apologise for. Haley, Look, I know I've said it before and I really do want to be able to tell you you can have that. I want to be able to give it to you. But I just don't know that I can. But you need to know that this…" he motioned around them. "..college, wherever you decide to go, it's not an either or situation. I don't want you to think if you let yourself do this, I'm taking it as a sign that you've moved on from the idea having a family. Okay?"
Haley wasn't sure how to answer; the thought that the college stuff might just be a distraction technique had plagued her. She'd practically said as much to Peyton.
"Are you mad at me?" He asked tentatively, and she smiled, reaching up and brushing a hand through his hair and down his jaw.
"No, I'm not mad, I'm just.." She willed herself not to cry, not sure if she was grateful for the fact that they were having this conversation in public so she couldn't break down, and it couldn't escalate into a fight, or whether that was what they needed. "I'm just confused. I'm so confused."
"What about?"
Us. The word popped into her mind before she could fight it, and she took in a sharp intake of breath as it registered. She didn't mean it, she'd always wanted him. Even before she knew him she wanted him. And ever since she'd known him she loved him. She'd just always wanted a baby too, and the life she'd played pretend at all those years ago. "I don't know."
"Do you want to go home?" He asked hesitantly, damning himself for ever suggesting she come here in the first place. He hated to see her cry, he felt physical pain as he watched her fight the tears. He wanted to make her happy more than he'd ever wanted anything. He'd promised himself he'd make her happy, he'd promised her parents he'd make her happy, and most importantly he'd promised her he'd make her happy, but lately he just seemed to make her cry.
She breathed deeply and shook her head. "No. I want to look around."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I told you I'd think about college, and I have, and it might be a good idea, and before I make any decision I want to know all about my options. Research has always served me well up until now." She attempted the feeble joke and he rewarded her with a half hearted forced laugh.
"Research… you're such a dork, sometimes."
"Well I'm your dork so get used to it." He stood up, pulling her up with him.
"I wouldn't have it any other way." He promised her and she smiled up at him quickly before they walked further into the crowd.
"I guess I should see what other kind of courses they offer." She headed over to a booth they hadn't been to yet, releasing his hand as she strode ahead.
"What else would you want to do?" He asked, trying his best to stop thinking about what had happened, and what might happen, and just live in the moment.
"I don't know, that's why we're here right?" She replied, avoiding looking at him as she spoke.
"You know.." His voice lowered, and she looked at him briefly her shoulder with a cocked suspicious eyebrow, knowing the tone all too well. "If you really wanted to see if teaching was for you I think I could help you out there."
"Oh, and how do you propose to do that?"
"You, a tight skirt, glasses, a shirt you're bursting of, and a little naughty school room action." Her eyes widened, as she looked around to see if anyone had heard the words he'd just murmured into her ear, and she burst out laughing. It might not have been the reaction he'd been hoping for her but she wasn't on the verge of tears and she could look him in the eye again. "What? You're the one who said you needed to research!"
