Author's note: Thank you ImperiumWife and HIMYM Lovah so much for your reviews!
Now that we may be starting to approach the end (I'm not making any promises since I sometimes drag stories out for much longer than I could have imagined), I have another question to ask my lovely readers: do you want a happy ending or not? I have several ideas on how to end it, but I want to know what your preferences are!
Chapter Eleven - The Folder
"Bros before Hoes?" Luke asked, a bit surprised by this revelation. Beside him, his sister sat up straighter and leaned forward in a show of curiosity. "You didn't mention this one before, right? We heard about the Bro Code, the Playbook, but not this one."
Robin tried to pitch in with the answer to their question, but Ted signaled for her to keep quiet. This part of the story wasn't so hard to tell, and he'd been alone for it, which meant that Robin's account of what happened wouldn't be as accurate as Ted's. "Kids, you know that Barney always liked writing..."
It was usually almost impossible to tell because of how hard Barney tried to hide it, but Ted eventually came to the conclusion that Barney really enjoyed writing. He'd made up the whole Bro Code, which was rather thick; he'd written the Playbook, and he updated his blog every time he got a chance. Why would he do all that if he didn't at least like writing?
With that in mind, Ted flipped the little book over and over in his hands, trying to figure out what it was without opening it and possibly being scarred for life. What if that was something like Barney's scrapbook of all the girls he'd ever slept with? But aside from the golden engraving of the title, there was nothing else that indicated what was waiting for him inside the dark leather cover.
Maybe the smartest thing, considering the nature of several of the papers that Ted had found in the room, would have been to put the book aside and just take Guy's card, but it was hard to resist the temptation of taking just a little peek into the pages, a little peek into Barney's thoughts - there was nothing more Barney than the things he wrote. Before Ted even realized what he was doing, his eyes were scanning the first page, taking in the handwritten note that looked so out of place in the old-fashioned book.
In a mimic of his memory, Ted slowly opened the little book that was still sitting on his lap, also barely realizing his action. He knew what was written there, he remembered every word and could recite them easily, but he knew that Luke and Leia would much rather see it with their own eyes. After a moment of hesitation, he handed the book, already open on the right page, to the kids.
Even the most awesome of people makes mistakes. Yes, I said it, awesome is also susceptible to the horrors of mistakes. It seems like in the last few weeks, I have been on a streak, and not the good kind, but I may never be able to make up for it because the last of my mistakes may lead me to a rather... Quick end.
So if you're someone looking for advice from the great Barney Stinson, I have only one thing to say to you: drop this book, buy a suit and go read my blog, it'll teach you everything you need to know about being awesome if it doesn't come naturally to you; and if you're Lily, Marshall or Robin, make sure to carry out the Stinson legacy even though you're not Stinsons. But if you're Ted (which I doubt you are, because getting to this book would involve actually talking to me)... I'm sorry.
"Dad... So he knew? Before he was arrested, he knew that he was in trouble?" Leia asked, glancing from the book to her father with a bit of a confused look on her face. If Barney had known what could happen, why hadn't he told anyone? Why hadn't he already started working on a way of getting out of jail?
Ted nodded, letting out a bit of a sigh. "Yeah, he did. Now... Take a look at the rest of the book." As the memory of reading those same words his kids were now taking in came to his mind, he decided he might as well tell that part of the story.
Reading any further would be wrong, wouldn't it? This was obviously something private, something Barney never meant for anyone to find. But his friend had addressed him directly on his note and he'd never said anything to stop him from reading the book, which meant that he didn't care if Ted took a peek at the rest, right? Either that or he knew that it wouldn't matter what he said, whoever had the book would keep on reading if they were curious.
With that thought in mind, Ted put the book aside and went back to searching for Guy's number in the mess of contact cards and handwritten phone numbers that was inside the box he'd retrieved from Barney's old apartment. He had no right to read it and that was it, there was no arguing about it. Surely he could resist the temptation?
No, he couldn't, just like he couldn't resist the temptation of taking a peek at it in the first place. In a matter of seconds, it was open on his lap, the second page looking up at him, taunting him to read it, and like he already knew he would from the moment he saw the title of the little book, he allowed himself to be taken over by curiosity. If Barney didn't respect his privacy, why should he offer him that courtesy?
At first, Ted was even a bit frustrated. It was just another book of Barney's, this time lecturing on a bro's proper conduct when regarding a situation between a girl and another bro, something that, as Ted thought back to it, had been one of his friend's main topics of conversation on the few weeks preceding their fight. But then what explained his opening note? Had this been on purpose, to build up some kind of expectation that he could later crush? There was no denying the fact that it did sound like something Barney would do.
When Ted reached the blank pages, he rolled his eyes in annoyance. Typical Barney, playing tricks like that, making you struggle with yourself over reading something that was clearly private and then not putting any personal information inside. Irritated, Ted quickly flipped through the remaining pages, not expecting to find anything. But he did.
Barney's (awesome, of course) death folder
If you're still reading, then I'm assuming you're either Ted, Marshall, Lily or Robin, most likely all four. Well... You've found my - wait for it - death folder. Alright, so it's not literally a folder, but I decided to innovate. New is always better.
A few days ago, I was remembering the time when Marshall and Lily got married and they made their death folders, which was a compilation of all important information the other spouse could need if the first spouse died, in case you don't remember, and I thought that it was about time I started working on mine, since you never know when your awesomeness will catch up with you and overwhelm you to the point of death. Of course, I don't have a spouse (I plan on being awesome until my dying day, after all), so I guess this death folder is for the four of you and my family.
Anyway, here you should find everything you'll need in the event of my death, though I'm betting I'm the one who's going to have to find your death folders, because everyone knows the most awesome is the one to die last.
A death folder? Ted couldn't believe that Barney would actually feel the need to make a death folder. Marshall and Lily were understandable, since they were married and there'd be a lot for the other one to take care of if one of them died, but Barney? Ted couldn't help but find the timing a bit strange, though there was no telling when this had actually been written.
Pages and pages were filled with all the normal things - bank numbers, accounts to cancel, numbers to call, a will, everything you could need to close a person's affairs. Although Barney had clearly made that as impersonal as possible, Ted couldn't help but feel a little depressed reading all that and imagining what it'd be like to have to deal with all that, with not having Barney around ever again. How could he ever have considered living his life without his best friend (no, second best friend), his wingman, by his side?
Ted flipped through the pages, barely even reading anything because he kept telling himself that he didn't need to know any of that, that Barney would be fine in the end. What could possibly bring the Barnacle down, after all? It was then that he reached a different page, one that was, once again, handwritten, and he started to understand the initial note.
I was going to post this on my blog, but I... I can't. I really can't. I think someone should know, though, eventually. It's only fair. Maybe my mother, my brother, the gang... Someone should know what happened, no matter what goes down from here. This knowledge won't bring them any good, but perhaps it'll give them a sense of peace, of understanding. After I'm gone, unless they try to bring Altrucel down, it won't put them in any danger. Don't try to bring Altrucel down! It's too dangerous! I knew what I was getting into in the first place, I knew it when they hired me. I knew it was probably going to end like this. I've got no one to blame but myself. Even the awesome Barney Stinson makes mistake every once in a while, and I'm not going to lie, I love my job. It's every bit as awesome as you think it is until you screw up. Then, there's a little downfall... But I knew that, I always knew that. It was all but written on the contract when I signed it. It's my own fault.
Years and years of dealing with Barney were all what allowed him to be sure that his friend knew how deeply this went when he wrote that note, and that he was terrified. His writing was somewhat shaky, though it was contained, and his wording was strange, almost like the wording of an average person. There wasn't a joking background, there wasn't a crazy explanation or exaggeration, nothing, just the truth, and Ted couldn't imagine how bad things would have to be for Barney to write this, to show this other side of him that he only let out every once in a while.
Shaking, Ted turned the page. Everything from there on was handwritten, like Barney hadn't had time to write it on his computer and print it out, and the information that he was being given was of a much more sensitive nature. There was data on some of GNB's most secret deals (though Barney, by some reason Ted failed to understand, kept calling the corporation Altrucel), bank accounts, contacts, and finally, there was some information on what had happened that had gotten Barney arrested, though Ted had to admit that he couldn't quite understand it. He'd have to show it to Marshall.
The last page was what Ted least expected: the letter.
"It's not here." The kids pointed out, showing their dad the little bits of paper that were still attached to the book, the only indication that another page ever existed. "What happened to the letter, Dad?" Leia asked. "You're not going to tell us right now, are you?"
Ted just gave them a bit of a smirk, not saying anything in reply. They already knew that they weren't going to get any spoilers. "Kids, after I was done reading everything Barney had written down in his death folder, I was completely convinced that one of his guys would be ideal to get him out of jail, so I hunted down Guy's number and, in a matter of hours, I was already on the phone with the main guy in the whole country for this kind of thing."
