Kim Possible belongs to Disney.
I re-wrote the ending scene with Bates in the previous chapter. I suggest you go back and read it because it offers a slightly different perspective to everything. Massive special thanks to Slyrr for offering me advice and helping me work on that scene.
Again, some bits in this chapter were inspired by the discussions by PengyChan and SpicyWeasel.
THE MONKEY'S VALET
Chapter 11
Getting started on breakfast gave Bates the brief chance to forget about everything that had happened and pretend that this was nothing but a normal morning. Lord Fiske would read the paper while he drank tea, make some comment about what was going on in the country, maybe talk a little about his plans for the day and then retire to his study to research something that most certainly had absolutely nothing to do with Mystical Monkey Power.
So strong was this illusion that it was broken only when Amy danced into the kitchen in a pink bathrobe.
"Morning, Bates!" she chirped, making the valet slip and spill orange juice all over the table.
"Madam," he said hastily, "I will soon serve breakfast in the dining hall."
Amy wasn't at all bothered by his scolding tone and didn't seem to realise that she had invaded his sanctuary. She walked over to the cupboard and took out a mug for herself. It was Bates's favourite mug.
"I know, but I always drink my own brand of coffee in the morning. I didn't want to be trouble, so I decided to make it myself," she explained as she pulled out a small bag of coffee powder and started preparing her drink, humming some sort of happy tune to herself.
At least she brought some life into the kitchen. If it hadn't been for the fact that she was an unstable lunatic who had no place in Lord Fiske's company, Bates might have found the situation charming. He kept a wary eye on her as he continued making breakfast.
Amy's coffee was soon brewing, and she turned around and took a seat by the table. For a moment, she did nothing but played with a lone spoon in her hand, but after a while she turned to look at Bates. There was a worried frown on her freckled face.
"I know this isn't my business or anything, but did something happen last night? Monty was awfully upset after he came back. He didn't smile again the whole time," she said.
Bates didn't know what he should have replied. Pretending that everything was fine would have been useless because Amy had already noticed that something was amiss. She would no doubt witness the explosion that would follow once Fiske realised that his valet was still on his property. Yet he didn't want to admit to her just how bad the situation was.
"His Lordship was not very happy with my response to your plans, madam," he decided to say. That much Amy knew already.
"Oh." Amy's frown deepened for a moment as she pondered what to say. "I guess I'm sorry. Maybe we should have been a little more discreet about all that. We were just so excited about our plans that we didn't think anybody would see anything wrong with them," she said.
Bates lifted a brow at her but didn't say anything. It came to him as a slight surprise that Amy was level-headed enough to realise that not everyone might find her genetic experiments a normal procedure. It was much more he could say about Lord Fiske at the moment.
"I mean, I know people think I'm weird, but I've never really cared about that. I'm sure this is a science of the future and that one day my work will be appreciated!" Amy's tone grew steadily higher and an excited gleam appeared into her eyes, making Bates wonder just how sane she was after all.
"And besides, as long as I'm happy, what does it matter what everyone else says? If I want to have a collection of living Cuddle Buddies, that's what I'm going to do!"
Bates supposed that it made sense in some sick and twisted sort of way. If Lord Fiske wanted to have monkey hands and feet, why was it such a problem? It didn't hurt anyone, and he was certainly old enough to make his own decisions. It wasn't like doing this would change the man into a completely different person. In a way it was almost like getting a tattoo, only about a thousand times more extreme.
Maybe he had been so upset about this because mutation was something new and fought against every social rule he could think of? He was sure his reaction would have been the same if Fiske had brought home a boyfriend in his teenage years. It simply wasn't done. Maybe he was being a little too old-fashioned. This was the 21st century, after all. And yet…
"A man in Lord Fiske's position should think about his public image. What will this procedure do to that?" he asked. It was a half-empty argument, he knew, for everybody already thought Fiske was a little on the odd side. Keeping mostly to himself and being blunt and interested in people on a professional level only were not qualities looked kindly upon in his social circles. Bates had long ago got used to how they no longer received party invitations.
Amy chuckled. "I'm not giving him a tail, you silly! He can wear shoes and gloves if he wants to keep it a secret, though I wish he didn't," she said.
"Madam, with all respect, I'm not sure I understand the point of this. What is his Lordship going to accomplish by this?" Bates asked. It was an oddly twisted idea, but he felt like Amy was the one who could give him sane and precise answers about this whole mess. She was the professional, after all, and Fiske was probably too excited to give any thought to the hard facts of the procedure.
The woman frowned in confusion. "I thought he has already talked about this with you. Just what did you do last night?" she asked.
Bates didn't want to tell her how Fiske had exploded at him and thrown away years of servitude in his blind anger. It was too personal, and it almost made him feel ashamed. He knew that Fiske was prone to rash actions when he was angry enough, but a small part of him couldn't help but think that he was inadequate somehow, that he was no longer good enough and didn't fit into his master's new plans.
"We didn't go into details, madam," he said.
"Oh, okay. You know how he got his hand hurt in that stupid accident and that it made him really upset. When I give him monkey hands and feet, he won't have to worry about slipping like that anymore. He could be a trapeze artist after I'm done with him!" She paused to giggle for a moment. "And I think he has some kind of monkey fetish, too! It's really cute."
"Lord Fiske is the world' leading expert on everything simian, madam," Bates pointed out with an offended edge in his voice. It was a serious academic achievement and one of the things Fiske was known for among his colleagues.
Amy wasn't bothered by his tone or words. Her sunny smile, flushed face and sparkling eyes made her look awfully cheerful for someone who had just woken up. She was the exact opposite of Fiske who always needed at least two cups of tea before he could function properly.
"I know. I actually read one of his books when I was doing research for a journal. You know, back when I still did that kind of stuff," she said.
Bates found it hard to believe that this woman could have ever been a respected scientist in any circles. She was too unstable and there was nothing scientific about her; she was unpredictable and uncontrolled. She didn't even fit the mad scientist description down to a T because there was nothing malicious about her. He hoped that she really did know what she was doing and that Fiske hadn't chosen her merely because she was the only one insane enough to go along with his plans.
"It's seems like a shame that you lost your position with the university," he remarked.
This made Amy's spirits wither a little. "True," she admitted with a sigh. "I really wish I could still use their equipment and resources. I never realised how hard it is when you go solo, but I guess getting fired was to be expected after what I did."
Somehow, this reminded Bates of Fiske. He didn't like seeing parallels between his master and this woman, but he couldn't deny it that their situations were very similar. Both had deemed their personal interests more important than pursuing their careers and were now shunned by their colleagues, Fiske because he had abandoned them and Amy because she had conducted unethical experiments. Yet both of them seemed happier with what they had now than with what they had lost.
"Anyway, I only read about half of the book. Monty just drones on and on in his writing, but don't tell him I said that," Amy continued.
"I won't, madam," Bates promised as he finished preparing the tea. To be perfectly honest, he had never been able to finish any of Fiske's books either. The man was in the habit of assuming that everyone was an expert like him and therefore never explained the basics.
"Ooh, that smells really good! What is it?" Amy asked and leaned closer in interest.
"This is Lord Fiske's favourite brand of tea. He gets it from a family friend in India. I hope it's going to make him feel a little better about what happened," Bates explained.
Amy pursed her lips thoughtfully. "You mean your argument? I think – hey, that's my coffee!"
She got up from the table and went over to the counter where her coffee was now done. What she poured into her mug smelled of an odd mixture of cappuccino, apples and cinnamon. Bates doubted it would taste very good, but Amy seemed happy with what she had.
"I think you should talk to him," she continued as she was about to leave the kitchen with her mug.
"I doubt it's that easy, madam. I'm sure he's still upset with me," Bates said, thinking back to the mad rage on Fiske's face. The man had looked almost inhuman.
Amy tapped her cheek in thought for a moment before her expression brightened. "Oh, I know! I'll take him some cake. That should make him feel better," she said, came back and took a piece of fruitcake with her. She started humming her tune again as she skipped out of the kitchen and left Bates alone with his half-finished breakfast.
At least she meant well. Bates supposed she had no idea how much damage her presence was doing to Lord Fiske's mental state. She fed the man's idea that he could have everything he wanted, no matter how expensive or insane it was. It wasn't healthy to think that the entire world was there for your satisfaction. Up until now Fiske had been happy with what he could easily gain with his position, but these latest quirks…
Bates sighed as his thoughts were turned back to the diary. He still couldn't quite believe what he had read in it. Everything made sense in this context, but it was too hard for him to accept it all of a sudden. Fiske really was convinced that his vision was genuine and that the statues held some sort of mystical power. Bates believed that neither of these ideas held any truth in them; Fiske had merely got too carried away when he had found more and more myths to feed his excitement and when nothing had contradicted him. If Bates had known that things would go this far, he would have said something much sooner.
He thought back to the many times he had asked about China and how Fiske had avoided his questions each time. Why hadn't his master confined in him? He was the only one he could trust, and yet even he had been kept in the dark. If he had known, he could have done something to stop this.
"Now is not the time to wallow in self-pity," he said to himself. Fiske had kept everything a secret from him on purpose, so it wasn't his fault that things had come to this. It was a sign that this so called monkey magic had captured his master's mind so strongly that he could no longer trust even his closest companion. There was nothing he could have done without the facts, but he had them now. Despite the recent lack of any genuine partnership between them, Bates knew that now was his time to start fixing the damage.
He made sure he had enough of everything on the breakfast tray and started taking it to the dining hall. Before he reached the door, he could hear that both Fiske and Amy were present.
"I already told you that I don't eat cake for breakfast. It's unhealthy," Fiske said.
"Don't be silly! You have to start the day with something sweet or you'll be all grumpy," Amy's voice replied.
When Bates entered the room, Fiske was just taking a piece of the cake with a reluctant grimace on his face. He let it drop back on the plate when he saw his valet arrive. His brows came together in a displeased frown and he growled under his breath.
"I thought I told you to be gone by the morning," he said icily. Bates wondered if the man had paid any thought to where they would get breakfast without him. Probably not.
"I couldn't leave without talking with you first, milord," he said.
"I sincerely doubt I have anything else to say to you. Get out," Fiske snarled.
"Silly me, I think I forgot something in my room. I'll be back in a snap," Amy said and hurried out, sensing an uneasy moment and not wanting to be caught in the middle of it.
Fiske turned to glare at the newspaper without another word. He didn't even glance at Bates as he turned the pages, even though it was obvious he wasn't really reading anything. The valet knew that it was up to him to make the first move. Lord Fiske acted like such a spoiled child sometimes.
"I… is there no way to talk about this, milord? I think we both acted somewhat rashly yesterday," Bates started.
Fiske still said nothing, nor did he make a move to take anything from the breakfast tray. Bates shifted uncomfortably and wondered what to say next.
"Milord, I am terribly sorry for lack of tactfulness last night. I didn't know how to react," he tried again.
"That's still no excuse to blow it out of proportion like that."
"I know, and I do offer my apologies, milord. This is a tad… unconventional, that's all," Bates continued.
"I can understand that, but you have to remember your place. You have no say in my decisions," Fiske stated.
"Of course, milord. Do forgive me," Bates said. He couldn't recall any other occasion when he had grovelled like that. Then again, he didn't remember any other time when he had lost his job for being the only sane person in the room, either.
Neither said anything for a moment, and the dining hall was entirely silent, save for the steady ticking of a grandfather clock in the corner. Bates realised he was holding his breath. If things didn't go well now, he would have no choice but to leave the castle, maybe for good. He didn't know what he'd do then.
"Your words last night were entirely uncalled for. I would think you're wise enough to understand what the most sensible course of action in my situation is," Fiske remarked as he turned another page.
"I was merely thinking of your wellbeing, milord. I don't mean to doubt you, but are you sure you've considered all the consequences of these plans? I agree that enchanted agility and strength are worth striving for, but what about the price?" Bates asked. Though he had already half-way given up, he couldn't quite let the issue rest before he had used every ace he had.
"I have quite enough money to pay for this," Fiske said.
"Ah, yes, but I meant the social price, milord. How will your colleagues react? This is not something you can hide forever. What will they say when you return to the museum and --"
"I'm not planning to return to the museum, so you don't have to worry about that. What those idiots think of me could not concern me less," Fiske said. Now he took one glance at his valet, and the cold and indifferent look in his eyes made Bates want to shake the man's shoulders to snap him out of it. How could he have changed so much?
"What? But milord, what about your work?" he asked. He knew what kind of answer he would get, so he was not very surprised when Fiske said that he was more interested in the monkey statues and that he wouldn't have to worry about his past life once he had revealed all their secrets. Only yesterday Bates would have shrugged all that off as melodramatics, but now that he had read the diary, he knew that Fiske was actually serious. Good Heavens.
"Besides, I was getting bored at the museum. The jade statues were the first truly remarkable thing to come up in months," Fiske pointed out.
Bates searched his head to find at least one person in Fiske's life who might object to the mutation, but it proved to be a difficult task. His family would no doubt throw a fit if they found out, but Fiske probably cared about their opinion even less than about that of his colleagues.
"What about Mr Abercroft?" he asked. "I dare say he would deem this as foolishness."
"Really? I rather think he would like the proposal. He has always been adventurous and open to new ideas," Fiske replied.
"Yes, but --"
"Is that all you had to say? In that case, you had better leave so that Amy dares to come back and enjoy her breakfast. Her coffee is getting cold," Fiske said. He had now reached the end of the paper and folded it back together, even though Bates was certain he hadn't read a single word.
Now Fiske was just being petty. Bates was quickly growing annoyed, which was not what he wanted to feel at the moment. It would make it even more difficult to just sit through everything that would probably follow. He forced his face to remain neutral, though the temptation to frown was quite difficult to resist.
"How many times do you want me to apologize, milord?" he asked and couldn't quite keep his tone properly polite. He had admitted he was wrong, he had said he was sorry, he had given signs that he would go through with this after all. What else could Fiske want of him?
Fiske shot a dry look at him. "It's not an apology I want to hear. I want to believe that you will fully support me with my plans and not question me any longer. Frankly, after last night's performance, I have my doubts about that, I'm sorry to say."
Bates wanted to smash his head against the table. His reaction had been perfectly reasonable. Even Amy had realised that. He didn't really enjoy the thought that she was showing more common sense than Fiske at the moment.
"Nobody could have taken such new without some amount of shock, milord," he pointed out.
"True enough. Maybe it is a sign that I am better off working alone from now on. Or maybe I should find help that doesn't question my every word and action," Fiske said.
"I'm afraid you won't find anyone, milord."
"I beg your pardon?"
The look on Fiske's face could best be described as surprise and some amount of shocked amusement at that Bates had yet again gone against him. It wasn't often that the two of them disagreed on something, but now it seemed like they couldn't be of one mind about anything.
"I mean that I think it's unlikely that you're going to find someone who would take this better than I, milord," Bates explained, realising that it wasn't a good idea to let Fiske draw his own conclusions.
"Then I suppose I must continue alone. Pity, it's a shame to see everything come to this."
Bates knew his master well enough to realise when he was being played with. Fiske had already decided that he would keep him, but he didn't have it in him to admit such a decision and take his words back. They would keep going in circles until Bates said the right words that would bring everything to an end they both could see coming. Fortunately, he had grown pretty good with the game over the years. Topics such as whether they should go to the funeral of Fiske's disliked grandmother (they had) and whether it was socially acceptable to use their connections to help a relative's niece get into university (it was) had been resolved in this way.
"I wouldn't necessarily recommend that, milord," Bates said.
Fiske looked at him with a brow lifted in curiosity. "Oh, and why is that?"
"I fully admit I am not aware what sort of procedure you and Ms Hall are planning, but I would think milord might need some help after it. I dare say I don't trust anyone else but myself with your wellbeing," Bates said.
Fiske almost smiled at that and Bates knew he had won. "Very well. If you were anybody else, I would kick you out today, but since you have proved your worth in the past, I am inclined to give you another chance. Just make sure this sort of thing doesn't happen again," he said.
"You have my word, milord," Bates quickly promised.
This was when Amy decided to return to the dining room. She pushed her head through the door and took a careful look at the surroundings.
"Is it alright to come in?" she asked and played with the tips of her short hair.
"But of course. Do hurry or your coffee will get cold," Fiske said. "We're just about finished with our business."
"Oh, good," Amy said with a sigh of relief. She glanced at Bates when she took a seat. "So, are we all friends again?"
"Most certainly. Little disagreements can always be settled," Fiske told her.
Yes, as long as milord gets what he wants, Bates thought dryly, but he couldn't remain angry with the man now that he had been allowed to stay. He didn't think that the matter was entirely forgotten but merely pushed under the rug for the time being. Knowing Fiske, his master would use his doubts as a weapon the next time they had any differences of opinion. Bates could only hope that once they had dealt with the monkey statues, everything that had happened because of them would be pushed aside to give space to more important matters.
"We have already discussed most of the details regarding the procedure, but Bates here doesn't know anything," Fiske said and took a bite of a roll. "If you're interested, we can go them over."
"That would be appreciated, milord," Bates said. The more he knew, the better he could prepare himself for what was to come. As long as they were simply planning, there was the chance that Fiske would come to his senses and forget everything about Amy and her experiments, but the valet knew he had to accept the possibility that these plans could soon become reality, too. Maybe he could stop shuddering at the idea if he learnt exactly what was involved.
"Great! You should always double-check all your plans anyway," Amy added as she munched on a crumpet. Bates hoped she wasn't talking with experience.
"So…" he urged carefully. He doubted anything the two would say could shock him more than the bomb they had dropped the previous evening, but it was unnerving that he had no idea what would come next.
"Right. As you know, these useless human hands failed me in Indonesia and resulted in a needless injury. At first I didn't think there was anything to be done about it, but I just happened to read Amy's name when I searched her university's site for an entirely unrelated article," Fiske started.
"That's what I call fate!" Amy chimed in with a wink.
Fiske cleared his throat and shot a half-hearted smile at her. "In any case, I read a little about her theories on gene splicing and realised that it was exactly what I needed. Monkey hands and feet to make me agiler and to ensure that no accidents will slow me down ever again!" His voice changed from a rational and calm explanation to a violently triumphant tone towards the end, and Bates blinked the absurdity of it all. He doubted most people would have come to the same conclusion after reading about genetics.
"That's quite a leap of logic, milord," he dared to say.
"Maybe," Fiske huffed, "but once I got the idea, I knew how beneficial it would be. You already know that I did research about Amy and decided to meet her at the convention."
"But her research… It was purely theoretical, wasn't it?" Bates asked. He recalled Amy mentioning an attempt to create living Cuddle Buddies, but he found that hard to believe. Surely she couldn't be that crazy? And who would finance such insanity?
"It was supposed to be," Amy giggled with a devilish grin, "but I used the university equipment to try it out in practice! And it was a complete success!" Her victorious smile faded a little when she continued, "Too bad they found out and fired me. I would have loved to experiment more with it."
Bates thought she should have considered herself lucky that losing her job was all that had happened. A lawsuit would have been entirely justified in his opinion. However, he seemed to be alone with this opinion because Amy sighed wistfully and even Lord Fiske's mouth was an unhappy line.
"Yes, such a pity. It would be much easier for us if we still had access to that equipment," he said.
Bates lifted his brows hopefully. "So, you don't actually have means to carry on with your plans?" he asked. Maybe he wouldn't be able to convince Fiske of the stupidity of this, but practical issues just might have more success.
Amy shook her head. "No, but I've been planning building my own lab. You know, like a secret villain's lair type of thing! My grandfather left me some property near Mount Middleton, and it's the perfect location. Money is the only problem," she said.
"Which is why I'm volunteering to finance the whole thing in exchange for my new limbs," Fiske announced.
Bates didn't need to be a mathematician to realise that a project like that would cost considerably more than buying a rare stuffed toy. So much more, in fact, that he wasn't sure if the entire family fortune would be enough to cover it. Lord Fiske had property, of course, but he had never shown much interest in handling business, so his income wasn't what it could have been.
"Isn't that a little excessive, milord?" he questioned.
"Excessive?" Fiske repeated like the meaning of the word was entirely unfamiliar to him. "What do you mean excessive? It's the only option we have, or do you happen to know someone with high-tech equipment we could use?"
"But surely spending such vast sums is more than a little impractical, milord?" Bates insisted.
"No if it gives me what I want," Fiske snapped.
"A project like that could take the whole family fortune. What will you do then?" Bates asked.
Fiske glanced at Amy who in turn was playing with a biscuit and trying to look like she wasn't listening to their conversation. She seemed uncomfortable with the idea that they were arguing because of her, and for once she wasn't all smile and bubbly glee.
"If everything goes according to my plan, I won't have a need for money for much longer. We will discuss this matter later," Fiske hissed at Bates with a menacing scowl.
"Anyway," he continued and forced a bright smile on his face, "we haven't told Bates about the actual procedure yet, have we?"
"Oh, right!" Amy was back in the game in a snap. She turned to look at Bates with child-like enthusiasm making her face glow. "You're going to love this! I have never had a project like this, so I can't wait to get started! My previous experiments dealt with mixing the entire DNA structure of two different species, so the result was always a complete hybrid. However, since we're only altering hands and feet this time, it's going to take a lot more work and care to get it done!" she babbled.
Bates wasn't sure how this was supposed to make him excited. If anything, it made him more worried. Visions of everything that could go wrong flooded his mind, starting with Lord Fiske as a horrible man-monkey.
"I mean, if we went too far, Monty might lose his human vocal chords or grow a tail," Amy chirped.
"That might be a tad impractical," Fiske observed dryly.
"But of course that's not going to happen. I know exactly what I'm doing," Amy added quickly and smiled reassuringly at him.
Bates wasn't that convinced. He had never been one to watch movies, but he knew that if there was a non-tested and dangerous scientific experiment in the works, it always went wrong in the most horrible way. All they needed was a couple of teenagers to set things right again after their mess.
"But you said you haven't done anything like this before, madam," he reminded her.
Amy didn't seem bothered at all. "But I've done something a little like it. Monkeys are closely related to humans, so mixing the DNA is not going to be too difficult. My first experiment was with a Welsh corgi and a Tasmanian giant crab, two animals from completely different families. And it worked perfectly! She's the cutest little thing! Here, let me show you a picture." With that, she drew a photo from her pocket and shoved it at Bates's face.
The picture showed what would have been an adorable little dog if it wasn't for the crab limbs in place of its legs. The dog didn't seem one bit bothered by what had been done to it and looked almost as if it was smiling when looking at the camera with its tongue dangling out.
"I call her Lucy," Amy said when Bates handed the picture back.
The valet thought the creature was morbid, and he couldn't help but feel a stab of pity for the dog. To be subjected to someone's crazy experiments had to be the worst fate for any animal. In his opinion what Amy was doing wasn't any different from animal testing, but he was wise enough not to say it to her and definitely not in Lord Fiske's presence.
"How… fascinating," he managed to say.
"Isn't it? I can't wait to have my own lab so that I can make myself more cuddly friends!" Amy said.
Lord Fiske cleared his throat with an impatient frown on his face. "Getting back to the point," he said, "we're still undecided about what species of monkey we're going to use in the procedure."
"I like squirrel monkeys. They're awfully cute," Amy said.
"Being cute isn't near the top of my list of qualities I hope to gain from this," Fiske said in a strained voice. Bates got the feeling that this was something the two had already discussed to great lengths, much to Fiske's displeasure.
"Too bad. You'd be so adorable with a face like that. And they're really agile and fast, too," Amy said. "And then there's also the problem of acquiring the DNA. Common squirrel monkey DNA is easy to get, but many other species of monkeys and primates are nearly extinct."
"I know," Fiske said as he tapped his chin in thought.
"I don't really care which species we use, but from my point of view it would be the easiest if we used a primate whose DNA structure is as close to humans as possible. The risk of complications would be considerably smaller," Amy said.
"Hmm. That would mean a chimpanzee, possibly a gorilla, or…" Fiske stopped all of a sudden and turned his eyes from the table to Amy with an excited beam on his face. "What about an orangutan?" he asked.
"That would work," Amy said, "but where are we ever going to get orangutan DNA? They're almost extinct."
Fiske was all self-satisfied smile when he said, "Trust me when I say that it's not going to be a problem."
