Connor- Darkness

I was a tiny bit afraid of the dark. Mommy would have to lay with me until I fell asleep sometimes. Then Jenna came and Daddy said it was time to be a big boy.

Being a big boy meant crying it out in your bed instead of going to see your parents. They were mostly busy with their new baby, and they said it was really important to take care of her which I was okay with. I liked my new sister, it's just sad that she didn't last very long.

Sometimes when I sat in the dark, I'd imagine it was just one of those nights. Jenna must have been crying and Mommy and Daddy had to take care of her. One day, they said, she'd be as big as me! I'd have someone to play with.

Jenna never really got big. She didn't have a lot of hair when she went, either, but it was blonde, like mine. Her eyes were green like mine too. I wondered if we would look like twins when she caught up with me. A lot of people stopped us in the stores to coo over her, and then compare us. I was always really excited because Jenna was such a pretty baby.

I'm also pretty glad to look like my parents. At least I had something of them in me.

When Jenna did leave, I was pretty sad. I didn't know what was going on really, but my parents just got meaner and meaner, saying that she was never coming back. They'd yell at me and so I ran to the camping closet. I knew they weren't being themselves. They were probably just sad over Jenna.

They'd constantly come to the closet door, but it was heavy and by then they were pretty stupid. They'd plead for me to come out, that they had dinner ready, but I already had lots of food. I was tempted sometimes to leave that closet, but something in me wouldn't let me. Maybe my real mommy and daddy were talking to me from Heaven.

I don't know how long I stayed there. I'd sleep a lot and eat a lot and sing whatever songs I knew. I really wished I had the book I was learning to read, Poppy and her Penguins, because I really was worried about those penguins. How would they get home?

I was very lucky that I never ran out of food. It wasn't long before Joccy found me. Her voice was normal, not like Mommy's and Daddy's. I didn't let her in or anything, she just told me to get back and the door broke down. She looked at me, and then the food, and then back at me.

"How long have you been here, kid?"

I was in the corner. "Who are you? I don't know. Did you find my parents?"

She looked behind her and sighed. "C'mon, buddy. I think you and I should have a talk."

She told me that people were getting sick and that once those people got sick they started doing bad things. Notice how my mommy and daddy looked and sounded funny? That's because they were sick. They weren't really my mommy and daddy anymore.

"Then where are they?" I wondered.

"Probably in heaven, right? Do you believe in God?"

"Mommy and Daddy and Jenna are with God right now?"

"Jenna?" Jocelyn asked.

"My baby sister!"

Jocelyn squeezed her eyes shut and nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, Jenna's with God."

"Why couldn't I go with them?"

"Maybe God thought you had something else to do on Earth."

"Well, all I've been doing is nothing," I huffed, and I blinked hard. "They aren't coming back?"

"No."

I started to cry then, really loudly. Some other kids came in behind her and I'd scream until they left. Jocelyn hugged me a lot.

"What do I do now?" I wailed.

"Well, come with us, if you want."

"Where to?"

"I don't know yet."

"But what if I get lost?" I asked.

"You won't get lost," Jocelyn said, looking me in the eyes. Hers reminded me of the sky. "I will make sure you don't."

"Yeah, but what if you leave too?"

Jocelyn sighed and held my hand. "I won't leave you, buddy."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

I eyed her suspiciously. "What's your name?"

"Jocelyn."

"That's too long. I think I'll call you Joccy."

"I'd rather you n—"

"My name is Connor."

She was quiet then, and I didn't mind. She picked me up like Mommy would and I sat on her hip.

"Look, Connor," she said, "You're going to have to close your eyes for me."

"Why?"

"You're mommy and daddy are out there. But they aren't really them, remember? It will kind of look like them, is all."

"I want to see," I insisted. I wanted to see my mommy's eyes one last time.

A girl behind Jocelyn, one with pretty hair and brown eyes, spoke up. "I don't think that's a good ide—"

"Let him," Jocelyn interrupted. "He's been in there the entire time. We can't hide it from him forever."

I regretted looking. I regretted even going outside, after being in the dark for so long. I wanted to be blind so bad so I wouldn't remember the world the way I saw it.

There were other kids in the group, so I wasn't so lonely all the time. Joccy didn't talk to me much so I was left with them, anyway. They were okay, I just always liked Jocelyn better. She was mean sometimes but everyone was these days.

Mary tried to be a mommy to me. I didn't like that very much. Jocelyn was just a friend.

For a while I had thought all my friends were gone.

I got so mad when I found out Jocelyn had gone, you know? She promised me. She promised me! And she lied. I tried not to cry because she taught me that crying wouldn't help anything, but I figured that just this time she would be okay with it. Why could she be with Jenna and my parents but not me? Why did they get to go to Heaven and I was stuck here?

Jocelyn said that God had something for me to do on Earth. But I didn't want to do anything for God, especially since he took away everything I loved.

Everyone I loved left me.

Mommy used to say that if I prayed enough, then God would listen. So I sat down near my bed, clasped my hands together, and shut my eyes.

"Dear God," I whispered carefully. The others were asleep, or at least most of them. I could hear sniffing from some kids. "I know you have a lot of people up there, and I can understand why. People get lonely sometimes. But I was wondering if you could send some back? We're getting lonely down here, too."

Someone shushed me and I continued in my head.

I'm really lonely down here, God. And I know Jenna and Mommy and Daddy are probably happy up there together so you can keep them up there. It's pretty bad down here anyways. But if Jocelyn doesn't mind, could you send her back? Tell her Connor sent.

I paused.

Tell her I miss her too in case she can't come back. Tell her we all miss her.

Amen.

Thanks for the reviews, guys. This is just a quick Connor chapter, so I hope you enjoy. By the way, the song from last chapter was Swing Life Away by Rise Against. I would suggest listening to it while reading.