Hi readers! I am really sorry for the month long absence. I am in a dark place and have been having a really hard time dealing with the death of my best friend, Peyton. I actually hadn't heard from him in over a year and then I got a call and it was him. He was calling me cause he was home sick from school and I actually had a professional day that day so he was lucky I picked up. We talked for a while and from then until he died four months later, we have been super close. We talked all the time and his sickness just kept getting worse. I begged him to go see a doctor and he wouldn't. He said their was nothing wrong. He was wrong. He collapsed in May in a school hallway. He was rushed to the hospital and they had not idea what was wrong with him. He woke up three days later and after he spoke with the doctor, his father and got a bunch of tests done we found out that he had terminal brain cancer. He was given six months to live and I broke. He was my best friend in the entire world and I could never imagine going on without him, but I've done just good enough to pass as normal for the past two months. When he was almost halfway through his six month end of the line call, I got another phone call. He had been rushed to the hospital after catching pneumonia. He was so weak, and he wouldn't let me see him. He was in the ICU for three days and then when he was finally in normal care he Skyped me. That was exactly two months ago today. He said that he wasn't doing to good and wanted to talk to me just in case he didn't make it. I didn't let him get that far though. I kept insisting that he would make it and he finally got me to shut up and stop crying. He said something to me that I didn't understand at the time but I get it now. He said, "I don't think I'm going to make it, but I'm glad I got to see my sun one last time." I was confused. I didn't understand, but now I finally do after talking to his dad and getting a letter that he wrote for me. Apparently his sun was me, and apparently he loved me. I loved him too you know, but I was stupid and scared so I never told him. I never told my best friend that I loved him as so much more than that, but those were his final words to me. Well anyway as you can probably kind of guess he died that night. After he said that he had hung up the skype call and I was confused. I thought we lost connection and I tried to call him back but no luck. I got a call 20 minutes later. He was dead and the only person that loved me and I loved wholeheartedly back was gone forever. I know that some of you might take this as a fake story. I know you might think that this isn't real because none of that could ever really happen, but you never knew Peyton and you don't know me. It all really did happen, for those of you who believe me and trust me now as I write and publish this I am sobbing and listening to his favorite song, I Can Say by: Olivia Millerschinn. I suggest listening to that song and really hearing the lyrics. It literally describes how I was victimized and bullied for 3 years. He said it was his favorite song because it reminded him of me, the strongest fighter he had ever known, but he didn't know I felt the same. He lost his mother when we were in fifth grade of cancer. His dad is a wreck now. But me... I'm a train wreck hidden under a mask of a bubbly and happy personality. I am exactly the opposite though. I'm cold and mean and a broken cry baby. I swear I cry at least 6 times a week sometimes in the same day for him. I miss him s much and I really don't know how I have made it this long without him. He was my rock. He was my anchor and now I've drifted off to sea and I'll never be found and never be the same again.
Well, yeah sorry that is why I haven't been on here writing for a while, because he was my inspiration and I lost it. I know I'll continue this story soon, but I'm sorry to say I just can't do that today of all days.
