Author's Note: Ha! I didn't take FOREVER to update this time. Although, I did want this to be up two days earlier, but oh well. At least it's not a two week delay like that last chapter. Haha. Thank you for all the awesome reviews, even though chapter 10 didn't get that many *shrugs* oh well. But at least this chapter is longer! Also, it's a quick switch back to Logan's POV, then when it comes back to present day it's back to James, in case you can't tell. I kinda figured we needed Logan's side of things from that morning. :) And, Morior Invictus told me about this song. It's called Hold On My Heart by Sarah Blasko and it actually does fit pretty well this story! Go give it a listen, it's a cool song :). REVIEW! :)
PS: There's only one chapter left :(
Disclaimer: same old same old. i dont own btr blah blah blah. wish i did though.
Chapter 11
There's an insistent pounding right behind Logan's skull. It feels like someone is repeatedly playing the drums up there and he wishes it would stop. With a groan he yanks the sheet over his head, willing the sunlight that's streaming through the window to just go away.
He blindly reaches a hand out, searching for that familiar, warm body. When he finds nothing but cold sheets, he pops his head out to investigate. The other side is completely empty, void of all warmth and a body. Frowning, he maneuvers himself until he's in an upright position; the pain in his skull gets a little worse. But he's got more pressing matters right now.
"James?"
Logan looks around the room, searching for his missing companion. He doesn't have another moment to think, though, before his stomach lurches and he's on his way to the restroom. It feels like hours, but eventually all the contents of his stomach are in the toilet. Grimacing, he quickly flushes the toilet and stands with a groan to brush his teeth.
While he brushes he thinks. Where could James be? Logan tells himself that James is out getting them breakfast, or maybe he's in another room, waiting for Logan. That thought makes him smile. He settles on the decision that James is waiting for him somewhere else, content for the moment.
After brushing his teeth and giving himself a once over in the mirror, Logan deems himself clean enough to wait another few minutes to shower. He has someone to go find. He quickly grabs the bathrobe hanging by the shower and slips it on. As he's leaving the restroom a sudden pang of uneasiness settles in his stomach. He tries to ignore it and push it away.
"James," he calls out as he heads into the main room of the suite. Logan frowns when he sees no James. He decides to try the kitchen, and, as he's making his way towards it, the uneasiness grows.
It hits him that the suite is too silent. James has never been much of a morning person. Ever since they were kids, he would moan and groan and protest to everyone that would listen how much he hated getting up so early for school. Since moving to L.A., things haven't changed. So to hear absolutely nothing disturbs Logan.
"James, where are you?"
Then he sees it. He may have been drunk last night but he remembers James, at some point during their time spent in the room, taking his shoes off by the door. The shoes aren't there. They're gone. And that scares Logan more than it should.
Without a second thought he takes off for the bedroom. Stopping in the doorway, he takes in the state of the room. His own clothes are still in a pile on the floor. Other than that, there's not a single trace of James ever being in here last night.
Uneasiness turns to desperation as Logan hastily begins to rip the sheets off the bed, hoping to find at least one article of James's clothing. Finding nothing, he gets down on the floor and searches under the bed. There is nothing under there either. So he sits back on his heels and just stares at the empty room. Nothing. Absolutely nothing to find. It's almost as if James had never been here. The only tell-tale sign that he was is the ache Logan can feel building.
He sits there for an hour. Eventually his butt goes numb and his headache worsens, but honestly, he would be lying to himself if he said he could feel it; he's numb all over. His cell phone ringing is what makes him finally get up, stretch his legs, try and get some feeling back.
The phone is nowhere in sight. It takes some searching but Logan finds it shoved underneath a pillow. He gets a whiff of all too familiar cologne. His heart lurches feebly. Maybe it has gone numb, too. He answers the phone quickly before the caller can hang up.
"Hello?" His voice cracks. He clears it and says hello again. It's Carlos. He wants to know where James is, if he's with Logan, or if Logan has seen him.
Tears prick the corners of his eyes so he wipes them away hastily even though Carlos can't see it through the phone. He tells Carlos he hasn't seen James since late last night. It hurts to say that, no matter how true it may or may not be.
Logan's call with Carlos is interrupted by a call from Kendall. He puts Carlos on hold and answers Kendall. Before he can even get a word out Kendall is rambling about James and New York and leaving.
"What?" Logan whispers.
"He left me a voicemail earlier this morning. He's gone, Logan. H-he went to New York, he's quitting the band, he said he can't do this anymore." Kendall, ever the fearless leader, sounds weak in Logan's ear. Their best friend is gone, and it's all Logan's fault.
Logan hangs up on Kendall. Without a second thought, he flings the phone across the room. It smacks against the wall with a satisfying 'crack!' before falling to the floor in two pieces. He's angry; he's guilty. He's blaming himself for this mess. Everything was perfectly fine until—
Logan falls face first into the mess of pillows and sheets. This is all his fault. He turns his head to the side and stares out the window. It's so pretty out there today. But Logan could care less. He screwed up the band; he screwed up one of the best relationships he's ever had in his life. And he doesn't have a clue what to do.
Someone comes barreling through the bedroom door. He vaguely hears Kendall and Carlos arguing over something, but all Logan can think about it JamesJamesJames. A hand lands on his shoulder, bringing him out of his stupor for a second. He blinks rapidly to clear the sting of tears and sits up, pulling the robe tighter around his frame.
"How did you get in here?" Logan asks. Anything to get the subject off of James, even if it is only for a moment.
"Housekeeping. But that's not important," Kendall waves a dismissive hand at Logan. "Do you know anything? Why would he just—why would he just leave like that?" He shoves a hand roughly through his hair.
Logan swallows, hard, past the lump in his throat. He can't tell his two best friends about last night. If they knew it would ruin everything they've built over the years. At least, he thinks it would. They have been friends since preschool, but that doesn't mean they know every single thing about each other. They don't know that Logan had feelings for James; they don't know that he wanted James for himself.
"I—" he chokes on his words. He clears his throat and continues on. "I don't know. After he brought me to my room he—he, uh, he left. I don't think he ever went to his room." Logan hates lying to them. He feels even guiltier now.
Kendall groans loudly as he sinks onto the bed beside Logan. "This is so screwed up. How could he do that?" Logan wants to comfort his friend, wants to tell him it will be okay, but he would feel even worse if he did that.
Carlos sniffles across the room. Eyes wide, Logan realizes that Carlos is crying. Carlos—happy, care-free Carlos—never gets that upset. Guilt slams into him heavier than before. Nobody should ever make his best friend cry, and he's the one that has done it. He feels like he's going to be sick. None of this should be happening.
"It's my fault," he whispers. He doesn't know why he's all of a sudden deciding to tell the truth, when moments ago he lied to their faces.
"Logan, it's nobody's fault," Kendall assures him.
Logan shakes his head fiercely. "No, Kendall, it's my fault. I-I screwed up. James is gone because of me, because of what happened last night. I'm-I'm sorry," he stammers out before standing abruptly. He hurriedly finds some clean clothes then disappears into the bathroom. He can't face them now.
Kendall starts pounding on the door. "Logan, what happened?" He sounds kind of angry, a little betrayed maybe. This makes Logan's heart hurt even worse. He leans against the locked door, slides to the floor, and buries his head in his knees.
It's almost as if his mouth has a mind of its own. He tells Kendall everything through the door. Tells him about drinking too much, about James being a good friend and bringing Logan to the room, tells him that they kissed, that they went a little farther than best friends should go; tells him that when he woke up James was gone. By the time he's finished there's silence on the other side of the door.
Then, much to Logan's dismay, there's the sound of feet running away, and a door slamming only moments later. Finally he allows the tears to fall. James is gone, his two other friends are angry with him, and everything is falling apart.
"Logie?"
Logan jumps at Carlos's voice accompanied by a soft knock. "Carlos, what are you still doing here?" he asks through his tears.
Carlos sighs. "I'm not going to leave you, Logan. You're—" He stops, like he can't figure out what to say. "You're hurting and you're my best friend. Just because you made a mistake doesn't mean I'm going to leave you. Kendall, well, he'll come around."
Logan smiles briefly. He stands and unlocks the door. Carlos is standing there, bottom lip stuck between his teeth, a sadness that should never be there clouding his eyes. Surprisingly, he steps forward and engulfs Logan in a hug.
"I'm sorry," Logan whispers sadly. Carlos only squeezes him tightly.
"We'll get through this. Don't worry."
Logan sighs and closes his eyes. They will get through this. James won't be there, but they will.
"Carlos and Kendall will be back soon."
James looks up from the magazine in his lap. He hasn't opened it, though. It's just sitting there. He nods to show he heard Logan. "That's good," he says softly. Sighing, Logan joins him on the couch.
"What did you want to ask me earlier, James?" Logan turns so he's facing James. James tries not to notice how close he is or how easy it would be to reach out and touch.
He swallows past the nerves. Why is this so hard? It's a simple question; something he needs to discuss with Logan. If he's ever going to get over this whole thing he needs to know everything he's ever wanted to know since he left that morning.
If he doesn't do it now, then he'll never get Logan back.
