Chapter Eleven – It's the truth before the lies
Rachel stirred in Finn's arms and he looked down at her softly, she had cried herself to sleep that night and Finn felt awful, worse than awful. Finn felt responsible. How could he be really? This whole thing went so much deeper then boy meets girl.
"Rach?" Finn whispered and Rachel stirred a bit more and turned over, gripping a pillow to her chest and out of Finn's arms. Finn sat up and stretched a bit before making his way to the kitchen to make some tea. He had a feeling he wasn't going to be able to sleep.
Two warm mugs of tea later and a couple cookies he looked in the living room at his guitar that sat next to the fire place that didn't work. He walked over to the fire place and grabbed the guitar and began to strum.
It wasn't long before he got a tune going, thinking of Rachel always inspired him to play. The melody was sad because, well, Rachel was sad. Watching her cry like that hurt him more then she would probably ever know.
"They call her love, love, love, love, love." Finn mumbled softly along with the tune, "She is love, she is all I need." He sang softly, because it was true.
"That's really pretty." Finn heard Rachel's small voice say behind him and he turned swiftly.
"Well, I mean it." Finn shrugged. "You're all I need." He murmured as he set the guitar down and walked towards her, pulling her up in his arms. "How are you?" He mumbled into her hair.
She shook her head, "I don't know." She said with a shrug, "It's weird because, I cheated on him. I did. I kissed you and I kept kissing you. And you're his friend, and that's bad. Really bad. And I felt terrible. Then, I find out that he did something worse so long ago and I should feel… relieved, maybe?"
"Why would you say that? Of course you'd be upset."
"Well, I guess I just don't know how to feel. The Rachel in me that loves Sam and always thought we would end up together hurts, aches. Then the Rachel in me that wants to be with you feels relief. But, then there is this whole other side of me that is just angry. Angry at Sam."
"For sleeping with Quinn?" Finn asked with a tilted head.
"No." Rachel answered quickly, "For breaking us, for breaking me."
Finn frowned in response, "You're not broken." He shook his head.
Rachel's bottom lip began to quiver, "I'm not the girl I used to be. I stayed with Sam when I wasn't happy, because I felt like I had to. That's not me. I did it because of the baby, because of the alcohol, because of… I don't know. I'm just not who I used to be. I settled."
"Then un-settle."
Rachel wiped her eyes, "Okay."
Finn hugged her again, "Why don't we lay down, Rach?"
Rachel nodded and walked to his room, stripping off her t-shirt to reveal a tank top and throwing on one of Finn's shirts before hoping in bed.
Finn followed her lead, taking off his shirt and pants and pulling on some old basketball shorts, "You're really sexy." Rachel stated confidently, "You're really sexy and you don't even know it." She giggled.
"Am not." Finn grunted back before getting cozy next to her, she put her finger in his chest and traced it down him.
"Are too." She said back playfully, turning her head up to look at him, "I really liked your song."
"You inspire me." She whispered before bringing his lips to hers, "I love you."
Rachel smiled sadly, "I love you too."
Rachel walked into her apartment, Finn wanted to go with her, but she insisted she do it alone. Blaine had a point. She didn't want Sam thinking she was leaving Sam for Finn. Because although it was part of the deciding factor, the fact of the matter was, Rachel didn't fit with Sam. Not anymore, and Sam needed to know that he did this.
When she walked in she heard her piano playing loudly in her music room, she assumed it was Brittany and her heart fell because she wanted to speak to Sam alone.
Then she heard his voice.
"I can't believe you're leaving, just when I let you in. And when you had me believing that I could feel again."
Rachel walked slowly after his voice.
"I could give a million reasons why we should not be friends. Our moods change like the seasons, my mood ends and yours begins. You're a tease. You're a cockblocker. You're a loud mouth bitch and big talker. But that's okay. You'll grow up someday."
Rachel's face scrunched up in pain at his voice as it sung those words.
"You're the pill I never wanted to take. An anti-misanthrope. Mine was the heart I never thought you would break. My one hope was… that I'd survive you."
Rachel stopped in her tracks, was there more?
"I've shown up for you in ways that boy never would. But I know you'll get with him and maybe you should. I hope you don't go backwards because I'm going on ahead. One day you'll wish you had stuck with me instead."
Rachel heart hurt in every way.
"Rachy?" Sam called suddenly, "I heard you come in. Get in here." Sam suggested and Rachel let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding in and walked into the room, tears in her eyes. "I already packed."
"What?"
"Quinn told me."
"Told you what?"
"About you and Finn?"
"…What?"
Sam stood and walked over to Rachel and ran his fingers through her hair, "You're leaving me, aren't you?"
Rachel felt tears streak her face, "Sammy?"
"It's okay."
"No, Sam, we hav-"
"You're only with me because you think you have to be, so when someone better came along…"
"Sam, stop. We have to talk-"
"…I get it Rachel. You want him. He's new and handsome and he doesn't drink like a fish. But, Rachel…"
"I know about you and Quinn." Rachel shouted as loud as she could and finally Sam shut up.
Sam gulped visably and let out a short breath, "Excuse me?"
"Santana spilled." Rachel told him. "This whole time I thought Santana was cheating on Puck, but actually she was trying to keep your secret." Rachel whimpered.
"It was a mistake, Rachy."
"What about two nights ago? Was that a mistake?" Rachel asked with her eyebrow raised.
"You're one to talk." Sam spit back.
Rachel rubbed her lips together to keep her mouth shut before breathing out a shaky breath, "You're right. I kissed Finn."
"Wait. Kissed him?"
Rachel nodded, "What did you think?"
"I thought you slept with him." Sam whispered awkwardly, "That's what Quinn made it seem like."
Rachel's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "I don't know how Quinn would know either way."
"Finn told her."
"Excuse me?" Rachel gasped.
"Finn told her that you two hooked up."
Rachel turned in frustration and rubbed her hands over her face, "Well, it's not accurate. I wouldn't sleep with him while I was still with you." Rachel barked and before she knew it Sam had her in his arms, her face buried against his chest.
"Oh thank God." He muttered into her hair.
Rachel pushed back on him, "What?"
"I thought you were done with me."
Rachel felt the tears well up in her eyes, she was done with him, wasn't she?
"Rachy, I'm so glad you didn't sleep with him. I'm sorry about what happened with Quinn. But it was so long ago. It was before I knew about the baby." Sam whimpered, tears filling his eyes, "And I didn't want you to leave me, so I fucked up and didn't tell you. And the other night, we kissed and I knew it was wrong that is why I sent her home. I swear I wasn't going to do it, baby. Believe me. Please." The tears spilled over and he fell on his knees, "You didn't sleep with Finn, that's gotta mean something, Rachel."
Rachel shook her head, "And what does it mean, Sam? Huh?"
"That you still believe in us." Sam whimpered, "Please baby, I can't be without you."
"You were so willing to leave before." Rachel voice shook from impending tears, "And that song…"
Sam shook his head and pull Rachel down to her knees, his bottom lip quivering, "Please baby, don't leave me. Don't send me away. It's me and you, babe. Rachy, please." He was begging. He was pleading, Rachel felt tears pouring onto her cheeks and Sam's lips connected with her cheeks, washing and kissing her tears away, "Please." Sam whimpered again.
Rachel could smell the vodka on his breath now, and she knew she needed to push away. "Sammy, I love you bu-"
"Not but." Sam put his hands on either side of her face. "you love me. Rachel. It's me. Your Sam. Your Sammy. I would do anything for you. I will do anything for you. Don't you see that?"
"No, I don't." Rachel admitted, her tears stilling for a moment. "Sam, you're not my Sammy. You're not him anymore."
"I can be, Rachel. I love you so much. I will, I'll do this for you. I'll quit drinking."
"You're drunk right now." Rachel shot back.
Sam shook his head, "No, I'm not. I had one mixed drink but then I knew I wanted to be sober for you, please Rachel."
"Please what?"
"Don't make me leave." Sam whimpered.
Rachel bit her lip, "I'm not going to, Sam. I'm going to leave."
Sam looked down, his hands on her shoulders holding her in place, "No, baby, please." He looked back up at her and Rachel didn't know what to say or do.
Before she knew it, Sam's lips were on hers, his tongue begging for entrance. Without thinking, Rachel granted it, allowing him in like a habit. She brought her hands to his hair and all she could think of was how this might very well be the last time she kissed him. So she kissed him. She really kissed him. She let every inch of love that she still felt for Sam into that kiss. He stood, pulling her with him and she was up against the her hands still tangled in his hair, his tongue begging for her. They tasted tears in between their kisses and Rachel didn't know who's they were. She cried more, she cried harder and he kissed her harder, he kissed her mouth and her cheeks and her neck and she didn't stop crying. He didn't seem to stop either.
Did he know that this was goodbye, or did he think this was hello again?
Rachel was scared to ask, so she let him kiss her, she let him pull off her shirt and fall on his knees and kiss her stomach and she let him pull off his own shirt and she let him pull her up to wrap her legs around him. And she wanted him.
A part of her wanted him. A huge part of her wanted him. A part that seemed to be taking over.
But then she thought of Finn.
"No." She said breathlessly.
Sam looked like a deer in headlights, "What? Why?"
"Because…"
"Because of Finn?" Sam asked bluntly, letting Rachel down from him.
"Sam…"
"So it all comes down to this. Huh? Him or me and you choose him?"
Rachel shook her head, "It's not like that, Sam."
"You can't give me one more night?" Sam shouted.
Rachel nose tingled and tears fell down her face, "Is that what this is for you? One more night?"
Sam shrugged, "I was hoping it wasn't, but the way you kissed me… it made me know it was."
Rachel felt new tears fall, "I'm sorry, Sammy. It's not about Finn, though."
"It's not?"
"Well, it's not just about Finn. We aren't right for each other anymore, Sam." Rachel said honestly, putting her hands on his bare chest, "There is a part of me, a huge part of me, that still loves you. But, I couldn't do the things for you that you needed. And you couldn't be the Sam I fell in love with." Rachel shook her head, "We aren't the two people that fell in love anymore."
Sam let his forehead fall against hers, "But I still love you, Rachel. I still love you so much. I still want you."
"A piece of me still wants you, too."
"Then keep me, take me. I don't care about Finn. Even if you slept with him, hell, I don't care if you're with both of us. I just love you too much to let you go." Sam whispered and Rachel laughed lightly at the ridiculousness of the idea.
"Don't be like that, Sam. You know I would never do that." Rachel shook her head lightly, "Sam, please, you're making this so difficult. You know I love you, but you have to know that we aren't right. Not anymore. Not for a long time." Rachel lifted her forehead from his and brought her lips to his lightly, "A part of me wondered if we ever were. Because when I thought we were, that's when you slept with Quinn."
Sam rubbed a tired hand over his face, "So that's it? We're over."
"I honestly can't think of it going any other way, Sammy."
Sam walked away grabbing his shirt off the floor as he walked into the bathroom, and Rachel shivered before putting her shirt back on. When Sam came back Rachel was sitting on the bar stool in the kitchen, "He lied." Sam said. "He lied to Quinn so she would tell me."
Rachel's face fell, Finn had told Quinn that. But why? Why would he do that? Was it to get back to Sam. "I-I"
"Unless you did sleep with him." Sam growled.
"I didn't." Rachel promised.
"Then why would he do that. He was trying to break us up. And you're just going to let him." Sam walked up to her, standing inches away, "I'm not going to beg you anymore, Rachel. You know how I feel about you. But, you can't do this to us over a boy who lied to someone he knew would tell me. I mean, he knew about Quinn and I?"
Rachel's eyes grew wide, "He knew about that?"
Sam shook his head, "Of course he did."
Rachel covered her mouth in shock, "Everyone knew but me." She muttered.
"Rachy, I am so sorry I did this to you, to us. But let me fix it. Please don't leave me for a guythat would lie to you, to Quinn." Sam said softly, running his hands through her hair, "Stay with me. We can start again."
Rachel stared at Sam in shock, she felt tears boil in her eyes again and her stomach was doing flips, "Sam…" She murmured, tired. Exhausted from the fight, from the kissing, from the confusion, from all the lies. She was just exhausted and before long his lips were on hers again and she didn't fight him. She didn't know how to fight him anymore.
A/N: This was a really hard chapter for me to write for a lot of reasons. You would think that my hardest things to write would have been in WHLB but Sam crying for Rachel was really hard for me.
It was really difficult to write knowing that Rachel is thinking of someone else. And the end of any relationship is hard, especially when you do really love them, and I think that Rachel really does love Sam.
Okay, so don't hate me. Of course Quinn got Finn's words confused and ran to Sam with her assumptions. Of course Sam is going to try everything and anything and at some point Rachel just gives up. But obviously the story isn't over.
Please review. Reviews are love. Hope everyone is still liking the story and no one tries to shank me for this chapter. It's a necessary evil for the story.
