A/N: Many thanks to my beta Ash. Also many thanks to Serina for asking for an update.
Disclaimer: Twilight still doesn't belong to me; I belong to it.
Chapter 11 Perfection
Nope. Nothing goes beyond perfect. Do you know what happens when everything reaches peak delight and the world is awash with giggly rainbow goo? The planets align to put me back in my place.
"Yeah, what's up Leah? What'd you want?" Arms crossed confidently, Sam waited for his accolades on being the best ex-boyfriend ever. I had no objection to giving him his props, he fully deserved them.
Nate neatly slid an arm around my shoulders, speaking before I could word my thoughts for maximum impact, "Thank you very much for bringing me here and introducing me to all of your people. Hopefully you have absolved yourself of your perceived mistreatment of my Leah. Can you now escort us off your lands? I wish to have time alone with my mate." His voice was smooth, pleasantly woven with ringing tones of 'fuck you.'
Sam bristled at Nate's rudeness, "Escort you off my lands? Ha! Thanks for coming to my lands today and not trying to kill anybody. I would have hated to hurt you." He finished with an obvious lie.
More drama. Hadn't my life reached its quota? Maybe I shouldn't expect my ex and my current, well, rest of my life mate to get along but sheesh, Sam clearly didn't want me and Nate knew about the imprint. He knew he was my one and only. What was the issue here? Was it the sex thing? I knew Nate had been with many many women before me. Naturally they were all dead; intercourse had been secondary to nourishment. It was hard for me to be jealous of the vamp equivalent of a Big Mac.
"We should be going anyway." I chose to diffuse the situation instead of waxing poetic about Sam's good deeds. "It's time to relieve Alice. Sam, you'll go with us to the border?"
"Nah, I'll run you over in my truck. Carlisle has something to discuss with me." Sam shrugged.
After saying our goodbyes we squeezed into the cab of Sam's pickup truck, Sam behind the wheel, Emily next to him, Nate beside her and me in Nate's lap. I'm a big girl so it was awkward, much like the atmosphere in the cab.
I cleared my throat. "Em, I see you brought your wedding planning binders. Are you going to show them to Alice?" Not an exciting conversational gambit but it was better than the hostile silence and much safer than the other exchanges that had passed in the truck between Sam and Nate.
"Yes," Emily answered with unnecessary vigor, she too wanted to ignore the animosity between our guys. "When you stepped outside earlier, she called and asked me to bring them. Evidently, I have been waffling back and forth over consulting with her about my wedding. She is tired of waiting for me to make up my mind one way or the other so she asked me to bring them. Lee...How do you get used to something like that?"
I shrugged, "She can't see me. That makes it easier."
"You have a point." Emily was getting to the end of our 'pass the time chit chat to ignore the sullen silence' radiating from beneath me and beside her. I was desperate to keep the chatter on topics men avoid like the plague. "April will be ..."
"There would be no harm in asking him." Damn, too late. Nate was back at it.
"I am not letting a vampire operate on Emily, nor am I going to ask his advice. Let it go!" Sam let an alpha treble seep out as if that would work. In this one instance I kinda wished it would.
"You are a fool." Nate pronounced with finality- No wait there was more. "You let your pride stand in the way of repairing the harm you have done to Emily."
"He's a vampire. I can't let him operate on Emily. It's a risk I can't afford."
"I too am a vampire and sitting next to her. I have been near enough to kill her all day but your pride had a different purpose today."
Emily's eyes widened with alarm. I put a comforting hand on her arm and shook my head, "He would never."
Nate reacted, "I would never do anything to harm you. Leah loves you and -" perhaps more convincing he added, "You smell like a wolf, -inedible."
Emily flinched, "Thanks, I think." She met my eye but I didn't have anything else to say. I didn't try to quiet Nate down either. Often I wondered if there was something Carlisle could do to help Emily. The damage wasn't all cosmetic there was nerve damage affecting her ability to blink, she used eye-drops but was still susceptible to eye infections and she didn't have full strength in her arm. I never asked Carlisle about it knowing the natural enmity would be an issue.
"See, there you go!" Sam hit the steering wheel. "You're not a real vampire so it's different." I didn't follow his argument but I would let my other half sort it out.
"I have venom, I don't age and I have for the majority of my life fed on the blood of people. What more do you require in a vampire?"
"You're an imprint and a hybrid. Your reactions are bound to be different. Carlisle is a full vampire and this is Emily's actual blood not just the scent on her skin," Sam argued his point with finality once again. Poor Sam, he thought because he wanted the conversation to be over Nate would give up.
"Ridiculous." Nate scoffed dismissively, "Carlisle has never feed on a single human and he's been a doctor much longer than you have been alive, possibly longer than I have been alive. Obviously being around blood is not an issue for him."
"Blood is the one thing their kind craves above all else," Sam stated with certainty.
"What do you know of this?" Nate questioned.
"What do you mean? What else is there to know about vampires? They are driven by their blood lust!"
"Vampires do not crave blood above all else. For one they enjoy sex much more than blood." Nate's tone was changing, the anger was lessening.
"Sex," Sam repeated in disgusted disbelief.
"Naturally. The Cullens take blood perhaps every two weeks, yet they engage in sex several hours every night. I would say sex is far more important to them than blood."
Having spent more than a few nights in the house I considered Nate's unique point. They never posed a threat to Mom or Charlie but they made the bedsprings sing songs of mercy for hours on end.
"That doesn't count, they're Cullens. They're different anyway," Sam rejoined.
"Yes, we were referring to the possibility of Carlisle Cullen performing the surgery not offering the next random vampire we meet in the woods a scalpel and directions to your house."
I giggled silently at Nate's comment. It was so familiar, it was so me. I gave him a quick one armed hug with my left arm. He answered by stroking my back and letting his hand linger on my bottom.
Sam neatly skirted the issue, "You said vampires, not specifically the Cullens. Other vampires I am sure don't regard sex so highly."
"Yes they do, after all it is why my aunt left, but suit yourself. You know very well Carlisle would never harm Emily. Are you afraid that without the scars she would leave you behind? Perhaps find someone more attractive?" Nate needled Sam while idly slipping his hand under the back of my shirt, tracing the line of my spine.
"I would never leave Sam!" Emily spoke up in defense of her commitment to Sam, highlighting her earlier silence. Emily wanted to know if Carlisle could help. Had she spoken up sooner Nate would have let it go but like she me sat in silence to see how their argument would play out.
I think, really and truly believed, that Esme and Carlisle looked forward to Sam and Emily's visit all day. It was something about the way they stood together a few paces from the door after Edward opened it that gave away their sheer delight at having new guests.
"Sam, Emily what a pleasure to have you here. I trust everything went well today?" Carlisle nodded in answer to his own question.
"No one was harmed. Rather, I didn't harm anyone. Leah and Kara were not as well behaved." Nate answered cryptically.
Carlisle asked with some alarm, "Leah?"
"It was nothing. One of Sam's pups had to be put in his place. He tried a sneak attack on Nate, just to see if what he heard was true. To prevent a serious conflict I dealt with him directly." Didn't that sound so much more responsible than the unvarnished truth which was some punk tried to disrespect me on my turf and I was like 'Oh no he didn't!' That's how it happened in my head but Carlisle would need a translator. Edward didn't, he laughed out loud.
"Kara was good too. We were doing a bit of sparring and she took her brother Jared down." I stopped before the ugly details. Kara took him down three out of three times. Each time had been quick and effortless on her part. Jared had been humiliated. He was Sam's Beta and the second oldest phaser losing to his kid sister.
That had been the beginning of the hostilities and awkwardness in the truck. Nate had been questioning Sam minutely about the poor fighting skills of his pack. My entire pack was reaping the benefits of my daily training with Nate. It was unfair to me in every shape fashion and form but I felt cocky about Kara's victory because in a way it was mine, well in all the ways that counted.
"Everyone is fine now?" Carlisle questioned, hoping for an affirmative answer.
"Ego damage only," I assured them.
"Good, that is settled. Leah and Emily please join the other ladies and me in the media room." Esme gestured to the smaller room off the great room that housed the uber advanced computer equipment.
"Sam, you and Nahuel please join me here, we have business to discuss. Sam and Nate followed Carlisle to the white sofas already occupied by Jacob, Edward, Emmett and Jasper.
I looked from one room to the other, "The men are going to discuss business and the ladies are going to look at dresses?" Could no one else see how strange vampire chauvinism was? Apparently not.
Emily found in Alice someone equally enraptured by every detail of her impending nuptials. Being reared by Aunt Debra, a professional dressmaker, Emily could speak cut, drape and style with the best of them and Alice Cullen qualified as one the best.
Now, I like dressing cute as much as the next chick but after discussing every stitch of the wedding dress and Emily's resolve to dress her bridesmaids in pale yellow, my worst color, I sorta loss interest. I didn't feel disloyal to Em. She had Alice and Esme to gush anew over color coordinated cummerbunds.
I let my mind wander to the living room where the Cullen guilt exploded into a fund to provide full scholarships plus graduate school for all furry Quileutes when they were ready to resume such pursuits. Carlisle speaking on behalf of the clan felt it was the least that could be done since their vampire presence derailed our plans for a normal life. Seventeen full scholarships, including graduate school was a huge gesture. They even allowed a stipend for off campus housing expenses since it was hard to pretend normal in close proximity. Carlisle also offered all the necessary fake medical and immunization records that might be required.
Jacob, for once thinking about the tribe pointed out that if the trend was noticed any kid would think the key to a college education was missing a lot of school, winding up with in-school suspension and not wearing a shirt while looking good.
Edward acknowledged the validity of Jake's point and they were off on another round of blah, blah, blah, blah. I didn't hear Nate's voice once. He must be just as bored as me. I fantasized about what he might have in store for me after the private dance he requested. Maybe a repeat of this morning? It would be nice to catch that while I was awake to truly appreciate it. Foreplay admittedly was not Nate's forte. I suppose Huilen had discouraged him from playing with his food.
"Why ever would you wait so long? April is months off." Alice chirped in her high pitched voice. It no longer got on my nerves. I hardly ever saw her these days since we worked opposite shifts. I think I was beginning to miss her. Well damn, I didn't see that coming.
"April will be warm enough if we want to be outside and it gives me enough planning time," Emily defended her choice.
"Planning an outdoor wedding in this climate is sheer folly." Was Alice kidding? If anyone on the planet could assure the success of an outdoor wedding wouldn't it be Alice? Did she not throw Bella an outdoor reception? "Besides all of your plans are already here," Alice thumped the book. "You shouldn't put your happiness off a moment longer."
Emily looked uncertain under the strain of this bulldozer approach to changing her wedding plans. The girl wouldn't say shit if she had a mouth full. "Alice," I admonished, "Back off and help Emily choose shoes for the bridal party." This I could get into.
We talked shoes up and down and round and round with every woman vehemently representing her point. Even Bella chimed in a time or two to champion comfort over style but mostly she stayed silent but when she betrayed rapt attention to the conversation in the other room I shut right up to see what was going on.
Carlisle's melodic voice caught my attention first, "I am very familiar with her medical history." I heard the ruffling of papers.
"Are those her actual ...medical records?" Sam asked with bewilderment.
"No, of course not. This is a copy, see no x-rays." Carlisle had no clue HIPPA existed either that or he thought vampires were above the law. I guess vampires that don't kill people should be given a pass on patient privacy laws. "I made it months ago in hopes I might have this opportunity."
"Can you do anything? Or tell me what can be done?"
"There is much I can do to repair the cosmetic damage and a good deal of the nerve damage can be reversed. I would perform the surgery personally." I assume some reluctance must have shown on Sam's face. "No one else could achieve the same results. I would not have to down play my abilities, you understand. The recovery time would be shorter as well." There was no small amount of smugness in Carlisle voice.
This was awesome; it would be like erasing the worst parts of my existence. My man rocked, slaying all my demons at once. I had no doubt his words spurred Sam into asking. When I saw Emily's face restored I knew the awful 'always about Leah' nightmares would be gone for good. If only Emily could hear it too, she would be over the moon. Poor thing only had human hearing. She was missing the good stuff.
"However," Carlisle spoke in his patient voice, "there is nothing I can do now."
"What? Why!" Sam echoed my thoughts. "Why not? It would mean the world to Emily if she can walk down the aisle..."
Carlisle interrupted, "No. Other doctor's might but on this I stand firm."
"After all we have done..." I could hear the fury building in Sam's voice.
Carlisle's voice was cool with anger, "This is so, but despite what I owe you for the safety of my family, I will not perform elective surgery on a pregnant woman. It is an unnecessary risk."
Silence reigned as the pieces started falling into place. "Emily's pregnant?" Sam asked the obvious in bewilderment.
"Yes, at least two, maybe even three weeks. I thought you would have known." Carlisle sighed a long suffering sigh. "I forget how truly young you are. Haven't you noticed a change in her scent?"
There was no sound, I assumed Sam either nodded or shook his tremendous head. "Wow, I mean...just wow, we're having a baby."
"Babies," Carlisle corrected, "the hormone levels are high." Carlisle smoothly continued as though he didn't hear Sam's heart beat stutter. "Would you like to know the due date?"
"I guess yeah, sure." Sam couldn't very well say no.
"Alice will be able to give it to you as soon as Leah leaves the room. Keep in mind, it can change due to her physical condition but if we monitor her closely we can keep the tendency towards gestational diabetes in check. "
I took to my feet, wanting to run into the night. Emily looked at me in askance 'where are you going...room full of vampires here.'
"I'm just going to the kitchen to get a drink." A good cry was more like it. My feet felt unsteady as I navigated my way out the room. Rosalie's icy hand brushed the back of mine in cold comfort.
As I passed through the gathering of men, all eyes were on me but I didn't meet any of them. I kept my head held high concentrating on the wall from one point to the next until I was alone in the kitchen. I didn't want sympathy, or to face the apathy wondering what the big deal was anyway. One would make me cry the other would make me scream.
In the kitchen Nate wrapped me in his arms. I hadn't realized he'd followed me. He offered neither sympathy nor apathy. "They go on and on for ages. Can we leave now? I would much rather patrol." Tonight was our night off because Sam pointed out to Jacob that we needed down time. Jacob was our Alpha but he still listened to Sam in a lot of regards. Sam's young wolves were on their first overnight patrol so the forest should be fairly well covered without Nate and me.
"No, we can't go yet." I stepped out of his embrace. "I can't leave Emily alone for long...she's a little scared." I struggled to make my tone normal.
Nate lifted my chin to look me in the eye, "Beautiful, what is wrong?"
"Emily's pregnant." I reminded him.
"Si, I understand this, but why does this upset you so? Are you not happy for her?"
"Of course, I'm happy for them." Geez, I hadn't given Sam and Emily one thought. Was I that much of a selfish bitch? I could only think of me and my feelings first? "Okay, I haven't thought about them yet. Don't you get it? I'll never be pregnant. I will never carry our child in my womb." I looked into his deep brown eyes for understanding.
"It is a very good thing, is it not?" He smiled at me, actually smiled. Did he not see the tears standing in my eyes? Oh wait, I didn't have any there yet.
"Who knows what you and I would create?" He caressed my tummy, "It would rip and claw its way free, much like I did. Your bloody entrails would be everywhere. The thing could phase itself free and make your whole body explode with its massive bulk." He threw his arms wide to emulate my childbirth explosion with an expression akin to glee.
"What?..." My mind raced for a reasonable explanation, "What have you been watching?" I was totally distracted from the pool of self pity I was trying to dive into.
His eyes lit up, "Emmett has been showing me classic movies like Aliens. It was eerily reminiscent of my own birth."
"Classics? Really now?" I pushed my own feelings aside for the time being to delve into the strange workings of my lovers mind. Nate and I talked for just a few moments about the garbage in his pop culture edu-ma-cation. It was enough to help me get myself together and get back in there with Emily.
I threw my lot in with Alice to get Emily and Sam married off ASAP. Alice insisted on throwing the wedding as a repayment to Sam for allowing her to leave on her quest to get Nate...which was the thing that may have saved all of our lives but by all means let's act like Sam had done her a big favor; he had perhaps saved her half an hour with not needing to reroute to get to the ocean.
Besides, who knew Emily better than me? She wanted a proper wedding; bridal party as big as the guest list and a real reception, not a trip to the courthouse and food back her own house. She didn't want to fulfill her parents expectations that she would shack up with that good for nothing boy and have his bastards OR he wasn't going to marry her until his brat was about to be born. Both were Young family traditions but Aunt Debra and Uncle George didn't like to talk about that. Parents, at least Emily's, could be such hypocrites. What did they think? That we couldn't count? George Jr was born in July and they married in May. Note Aunt Debra did not marry a vampire; George Jr was on the way out.
It wasn't too hard to talk Emily around; she wanted an Alice Cullen affair. Alice Cullen wanted an Alice Cullen affair so bad she could taste it. I wondered vaguely if it tasted like blood or was it even better. From the way Alice bounced with excitement I began to think this compulsion was stronger. She would get to dress not one but several people and coordinate them to the background. Emily's only hesitancy was she needed to talk it over with Sam. We didn't have an argument that could make her ignore this obligation. In true Cullen fashion no one told Emily she was pregnant, with her wedding hopefully just two weeks off she didn't need that kind of stress.
Sam and Carlisle were in deep discussion about Quileute herbal medicine based on Carlisle's observations from his very first visit dating back to before any white person had come to our lands. Sam had to be in La-La Land. Carlisle was better than any History Channel presentation. My personal theory was this was why there had been no bloodshed with our inclusion to the Union. Our elders may have thought the settlers were going to be as nice as Carlisle, thus ensuring an expectation of peace. Ephraim's treaty was because they found out not all 'pale faces' were like Carlisle. Damn homesteaders messed it up for the vampires.
If Sam would just tune in he could give Em the reassurance she needed. "Strangely enough I have found that folk remedies that work in one locality do not necessarily work in other places." Carlisle was in educator mode.
"Why do you think that is?" Sam was in the mood to be educated. I wished I could throw something at him to get his attention. What to do? What to do? Maybe Edward would take up the cause?
"Personally I believe it is because at the time Carlisle did his research people had no choice but to eat food that was either home grown or at the very least locally grown. This may have affected their physiology..." Gotta love it when Edward tuned you out. No help from that quarter.
Nate's voice cut across the conversation, "Sam, go tell Emily you wish to marry her Saturday, two weeks from now."
"You have a good point...What?" Sam cut himself off mid-sentence to ask.
"Emily wishes to marry you in two weeks. Go tell her you want this as well." Aww, count on my baby to be bored with their conversation and listen to mine.
"Are you sure?" Sam questioned but Jasper chose to answer this time.
"Yes, Alice has the caterer booked and flowers are being flown in from Amsterdam. I'm fairly certain you're getting married in a couple weeks. Why don't you go make it official? It would make Emily feel more settled and make it easier for Alice wrap up everything that doesn't involve you." One might think that everything in the wedding involved the groom but one wouldn't say so because that would be incredibly foolish. Have you ever seen a show called Groom-zilla? No and you won't. Sam needed to show up at the ceremony on time, little else would be required of him allowing Alice to at least stage everything ahead of time.
Sam immediately came in to give his assurance to Emily that two weeks was fine and of course he didn't mind if Alice threw the wedding, he wanted Emily to have whatever she wanted. I knew in other circumstance the blow to his pride wouldn't allow him to accept Alice's generosity but with babies on the way their wedding savings would be put to better use.
When Sam and Emily finally left I walked them out to the truck without Nate dogging my steps. I was thankful for an opening. "Thanks Sam, Em. I just wanted to say again how much I appreciate what you did for me and Nate today. That took a lot of courage." I wanted to say more but I also felt like I was intruding at this point. Sam couldn't take his eyes off Emily; there was palatable tenderness in his embrace. Emily's smile spoke volumes of joy, unrestrained joy.
"I have an imprint too Leah. I know how it feels to be separated...Being with Emily makes up for all the other parts. There is nothing more important ...," He trailed off staring at Emily and holding her all the tighter as she wound her arms around his waist, raising her face for the kiss that she knew was to come. For the first time I was happy for them, not resentful, not resigned to fate or just accepting. I was simply happy to see two people I had known my whole life happy together. My heart swelled with emotion seeing how much they loved each other. Sam helped Emily into the truck and I watched them pull off. I couldn't help but feel jealous. This was the way it was supposed to work; you fall in love, marry, have kids and live happily ever after.
When I turned around he was there to wrap his arms around me. Yeesh, what happened to imprint GPS? That was twice today. Imprinting wasn't supposed to work that way. I leaned into his embrace anyway, pushing the irritation aside.
"Those two, I would say were made for each other." Nate clasped his hands lightly around my lower back.
"Hey, that's not fair. I was made for you but they were made for each other. How did you come up with that?" I put my head on his shoulder and let my body relax into his waiting to be entertained.
"Everywhere we went today it was evident that your people rely on Sam. Question after question, they need something or want something from him. They want him to make decisions, they seek his council. They respect him beyond what one would expect in accordance with his age. Emily makes no demands on him."
I was more than a little surprised at his assessment. I had become accustomed to the tribe's reliance on Sam as a leader; it was part of the new normal. Should Grandma go into a nursing home? What college should Jon attend? What does Sam Uley think of this? The tribe accorded him as much respect as they did Billy or Old Quil. I wondered if Nahuel was that astute of an observer or if it was simply clearer to an outsider. "That would make Emily made for Sam, don't 'cha think?"
"Ah but Emily will fade into the background will she not, or be trodden upon? Have you not told me this in so many words, she puts herself last? You are quick to defend her, but you cannot always be there. The respect accorded to Sam as leader of your people will carry over to her."
"You have them in a neat tidy little bundle." I didn't want to think anymore, all I wanted to do was hold him, smell him maybe even taste him but we would have to see about that. Standing in the driveway was as close to alone as we had gotten since I woke up this morning. What a wonderful awakening that was.
"Now Beautiful, tell me how you feel and I will listen to what you have to say and try to understand your feelings." Nate's eyes focused on a distant point before continuing, "I will listen without interrupting."
He was speaking self-help manual to me yet he says he's Nahuel. Come on now. "Who are you and where is my Nahuel?"
"It is me. I am being sensitive to your needs. Tell me more about your desire to procreate." Nope, still not my Nate.
"Uh huh. Tell me another one." I grasped his hand in mine as we drifted to the forest...again. What were we? Bigfoot and wife? I wouldn't be surprised to meet Bigfoot one day. It wouldn't even be a shock, we would share a watering hole and maybe some nuts and berries like the woodland creatures we were and then go our separate ways. As much as I enjoyed Oregon I wanted to be comfortable, warm and dry.
"It was pointed out to me that I was callous towards you when you were trying to express your feelings, therefore I wish to make amends." We moved silently through the wet grass and I spared a glance at the glass wall wondering who put him up to this. "Esme and Rosalie together can be rather fierce," he answered me with a slight chuckle like he was joking but not really.
Did he realize he was saying he didn't want to hear how I felt, but rather felt obligated to hear me out? I hope he didn't realize it because I was going to tell him anyway. I wanted to talk out my feelings and I wanted him to understand.
We were passing the massive outbuilding known as the Cullen garage when Bella was suddenly there in front of us. No biggie, its par for the course when you run with vampires, if your guard is down it's always 'poof, I'm here two inches from your face.'
"Hey um Leah." Bella was hesitant in her approach with me. Perhaps Edward had shared my 'Everything is Bella's fault theory' with her or it could be my barely concealed hostility. "Look, I was wondering...if you want to take my car...the Ferrari or the Mercedes, if you want to get away for awhile...it would be okay."
I raised one eyebrow, "Just to confirm, were you discussing my internal ramblings with your husband and came up with this as a solution for a problem that was truly none of your business?"
Bella cocked her head to the side and smiled tentatively, "Yeah, pretty much," then said, "You bring it on yourself. Why are you so stubborn? Esme would love to give you and Nahuel your own place."
This had been a sticking point for the last week or more. People buy you a toaster for your new home; vampires buy you a house for your new toaster. I didn't have a toaster but I was pretty sure Esme would provide a color coordinated one if I let her. Honestly I think she would spoon feed me if I let her. In this Nahuel and I were in one accord, we refused the offer of a house. He had always worked to provide for himself and Huilen and didn't see any reason to change.
Now wasn't the time to get into that debate again. Ferrari key vs. Mercedes key was far more important. Black Pack members like me had a thorough appreciation of fine automobiles. It didn't take too long to make a choice, Nate and I pulled off after a hasty 'thank you' was thrown over my shoulder in Bella's general direction.
Bella's car drove like a dream. The engine was powerful and responsive and I'm sure there was a load of other stuff a true aficionado would appreciate but mostly I was stoked to be driving a Ferrari. I drove carefully at first getting a feel for the car.
"Babe, do you drive?" I asked, realizing I was totally in the dark about this. The more I talked to Nate the more surprises he had in store for me. When we first met I would have assumed he had never been in an automobile as part of his 'avoid human contact' preference but I was learning to take his age into account. A little of anything could be quite a lot when you account for 150 years of living.
"No, I have never operated a motor vehicle. Do you like this one?"
"Hmm, as far as cars go, it's top of the line. I like the way it looks and the way it handles," I gunned the engine to overtake a car in a no passing zone," and the speed is incredible."
"But Beautiful I run faster," he paused "so do you. All this weaving around curves seems so unnatural. Wherever we are going we could be there by now."
"Sure you're fast but I can't exactly ride you to work every morning or load you down with grocery bags, after we finally do have a home to shop for." Rachel did use Paul for her commute to Port Angeles everyday for a solid week. Even she got tired of brushing fur off her clothes and trying to figure out where to put the bags.
Nate shifted uncomfortably in his seat and pulled at the seat belt, "I suppose it is less tiring than running, but it is still rather slow."
"Dude, it doesn't get much faster than a Ferrari," I replied shaking my head at his comment it. It made me reflect on our differences. What was I in for? "Anyway, just keep an eye out for deer."
Nate asked in bewilderment, "Are you hungry again?"
"What?...No." Even the most basic things were going to be a challenge for us. "No, I'm not hungry. Hitting a deer is a pretty major accident, and I'm sure you've noticed we have plenty in this area. Sometimes they hang out along the roadside and the headlights startle them. Quite often they will leap out into the road to escape but instead crash into the oncoming car. When driving at night you have to stay aware of the roadsides to slow down and prepare to stop." I gave it to him almost word for word the way Daddy had explained it to me.
"That is why running is superior."
I groaned and looked at him to see mirth brimming over on his face.
"No Beautiful, I do understand, I was teasing. The animals are unpredictable and you have to react to them to protect the car. The car is delicate, unlike me..."
"Nate!" I yelled before he laughed at me. His laugh was the best, deep and baritone-y if I'm allowed to make up words and I am.
"Relax, I do understand the necessity of transportation, but I do not truly understand your reaction to Emily's pregnancy. You have known since we met that you would not be able to have children. Why is it still upsetting?"
"It's not the exactly the sort of thing that's going to pass overnight is it? I mean I lost my Daddy but I miss him every day, and I guess I always will. I think it's going to be like that; I don't think I will ever get over it." I focused straight ahead trying to sort out my feelings.
"I miss my mother too so I understand that the grief for your father will always be a part of you," his voice was low, gentle and soothing as lifted his hand to stroke my face, "but these are children you cannot know. They simply cannot be, will never be."
This was his version of compassion? I punched the gas because it was the only acceptable way to release the flash of anger. For once I wished we were training because I was pretty sure I wanted to smack him. "Can you try listening?"
I glanced at his profile in the silence of the car and realized he was giving serious thought to trying to listen. I should give up now. "Is it that hard? I do the talking and you let me."
He lifted my hand from the steering wheel, dangerous at 80 mph, but I allowed it. He held it between both of his before softly kissing my knuckles. "I will try. Tell me why it hurt you more tonight."
"Today was awesome, just having you on the res and hanging out at a typical Billy-style impromptu get-together finally had me feeling like I was fitting in again. I had my own man to fix a plate for."
"What about preparing food made you feel normal?" Nate was baffled. What was it about arranging chips, a bun-less hamburger and a roasted ear of corn on a plate and serving the lot with coffee that made me so happy? I would allow him this interruption.
"Remember when we called you guys to eat; your plates were waiting for you on the picnic table? I chose your food like Kim chose Jared's, Rachel put Paul's together, and Emily did the same for Sam. When I was doing that I felt like one the girls, normal and happy. No one was on eggshells around me. It was nice, to really be one of them, the happily imprinted. For one shining moment it was all right."
"Then at the Cullen's it was good, Em was planning her wedding and I was okay with it; bored, but not flinching on the inside and faking it on the outside." I fell silent for a moment trying to get my thoughts to the point where they could produce words that made sense.
"You know Emily and I grew up together? I talk about it all the time. We did everything together. In essence she's my sister. She a little older than me so some firsts she got to before me like getting boobs but I followed soon after. I guess having kids is one those things I thought we would do together too. I guess in all the baby doll playing we did, living in our imaginations and playing out the lives we wanted, I suppose I thought we would always be together. A part of me grew up expecting to raise our families together. That one day our daughters would be the best of friends, that our son's would be the bad ass kids causing trouble at the family reunion. It's not the life I'm not going to have. I will never be one of the mommies and I suppose I always thought I would be one. She is moving on but my life never will, will it? I'm never going to have normal am I? Am I making any sense at all to you?"
"No, none at all," was all he said.
"Care to explain?" I finally asked.
He questioned with frightening sincerity, "Am I allowed to do that while I am listening?"
"Yes, if I ask you to."
"I still contend having my child would be fatal even if you could conceive it but beyond that you do not like children."
I gasped but he went on. "You refer to them as little fuckers, brats and rugrats but usually little fuckers. These are not flattering words. Babies grow up into children, I am sure you are aware of this. If you do not like children I cannot fathom why you want a baby."
Oh man, he had me on that one. I couldn't argue, I knew he remembered every after work tirade word for word. Playing with one Nessie Cullen did not prepare me for enforcing order on a bunch of pre-k kids. After two days I gave up the Alice wardrobe and reverted to clothes I didn't mind having destroyed. Being a Beta in a wolfpack was the best preparation I had for being an assistant to a Pre-K teacher. I was able to go full speed for hours on end and give orders when the alpha didn't have the balls to. Energetic with a commanding presence still didn't stop that one kid from wiping his nose on my butt; he was like a ninja with it, a snot little ninja.
"It would be different with my own!"
"So you say but how can you know? Joham regrets my birth but I am here now." He said with a shrug as though Joham's attempt to kill him was a normal parental response. It dawned on me that for him that was normal. I had to chew on that, if I could have children did I really want to have them with him?
"That's beside the point. I know I can't have babies. I know that I shouldn't stop phasing and try to have your baby. I get that, but can you understand that's not how I feel? I want to be woman more than wolf. Don't you get it? I am a woman therefore I want a baby? Haven't you ever wanted something even though you knew it couldn't be?"
I slowed the car down as we passed a herd of deer standing near the road side and although I was loathe to admit it to myself the wolf in me salivated at the prospect of chasing one down and ripping into its hot flesh. When I picked up the pace I remembered to utter, "You may answer me."
"Thank you. I don't know the rules yet. Yes, I wanted a mate of my very own and I wanted to travel to see the world. Neither worked out. Ana was a failed experiment that I will regret forever." Sadness was evident in his voice and as an imprinted wolf I couldn't fail to hurt for him but as a woman I didn't fail to feel the ugly red burn of jealousy over Ana, his first love.
"Huilen and I never made it past Panama where we ran into larger groups of vampires. It is where I faced newborns for the first time. I did not think we would make it out of there alive. So yes, I understand longing. I will get a baby for you." He pronounced solemnly.
I knew I heard him correctly but sometimes you gotta ask, "Come again?"
"I will obtain a child for you. They are not that difficult to come across. I have a few places in mind already. We will have to journey but if this is what you want I will make it happen."
"Are you seriously talking about stealing a child?"
"Yes, but I could buy one if that would make you feel better." He continued thoughtfully, "We are not in a financial position for a major purchase so if you want a baby right away you will have to be okay with theft in this one instance. We could always make a donation to the orphanage later."
"You're a nut. You know that right?" I gave up. I could be having this conversation with a brick for the level of communication.
He leaned over to smooth my hair away from my ear and whispered, "Your very own Brazilian nut, no?"
I giggled, I couldn't help it. "You are so not Brazilian. If anything you're a coffee nut."
"Leah, the coffee is a berry not a nut. As I told..."
"Uh uh, no way, no how. You are not giving me another lecture on coffee. No way. That was a little joke and you know it." I knew everything I needed to know about coffee and a whole helluva lot more. If I had to I could grow it, harvest it, dry it and roast it and with my mate I could totally see the possibility that one day I might have to.
"I will let it pass this time. But coffee, I do not joke about." We laughed and I let it go. I knew I was upset rather than felt upset at this point. Nate didn't get why I wanted a baby and I had to admit to myself I wanted one because I couldn't have one. I thought it was a demon that I would have to face in some distant future but with Emily expecting it was a green-eyed monster I would have to look in the eye right now.
We drove around Forks looking at properties with 'For Rent' signs. I didn't have paper or pen to jot numbers down but Nate's perfect recall came in handy. We nixed the apartments and duplexes right away. We wanted a house for maximum privacy and a place that bordered the forest was going to be a necessity. We saw a few things that we could both live with.
When we returned to the Cullen's I was in a better place mentally. We retreated to the golden bedroom where Nate insisted I actually show him the dance steps from earlier in the day. To my surprise he really wanted to learn. We ended up down stairs with the rugs pushed back while I taught him Quileute native dance. It wasn't as good as sex but it was great fun. I was the expert and he was my willing pupil. Somebody was going to get a gold star tonight. Only Nate though, not the other vampires who joined my 11 p.m. dance class. Carlisle was fascinated with how the dances changed since he last saw them more than 200 years ago. For the others it was their first time seeing our dances. Please note, vampires are incredibly impressed with anything they haven't seen before. Alice, Rose, Esme and Emmett seemed to thoroughly enjoy matching my steps.
Later Nate gave a repeat show of his morning performance and it was...it was...there are no words. Incredible? Mind blowing? Touching? Touching, definitely. When we made love everything he did was because he wanted to. He wanted to worship at the altar of the wonder twins, his words not mine. He wanted to taste me so he had, not because he read in a book or heard from the fella's that chicks really dig it. He wanted pleasure from me and he wanted to please me. He was not out to prove he was a lover extraordinaire unlike some other people I won't mention...one Sam Uley. I could remember the relentless fumblings from the Uley lad when he discovered the purpose of the clitoris. UGH! Double UGH and I finally told him mine didn't work like that to get him to leave it alone. Did I say UGH?
Eventually we slept together in total bliss. I crept out of bed, leaving him sleeping peacefully, while I returned to the reservation.
"Sorry I'm late Mom. I overslept," I apologized coming through the door. "Is there anything left over?" Sunday breakfast was a tradition that Mom, Seth and I tried to maintain. Our lives seemed to be pulling us in different directions. Mom had her job, Council responsibilities and Charlie. I had work, patrols and Nate. Seth had school, patrols and Edward. It was a man-crush, bro-mance or something but he was dedicated. On Sundays we tried to be together just the three of us in our pjs for a few hours of catching up.
"Spare me the details of why you didn't get any sleep. Fix a plate, sit down, and tell me about this scholarship." Mom and Seth had moved to the living room to watch a little HGTV. House Hunters was our favorite.
Seth jumped in to gush about his favorite people in the world, "Oh Mom, it's the coolest. Edward said I could go to any college in the world. Harvard if I wanted and medical school too. Like anywhere I wanted. Any of us can. The kids who can't phase they benefit too but it's different. Sam would get an allotment to reward students as he sees fit. Not only the kids coming out of high school though. Even you Mom, if you wanted to train for a different career you could get money to go back to school. It's terrific."
Mom looked at me to confirm the validity of Seth's speech, "Ditto." I was busy stuffing my face with Mom's French toast and didn't want to say more. Seth had covered the bases.
Twenty minutes or so later I was on a full blown recounting of my conversation with Nate in the car. Mom was always interested in whatever he had to say. "So finally he offered to steal me a baby! It's like he never bothered to try to understand why I would want my own."
"Leah, you could be more understanding." Mom interrupted my tirade in which I was the victim of a cold-hearted vampire.
"Excuse me?" I thought I was being very clear on where her sympathies should lie.
"He remembers his birth. It is not an abstract concept. He remembers causing the death of his mother, a mother that from all accounts he loved. Can you not see where he would be pleased that you won't suffer the same fate?"
"Puh-lease, I could so handle having his babies. I'm pretty tough you know."
"Really and how tough would you be if you stopped phasing? And then there's the question of venom. You are immune to his, but that's no guarantee you would be immune to the child's venom." Mom started in on me. For once could she be on my side?
"That's not the point Mom. I wanted him to get where I was coming from...to understand what it meant to me"
"Yes, but did you try to get where he was coming from? You wanted to talk and explore your emotions but Leah; men aren't wired that way, not even your father. If you bring them a problem, they try to fix it. Nahuel offered to get you a child. I swear your daddy would have done the same. Sure, he would have said adopt but the principle would be the same. But tell me, did you take him up on his offer of getting you a baby right away?"
"Oh hel," I remembered who I was talking to, "...heck no. That's just wrong."
"If you truly wanted a baby you wouldn't be so concerned. The truth is you would be scared witless if you had a baby now. It's not what a girl your age should be doing anyway. Eventually you'll want to live a little, travel and party with your friends and finally enjoy your youth and I will tell you right now my diaper changing and late night feeding days are over, I would not be that type of grandmother." She shook her head dismissively and reached forward to get the remote and her mug from the coffee table.
When she moved I got a true feel for the atmosphere in the room and I didn't like it. "You sure about that? Your diaper changing days are over? Well guess who else is expecting a baby?"
Seth tried to call me down, "Don't be like that Leah."
"Emily. Your brother told me already." Mom answered confidently. "She and Sam are at the stage where they are settled enough to have children, but I don't expect to have to change too many diapers even if they have twins." Mom smiled in anticipation of her favorite child's offspring. "Leah, at some point you have to grow out of your jealousy of Emily." She flicked the channel to Food Network and settled into the sofa.
"I wasn't referring to Emily. Charlie Swan is expecting a bundle of joy." Mom looked back at me, clearly irritated but fuck so was I. "At least I'm assuming Charlie's the father," I taunted her further.
"Leah!" Seth warned me as though I was scared of his little punk ass.
"What are you talking about!" Mom fixed me with her cool angry 'stop fucking with me' glare. "Just spit it out!"
"You're having a baby, Mom. Congratulations. You can have your own damn grandchildren." I fled the room on Mom's gasp of disbelief and Seth's growl of pure anger.
In my room I flung myself on the bed. The full force of the emotions I couldn't explain to Nate earlier assaulted me. Without his stabilizing influence, the hurt and anger and bitter disappointment engulfed me, threatening to drown me. I clutched my pillow, breathing in his scent but nothing could hold the tide back, tears streamed down my face as sobs wracked my body.
