A/N Hey there pretty people. YOU READY FOR THIS? I MEAN ARE YOU REALLY READY FOR THIS? THIS May be one of the biggest chapters yet. I'm going to piss my fucking pants! AHHHHH! This is going to be some emotional shizz. THIS CHAPTER TESTS THE HONESTY AND TRUST OF KENMEN (KendallxCarmen official couple name) This is Boyboysboys love em signing off…for now.

Bold Italics: Her conscience

Italics: Negative voice (AKA Cameron)

Disclaimer: I don't own BTR nor do I own any Big Time Rush related things. I do own Rosalie Lewis, Joy Lewis, Carmela Rodriguez, all of my other OCs I may have to add in and I also own the idea of Super Slutty. If you want to use Super slutty just PM me and ask! I'm a fairly nice person. Originally created April 15, 2011.

WARNING: SUPER SLUTTY IS A GAME NOT TO BE PLAYED FOR REAL. IT'S DANGEROUS AND JUST WRONG. IF YOU DO DECIDE TO REALLY PLAY SUPER SLUTTY I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR ACTIONS. I CANNOT BE BLAMED FOR I AM TELLING YOU GUYS IN ADVANCE I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO IT.


Chapter 11

(This Is So Bad!)

*Carmen's POV*

-Next morning-

I wake up pretty early in the morning. Around 8:30, 8:45ish. That's pretty damn early for me if I do say so. I mean 10 and 11 are my normal early times. I have no idea why I'm up so early, but it was kind of nice to actually be up before lunchtime. I bring my arm up and wipe the crud from out of the corners of my eyes and I yawn. I blink my eyes a few times and then try to get my bearings together.

Alright so I'm definitely not in my apartment, that's for sure. Looks like Kendall and Logan's room. I raise an eyebrow and yawn again. I pull the comforters farther up over my bare chest. I notice the other figure in the bed next to me. I feel my legs intertwined with someone else's and I realize that we are both naked.

"Ohhh yeahhh…that's what happened." I whisper to myself. I smile as I watch Kendall's unconscious form next to me. His thin strands of blonde hair fall over eyes adorably, and his lips are slightly parted, letting out small adorable puffs of air. Awwww he looks so adorable and innocently adorable…like a little kid. I could just kiss his face.

As I watch Kendall sleep (did I say he's adorable?) I start to think. I wonder if he had as much fun as I did. Would he do it again? What if he's going to pull that lets just stay friend's crap? What if he won't look at me anymore? What if it's awkward after he wakes up? Aww shit. I really need to stop having pep talks with myself in my head. This has got to be counted as mental insanity somewhere. I give myself a little mental pinch and go back to focusing on the positives again. It was pretty fun. I mean, its Kendall for goodness sake…but, we barely know each other. I mean I know a couple of things about him, things I've picked up, or that he just told me. He barely knows anything about me, like my parents…or my friends…or the bet…oh god. Going back down hill.

"I'm going to fucking kill myself." I mumble under my breath. How long have we been together? Technically like a week and a day, but I count it as 3 weeks since our first date. I'm pretty sure D'Angelo's Untitled will be my favorite song for a while now. A creepy smile sneaks its way on my face. That was a nice night…

You know what I'm going to wake him up…I've got nothing else to do. To sit up I have to so some limb untangling. I finally figure out where my limbs are and unlink them. I sit all the way up and push some of my hair out of my face. I look around the room and notice Logan is once again not here. I wonder why. Sarcasm intended. I wonder when he came in and, decided not to sleep in his bed.

"Kendall." I whisper. He doesn't move. "Kendall." I whisper a little louder. Still nothing. I say his name in sing song and poke him in the cheek. He grumbles something under his breath and scrunches up his nose. I sigh and get onto my knees and clutch the blanket to my chest. What to do. What to do?

I have this realty weird sense of déjà vu at the moment. Maybe I should do the wet Willy thing again…Nah. Not in the mood. I see Kendall's t-shirt at the foot of the bed. I lean down to grab the shirt, and I slip it on over my head. I look around I see my SpongeBob Goofy Goober under pants. I crawl to the edge of the bed and find them on the ground. I grab them and slide them on over my bare ass. I shuffle back over to Kendall and kneel next to him.

"Kennnnndddddaaaaalllllll." I drone.

"Leave me alone." He mumbles. He pushes his face into the pillow making his reply muffled. I bite my bottom lip and contemplate doing what I'm thinking about doing. He turns back onto his back and continues sleeping. Conscience seems to be losing this battle. I crawl over Kendall and partially straddle his hips. I make sure that I'm not touching him in any way, at least not yet. I bend over and use my arms as support to keep myself up by placing them on either side of his head. I lean down and lay a quick peck to his lips.

Nothing.

I kiss his jaw.

Nadie.

I place a light kisses down his jaw line and neck.

Still nada

I lick a little trail down his jaw and to his chest.

He stirs.

I peel the blanket back some, to expose his chest to the air.

I lean down again and place little butterfly kisses down his chest, rolling the blanket down a little lower each time. I stop right above his pelvic bone and look up. I bite my lip while smirking.

Should I?

I mean, should I really?

Fuck yes you should.

You could call it…

A morning gift.

From you to him for an amazing night.

Aw crap. Now I sound like a prostitute ho bag.

No I won't.

I don't think I can do it.

Oh you won't do it now, but you would have done it like a month ago, you retard.

Hey! I resent that. It's not my fault man.

It kind of is. It's your life style, and it's gonna come back and bite you in the ass!

It was my lifestyle. I'm turning over a new leaf. Even though the other side is dirty as hell and will probably stain my mew side a little, I'm trying. That's what matters.

You're gonna fuck up. I'm trying to warn you.

Shut up and go away. Why are you even here? I'm pretty sure I got rid of you like 5 years ago.

Nope. I've always been around, I'm just coming back because you need a good kick in the ass after what's about to happen…

Happen? What's about to happen? Voice? Dude, I know your still there.

Bye, Carmela…hehe

My eyes widen and I gasp. Holy shit. That damned voice inside my head is back. I know I usually talk to myself anyway, but that voice loves to tell the bad truths. And it jinxes me every time it appears. I told my mom and dad I thought I might be schizophrenic, but they told me it wasn't schizophrenia. If it isn't schizophrenia then what the hell is it? I know hearing voices definitely isn't a normal thing. It's gotten to points where I have arguments with myself in 3rd person in my head.

I roll my eyes at myself and then raise an eyebrow. When did Kendall start breathing non slow like? Aw he's been awake the whole time! That's jerk wad. I scoff.

"Kendall I know you're up." I say. He smiles but keeps his eyes closed.

"No I'm not." He says.

"Oh then how are you talking?" I ask crossing my arms over my chest.

"Ever heard of sleep talking Carms?"

"Ever heard of getting up and giving me a good morning kiss? Or do I have to do all the work in this relationship?" I ask playfully. He opens his eyes and sits up slightly on his arms. He then proceeds to yawn and stretch.

"You don't do any work in this relationship Carmen. That was such a lie." He says with a smirk.

"Oh really?"

"Yes really."

"Alright then. How about I initiate the next kiss?" I say. He shrugs.

"Fine."

"Fine." I say back. I smile and lean downwards. I place a virtually pressure less kiss to his lips, until he pushes a little more. This time the kiss wasn't hungry, or animalistic, or ravenous. It was…nice. The soft movements of his lips against mine. He puts his arms around my waist, and ushers me into a lying position next to him, not breaking the kiss. Slow and delicate. The whole time, it was just great. I break away first after almost 5 minutes of this, amazing kiss.

"Wow…" I say through a gasp of air now on my side next to him. Kendall pulls me closer to him so that we're forehead to forehead, chest to chest, and legs intertwined with each others again. "I don't know if you know this or not…but you make it really hard not to like you." I say poking Kendall's nose. He laughs a little and closes his eyes and hums quietly. "We have to get up at some point…" I say in a whisper.

"I don't wanna." He mumbles. I sigh.

"I don't either, but I don't exactly think either of us wants your mom, sister, or any of the guys to see us like this…even though I'm not naked exactly. We did miss dinner, which is pretty suspicious."

"True." He groans and sits up. He stretches his arms up in the air. I start getting a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. It's either that voice again or gas…its probably just gas. I shake it off and climb out of the bed. I look around for any of my clothing items to put on. I grab my bra off the ground and my shorts and put them on. I take off Kendall's shirt, put my bra on, and put his shirt back on over it.

"I should go back to my room so I can go take a-"

"Good morning!" the door to Kendall and Logan's room busts open and Logan comes in very peppy for this early in the morning. I scream and stumble over my feet slightly as my face heats up. "Whoa, I didn't interrupt anything did I?" Logan asks.

"No, just getting ready to go take a shower and eat breakfast." Kendall says grabbing clothes out of his closet to wear for the day.

"Huh…" Logan says. He cocks and eyebrow and tilts his head to the side. "You seem to have gotten over your ex-boyfriend pretty fast." He says. I freeze in my movement and look back towards Logan in shock.

"Ex-boyfriend?" I ask.

"Yeah, that dude who cheated on you with your cousin back in Arkansas?" he asks confused. Boyfriend in Arkansas?

Hey idiot, remember that lie you told him to get into his pants?

Oh yeah. That. "Oh yeah that ex-boyfriend….the one under the bleachers." I say. "Yeah, he was a jackass…"

"What ex-boyfriend in Arkansas?" Kendall asks leaning on his dresser.

"Um, I had found out that my boyfriend had been cheating on me about two weeks ago, and Logan helped me forget…about it." I say slowly trying to remember the lie I had told to Logan.

Smooth explanation…

"Wait, didn't we start going out like two weeks ago…were you cheating on your Arkansas boyfriend with me while he was doing the same thing to you there?"

"No, it's not like that! I didn't and he didn't. Uhm…um. I wasn't cheating on anyone really-"

"Did you say Logan helped you forget about your boyfriend?" Kendall asks standing up straight and crossing his arms over his chest.

"Yeah. Hey Logan you wanna help me explain myself out of this?" I ask looking over to him for help.

"I-I think I said too much in the first place…" He says looking down at his shoes. I can't really blame him. He didn't know, and it's kind of my fault here.

"Well, you could say that I was…"messed up"…at the time over the situation, and I didn't know what to do. So I went to Logan for comfort, and he helped me out a bit…and yeah…" I say trying to evade the main part of the story.

"Carmen, I can tell you're having difficulty keeping up with your lies right now."

"I'm not lyin-" Kendall gives me a look and I stop mid word. God, I hate him so much sometimes. "Okay fine. I'm lying. I'm lying. I've been lying to virtually everybody, and now that damned voice is back and now it was right and it's burning me in the ass. Now I'm talking to myself so I look stupid, so I'm just going to come out with it. I'm going to regret this but it's got to count for something." I say throwing my hands into the air. "I give up. I might as well tell the truth, it won't end well either way but whatever."

I sigh and run a hand through my messy and unkempt hair. "I slept with Logan." I tell Kendall. I turn and face Logan. "I never really had a boyfriend in Arkansas. Sorry." I say shrugging. I don't know why but I turn on the mega bitch mode. The truth is going to hurt. I'm just not sure if it's going to hurt me or them the most. "Rose bet me when we first got here that I wouldn't be able to fuck all of you by the end of the month. If I won I got thirty bucks, if I lost, I had to give up all of my alcohol." I say crossing my arms over my chest and jutting my hip out.

"So…you slept with me because of a bet? A bet for thirty dollars?…And…you drink?" Kendall asks in surprise.

"Wow, I'm surprised you pieced that together. Congratulations you can learn at a 2nd grade level." I say sarcastically. "And do you really expect to know everything about me Kendall? We've only been going out 2 weeks now. There's so much shit that you don't know about me. In fact I've slept with all of your friends, I've lied to your face on a daily basis, I drink regularly and I'm pretty sure that I'm a partial alcoholic." I say shrugging nonchalantly.

"Carmen. I don't think you're thinking about what you're saying. Maybe you and Kendall should talk this out in priv-" Kendall cuts Logan off.

"No, let her keep talking Logan." He says. I smirk.

"You're lying. You've got to be lying…I don't believe you." He says.

"Ask Carlos and James. I've slept with them too Hun." I say. He glares at me, but hesitates to call in the other member of their group.

Nice bitchiness. I'm so proud of you.

"CARLOS! JAMES! COME HERE!" Kendall shouts not taking his eyes off me. James and Carlos come into the room with confused faces looking at the three of us. Kendall on one side, Logan across from him, and then me by the bed in between the two of them. Logan scared, Kendall pissed, and me looking like a complete jerk.

"W-What's going on in here? We heard yelling from all the way in the kitchen." James says with a nervous smile.

"Yeah. I'm surprised Katie and Mrs. Knight didn't hear you from the pool-" Carlos says.

"Did you guys sleep with Carmen?" Kendall asks abruptly. Both of the teens go silent. Kendall closes his eyes and balls his fists up and his sides. His head hangs down, and his blonde bangs fall over his face. "Did. You. Guys. Sleep. With. Carmen?" He says. Voice rising a little after each word. I roll my eyes.

"Tell him the fucking truth. I'm not going to be upset. He wants the truth." I say.

"Y-Yeah…" James says.

"CARLOS?" Kendall shouts.

"No, I didn't. We faked it so that she could get around it for Rose…" he says softly. Carlos looks up to me. "You told him about the bet?" he asks.

"Yah. Now the truth is out! Our whole relationship was based on a bet. How's that for a secret huh?" I ask sardonically.

What are you doing? You shouldn't have told them this, this way.

Fuck that. She's just doing what got to be done. The need to hear it the hard way.

No, explaining like this is unhealthy. There are like a million better ways than to be a bitch about it.

Push them away. Let them live a better life without having to worry about the shit you put them through. Think about it. If you aren't here anymore, they can forgive each other, and just forget you existed. Do it the nice way and they'll all feel sorry for you. What are a few more lies?

"I never really liked you at the beginning. You were just a piece of ass I had to win…" I say.

"You are such a bitch…" Kendall hisses.

"Hey, I never said that the truth would be pretty."

"Yeah, it's about as pretty as your fucking personality." Kendall says.

"Whatever." I mumble.

"Carmen…" James starts.

"No, I don't want to hear anything." I say swallowing. I shake my head. "I'm not sorry that I had to tell you guys this way. It's what's best for all of you guys in the long run."

"So now you think about what's best for us? Really? You chose now? After fucking with our heads like you have. Especially after playing with mine. I don't even know who you are anymore!" Kendall shouts.

"I deserved that…" I whisper to myself.

"You disgust me. Get out, you're such a whore." He says quietly. I start shaking a bit and my eyes threaten to form tears.

"Oh okay then. I'm a whore huh? Fuck you Kendall." I say maliciously. I storm passed a stunned silent James, and a sad Carlos, out of the room. I open the door to the apartment and slam it closed behind me. I pause out in the hallway and look around the empty hall.

What did I tell you? You fucked it up good didn't you? How do you feel? Liberated? I bet you want a nice glass of liquor huh? You know you do…

"Leave me alone." I mumble to myself.

Come on now. I can't do that. You know no one loves you. Your friend hates you; your almost first love hates you. Your parents couldn't wait to get you out of the state and away from them. Can't you see? Your alone, your messed up and now you're getting voices inside your head. If that doesn't scream lunatic then what does?

"Shut up. I'm not crazy. My parents don't hate me I know they love me…" I make a run up the stairs and to my apartment barefoot. I unlock the door and run straight to my room.

You sure about that? Why would they get a divorce right after they had you?

I sit on the floor trying to suck up the tears. I'll be fine. It's okay.

You've got no one to turn to. I'm the only one who can tolerate you.

"No. You're wrong. So wrong…"

I should hate you. You thought I had gone away just because the alcohol was numbing me. Nope, I'm back bitch and I'm here to stay…

By this point I had sat in a corner in my room and was holding my head in between my hands rocking back and forth. The tears were falling freely now. I couldn't feel anything. I can't feel anything. All I can hear is the voice in my head. And it's right. The voice is so fucking right. I don't want it to be but it is...

You should probably go kill yourself. The world would probably be better without you inhabiting it.

"No. I can't."

Oh add coward to the list of things you are. You have no heart, you can't feel, you don't even know what's going on to your body, and yourself.

"I can feel. I can feel. You're wrong. I have feelings…"

You sure?

"Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. I am. I know…I-I know." I whisper. I take my hands from my head and dig my nails into my skin and drag them down my arms just wanting to make sure I can still feel.

Can't feel it can you? I told you. I'm right. Always right.

It can't be right, but I can't feel anything. Maybe it is right. I get up and walk to my bathroom. I grab a razor from out of the drawer and put it on the counter. I grab a screwdriver, and break the little plastic parts from around it. The little shiny silver razor gleams in the light just taunting me to use it on myself.

Pick it up.

"No."

I said pick it up!

"I can't…I-I can't."

Just one drag across your arm…or better yet your leg. No one will even notice it.

"No one will notice…" I mumble. I grab the blade in my palm and look at the sharp piece of metal. I swallow a huge lump in my throat as more hot tears run down my cheeks, and I sniff up the mucus running from my nose. I can't do it. I wouldn't be able to live with myself afterwards. I close my fist around the blade in a tight fist. I feel the metal breaking the skin of my hand and I hiss in pain. I throw the blade into the toilet and flush it down. I slump down to the ground and cry to myself on the floor of the bathroom.

Couldn't go through with it could you wimp? You're weak, useless, unimportant. Stop trying to deny me, you know I'm right. Never wrong always right…

I put my face into my hands and cry. My tears mixing with the crimson blood of my palm. Oh god, I'm turning poetic. That's never a good sign. I need to fix things with Rose. I need her to talk too. I can't go to my sisters. They'll be so disappointed in me…

You know they will. They'll tell your parents, and disown you. You'll definitely be alone. Who are you going to turn to Carmela? Who's going to listen? Who?

"Carmen? What ha-" the bathroom door frame gets occupied by a body. They stop mid sentence when they come in all the way. I look up through my tears.

Carlos comes in and kneels down next to me.

"Oh my god Carmen. Please tell me you didn't…"

"I didn't. I-I-I threw it in the toilet…just cut my palm a little. Wiped across my face…" I say sniffling. I hold up my hand and show him the large slice in my hand. He sighs.

"Let's get you cleaned up." He says. He takes my arm and helps me up. We walk to my bed and I sit down on the mattress. He walks back into the bathroom and comes back with alcohol, gauze, and some tissue. "Are you alright?" he asks me when he gets back. I laugh bitterly.

"Do I look okay? I'm an emotional wreck." I say. "Why are you here?" I ask him.

"James, Logan, and I decided that one of us should check to see if you were okay. They decided that Kendall was less pissed with me, and that he wouldn't kill me if I checked on you. I'm too lovable for that." he says. I laugh a little but hiss right afterwards as Carlos takes my hand and pours some alcohol on it.

"Fuck, this hurts…" I say biting my lip.

"Sorry, this is what Logan usually does when one of us are bleeding…I hope I'm doing this right." He says. He pats it with the tissue, and then wraps it around in gauze. "There. All better?" he asks.

"Not really." I say looking down.

"¿Quieres hablar a mi?" he asks. I shake my head, sigh, and smile a tiny bit.

"No, pero gracias Carlitos. Necesito tú ayudas...un amigo." I tell him. "Es importante que tenga un amigo simpatico, amable, y cariñoso." I tell him. "I want to just sleep my life away. I need to talk to Rose first. I'd feel a little better just knowing she doesn't hate me."

"She doesn't! She wants to talk to you, but she's afraid that you're mad at her. You guys should talk it out." he tells me.

"Thanks for the advice Carlitos." I say genuinely happy again. He smiles and we hug. He stands up and pats my shoulder.

"Now, just remember to think happy thoughts about kittens okay?"

"Alright, I don't like cats but I'll try." I say laughing a bit. He smiles and walks out of the room. I sit on my bed and my smile falls.

Now what?

A drink sounds pretty good about now. I think the voice really does go away when I'm drinking…I shouldn't but I want to. Fuck it. I've got nothing better to do. I stand up off my bed and make my way to the door. I open it up and walk through the living room. I get into the kitchen and grab a bottle of red wine from the cabinet. I bite the cork off with my teeth and spit it out on the ground somewhere.

"C-Carmen?"

I turn around to the door and see Rosalie standing there with her hands behind her back. She looks at me and walks closer to me. "I-I'm sorry. James and Carlos and Logan all texted me about what happened." She says quietly. I take a swig of wine from the bottle and put it on the counter.

"Its okay…it wasn't your fault." I tell her looking down.

"No, it is. I shouldn't have set you up in the bet…"

"And I shouldn't have said yes. It's not your fault Rose." I say.

"I'm so mad at myself. I realized, after we fought over the phone, that I really should stop bringing up your problems all the time. I should let them go and try helping you instead of breaking you down."

"I should stop jumping to conclusions, and I really need to think out what I want to say before I say it. My mouth really gets me in trouble. I'm sorry for randomly cursing you out over the phone."

"I'm sorry for calling you a bitch. Friends again?"

"Best friends!" I say. We both laugh and hug each other consummating our friendship.

"Now, let go talk. I'm thinking you really need to vent…and explain to me why you said what you said to the guys…especially Kendall." She says. I groan. I should talk to someone about it.

"The voice…Cameron is back. I cut myself, I slept with Kendall, the guys know, he's pissed, we barely know anything about each other, and both of us didn't technically say 'I love you' we kind of insinuated it by saying I think I love you or I'm almost positive I love you, and now my head hurts cause I cried, and I don't know what to think, and I need some alcohol, and my mommy, and some antidepressants." I say. She puts a hand to her temple.

"Okay, okay. We need some ice cream, and then I want you to explain to me what happened from after we got off the phone. Sit on the couch and turn on some SpongeBob, we need some peppiness I our lives for this conversation." She walks into the kitchen and I walk to the living room. I plop onto the couch. I turn the TV on and surf the channels for something to watch.

"Today is June 26th, 2011 and this is Miles Bainbridge. Saying Good morning L.A. The time is 10:15."

Click. Next.

"My shiny teeth and me! Shiny teeth, shiny teeth."

Click. What else?

"Everyone, Bubblegum. I'm so dumb. I should have just told you, what I lost, was a piece of your hair. Now it's gone. Gone forever…but I guess what does it matter when I just, just had all of you there. Oh, just had all of you there with me my friends, if you're even my friends…"

Click. Sorry Adventure Time.

The sun came up and he smiled at me. Said "It's going to be a good one just wait and see." Jumped outta bed and I ran outside…

Yeah, this'll definitely do. Rose comes back to the couch and hands me a huge bowl of chocolate ice cream, with chocolate whipped cream, and sprinkles. Yum.

"Now, tell me what happened, from the beginning. I've got plenty of time, so don't shy away from anything okay?"

"Got it." I take in a large breath and exhale. "So right before I called you I had been invited over for dinner with the Knights. I wasn't sure if I wanted to come over or not so I was going to call and ask you if I should or not…"

*30 Minutes Later*

"Then we were sitting in the apartment and then I just spilled my guts about not knowing what to do around him, and admitting that I was going to ask you for advice about him, because when I'm around him I don't know what to do with myself. Then I went into a rant about feeling insecure and scared that he was going to leave me for some girl who farts rainbows, and has perfect hair 24/7, and who could sing, act, and dance."

"That sounds like a unicorn…" Rose says.

"I know right. That's the same thing he said. Then I spilled my guts about being afraid of going any further than just kissing, because I was scared that he would dump me…

*1 Hour Later*

"Then he was all like 'only to people I love'. And what does that even mean? Does it mean he loves me or that he's still not sure? So I was like 'Do you really mean it?' and he said 'I think so…" so I don't know what to think. Did he profess his love for me?"

"I think so…hmm. That could mean lots of things. The most practical to me is that yes, he really likes…or liked you. And how he stood up for you when you were putting yourself down proves it. Do you love him?"

"I think so." I say shrugging. She face palms and slaps me right after. I cradle my cheek. "Um ouch! What the hell was that for?" I ask stunned. She laughs and looks at me.

"Do you not realize how much you two are alike? It's almost ridiculous the likeliness of you November kids." I raise an eyebrow.

"Why would you think that? What even makes you say that?"

"Continue on and then I'll tell you at the end. Go on Carmen."

"Uhm…okay then…"

*Another Hour Later*

"Then the voice started coming back while I was thinking about waking up Kendall. I wasn't sure why it had chosen that moment to come but it did, and it was terrible. It was like it came to give me the kick in the ass I need for what was going to happen or something like that. It disappeared when Kendall woke up. Then Logan came in and brought up a lie I told him so that he would sleep with me. Then Kendall started asking questions and Cameron came back. Then I started getting confused with which lie I told who.

"So Kendall started seeing that they weren't adding up, and he called me out for my lies. I was tired. I was tired of lying, I was tired of being interrupted, and the voice was just riling me up. So I sort of snapped. I told them the truth…but I was kind of bitchy with it. I really regret how I said it. I made it seem like I didn't care about Kendall at all and that it really was just about the bet and I never even liked him. I made it seem like I didn't care about hurting their feeling in the beginning and still didn't now."

"Even after all those talks we had where, you quit the bet, stopped drinking, and realized that you had feeling for Kendall?" Rose asks.

"Yeah, after all that. And I even mentioned possibly being an alcoholic. I brought up neither of us knowing barely shit about one another, and how he was a fool for falling for the act I said I put up. I kind of pissed myself off a bit at how much I really did to him. I was disappointed in my own damn self. Then he didn't believe me when I said that I slept with Carlos and James, so then he spazzed and shouted for them to come in. Then James was all like yeah he did sleep with me and Carlos explained his sitch. After that my conscience and the voice had an all out battle. Cameron won. So I went bitchosaurus and I don't even remember what I said. All I know is that Kendall thinks I'm a slutty bitch."

"Let me guess. Cameron came back then again right?" she asks.

"Umhm. He or she went ballistic, telling me that I was useless and that everyone hated me and that no one loved me. How it was the only one who could tolerate me, and how my parent's divorce was my entire fault. I sort of went on auto pilot after that. I almost cut myself, but I threw it away in the toilet, but not after it dug into my palm. Then Carlos came and made me feel a little better by telling me to think happy thoughts about kittens." I finish.

"I told you he's amazing." She says. I roll my eyes.

"Rose, I never said he wasn't." I tell her. She smiles. "Now. What is your input on this?"

"First off, you're a retard. You really should have thought about a better way to tell the guys about the bet. That was such a fucking stupid move. You shouldn't have lied and told Kendall that huge fucking lie of not caring about him." She says point to me with a glare. "You should be cunt kicked for that. Next, about your voice, Cameron. I really think you might have a mild case of schizophrenia. Have you noticed that you started drinking around the same time the voice stopped? The alcohol may have been your way of self medicating yourself for the schizophrenia. The alcohol numbed the voice, and that's why you drink, but that really needs to stop. Like for real. I think we should take you to a therapist, or doctor for some medication. Like legit." I groan.

"Nooooo! I don't like therapists or doctors; all they do is feel you up. Either mentally or physically. That's not fun at all."

"Well you need it. Carmen. I'm making you an appointment for a doctor ASAP. Lastly, YOU AND KENDALL ARE SO FUCKING ALIKE ITS STUPID!" she shouts. I recoil and cover my ears. Jesus, calm down girl. "You two are some of the hard headiest, stupid, oblivious people I know."

"Why are you saying this?"

"Besides that the both of you are afraid to admit you love each other? Let me start with that one first. I don't understand why you guys won't accept it. I mean it's obvious, even though you guys don't know much about each other. I think you guys have like a secret bond going on. If you hadn't been hiding so many secrets I'm pretty sure the two of you would be married by now despite the lack of knowledge of one another. I'm like dead serious about that. You guys are adorable around each other, but you guys don't even notice it.

"Next, you both are so hard headed that neither of you want to say it first. Both of you got all pumped up with anger you both shouted things you didn't mean to each other. I'm willing to bet that he didn't mean anything he said. He was probably hurt at most. I'd bet my life that if you apologize and tell him the realtruth he would take you back in a heartbeat, but I know you. You won't do it until he does, which he won't. So now the two of you are just going to be looking longingly at one another waiting for the other to step up." She says letting out a huge puff of air. "God that was a lot to say." she says.

"Really? You think he would take me back if I told the truth?" I ask. She nods vigorously. "I don't believe you. If he wants me, he'll tell me. Until then, I guess I'm single once again." I say sighing.

Spongebob: Aww, a baby scallop, he can't even fly yet. Patrick: What's the matter? Is he stupid?

"Fine, but I'm still making an appointment for a doctor for you." She says. She stands up from the couch and looks at her cell phone for the time.

"It's like one o'clock now. I'm going to go get us something for dinner from the store. Stay here okay? Everything's going to get better I promise." She assures me.

"Okay. Go get the food. And go get some Tums…I don't think ice cream should be eaten in the morning. Now my tummy hurts again." I tell her. She grabs money off the counter and opens the front door.

"Alright Tums. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just tired…" I say with a smile.

"Okay then. I'll see you later. Bye bye."

"Bye." I say. I sit in the apartment in silence. The faint noise from the TV leaves me having to think to occupy my time. The negative emotions start coming back, at first like little pebbles hitting a window, then a full force. My head starts to throb and my eyes start to burn with tears. My bottle is just sitting in that refrigerator…I stand up and make my way to the kitchen again. I swing open the door and grab the bottle off the shelf. I put it to my lips and let the burning liquid travel down my throat. Yes, I guess you could say I'm tired. I'm Torn apart, Insecure, Really faking my smile, Extremely sad, and Drowning in my tears…

Yeah…

I'm TIRED alright.


A/N There…the end of Kenmen…sad I know. I've been waiting for this part to arrive. It's been nagging me in the side to finish it. I know a bunch of you will maim me for this brutal ending here, but look on the bright side. It's not the end quite yet. 11 chapters and counting. I want this to be a good 25 chapters before I finish at least, but this is sort of a milestone of the story. This is where it was going to originally end…I mean like chapter was going to be the end, but I got another idea so it's not stopping yet. I hope this satisfied some of you who have been waiting like forever for me to update and I apologize again. Sowwy. Review my pretties! Review, send it for me, and let's get me to 50! If I get there I will make sure the next chapter or the one after that are EXTRA long. Do you guys think we can do it? Whatever though. I'll see you guys/update for you guys later. Bye!

~Love,

I'm Adorkable~