The Trouble With Love
Chapter Eleven
Waking up alone in this way was hard. I wanted to call Nick the moment I awoke, but at the same time I was so upset with him. I didn't see a reason for him to treat me the way he had the night before. I got myself ready for work. When I was ready I looked at my cell phone hoping for some type of acknowledgement from Nick, but nothing. I went into my office already wanting the day to be over. Erica hadn't arrived yet and I sat at my desk checking my emails. Erica came in about fifteen minutes after I arrived and she was as perky as ever.
"Hey Bride-to-Be!" she said happily as she came to my desk and sat a pile of bridal magazines down in front of me. I let out a sigh. "Oh no what's wrong?"
"Nick and I had a thing last night. I wouldn't call it a fight, but it didn't end good. I haven't spoken to him since last night." I explained to her.
"I'm sure things will get better." She said trying to sound reassuring. I just shrugged.
"It was like he switched on me and became another person. He wasn't my Nick. His tone was different and he just didn't seem like himself. I'm hoping he slept on it and is feeling better." I said thinking of Nick. I knew there was a lot going on and that life had changed for him, but he didn't have to be so mean to me.
The day went slowly. I checked my phone every few minutes for a message from Nick, but nothing; I didn't know where we were in that moment. Was he that upset with me for making a suggestion that he was just going to ignore me? I looked up to see a co-worker of mine standing in the office door.
"Cammie there is a delivery for you." She said to me.
"Umm thanks." I said as I stood from my desk and walked out to the front of the office. There was a deliveryman with a vase that looked to contain 2-dozen yellow roses. There was also a small little teddy bear.
"You Cammie Jackson?" the deliveryman asked.
"Yes." I answered.
"Here you go." He said handing me the vase and the teddy bear. I slowly walked back to my office with the flowers and bear. As soon as I sat the vase on my desk I picked up the card.
Yellow because I'm Sorry.
Loving You Always, Nick
"I bet those are from Nick." Erica said observing my flowers.
"Yeah." I said smiling. I then heard my cell phone ring. I saw it was Nick calling. I picked up the phone and answered. "Hi."
"Hey Baby. Did you get my gift?" He asked.
"Yeah thanks." I said.
"I was an ass to you and I'm sorry. Come by my place when you get off. I want to see you." He said.
"You were an ass, but I accept your apology and yes I will come over." I said to him. I was smiling. I could hear that he really was sorry in his voice. "I'll see you later."
"For sure. I love you Cammie. I really do and I'm so sorry." He said.
"I love you too." I said sweetly hoping he knew that I really did. We then ended the call. I sat my phone on my desk and smiled to myself. I had my man back.
"You are smiling over there so I guess the wedding is back on." Erica said.
"Very much on." I said. I couldn't wait to see him later. I just wanted him to hold me. I wanted to smell his scent. I wanted to be in his presence and just be.
"So have you thought about your dress?" she asked. "This is Vegas so you can get a wedding dress nearly anywhere."
"Well whenever I was in San Francisco I would pass this wedding dress shop and I always said whenever I got married I would buy my dress there." I said to her thinking of that beautiful shop. I would just stand and look at the dressed displayed in the window.
"Girls trip!" Erica said excitedly.
"Yeah we can do a trip. Maybe I can see if Nick's sisters want to come." I said thinking of the idea. I instantly picked up my cell phone and sent a text to the three sisters that I already knew.
I walked into Nick's place to find him on the couch watching a basketball game on TV. He turned to me and gave me a smile before standing and walking to me. Without any hesitation he pulled me into his arms and kissed me passionately. I knew that he was very remorseful about the way he treated me. I allowed him to kiss me. His kisses became more intense. He reached down my back and started to unzip my skirt.
I lied in bed with Nick. I now knew that make-up sex with him was out of this world and simply amazing. I watched his chest move up and down as he breathed. He turned and gave me a smile before wrapping his arms around me. He looked at me in the eyes.
"You know I love you right?" he questioned.
"I know and I love you." I said to him. I then heard my cell phone. Sat up in his bed and slipped out of the bed. The cool air hit my naked body. I found my panties on the floor and slipped them on followed by Nick's discarded T-shirt. I went in the living room and found my purse. I read a text message as I walked back into the room.
"What's up?" he asked me.
"Just planning a girl's weekend with your sisters to find my wedding dress." I said sweetly to him. "So far it seems that Natalie and Joanna won't be able to come, but Aileen will come and she says your sister Mary-Anne will meet us." I said to him.
"Mary-Anne lives in California. Where are you girls going?" he asked me.
"San Francisco." I said.
"Wow…Really?" he questioned.
"Yes we are going in a few weeks. I want to get my dress at this one shop." I said to him.
"I'm so glad you still want to marry me." He said.
"Of course I'm still going to marry you. I love you and I want to spend my life with you." I said as I leaned to him. I pressed my lips to his. I then broke the kiss and looked at him. "Just don't shut me out like that. If I am going to be your wife you have to talk to me."
"I won't." he said looking me in my eyes. I could see the truth in his eyes. He pulled me in by the waist as he kissed me. "Mmm if I didn't get you pregnant the first time I surely will now." He said giving me a grin.
"Again?" I questioned with a giggle as he ran his hands up my thighs.
"Mmmhmm." He said as his lips came in contact with my neck. There was something about him and I couldn't resist him. He knew exactly how to touch me. I allowed him to slip my panties off. He was my everything and there was no doubt about that.
I woke up alone. I looked around the dark room. Nick was nowhere to be found. I sat thinking he must be in the bathroom, but I heard nothing. I slipped out of the bed and found his shirt on the floor. I put it on and walked out of the bedroom. I went down the hall. As I made it closer to the living room I could hear what sounded like sniffles. I made it to the end of the hall and saw Nick in the living room on the couch. He was crying alone. I quickly rushed to him and sat next to him. I put my arm around him. He put his head to my shoulder and he cried hard. I just rubbed his back and held him close to me. As his crying subsided he looked up at me.
"Sorry if I woke you up." He said.
"You didn't." I said taking my hand and wiping his tears away. I put my hands on each side of his face and I pulled his face to mine placing a single kiss on his lips. "I'm here. Just know that." I whispered against his lips.
"I know." He said to me. "I know." He lied on the couch and pulled me with him. He held me close. I placed a kiss on his arm as I lied there. The only sound was of our breathing. I hated to see that he was torturing himself with these feelings and I really wanted him to find an out and I wanted to express it to him, but I didn't want him to shut me out like before. This was going to be difficult to navigate.
A week seemed to zoom by, but it was a week of hot and cold. There were days where Nick was on top of everything and was himself and then there were days where he was cold and distant. It was hard to really know how he was going to be from day to day. I did my best to keep a smile on my face just hoping that my smile could bring some light to him. I'd spent a lot of the week talking with his sisters Aileen, Joanna, and Natalie about the wedding. They were so helpful with planning the wedding. I was working out going down there over the summer to actually see the church in person and see the reception location that Aileen helped find.
I kicked off my shoes as soon as I got home from work. Nick was actually off and was going to come over before we went to a movie together. I changed into jeans and a cute flowing top. I pulled my hair down from the bun I'd worn it in today. Work had been a little challenging. We were definitely not selling as much and I knew I was going to have to tighten up on my finances a bit. I tried to not worry about it too much. I heard a key in my door and knew it was Nick. I walked into the living room as he was letting himself in. I walked to him and wrapped my arms around his neck planting a kiss on his lips. I hadn't seen him in a couple days because he was working so hard.
"Hey Baby." I said happily looking at him. I could tell from the look in his eyes that today was a bad day. My heart sank. I'd been praying all day that today was a good day. I wanted to spend a nice evening with my fiancé and not this.
"Hey." He said coolly.
"So I pre-bought the movie tickets online this afternoon so we can go whenever." I said trying to keep my cheerful tone.
"I'm not up for the movie." He said plainly. I was really getting tired of his mood swings.
"I can't get a refund babe." I said as I let go of him.
"I'll give you the money then." He spat. I wasn't a fan of his tone. He didn't need to snap at me the way he did.
"No it's fine… Whatever…" I said as I walked into the kitchen. If I was going to spend the evening with him I was going to need a drink. "I was really hoping to see this movie. It is supposed to be good and I was hoping it would be relaxing for both of us after a long week." I said as I poured myself a glass of wine.
"If you are going to bitch about it then we can go." Nick said in a snappy tone. I instantly walked from the kitchen and looked at him. He was now sitting on my couch.
"I wasn't bitching. I was just saying babe." I said trying to reason with him. "I don't understand how I was bitching about it."
"Can we just drop it?" he asked me. "We can stay in."
"Yeah we can it's fine." I said. I wanted to cry. I hated this mood he was in.
I walked up the hall and into the bathroom. I closed the door behind me and stood against the counter trying to breathe away my tears. I closed my eyes for a moment and refocused. I then left the bathroom and went back into the kitchen passing Nick who sat flipping through channels on my TV. I poured him a glass of wine also. I only hoped that it would calm him a bit. I walked into the living room with both glasses of wine. "Here's some wine." I said as I went to hand him his glass. Suddenly as I was handing it to him the glass slipped through my fingers and wine spilled all over him and his grey shirt.
"Fuck! Babe really?" he growled as he stood.
"I'm sorry. Baby it was an accident. Here give me your shirt. I'll throw it in the wash now." I said.
"No… tonight just isn't the night. I'm going home." He said as he went towards the door.
"Baby its just wine. I can clean it." I said as I followed behind him. He was overreacting majorly. I'd spilled wine before and it's gotten on him before, but with the mood he was in he was blowing it up bigger than it was.
"First you bitch about the movie and now the wine." He said angrily.
"I don't understand why you are so pissy!" I said to him raising my voice slightly. "It's just wine and I told you that I could clean your shirt. Also I told you it was find that we stayed in. You are the one bitching about every fucking thing." There were tears now flowing down my face. I was angry at him for being so mean to me and I was sad because it was all so unnecessary. I was now scared. This wasn't what I wanted to marry.
"Now you're going to cry?" he questioned.
"I'm crying because you are being an ass and all I was trying to do was spend a nice evening with you….whatever… just fucking go. I don't care anymore!" I was now shouting and shaking.
"I'm not being an ass." He stated.
"Oh my god yes you are. I can't deal with your mood tonight. Just get the fuck out. I'm done tonight." I said to him as I opened my front door.
"Alright I'm gone." He said throwing his hands in the air. As soon as he was out of the door I slammed the door. I then just sat on the floor. I couldn't believe his attitude and over such small things. I felt like he was taking it out on me. He promised me he wouldn't do this and here he was shutting me out again. I didn't know how much more I could handle. I put my face in my hands and cried. Something needed to change. I wasn't going to marry him if he was going to act this way.
Eventually I pulled myself from the floor and walked over to the couch. I picked up my cell phone and dialed Aileen. I just needed to talk it through. I needed things to be clearer.
"Hey Sister!" Aileen said happily answering the phone.
"Hi. Things aren't good." I said somberly.
"Oh no. What's up?" she asked.
"Nick has been going through mood swings. I know he is grieving, but I an only handle so much. He has been hot and cold with me. Tonight he flipped out. We got in a fight. He left and I'm a mess. I don't know what else to do. I'm right on the edge right now." I explained to her.
"Wow. Yeah my brother sometimes doesn't know how to handle his emotions. I think he is trying, but he needs to work better at it. I hate that he is taking it out on you though You go through everything with him." She said with a sigh.
"I just hate fighting with him. We never fought before and now we are having such explosive fights." I said thinking about one we had a few days ago over where I placed my toothbrush in his bathroom. He seemed to start over the smallest things. "I'm so afraid of just getting to the final straw with him."
"You know what. I'm going to have dad call him. If he will listen to anything it will be our dad." She said.
"Thanks. I just want to get back to normal. We're supposed to have the girl's weekend to find my dress soon. I don't want to find a dress only to not wear it." I said as I looked down at my engagement ring. I couldn't believe how things had gone from so good to bad so fast.
"He better fix his attitude because I am so excited to help you find a dress." Aileen said happily.
"I am too. I can't wait." I said thinking about the upcoming trip. I could only hope Nick figured things out.
"Alright sister. I'm heading to bed, but I will have our dad talk to him." She said.
"Thanks so much Aileen." I said to her. She'd really become a sister to me. One thing that scared me if things failed with Nick was losing his family because they'd become my family.
"You're welcome Sis." She said before we ended the call.
I woke up to my doorbell ringing. I dragged myself from my bed and went to my front door. I opened the door to find Nick at the door with a bouquet of yellow flowers. He gave me a weak smile as I moved to allow him inside.
"You know that you have a key." I said plainly.
"I didn't know if you'd want me in or not. Figured it was safer to ring the doorbell." He said to me. "Baby I'm sorry. I shouldn't have taken my bad mood out on you."
"You shouldn't have." I said with no emotion. I wanted him to know how angry I was with him and how much he hurt me.
"My dad called me this morning. He told me that you called Aileen upset last night. I hate that I treated you that way. You don't deserve that. I can only hope you can forgive me." He said with pleading in his eyes. He seemed sorry, but he'd given me the sorry before.
"I'm on the fence. I really am. You've been sorry before and here we are right back here." I said truthfully and he knew it was the truth.
"I know. I just need to sort through everything. I need to warn you of my bad days and maybe stay away from you so I don't take it out on you." He said.
"I can only hope." I said with a shrug.
"Please forgive me baby, I love you. Say you forgive me." He said.
"I forgive you." I said looking at him. I really did. I knew that I loved him and I wanted this to work. I needed us to work. He was my everything here. As soon as I said the words he pulled me to him and pressed his lips to mine. It felt so good to kiss him in this way. He started planting kisses from my mouth to my neck.
"I'm so sorry baby." He whispered in my ear. Next thing I knew he picked me up. I threw my arms around his neck to hold on and I wrapped my legs around him. He carried me into my bedroom. He planted kisses along my neck as he carried me. He sat me on my dresser and looked at me. He pulled my nightgown over my head and I sat there completely naked. He kissed along my neck and down to my collarbone. "Say you forgive me." He whispered against my skin as he used his hands to spread my legs open.
"I forgive you." I breathed out as I felt his hands slip up my inner thighs.
"Please forgive me Baby." He whispered just against my nipple before taking it into his mouth.
"I forgive you." I moaned out as he flick his tongue over my nipple. I felt his fingers slip inside me. "Oh god." I groaned feeling his fingers work in and out.
"Come on." He said as he removed his fingers and picked me up and lied me on the bed. I watched as he quickly took off his t-shirt followed by his jeans and boxers. He came over me and spread my legs. He came down and entered me. I gripped his body to me with my legs.
"Baby." I moaned out as I gripped his shoulders with my fingers. Every part felt so good. Power surged through my body feeling every movement. I needed everything that he gave me. I could feel his hand sliding down my body. He placed his hands on my hips and held them tightly as he moved at a steady, but quick pace.
"Mmm Baby." He growled in my ear.
"Nick." I moaned out. "God… I love you." I said as I felt myself nearing the brink. I then screamed out as a great surge of electricity took over my body. He grabbed me and continued for another minute until he groaned out my name.
We lied in bed together. He held me close to him. My head was on his chest as I listened to his heartbeat. I wanted this everyday for the rest of my life. I wanted him with me always. I could only wish that he would keep his promise and do his best to not take out his mood on me. I didn't know if I could continue to fight with him. I just wanted to love us always.
