A/N Hey everyone!! You are all so FANTASTIC!, I mean 10 reviews, literally the bestest people ever you are!, so here is Chapter 11, I hope you's like it as much as I enjoyed writing it [my computer froze a couple of times and got rid of it all so I had to re-write it, sorry if something doesn't sound right] And since its Christmas eve [in Australia it is] [i'm so excited, I think I'm getting heaps of Twilight stuff] I decided this is my Christmas present to you, a long! explained! chapter! WOO. oh & please review :D oh and to those of you who hate what Jake is becoming, I hope this changes things.
Disclaimer; I do not own Twilight, nu-huh, only one can wish.
Chapter. 11
Lost Love.Today it was one of those days, where only part of the suns rays reached through the dull grey clouds that filled the sky.
I was in Jacob's guest room which was dimly lit, only a couple of the few lines of light shone through the bedroom curtains.
I knew for a fact that I was nervous; I was nervous because I didn't know what would be coming, I had to tell Edward sometime, I didn't know how to tell him, what to tell him, and basically I didn't know how to let him down gently.
The entire time I've known Edward, I've always loved him, after he'd left after my 18th birthday those feelings slowly started to change, and I moved on to Jacob, and it was probably just some stunned reaction of him coming back, that made me kiss him that one time in the meadow almost five years after he left, then Jacob took off, he had taken my life and the only person I could turn to was Edward.
But that whole time of me 'loving' him, I was just trying to get over Jacob, and it took me four years to realize that Jacob was the only person who could really understand me, and properly love me.
Who knows maybe if Edward hadn't have disappeared things might've been different, Jacob and I wouldn't have the bond we have now, and Edward and I would be happily in love. But I knew one thing for sure, telling Edward would break his heart.
I swung my head up around to the clock at the clock opposite me, as I hesitated wether I should get up from bed or not, I'd only been here for one night, Jacob insisted that I stayed for two reasons one of which he didn't think I should be driving with all these things on my mind, and it was a long 6-hour trip back to Forks which isn't good to drive if you're sleepy.
The time was 8:37am, I could already tell Jake was awake since his loud foot-steps had been the ones that woke me up, and that he usually got up this time - even though it could've changed in the 4 years of his absence -.
Just as I was about to get out from my bed I heard the creaking of the door fill the room, and in crept Makenna.
I don't think she could see that I was awake, apart from the fact that it was dark, she was also rubbing her eyes.
I laid back down and pulled the blanket over me partly closing my eyes, but still open enough for me to see what she was doing.
Her hand reached out to the bed as she stood on the stool a few inches away and climbed up with me.
She snuggled underneath all the sheets and turned around so she was facing me, a smile appeared to be on her face as she shut her eyes again.
My hand reached behind her head, the other one pulling her into a warmer hug.
I softly caressed her beautifully pink cheeks, humming a soft lullaby, tracing gently circles around her features on her delicate face.
She hugged me closer placing her face in my shoulder.
"I loves you Mummy." It was a low mumble, but I couldn't think of anything more warming then having her say that right now.
"I love you to my angel." I whispered into her ear, giving her a small peck on the cheek.
MPOV
I could just see my Mummy's arms stretching out as she laid in her bed.
They fell back down and patted around the bed, she looked around a panicked look on her face, then she saw me, a smile grew in it's place.
"Mummy." I called out to her, holding my hand up so she could see me waving.
She threw the sheets off her body and walked towards me, wrapping one arm around my back and the other under my bottom for support as she held me on her hip.
"Hello, sweet-heart, how did you sleep?" She asked, I gave a small smile I wasn't sure if she would get angry at me for coming into her room and waking her up.
"Good." I whispered resting my head on her chest.
Then we began to walk out, and instead of walking into the kitchen were I thought we'd be going we went into mine and Carters room, even though he wasn't in there.
30-minutes later I was all dressed up, my light-brown hair was tied up in two piggy tails with hot pink ribbion, I was in my best winter outfit with a small bow in my hair, and I had my baby-bracelet on that my Mummy had given me when I was born.
I held onto my baby-doll as Mummy played with my hair, I curled up on her as she laid on my bed.
I loved having Mummy around, she is so much nicer than Amelia, who was always mean to Carter and I, even though we told Daddy he never believed us.
It was nice to be bonding with Mummy.
"Who be's Edward?" I asked out of no-where, her face went blank, then her smile returned.
"What do you know about Edward dear?" I didn't really want to tell her, Daddy had always told us about our Mummy and sometimes he mentioned this guy Edward.
"Daddy says dats he's why you's can't be's together."
"Oh sweetie, thats not why." I heaved a sigh and placed my head back onto her chest.
"Otay Mummy."
BPOV.
"Jake, thanks for letting me stay." I stated once I'd finished cleaning up the room and brought out my bag.
I flung it over my shoulder and smiled at Jake.
"Wha? You can't leave." He jumped up and muted the tele, I looked towards it he was watching the football and honestly this didn't suprise me.
"Why not?" I asked as I went to go sit beside him on the couch.
"Well I thought that you'd maybe like to stay, - for the kids." He added in at the end, I laughed a little and rolled my eyes.
"Listen, Jake, I can't stay here I can't be here where things can happen, I've had so much happen these past few years and I think I'm just going to take a break, and focus on the kids." Jacob nodded his head, a little shy he looked back up at me, he un-muted the tele then turned back to me.
"Bella, I have no excuse for what I did, I know it was so wrong and if I could take it back I would -."
"No, don't worry about it, everything'll turn out fine." I placed my hand on his giving him a comforting smile, then I pulled it back.
I turned to the T.V, it was a Cowboy's game, they were 3 and the Chargers were winning on 10, I focused my attention back on Jake.
Coming down here to tell Jacob about my father had been one of the main things, but whilst I was in the car driving I'd realized another thing to, I was reminiscing about the old days of when we were together and I realized I still loved him, as much as a human could love another.
But I couldn't tell Jake that, I had a plan and it didn't invovle me being with anybody.
"Jake, I love you, and I always will, but we can't be together it just won't work, at first it was because I thought I'd never be able to trust you, but that excuse has gone and now it just comes down to the fact that, I don't deserve to have you -."
"YOU DON'T DESERVE TO HAVE - ME?, I don't deserve to have you, I was the one who took your kids away from you."
His hand hovered over mine, then placed it down, his warmth made me smile, I'd get that soon.
His other hand placed itself on my cheek, as he brought me closer to him.
My heart fluttered a little faster, it was a soft beat but a gentle rhythm, it brought a flushing pink to my cheeks, having him look at me like that.
I knew I shouldn't be in this postion, I knew I shouldn't have him touching me.
But I had run out of excuse not to let this happen.
His eyes searched in mine, his lips opened and let out a small but meaningfull speech.
"Bella, I love you, everything I've done in my life has been wrong, except for falling in love with you, I need to make everthing right again, and first thing this after-noon I'm going to my father, and explain everything that's happened, I'll go to Amelia's family and explain everything to them, and accept what I have coming for me, but first before this all happens, I need to do this."
Jake's hand moved behind my head, gently moving me closer by the neck.
As our lips met, I closed my eyes, and everything for the first time felt right.
As our lips separated I felt the warmth dissipate, and I hoped that it would return, I looked up at him with soft eyes and my cheeks flushed pink.
I knew how idiotic I looked, but in that instant I knew I loved him more than I had ever felt towards anyone in my entire life.
But I had to get my control of my life back, and kissing Jake wasn't the answer, and it certainly wasn't helping.
"Jake, I've got to go back home, I'm going to go tell Edward everything and-."
"Let me come with you." I let out a sigh and shook my head.
"Jake you don't need to come with me, I'll be fine, I'll come back - for the kids -, sometime I was hoping maybe Christmas?"
"The kids'd absolutely love that!, But I still think I should come with you, I need to head down to La Push, and the kids can come and -."
"No, Jake, look I think I just need to be alone for the trip back, you can come down if you want but I'll need to be alone for a little while."
As I stood up a round of applause went off on the T.V as the Cowboy's scored a touch-down, Jake was quick to flick it off.
"Bella -." I shook my head and he stopped I grabbed my bag from the couch and walked in the other room to say good-bye to my children.
I raised my hand to the front door and gave it a slight knock, I knew that the lightest of any tap would still be hear-able in the ears of a vampire.
Before I could bring my hand back to its original position the door had opened, and a delighted Alice smiled back at me, pulling me into a tight embrace.
"BELLA!, Where have you been!, It's almost a week since I've seen you and -." Her nose screwed up and she held me by the shoulders as she pushed me back.
"You smell like a wet dog! You didn't -." My eyes wondered off to a window on the wall to the left of Alice and I.
"You didn't go see Jacob did you!" I rolled my eyes and lightly pushed her away, usually this cause my wrists to throb even if I only pushed her the slightest, but I had actually made her move.
"Bella?, H-how did you do that?" Alice's voice lowered her voice to a whisper and I stepped aside and walked into the room.
"Alice, I need to talk to you - well I need to talk to everybody." I took her over to the couch and she sat beside me, I heard foot-steps from upstairs, than in a flash they were beside me Edward, Esme, Carlisle, Lauren, Alakay, Rebecca, Emmett and Rosalie were all huddle around Alice and I.
Once they'd all greeted me, given hugs and kissed they settled down and I began to explain my absence for the past few days.
Everyone's mouths hung open as I told them about Charlie not being my real father, everyone except for Carlisle that is.
"After Renee told me that, she also told me my real father was; Joshua Uley." Alice's eyes widended just a little further, and I gently closed mine as Edward.
After I'd told everyone everything they left Edward and I alone, which was what I had requested.
I figured Carlisle had already known and he told me he'd talk about it with me later.
Now all I had to do was tell Edward, that I couldn't be with him, I wasn't go to be with any one - for a little while any, I needed to get my life back on track, bond with my kids, and get everything together.
I was convinced I could do that, I know I could and maybe even have a happily ever after, with everything that's happen it could only go up from here.
