Please read! – I am really sorry for my late update. I have felt like crap and I have been forced into the mental hospital for the last two weeks. I am feeling better now, havn´t harmed myself in almost a week now, and I can look ahead and see life again. I do hope you forgive me. Now when I´m feeling better and have nothing better to do here at the hospital - There might be more frequent updates. But I can´t promise anything. Please be patient with me. Love you 3


When Draco arrived at the Slytherin common-room, Pansy was there, sitting in front of the fire and talking to a fifth year boy. Draco made his way to them, and sat down between him and Pansy, and by that, making the fifth year run away in fear of being touched by a homo.

"Nice cock blocking, Drake." She deadpanned then gave him a once over, as if noticing something.

"I thought you and Kyle were over?" She said, sounding uninterested, and gesturing to his apparently ruffled appearance.

Draco just looked into the fire, seeming subtlety uncaring of the subject as he studies his nails.

"This is not from Kyle, though."

"No?" Pansy asked, raising her eyebrows skeptically.

"No." Draco stated.

Pansy looked outraged, her uncaring act broken.

"Who is it from then? And why haven´t you told me this before? I thought we had agreed that you should tell me every guy you were with so that you could ask him for a potential threesome. Me included." She pointed at her chest and shot him a judging and disappointed look.

"It was from Potter. And I didn´t tell you seeing as I just got here but also because I doubt you would be wanting a threesome with him and I know for certain he doesn´t want one with you." He said, not flinching a muscle.

"Potter?!" She shouted, making the whole common-room look there way, but a glare from Draco made them turn back to what there were doing, pretending not to listen.

"Yes. He needed to lash out. And I provided him with the best possible solution. – Make out session. That´s what I´m good for, being Potter´s rag he can rub of his dirt on, leaving them all dirty." Draco mumbled, his words tuning out as he realized how miserable he really was. But he didn´t show it, and mealy looked indifferently at Pansy.

The girl wasn´t so easily fooled though, she studied him for a couple of seconds and then she lunged for him.

"Oh, Drake. Come here you prick!" She strangled him in a tight hug, then pulled away and looked him in the eyes as she stroked her hand down his cheek.

"Why do you always make things so difficult for yourself? You realize you only getting hurt this way don´t you?" She said, looking at him with a sad look in her eyes.

Draco huffed at her and pushed her away.

"Lay off, Pans. I do not fancy him and therefore I haven´t done anything to difficult my situation. I used him to rid my boredom. That´s all. And I got a good make out session out of it. It was a win, win."

"Draco, we both know you would give up your wand to have another go at him. I thought you was past all the self-deceiving. I thought you were starting to be honest to yourself for once."

"Pans… Please, just let it go. Then maybe perhaps I can let go."

He gave the girl a pleading look. A look barley ever seen on the pale face. The girl shut her lips closed; biting down the words she was going to shoot at him. She gave him a pitiful look before she made her way to the girl's dormitories, leaving Draco alone to pounder his situation.


"Harry who are you taking to the ball then?" Ron suddenly shouted across the room from his bed. Harry jerked, and looked up at him; he had been wandering off in his own thoughts again.

"I don´t know. I don´t really fancy going actually." He mumbled and scratched his ear absently.

"What?!" Ron exclaimed, making both Hermione and Harry jump in surprise. "You can´t back out now mate, you can´t just leave me!"

Hermione rolled her eyes but then turned to Harry, giving him a stern look.

"Harry, you have to go, it´s obligatory for the champions to come, they have to initiate the first dance. The ball is made for your honor; it would be rude not to come."

Harry suddenly stood up from his bed, balling his hands into fists and looking angrily at them.

"I never asked for this! I don´t want the honor, why can´t anyone understand that?! And it´s not like I have someone to go with anyways! Sure there is all this stupid girls fawning after me, but I don´t want them, they are just so silly and they just want to be around me cause I´m a champion and I´m…. I´m just so freaking tired."

He let out a deep breath and then sunk down on his bed again, exhausted. He looked down into his lap feeling stupid for his outburst. He shouldn't let his anger go out on his friends, it wasn´t right. It wasn´t their fault his life was such a mess.

"I´m sorry, that was uncalled for. I´m just so sick of all this. I just want to be normal and not some hero or champion or the freaking boy who lived." He drew a hand through his hair and sighed. He was tired of apologizing.

"We know Harry, and I´m really sorry this happened to you, but this is how it is and you can´t just keep ignoring your duties."

"DUTIES!?" Harry snapped.

"I know I have duties! I have had duties all my life! If not facing Voldermort it is duties at the Dursleys! Clean the house, or we´ll kick your ass! Kill Voldermort! Or you´ll die. Cook us dinner! If you don´t want to starve. Learn how to fight dementors! Because they seem to love you because you are some fucking freak who had a fucked up life and that´s why they want you. Go back in time so you can save your only chance for a decent family only to realize that you failed and can never live with him because you fucked up. "

He felt his chest tighten and his lungs shrinking. He started to hyperventilate.

"A-and now, you tell me to do some f-fucking dance. I´m sorry, but I think that´s b-bullshit. I´m DONE. No more."

He looked up at his friends. Ron looked frightened and Hermione had tears in her eyes, her lip quivering.

"I-I´m so s-sorry. Ha-harry." She wiped her tears away and took a couple of deep breaths.

"We´ll work something out. You don´t have to go to the ball. I know, it must feel silly. Considering… Everything. I-I didn´t realize. "

She shook her head, lost for words. She looked at Ron who picked up the pace.

"Yeah, mate. We´ll fix something. I could pretend to be you. I wouldn´t mind being a champion for a night. Heh" He laughed nervously.

"RON! That´s a great idea!" Hermione exclaimed and clasped her hands together.

Ron gave her a skeptical look. "Yeah, sure Mione. Problem is I have red hair, freckles and I am about 2 feet taller than him."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "I know silly, but as you may or may not recall, I have some polyjuice potion left since second year. We can just remove the hairs from Crabbe and Goyle, and put some of Harry´s in. It´s called recycling." She said, looking happier again.

"Is that even possible?" Ron asked.

Hermione signed. "Don´t you ever read, Ronald?"

"Well… No."

"Uhm. Second thought, I think it would be better for me to do this. You are far too stupid to be able to act the part."

"Am not!"

"Yes, you are. And you have no manners, and you are an open book. And you can´t dance."

"Harry can´t dance either!"

"Well, better then you at least. And you would be even worse considering the change of height; you would only stumble around, being used to having long legs. I on the other side am the same height as him. It´s common sense Ronald."

Harry watched his two friends with a bored expression.

"Are you two quite done bickering?" He signed, making them aware of his presence.

Hermione snapped his head at him, afraid he might have another outburst again.

"Oh, of course Harry, sorry. But does this sound okay to you? If I go in your stead you can just lay around here and rest. Or study for your potion essay. It´s due next Thursday you know.

"Yes, it sounds good. Thank you. And I´m sorry for yelling."

"It´s okay, Harry. We understand that you have a lot to deal with." She said softly.

"Wait… We have a potion essay?! Ron shouted, looked distressed.

Harry lied down on his bed again, shutting out the voices of the bickering that would most surely erupt any second. This was good.


One week later – Night of the ball

Draco walked down the stairs to the entrance hall. He looked fabulous, and he knew it. He had been working for several hours, sculpting his entire being into perfection. His hair was glowing and flowing and his face had gone through a carefully processed skin routine. He was flawless.

Well, not entirely true. There was one slight problem. He seemed to have grown a mutated abomination to his side. Kyle. He really didn´t want to go with him. But he had a plan. And he was going to follow it through to the end. And Kyle really acted the part. He was glued to Draco´s body, holding an arm around his waist and whispering things not meant for children's ears. The words went straight threw Draco, though. He was searching. Looking for that familiar flash of green. The messy hair and the awkward, self-conscious walk Harry always managed to do whenever a crowd was near. He couldn´t help but wonder how someone so awkward and unsecure person could be such a ferocious and confident kisser. The way he takes control and the way he can make a completely collected and civilized Slytherin into nothing but a whimpering fool. The passion and the force and the strength and… There he is.

Arm in arm with some unimportant and stupid motherfucking, Gryffindor slut. His hair looked as if it had been tried to be tamed at some point but unleashed itself and was now roaming free along his neck and forehead. His eyes were, by some reason not covered by glasses, making his eyes stand out even more. His robes were fit perfectly around his lean body and Draco had to lean against Kyle to stand upright.

"Aren´t you a cuddly one." He said, burrowing his face into Draco´s hair, probably messing it up, but Draco was too oblivious to care.

The champions all made their way to the center of the room; Harry looked so out of place it was almost funny, with his short height and messy hair and those nice robes.

The pairs took their stands, backs straight and arms up and ready. The music started and the formal dance began. Draco watched Harry and couldn´t help but feel that he looked a bit odd. Draco had always pictured him dancing like he walked, awkwardly and stiff. Like he was trying his hardest to make it right. He wasn´t a good dancer, per se, but he looked… softer then he would have imagined. His wrist was bent in a soft bow, and his back was slightly arched. It looked odd. Draco shook his head to clear it and noticed others were joining in to dance.

He yanked Kyle´s arm and made his way to the middle of the floor, gracefully twirling and swaying so that he was next to Harry and his disgraceful date.

"You look ridiculous." He hissed to an oblivious Harry who started and lost his pace in the dance.

He jerked his head to the side and eyed Draco with an expression of surprise and horror. Like he was frantically trying to figure out how to act. But he soon got himself together and twirled around, so that the girl´s back was against Draco, and then put and arm around her and sent Draco the middle finger behind her back. Draco flashed him a smirk then stretched his neck to reach Kyle´s throat, and started kissing him and sucking at the precise spot that Harry had done to him. Then raised one eyebrow at Harry, as if challenging him. He looked for his reaction and was met only by a blank face. No resemblance or recognition or even outrage. Only a faint spluttering as if he was embarrassed by such a crude gesture. He twirled away with his date and left Draco wondering if maybe Harry had been so angry and distressed that day that he had a blackout of the whole make out session. And here he thought he would make him mad with desperation for more. Or at least tease him to be mad enough to do it all over again. But he seemed to have no memory of it. That had to change. He would just have to make him remember.

Draco licked his lips. There was a little sting of sadness by the fact that something so intense and something that had etched its way into Draco´s mind would slip away so easily to him. He seemed to always forget that Harry didn´t think of him like Draco thought of him. He was so blinded by his feelings for him that he created a world of his own where there actually was a chance that Harry felt the same way. But Draco knew somewhere deep down that he was just fooling himself into believing it so that he wouldn´t have to deal with the fact that he was denied the only thing he really wanted. Rejected. That time several years ago had really torn a part of Draco´s being. The rejection of his friendship had made him a whole different person. He had felt insecure for the first time in his life and he still do. There was no one who could make him feel as vulnerable and rejected as Harry could. But there also was none that could make him so incredibly self-satisfied and at ease with himself.

Conflicted. He was so confused. Yet so sure of what he wanted. Hewanted Harry. He needed him. Not only to prove that he really do get whatever he wants, but because he needed to prove to himself that he was capable of fighting for something himself. That he could achieve happiness like any other person. Not through shortcuts and privileges and a flawless bloodline. But through hard work and by showing his true self. To be whom he really was. To show everyone and himself that he had strength.

The dance ended and Draco wasn´t aware of it until he felt a squeeze of his shoulder.

"Want something to drink?" Kyle said, smiling at him with those French lips.

Draco absently nodded yes and went with him of the dance floor and to the huge bowl with punch. He was handed a mug and noncommittally took a sip, not really noticing the slight sting of something a bit stronger than a regular punch would taste like. He sat down and continued drinking with Kyle at his side.

"I think someone spiked the punch." He whispered into Draco´s ear.

Draco whiffed him off with his hand as if trying to get rid of an annoying fly and looked around the room. Harry seemed to have disappeared with his date somewhere. Or if Draco knew him, he was probably hiding so that he didn´t have to dance anymore. He had always hated big gatherings. He gave up his search and swallowed his drink in one gulp.

"More" He demanded and handed the cup to Kyle who hurriedly went off to refill his drink. Draco could get used to this. A little pet doing whatever he wanted. Like a house elf only less ugly. Only imagine letting a house elf kiss you like that. Urgh. Nope. Not even if it would magically make Harry realize that he wanted Draco… Well. Second thought. Maybe he would. Shit. He if transforming into some sort of desperate Hufflepuff. This is bad. Kyle came back with his cup and he swallowed it quickly in a couple of gulps. He needed to take action. If his mind had gone so far as even considering kissing an elf, then he was really far down. He stood up swiftly, swaying a bit as he did so. He felt a bit light headed but he shook it off. He turned around to Kyle who looked at him curiously.

"Stay" He said sternly, pointing at him. Then he turned around again and made his way across the room, where he had seen a lot of the Gryffindors was sitting. When he was there, he stopped abruptly and looked around, swaying a bit on the spot.

"Weasel!" He shouted a bit too loud, making his way to him. He gave him a once over with raised eyebrows.¨

"You look stupid." He said, and somehow made it sound more like a statement then an insult, which must have taking Ron of guard because he merely looked at him with a slightly opened mouth. Much in the resemblance of a fish. Draco however didn´t stop to make another statement about his continuing stupidity and went right to business.

"Where´s Harry? I need him." He said, with only a slight slur to his words. Then he shook his head.

"No… No I mean I need to speak to him." He said, after clearing his throat.

Ron eyed him suspiciously but then pointed to the boy´s lavatory.

"T-thanks ferret… I mean Weasel!" He stapled off towards the bathrooms and found Harry standing a few feet away from the urinal, looking anguishly at it with crossed arms. Draco looked around the room and found that it was otherwise empty.

"Potter! Hiding in the bathrooms, who´d knew?" He said, making his way to him.

Harry swished around, looking distressed.

"O-oh. Malfoy. Well, yes. Or.. Well. I had… a lot of punch a-and you know. I really need to… Uhhm. But ehm…" He hiccupped and looked desperately at the urinal again.

"Yeah. I think someone spiked it. I suspect Finnegan." He took a step closer to him, then another one. Harry looked dizzily at him, blinking lazily and swaying on the spot.

"Soo. I had this… Thing I wanted to do. Or say." Draco started.

Harry looked up at him, with heavy lids and nodded slowly.

"O-okay." Draco took another step towards him, now standing right in front of him.

"See, I was slightly disappointed at your lack of memory. And I wanted to remind you. But then I thought. That you would need… Some kind of explanation… And. It´s… Well. Thing is… I…" He shook his head frustratedly. How could it be so hard to say something so easy? It´s just words!

"I find you… Not so annoying that one might think. I find you quite great actually. It´s hard, see.. Urgh.. no.." He shook his head again and looked down at his feet.

"W-what are you taking about, Malfoy, you really d-dont make… Any sense at all and…"

Draco looked up and closed the distance between them. He reached one hand to his cheek and the other finding his soft, messy hair. He pressed his lips against his desperately while pressing his eyes closed, breathing shakily through his nose.

He waited, and waited. And waited. But there was no response. He drew back and took one look at the shocked, dimmed face then turned around and ran out the room.


The room was spinning and Hermione could barely make out the contours of the things around her. She closed her eyes and tried to make her brain function and think normally like it always did. Her otherwise organized mind was now frantically trying to put two and two together. It was frustrating. She didn´t understand anything. Her thoughts were flying around in her head and she had no control of herself. What had just happened? Had it really happened? Was she dreaming? If so, why would she dream about Malfoy kissing her? She shook her head and deemed it a stupid thing to do. Now her head was spinning even more. Somehow, she made it out of the room she was currently in, and out into the hall where people were laughing and dancing. She took support to the walls and magically found her way to the entrance hall, where it was much less people. She looked around and tried to remember which stairs lead to Gryffindor tower. Right? Left? It must be left. She stumbled up a couple of steps almost falling backwards in the process.

"Hermione, where you going?!"

It was Ron, he ran to her, who was still in the form of Harry and grabbed hold of her.

"hmm. Imma go sleep. Don´t feel so good." She slurred

"Well, you´re going the wrong way, if you don´t plan on going to the raven claw´s dormitories to sleep." He chuckled and took her/him around the waist.

He turned them around and walked up the stairs to the Gryffindor common room. Once inside he tossed her on the couch, and sitting down beside her.

"Are you okay? I heard Finnegan spiked the punch."

Hermione nodded curtly and signed.

"Yeah, just… Dizzy S´all. I… I need my bed." She mumbled and stood up.

"Okay. I would help you up, but I´m afraid I would fall to my death if I tried. The school really should update their rules about girl dormitories." He chuckled.

Hermione nodded absently and walked unsteadily up the stairs and into her room. If she had been in her fully capable state of mind, she would had waited until she was her normal self until she went upstairs. But she wasn´t. But happily for her, she was alone in the room. Everyone was still down at the ball dancing and having fun. She threw herself on the bed and looked up the ceiling. She closed her eyes and lied still for merlin knows how long. Her normal hair started to grow back and she felt a swell at her chest. She opened her eyes.

"Oh merlin! I was Harry!" She exclaimed, suddenly realizing the horrifying situation. It hadn´t been her Draco had kissed. It had been Harry. And it hadn´t been a dream. It had been reality. She sat up on the bed, utterly confused and very distressed. How… and why? She tried to remember the conversation. The hesitation which Hermione never seen on Draco before. The stuttering and the blushing and… Oh god. The kiss. He… Confessed? But then he ran away. This… This wasn´t good. Maybe he regretted it. Now when she recalled, he didn´t seem to be very sober himself. Maybe it was just an act of a sneaking plan to mess with Harry? Or had it just been the Alcohol playing it´s unpredictable pranks? Should she tell Harry? Oh… No. It wasn´t up to her to say. Draco might even have forgotten it himself. She shouldn´t say anything. She would just have to wait and see.


There we go. Hope you enjoyed!