Thank you for all the reviews and support for this story. I'm sorry that it took so long to update, my Taker muses have been rather demanding of me. Would you expect less from the "deadman" though? LOL Anyway thank you for the support and I hope you enjoy the update. We're coming up on the last few chs. of the story so enjoy the home stretch. And of course as always REVIEW!! thanks


Pregnancy is supposed to be the most magical time in a woman's life. The idea of growing life inside of your very own body. The inherit glow that supposedly happens during the magical time. But I'm feeling none of that right now. And I'm sure that if I have one more woman walk up and tell me that it's the greatest time of your life I'll be on trial for murder.

I'm sick of forcing smiles when they tell me how lucky I am. How can I possibly feel lucky when all I feel is nauseous? How can I feel this "glow" when all I see is a rather large woman staring back at me when I look in the mirror? I love the idea of starting a family, having a baby with the man I'm deeply in love with; but I absolutely hate being pregnant.

What I wouldn't give for one woman to write a book, or a celebrity to straight out say just how horrid pregnancy can be. That there isn't one day that goes by where you don't want to cry, or hate all the things that have happened to your body. Some women are made to be pregnant; some women hate it all the way through. I unfortunately have to be the latter.

However I am pretty sure that nauseous feeling that is sitting in the pit of my stomach has nothing to do with my now extremely active baby. At six months into the pregnancy I'm trying to keep a hold on my weight gain and sleep through the constant kicking and squirming that the baby is doing. And I'm also travelling one last time with John before I'm forced to stay at home. And it's the prospect of that that has me nervous with anticipation and nauseated from all the ideas of what could possibly happen.

I have not spoken to Randy in six months. He has respectfully kept his distance from me. Just as he said he would during our last lunch together. And although I've loved having John all to myself without any other voices in my head whispering all of the things that could have been; I have absolutely miserable without Randy.

I miss his expensive Armani scent, the way his tall lean body always seems to fold in half when he sits down into a chair, the arrogant smirk that I know is the opposite of who he is deep down. I miss the deep baritone of his voice booming throughout the house whenever he and John get together. In short I miss all of him. And I know that it has nothing to do with my pregnancy hormones. I miss my best friend and it's been eating at me all this time.

It's part of the reason that I've been so jittery and reluctant about this trip with John. And it's most of the reason that I haven't been able to keep anything down today. This baby wants to eat, but the knot that has become my stomach won't let anything past.

"Maddie baby are you sure that you're doing ok?"

I hear John's soft voice as I lift my head from the sink. All I've been doing since we checked into the hotel room is dry heaving and wetting my face to try and get over the attack of nausea. This is not the most magical time of my life at all.

"It's probably just the travelling that has me feeling like this. I'm sure that I'll be fine," I say as cheerily as I can. John's eyes are full of worry for me and our baby and I hate to add to it. Especially since he has to leave for the arena within the next half hour.

"You don't look fine Madison. Maybe you should see a doctor."

"John, we're a thousand miles from home, and I'm not spending the entire day in the hospital because I feel a bit queasy. I know you're worried about me," I add quickly seeing the frustration that starts creeping into his eyes. He wants to take care of me and he hates if I refuse him. "But I've been dealing 

with this for six months. I am sure I would know if there was something really wrong. It's just been a long day."

I hear the long sigh escape John's lips and know that he's not going to fight with me. And I send up a silent prayer of thanks. My nerves are shot as it is and I don't know if I would be able to handle a fight between John and me.

"Alright Maddie, if you say that you'll be fine I'll believe you. I have to leave soon," he tells me checking his watch. And I swallow the roll of my eyes that I feel coming on. Why do men always need to point out the obvious? "Will you be ok on your own?"

"I won't be on my own. I'm going with you remember?"

I notice the look of skepticism on John's face and gave him a questioning look. "What's the problem? We already agreed that I would be going to the arenas with you. The only reason that I said I would come on this road trip was to spend more time with you and see everyone one last time before I had to be stuck at home. You aren't going to tell me that you're just going to leave me here in the room by myself the entire time John."

It seems that before I know exactly what is happening, I'm wiping tears from my eyes and throwing some sort of curses at John who is standing there looking more than a bit bewildered. And the moment that I notice his face of shock I start to cry even harder. I'm crying because I hate not being able to control my emotions. I cry because I'm yelling at my husband when there is absolutely no cause for it. I'm starting to feel like an emotional basket case, and all I can do is cry about it.

"Maddie," John has me in his arms in a matter of seconds. "You don't have to cry baby," he whispers to me as I bury my head into his chest. "No one is telling you that you are going to spend the whole trip in the hotel room. I just thought that tonight it might be better if you stay here and rest. You're tired and nauseous. I just don't want you to push it too hard just for me."

I take a moment to calm my breathing and get control over my crying. I should have known that all he wanted was for me to take it easy. I should know so many things about John that I don't know. I should know if he wants a boy or a girl more; I should know if he plans on cutting down his wrestling schedule, or if he wants to give it up entirely. I should know that all he wants is for me to make it through this pregnancy without so many problems. But I don't. I don't know any of these things. I don't know what his plans are for after the baby, or what he thinks when he sees me having a hard day. He's my husband and somehow we're still such a mystery to each other. And that thought frightens me more than anything else.

"Alright Cena, I'll stay here tonight. But I get to go with you to every other show while I'm here," I tell him as I smile up into his face. I may not know all that I need to know, but one look into his amazing blue eyes and I know all that I need to know. I love him and that should be all that matters. That is all that matters.

"I promise Maddie, I will let you come with me every other night. I just think that tonight you should stay here and rest."

I nod and gladly accept the tender kiss that he's bending down to give me. I know what's coming next. He's going to lead me over the bed, tell me to rest and then leave. He'll tell me at least twice that he'll miss me and he feels terrible for leaving me alone. And I'll simply smile, pat his cheek and tell him to go. 

I may not know all that there is to know about him, but I do know that John says goodbye to me the same way just about every time that he leaves.

And I smile to myself as he places me on the bed and runs a large hand through my hair before placing a soft kiss on top of my head. It's the same every time. He leaves so often that I know exactly how it's going to go, yet I can't get used to it.

I still feel like a little piece of me is leaving whenever John goes on the road again after taking a short break from work. My heart isn't whole unless I have him with me, holding me and telling me all the sweet little things that he is intent on saying day after day. But then again I haven't felt very whole since the last time I saw Randy.

I was always used to having two men in my life. Two men to make sure where happy and taken care of, and it never bothered me. It seemed strange to so many people that my marriage always seemed to have three people in it; but it never was to me. Randy was a fixture in my life, a man that I loved from afar and kept my eye on. He was the little bit that John wasn't able to be whenever my marriage had problems. And I miss every day of my life. I know that we would have never been able to work out all that happened between us but some days I wish that we had been able to. There are some days that I wish he were around to take John by the shoulder and explain to him why I'm having such a bad day, or just how to handle my moods. There are some days that it's just too hard between John and I and I miss the buffer that Randy provided. But most of all I simply miss Randy. I miss his laughter, his deep commanding voice. The rough hands that always seemed to become more gentle than normal, whenever he touched me.

Saying goodbye to John I close my eyes and let my thoughts drift back to Randy. Only this time it isn't the same as before. I lost the feel of his lips long ago, and I haven't wanted his touch in months. Now I find myself thinking about the friend that I lost. I don't know if we can go back to normal once the baby is born. Maybe things will be even more awkward. But I do know that I miss our friendship. He was the one man that felt like a girlfriend to me. He let me sit, talk, cry, eat tubs of ice cream. It never mattered to him. All that mattered was that I was getting my time to vent, to talk through my problems. He took me shopping on all day sprees and made fun of John to help me relieve my stress. That man was the best girlfriend that I had.

The knock at the door startles me awake. I sit up and try to focus on what happened. I don't even recall feeling sleepy enough to fall into such a quick sleep. But the fog that my mind is in tells me that I did in fact fall asleep the minute that John left the hotel room.

I grunt as I lift myself off of the bed. I've been careful about my weight gain during this whole thing. It doesn't mean though that I haven't gotten rather large. It seems that any weight that I have gained has gone straight to my stomach which is poking out like a large balloon that is ready to pop at any moment.

I open the door without looking, thinking that it's simply John back to get his room key, or anything else that he may have forgotten. The man is always in a hurry and is always doubling back to get something that he left behind.

"What did you forget this time honey?" I ask as I open the door.

"Well I forgot John, or at least I haven't picked him up yet."



I smile and lift my eyes to see an amused look on Randy's face. My surprise at seeing him is only overshadowed by my pure joy of seeing him. I'm not silly enough to believe that I conjured Randy with my thoughts, but the coincidence of seeing him the day that I start thinking about him again is enough for me.

"Well, look what the cat dragged in," I say as my smile grows and I watch him shift nervously on his feet.

"Yeah, uh, John called and asked if I could give him a ride to the arena. I figured that we'd just meet up at his room like normal, but I guess he isn't here."

I shake my head and move aside. "No, he left already, but come on in."

I notice the awkward look on Randy's face and know the nervousness that he's feeling. I know it because I'm feeling it as well. Nearly six months of not seeing one another; I don't know what to say to him, or where to start.

"I don't know if I—"

"Please Randall, come in for a minute," I ask him quietly stopping his protest. I know that he feels weird. I know that he's still having a hard time about all of this. But I can't just give up this easily.

I walked away once because he wanted me to, the least that he can do is stay for five minutes because I want him to.

He nods uncomfortably and walks inside standing as close to the door as he can get without seeming rude.

"John asked for a ride?" I ask him to find out why and try to get Randy to loosen up. I know this reunion is strained, but I can't feel anything but excitement that it is actually happening.

"Yeah, he called me about twenty minutes ago. Said that something came up and he needed a ride. He didn't go into any detail."

I smile and sit down on the bed as the familiar dizziness hits me once again. "That was probably me. I wasn't feeling very well earlier, and he told me to stay home. I guess he wanted to leave the rental car for me just in case anything should happen."

Randy looks me over with a critical eye and I know what he's doing. He's trying to see if he can spot anything in particular wrong with me. If I'm not smiling as much as usual, or moving differently; but he simply smiles and rubs a hand over his chin.

"You're looking really good Maddie," he says in his deep voice. "John's been telling me what a hard time you've been having, but you look amazing."

I blush slightly and look down at the floor. John has told me that every day since he found out I was pregnant. He's picked me up off the floor while I was a crying mess and soothed me by saying how wonderful I look more times than I can keep track of. As wonderful as some women think pregnancy is, that's how much I am absolutely hating it. I hate what it's doing to my body and it's hard to feel beautiful when you are twenty pounds heavier than usual and your body is doing crazy things.

"Thank you Randal. I'm glad that someone other than John thinks that I look good. Especially since I've had a bad day."



"Are you feeling any better?"

I nod slowly and pat the bed beside me. "I think so, as long as I'm relaxing." I give him a reassuring smile to let him know that I'm telling the truth. "Really, Randy, I'm fine. It's just been a long day."

"John didn't tell me that you were coming on the road," he says trying to sound casual but I catch the undertone. He's surprised, hurt, but most of all confused.

Six months we've spent apart, it's been so long that we almost feel like strangers towards each other. He and John have worked past the awkwardness and gone back to their old ways. As much as they could anyway. But Randy and I are still at the very beginning. We don't know how to be with each other. We don't know if sitting near each other would be a good idea. Everything is so foreign that it feels new. It feels like I've never met Randy Orton before, and I'm not particularly fond of the feeling.

"It was a last minute kind of decision. I figured that I would just surprise everyone by showing up. I finally got John to agree that one last road trip before the baby would be a good idea. I'll be stuck in Tampa without a way out in a couple of months. I wanted some time with John before I can't travel and the baby comes."

"I can't believe that he actually agreed," Randy says with a chuckle. "All John talks about is how he needs to protect you and make sure that nothing goes wrong with this whole thing. I mean the way he talks you would think that you have some fatal disease or something."

I laugh and nod my head in agreement. "I know, that's just how he is though. Especially after he—well—you know after everything that happened."

Randy nods and clears his throat. He's thinking something over, I can tell by the way he's working his jaw and chewing his bottom lip that it's hard for him to figure it out. He doesn't quite know what to say.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking about that Maddie," he says finally. He concentrates on the carpet in front of him as he continues on. "I think about it every night. I was wrong to do what I did. It was in the heat of the moment and I did what I thought was best but I was wrong. I shouldn't have—"

"Randal," I say softly interrupting him. "You don't need to apologize or explain anything to me. You did do the right thing. Where would we be now if we would have kept up the crazy game we were playing?" I stand and walk over to him taking his hand and the electricity that runs through my body shocks me.

I'm supposed to be over him, over needing and wanting his touch. I haven't thought about it in months. So why does it feel like I've just been completed when I grabbed his hand?

"We are both better off," I force out of my mouth trying to keep on track. "I'm doing better than ever with John. The baby is going to come soon. Life is finally falling into place. I don't know how long it will last," I tell him honestly. "But I am ready to be happy, purely happy, for as long as life will allow me."

Randy nods and he clears his throat. He's fighting back an overwhelming sense of emotions, I can see the way it works his face into different expressions. He wants to be happy that he's talking to me once more, but he doesn't know how. There is too much else that sits in our way.

"Randall, can you spare ten minutes?" I ask as he looks at me with curiosity. "Just ten minutes to work things out between us."



He checks his watch and smirks. "What more can they do to me if I'm a little late. I'm already the bad boy of the WWE."

I laugh and sit back down on the bed and wait until he is comfortably settled before I say what has been on my mind for months.

"I know that what you did was because we needed a clear-cut separation from each other. Time to work through everything that we were feeling at the time, and I thank you for that, I honestly and truly do. You saved my marriage Randy. You put whatever you were feeling and wanted aside for the sake of me and John. But I think it's time to end it."

"What do you mean?"

"Randall, it's time that we stop avoiding each other. I don't know where we stand with each other; but I know that I don't like this. I feel like we're complete strangers to each other."

"So I'm not the only one feeling odd right now," he says lightly trying to manage a smile.

"The only thing that I want to feel right now is the excitement of seeing you and talking to you. I am about to have a baby and the only thing that I can think is that I want my baby surrounded by people that will love him, or her. I didn't have much family around growing up. Mama was always on the outs with my grandmother. It made it hard for us to have family around when I was young. But I know that I want my baby loved like I never was. And even if John won't say it, he wants you a huge part of our child's life. And I can't think of denying him that. We need to forget whatever is holding us back from each other and move on."

"Maddie I don't know if I can actually do that. I love you as much as I always have and I can't just move on from that. I want to, I've wanted to for the last six months. And I thought that maybe I was, until I knock on your door and see you again. I don't know what I thought would happen, but I know that I wasn't expecting this. It all feels the same Maddie, all exactly the same."

I sigh and rub my belly as it stretches out uncomfortably. The one thing that I know about my baby for certain is that I can guarantee there won't be any staying still. Four months all I've felt was squirming and flipping. I give a small groan as a painful kick hits my insides.

"Maddie?" Randy asks concernedly. "Maddie are you alright?" He rushes over and sits by my side wrapping a large arm around me and laying a hand unconsciously on my swollen belly.

"I'm fine," I say smiling up into his concerned eyes. "It was just a hard kick. Baby likes moving around a lot. And with a little confined space the urge to try and spread out is irresistible."

Randy smiles unknowingly as he feels the baby move beneath his hands. His face lights up with surprise and awe. "Do you feel that?" he asks me happily.

I laugh and place my hand right by his. "Of course I do, baby is inside me remember?"

"Look, he wants to play, he's following my hand around."

I laugh and lean back a bit so that he can have full access to my stomach. I'm used to this, it's what John does when he's home. He talks to my stomach as he moves his hand around coaxing the baby to follow him wherever he goes. And just like now I lean back and watch with a contented smile.



"This is what I want you to be part of Randall. You don't need to have to me to take part in this. Tell me," I say getting quieter. "Tell me truthfully that you don't want to be a part of this baby's life."

"I promise that I will think about all of this," Randy says seriously as he stands from the bed. "Nothing would make me happier than to take part in your kid's life. I just have to make sure that I'm going to be ok with all of it."

Tenderly he bends to place a light kiss on my belly and whisper goodbye. I smile at the delicate interaction and keep myself from crying. I cry at TV commercials these days. And it's a struggle not to cry when I see the way Randy is whispering to my belly telling the baby that "no matter what they'll turn out beautiful just like mommy".

"I guess I'll be seeing a lot more of you since you're on the road," he says to me lightly helping me sit up a bit further.

"Only for the next couple of weeks. Then I'm being shipped back home and that'll be that," I tell him smiling.

"I guess that'll be enough for me then," he smiles at me and places a delicate kiss on my lips. "I have to go I'm already late. I'll see you around backstage, beautiful."

"Of course you will," I say to him waving him off. "Tell John that I said hi and that I'm fine. I know he's probably going to be worrying all night."

"Don't worry Maddie, I'll take care of him," Randy says laughingly before walking out the hotel door to leave me alone.

I smile and curl back up on the bed. I don't know what happened between the two of us. But I do know that at least I am fortunate enough to be moving back to a place that feels comfortable between Randy and I. My life has been empty since he left it, and I know that I couldn't be happier that I am getting him back.

One step at a time; one day at a time. I'll say that to myself as I think through everything Randy, just like I say when I'm bent over the toilet bowl purging myself of my meals for the day. One step at a time; one day at a time. It's all that I can do, and all that I can ask for.