The Heart Spoke of No Sin – Chapter 10

Arthur thrashed about, his arms flaying and his body twisting and turning, his mind a turmoil of confusion and disappointment. The dream had invaded his sleep and destroyed his peace; he fought it but it was no use. The emotions played out in front of him, causing him to curse the moments that had brought such crushing disillusionment and calamity. It was the betrayal beyond all he had faced before and he knew it would be the end of him and the finish to all his hopes for Camelot and the Kingdom he had begun to build.

But even in the nightmare he couldn't reach the cause of it; the catalyst to all this horror. He just knew that it was coming and he feared and dreaded it like nothing he had ever known. Dark foreboding and the presentiment of catastrophe assaulted his unconscious mind, swirling colours and kaleidoscopes of patterns assaulted his mind and at the centre of it was a face. He couldn't make it out, couldn't see who it was but he knew it was the cause of all the pain and confusion and that whoever it was was enjoying it all immensely. Someone wanted to see Camelot fall and to bring down its King as well and they would use all their power to see it happened. And behind it all another face was waiting in the dark. One who, his dream foretold, would be the most awful betrayal of all. One he would never recover from. One that would destroy Arthur...

The King awoke with a gasp as light shone suddenly into the room and from the darkness a face appeared, peering closely at him with a blank expression. Merlin. Seeing Arthur awake Merlin's face suddenly blossomed into an expression of caring concern and worry over the King's violent awakening. But the blankness that had been there remained etched somewhere in Arthur's subconscious – unsure whether he had really seen such a cold, unfeeling look before on the manservant's face.

"Arthur, what's the matter? Is something wrong?" Merlin's voice was perfect, just the right mix of concern and exasperation. Arthur was mollified. The expression he had seen must just have been brought on by the nightmare; there was nothing wrong, nothing to connect Merlin with the uneasy feeling that still persisted in his stomach – nothing at all...

"The only thing wrong is you, as usual, Merlin. Too much bloody light too quickly and too early. Lucky for you that Gwen rose at dawn to visit a friend or I'd have you in the stocks"

Arthur blustered, not really meaning a word of it, just trying to hide his embarrassment at waking up terrified as a child who was afraid of the dark. He waited, expecting an insolent reply or a muttered insult but nothing was forthcoming. Looking up he saw one of the most unexpected sights he had ever seen, Merlin was tidying up swiftly and effectively; cleaning and putting the room to rights with nary a whinge nor a complaint.

"You should get bashed on the head more often Merlin if this is the result" Arthur joked "That's the most work I think I have ever got out of you." He paused, remembering how Merlin had collapsed a little over a week ago. Arthur continued, only this time with some concern actually showing in his voice "You are feeling better aren't you? Fully rested; no more girlie swoons in my chambers, hey Merlin?" Arthur felt he needed the jibe, it didn't do to show TOO much worry afterall.

"I am fine Arthur; I just wanted to get things done here. Gaius has asked me to help him later on his rounds. I wanted to ask you for permission to leave early today to go and help him; that is if I finish all my work of course." Merlin carried on tidying as he spoke, putting all the Kings dirty clothes (which his Royal Messiness had spread liberally all over the floor the night before) into the linen basket.

"Is Gaius alright? He does not usually need your help doing his rounds" asked Arthur.

"He is feeling slightly unwell, he is not as young as he was and looking after me over the last few weeks has tired him out. Frankly I think he should think of retiring, but he is a stubborn old man so I guess I'm stuck with helping him. But if you'd prefer that I remain with you. help you dress for dinner and serve your wine rather than helping an old man complete his arduous work, then of course I will do so."

Arthur was really shocked by Merlin's words about Gaius but he put it down to misplaced annoyance over all the (no doubt horrible) potions the manservant had been forced to drink over the last few days. And perhaps also a little bit of well concealed concern on Merlin's part over Gaius's health.

As to how Merlin had spoken to him, there was nothing in Merlin's words or tone of voice that Arthur could really complain about; but even so they did make him feel uncomfortable. They were not how he would expect Merlin to address him, neither strictly formal as he did when he was upset or in the company of other royals; nor informally and a trifle disrespectfully as he often did when they were alone. No, they were not bantering as they usually did. Rather Merlin seemed to show a disappointed response to an expected arrogance from Arthur. As if Merlin was expecting the King to refuse, was expecting him to think his needs more important than the faithful old court physician's. Hurt that after all this time together Merlin could still think him capable of such thoughts, Arthur replied

"If Gaius needs you then of course you must help him. You can be relieved after you have cleaned the room and done the laundry. I will ask George to complete the rest of your tasks; I would not want Gaius to become ill through overwork."

"As you wish." Merlin turned his back and continued working, happy once again to have deceived the stupid King. He had no intention of helping Gaius today or indeed ever again. He and Dera had made other plans. Everything was in place; horses waiting and provisions packed for their journey back to the Tribe .All he needed to do was wait until the idiot Arthur was off training those other imbeciles, the Knights; "borrow" the key to the vaults and then he would retrieve the Earth Harp and their future together would be assured.

During the last week, as they had planned how they would get the Earth Harp, Merlin had come to a decision. The young Warlock knew that once Dera had the Harp then he would go with her. He would leave Camelot. He would return with her to the Deceangli, help her defeat Meilyr and remain there with her. If they made peace with Camelot then that was fine; if they did not then that too was fine. He felt no loyalty to the Citadel, the people or the King and did not care if the Deceangli decided to fight. No, he would remain with them. He could live a life with magic users, he would no longer need to hide who he truly was and he could be happy. For once he would think of himself and not always of others. He was sick of coming last, he deserved something for himself and this time he was going to make sure he got it.

Arthur and Camelot could just fend for themselves. Merlin was through protecting them.

With a little whistle Merlin carried on working, knowing that this was the last time he was ever going to have to clean up after the lazy, arrogant, pompous ass he's slaved away for all these years.

An hour later Merlin looked one last time around the Chambers he knew so well, grinned and spat his disdain on to the floor. Turning quickly, with no backward glance he strode out of the door and into a better future.

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"Damn and blast the thing!" Arthur cursed as he threw his quill down in disgust onto the desk. He hated writing speeches and he hated bloody quills even more.

"Merlin. Merlin. MERLIN"

It was only after the third bellow that the King realised that he'd given the idiot the rest of the day off to help Gaius and that that meant he was stuck here, alone, with a speech to write and no chance of getting Merlin to do it for him. Sometimes life stunk. Arthur sunk his face down onto the desk and searched for inspiration; though how he was supposed to get inspired over something as so not thrilling as the rates of taxation on the leather workers and shoe makers he had no idea. God, what was he going to say at their Annual Banquet tomorrow...

A quiet knocking on the door made him raise his head. Yes, a distraction! "With any luck" he half joked to himself, "it will be a messenger with news of an attack on Camelot and I'll be able to escape going to this Banquet. Or better yet, George with my lunch"

"Enter" he said, with a half smile on his face.

Arthur was surprised when the elderly face of Gaius popped around the door.

"My Liege, I was just passing doing my rounds when I thought I'd call in to have a final check up on that wound you got when you, Merlin and Dera were attacked. I know it was deep and I would like to check that the scar has healed up nicely."

"Come in Gaius, you are a welcome interruption from my work. As to the scar, it is fine. I barely know it is there, we both know I have had worse." Arthur looked again at the elderly physician, seeing for the first time the look of concern on his face. It could not be for the wound Arthur had received as that had been healing well; there was obviously another reason for wanting to come and speak with him but one that Gaius found hard to bring up. For once Arthur was aware enough to realise and to do something to help the older man.

"Is something the matter Gaius? Do you need to discuss anything with me? Where is Merlin, will he be joining us shortly or did you send him off to see another patient?"

Gaius's face clouded with confusion.

"I don't understand Sire. Why do you think Merlin is with me? I have not seen him since before breakfast." Gaius stumbled over the words, as he remembered what had taken place a few hours earlier.

Arthur stood still in the middle of the room and stared dumbly at Gaius. Merlin had lied to him – and okay, maybe he'd done that before but always with good reason and never for personal gain. And to use Gaius as an excuse, that was not the behaviour Arthur expected from Merlin. Seeing Gaius watching him, Arthur quickly explained all that had transpired and was dismayed to see not incomprehension on the physicians face, but a look of all too much understanding. Gaius had known something was going on, that much was obvious. All at once Arthur knew why the old man had come to call on his King and what, or rather who, he wanted to talk about.

"Tell me, Gaius. I want to know what is going on with him. All of it." Arthur's voice had the unmistakable sound of royal command and Gaius was relieved. He had been sitting in his chambers all morning trying to decide what to do for the best. He had worried about telling Arthur, concerned that he was betraying Merlin. But now he had been ordered to do so and he obeyed willingly. For whatever was affecting Merlin would have a massive impact on the health, safety and security of both Camelot and its King as well as on the young sorcerer himself; and Gaius had no idea how to fight it.

With a sigh the loyal old man told his King of nearly all that had transpired over the last two weeks, his fears, his ideas and his pain. But not of Merlin's true power, his real self. Gaius would never betray that, Merlin's magic was for him to tell.

As he was hearing of how Merlin had behaved; his developing relationship with Dera; his treatment of the Physician that morning and his threat to Camelot Arthur thought of his dream that morning and now realised who's betrayal he had been warned about.

Merlin.

And although Arthur did not know of the true danger Merlin's altered loyalty put him and his Kingdom in, the pain caused by these revelations alone was enough to make his soul begin to break. For it was only now that he began to realise how much he relied on the person who had been unfailingly at his side for all these years. How much he owed to the boy who had stumbled unwittingly into his life. And how carrying on without him would be unbearable.

As he listened Arthur knew his nightmare had been correct. This was the betrayal that would finish him.

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