A/N: Hey all! I'm back with another reeeeeeeeeaaly long author's note. :) In answer to my previous question, I took some quizzes and they tell me that it would be either Emma Watson or Natalie Portman. I wouldn't mind either of those, I don't think, although... I think I'm a bit more... something. Weird? Maybe? I said, and everyone agreed with me, that the best person to act me would be: *fanfare* BRET MCKENZIE! lol ;) Because I am so totes like Lindir. I'm told I even look like him. . . is that a compliment? :/ ArwenisWholocked: lol I haven't seen her in anything, but apparently she's a really good actress. I love Karen Gillan in what I've seen of her (NEBULAAAA! AMY!)! I haven't seen any seventh Doctor episodes, unfortunately... :( Haha that does sound like you... hmm... ;) Elf from Downunder: Thanks! Yep, I'm so random... XD Oh, good. I haven't done anything of importance either... yet... Lol yeah we can always hope. XD Phillip Callaway: Haha very funny. XD I used to not like Natalie Portman because I was mad at Padme. But she's a much better actress in Thor. Melkor'sOnlyLieutenant: I KNOW. Evil!Arwen! I would do the same. Strider annoys me (no offense Aragorn fangirls!). Yeah, actors in general are jerks. Thalion Estel: Sorry Estel family!... wait... well, whatever your last name is! Sometimes the script makes me laugh; when you watch the movie it doesn't stand out as much as when you read the script. Wow, that sounds amazing! (#CompletelyJealous) Your film sounds like it would be really inspiring! :) Oh, so I'm not the only one with that problem (not being able to communicate with other teens)! :P Thanks! literaturelife7: Yeah, doesn't that sound amazing? ! HAHA trying to picture Johnny Depp like that... ok... hmm... wow. Cupcake155: Yes, same here. My life is very corny. My reaction to your uncle Babi: O.o o.O woah. He sounds quite interesting... and hilarious! XD Yuki Suou: Aah you changed your profile picture! I am always startled when people do that. I can only imagine what it must be like for people with me... I change mine all the time. :P So sorry for the short chapter! I was being lazy. Oh, it may be dangerous. You know, blackmail material and all that... and besides, they might misrepresent it. And you would be famous, which could be annoying. ccgaylord: That actually sounds like a really cool movie. I want to watch it. Well it's amazing what you can do with makeup and prosthetics... although that could be weird... I think it could be a gender switch movie and Martin Freeman would act you. Or Simon Pegg. You just seem like that. LadyOfAnfalas: Thanks! Man, too many compliments, guys! *blushes* Ha my sister used to do that. It was quite funny. Mine would have a lot of music in it, too, because I love music. Lots of music. Pip the Dark Lord of All: I will, my Dark Lord of All! Um, sounds like a movie in which I could really identify with the main character! I KNOW. YOU TRY TO, TOO? I am trying to teach myself archery... and I'm doing terrible... waaaa... I am so going to do that at the grocery store now. XD Rousdower: I think your comments make me laugh more than my stories make you laugh. ;) Coulson with a Gollum voice. Oh my goodness. O.O I know, isn't OSFA awesome?! I hope you are not permanently injured by your laughter... :P I have a thing for angst. OneSizeFitsAll: We were just talking about you! Disco was fun. Muahaha. NO. No, Onesie. You know who would act YOU? It would be THRANDY-PACE. You are such a drama queen. No offense. Just A Reviewer: You need to change your name from 'Just A Reviewer' to 'Awesome Reviewer'. Thank you so much. I love to hear that I made someone's day; it makes MY day. THANK YOU! I think Jennifer Lawrence could fake an accent. Where are you from (don't tell me if you're not comfortable with saying)? lol You remind me a little of UniKitty from the Lego Movie. XD I have to say my answer would be black or brown. Does that fit me? Because those are my favourites. No, wait. I think I would be a burst of bright colours and then settle down to a cynical black. XD Man, I am depressing. ThurinRanger: I KNOW. Evil!Arwen! I'm sure Glorfindel has considered that; but I think he fears Elrond's wrath a little too much. You will love Galadriel, then... hehe... I have plans for Galadriel... muahahaha. Fast food is horrible but I like it anyhow. Not McDonalds though. No. I avoid McDonald's like the plague.
To the Story! WOOT!
Chapter 11.
The great critic Saruman's little helper cook was having many problems. Saruman wasn't the easiest person to cook for. The little cook wiped sweat from his brow and trotted over to where the critic was standing.
'The Paleo Dieters are strong, Mr. Critic,' he said. 'Their influence goes deep. Their diet is gaining popularity.'
Saruman the Critic was excessively annoyed. It wasn't fair. He had done so much work to stop this diet. He had monetarily supported campaigns against it; he had organized protest marches; he had even written numerous treatises on it: Paleo Dieters are Annoying, Paleo Dieters are Crazy, and Why Paleo Dieting is a Grave Error, all of which explored the impracticability and illogicality of it, and stated in the plainest of terms that cavemen never existed anyhow, and even if they did, why would anyone want to eat like one?
So of course his response to this was a loud 'Humph! Bring them all down!'
'Um...' said the cook, 'we tried that… I said they're really influential-'
'Bring them all down!' Saruman thundered again.
'This was once the great eating place called Checkers,' said Strider angstily, gazing at the building with the sign hanging sideways. 'We will rest here tonight.'
The four fast food eaters collapsed on the floor inside, exhausted. Strider tossed them all forks.
'These are for you,' he said. Pippin brightened. 'Supper?' he thought. 'Keep them close,' Strider went on. 'I'm going to go look around.' 'For supper?' Pippin wondered. 'Stay here,' Strider ordered, and left.
Frodo was soon asleep, being quite tired, but almost instantly he was awake again. There was a smell of burning plastic…
'What are you doing?' he cried, seeing his friends trying to use the old toaster they'd found to cook some food.
'Tomatoes, sausage, and crispy bacon,' said Merry hungrily.
'We saved some for you, Mr. Frodo,' said Sam.
'Put it out, you fools, put it out!' yelled Frodo. The toaster had caught on fire, of course, being old and broken. Frodo ran to it and desperately tried to kick it out.
'Oh, that's nice!' grumped Pippin. 'Ash on my tomatoes!'
A little way away, the bright high-beams of a black Acura blinked on, and the noise of the engine starting could be heard through the still air.
Frodo glanced around in horror. 'Go!' he shouted, making for the back kitchen, clutching his fork. The others followed, seeing the car lights approaching outside.
The four fast food eaters huddled in front of the commercial refrigerator, pointing their forks desperately at the door which was slowly swinging open.
In walked five health inspectors, each brandishing rat poison. In the centre was their leader, the Chief Health Inspector, smiling evilly.
'Back, you tofu!' shouted Sam, desperately swinging his fork at the menacing figures; but the men easily push him and Merry and Pippin aside.
Frodo tried desperately to resist the health inspectors' psychic powers, but soon found himself pulling the Cupcake out of his pocket despite his efforts. The health inspectors gave a screech of excitement, and Frodo fell to his knees and took an irresistible bite of the delectable Cupcake.
'Nooooooo!' yelled Sam, seeing his friend vanish and guessing instantly the cause.
'Muaha,' cackled the Chief Health Inspector, reaching for the Cupcake.
'Aaahhh!' screamed Frodo, trying to resist and pulling back at the Cupcake. The health inspector frowned and stomped his foot impatiently. Then he flung his rat poison at the helpless Frodo.
Frodo screamed in pain, but just then, Strider jumped to the rescue! Brandishing a clockwork mouse, he snarled at the health inspectors. They all ran away screaming, terrified of all things pest-like, and Strider felt really cool.
'Perfect timing, as always,' said Merry dryly. 'Frodo's half dead...'
'Frodo!' yelled Sam.
Strider knelt beside the near-dead fast food eater and picked up the rat poison that lay beside him.
'He's ingested some rat poison,' said Strider, throwing it back on the ground in disgust. 'This is beyond my skill to heal. He needs health food!' He hoisted Frodo onto his shoulder and ran out of the Checkers.
'We're six days from The Wilds,' said Sam. 'He'll never make it!'
'GANDAAAALLLLLF!' screamed Frodo, hallucinating.
Oh no! What will happen to our poor fast food eater? Will he die? If he does, will Strider not feel cool anymore, and have to go to a psychiatrist to improve his self-esteem? O.o
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