Chapter Eleven

Updated July 19th, 2013


The day it happens it snows for the first time in two years. It's a light snow that dissolves when it touches the ground, and it makes the sky a luminous white and the streets seem brighter because of it. It's a Sunday, a cold one at that, and everybody hides indoors under blankets, drinking tea, watching mindless television, reading somewhat interesting books, or scrolling through the Internet. The day it happens is a boring, normal, cold, damp Sunday, and so when Aryll rushes down the stairs in a storm of whirling arms and unkempt hair, she's like a clap of thunder in the middle of the night. She frantically pulls on her boots and coat and continuously rams her shoulder into the wall due to her lack of balance, but she's grinning madly. After months of dreariness and bitterness, watching her be so alive feels unreal.

She flings the front door open and the bitter wind blows her loose hair back but she blissfully ignores it. Nothing about her is composed – only one side of her faded t-shirt is tucked into her jeans and her socks aren't even close to matching – yet it's obvious she has willingly abandoned any composure. Right before she steps out, she looks over her shoulder at Grandma and me and says in such simple words it seems impossible for them to hold any weight,

"Colin's awake."

She closes the door and runs away.

My mind comes to a stumbling halt.

It's trying to think, to feel relieved, but it can't accept this truth because one moment I'm trudging through some tedious physics homework and the next the world is alight with color again. It's like swimming through sticky, heavy syrup toward a pool of fresh clean water, and I can see it but despite all my efforts it's so hard to get to, and when I finally do the syrup and water mix together and cloud my vision. There is hope and calmness and relief and joy and smiles and hugs and life and my mind cannot grasp the concept. Colin is awake? Colin is alive? Was there no warning? Did he see the first snowfall and decide that he wants to wake up for some hot chocolate?

I am vaguely aware of the pencil falling from my limp hand as I collapse back into the couch. With my mouth agape, I stare up at the cracked, yellowed ceiling in awe. Slowly my mind begins to thaw. The feelings I should've felt instantly seep out of my heart and swim throughout my body. First my fingers and toes tingle with delight, then my legs and arms are ready to burst with newfound energy, and finally my lungs fill up with so much relief and happiness I will surely drown. Without realizing it I am grinning and laughing and I see the snowflakes as beautiful, pure substances and the house is orange and yellow and pink with warmth and love. Beside me Grandma is crying tears of joy and we hug, because Nayru, Din, and Farore, he's going to be okay and I'm going to be okay because I did not kill him and Rusl will keep his son and Aryll will have her boyfriend and even Talo must be happy, though I have no idea if he'll admit it.

I text Zelda the news and she calls me. She apologies for calling because she knows there is no way I will be able to respond but she insists that she has to express her joy and texting simply fails to capture her feelings. I want to tell her that neither does the phone (her words string together into a blabber of excited static and the poor reception cuts out her cheers), but I listen to her with a smile. She tells me that if she didn't have therapy she'd rush over to the hospital with me right now, but she's not allowed to skip out. I text her that it's fine and I'll give her more updates later.

Although I desperately want to go to Colin right now and see for myself that he's awake, I hold out so that his family can have time with him. I hadn't expected the waiting to be so painful, though. My brain vacillates between mind-numbing shock and overwhelming joy. I need to see him. I need to know that this isn't a dream that he is alive alive alive alive that I did not kill him that he is awake and thus alive and what does this mean for me is everything okay is everything done?

A part of me, perhaps the paranoid, permanently cynical part, says no, everything is not done. There is still much, much more to be done. And so after waiting till visiting hours are nearly over, I hop on the bus and drive to the hospital. From the front door of my house to the door of his room my heart flutters and my stomach rolls with nerves and excitement and fear, because, dear goddesses, what happens now?

I step out of the elevator and my legs threaten to give out on me. Even from all the way down the corridor I can see his door propped open. The lights are on. They've always been on, of course, but now he might be using them to read my letter. As I walk on unsteady feet towards his room, I notice that baskets of flowers, fruit, and muffins are already waiting outside his door for his now active hands and digestive system. I am reminded again of how well liked Colin is. Even with zero signs of recovery he maintained a steady stream of gifts whereas I barely got any. It's all very dumb, though. Dumb for me to obsess over such material possessions and dumb for me to have once thought that I was more popular than Colin. How dumb of Colin to think he needed me to help him make friends when he was clearly better off without me. My last thought before I enter his room is how dumb we all are.

Rusl, who is standing beside the bed with one of the doctors, sees me right away and says something, but I don't hear it. My whole body is fixed on Colin. I expected him to be sitting up in bed with a smile of relief or an expression of confusion for having been asleep for months, but he is neither of these things. He looks the same as when I last saw him. His body is lifeless and disturbingly pale, his mouth hangs open, and wires and tubes curl in and around him like worms. The only difference is that his eyes are slightly open, as if he is frozen halfway through a blink. His grey irises are dazed and clearly not awake.

My footsteps echo in the now silent room as I trudge towards him. I'm waiting for him to turn his head and look at me, to tell me to get out, to say hi, to twitch a finger, but nothing happens. I can feel all the happiness and hope plummeting away. This is awake? How is this awake?

A hand gently brushes my shoulder and my head snaps towards Rusl. He's smiling despite the tears and understanding in his eyes. He's so hopeful even though his son looks like a corpse.

"Link…" he says in his airy, weak voice. "The doctor was just informing me of Colin's situation once more. Would you like to hear?"

I'm too shocked to respond. My gaze slowly leaves Rusl's face to return to Colin's, but halfway there I notice another person is in the room. Uli. Colin's mother. Rusl's wife.

She's a bit plumper than I remember her to be. Her cheeks are rounder and her hips seem wider, but maybe that's because her unflattering blue dress is lumpy and clings to all the wrong places. I rarely see her, so when I do I am always struck by the similarity between her and Colin. They share the same flaxen hair, which swoops around her head into a messy, careless bun. The structure of her face is soft and pale just like Colin's, with a ski jump nose and a round, elegant chin. Her eyes, however, are remarkable. They're a powerful, angry, protective grey, like the ocean on a cloudy day. Rusl had mentioned that Uli had said she was going to sue me and try to get me arrested, but she failed to make the call. Looking at her now, I find that hard to believe.

The doctor begins to speak and I avert my gaze to Colin's limp face, but it doesn't make me feel any better.

"I'm happy to announce that Colin has shown signs of breaking out of his coma," she says in a professionally crafted cheerful yet serious voice. "This is excellent news, and you should all be relieved, but I must warn you that we are not out of the woods yet. Colin was in a coma for a long period of time and so his body has been inactive, which may have residual effects on his various systems. So far we have found no signs of brain damage but that could change within the upcoming weeks. We will be checking on every part of his body – his kidneys, muscles, liver, heart, brain, lungs, colon, nerves, eyes, pancreas…

My vision blurs for a second. We're not done yet.

"Recovery is a long process. Though Colin is technically awake, it may be a few weeks before he will regain bodily function, and this includes speech. As I said before, we will be constantly monitoring him for any signs of trouble. Waking up from a coma is half the battle of recovery, but do not let the possibilities deter your relief. This is a very good sign, Rusl and Uli, and you two should allow yourself to be hopeful."

The doctor pauses to allow all the information to sink in. Out of the corner of my eye I see Rusl nod and smile while Uli continues to stare at me. I try to ignore her but she makes the room ten degrees colder and my throat aches. The doctor continues to talk about some therapy they will do once Colin improves some more and how they'll need somebody to stay with Colin even when he's home, but I tune the rest out. I thought we could finally move on…but there's still so much in the way.

I leave in the middle of the doctor's speech. As I walk down the hallway my legs feel as heavy as led and my head is dizzy with these emotional swings. Stepping into the elevator, I release a long sigh and close my eyes.

The elevator is about to move when the door comes to a grinding halt. I snap my eyes open to see Uli slipping into the elevator and slamming her finger on the Close Doors button. The harsh lighting of the elevator casts dark, intimidating shadows that make her eyes look like empty sockets and the worry lines near her small mouth much more prominent.

The moment the door slides shut her placid mask slips and her fury shows. Her neatly plucked eyebrows knit together to form a curvy V and her mouth dips into a frown. Crossing her arms, she speaks calmly but her words are fierce, like ice sliding down my back.

"Rusl doesn't want to put any charges against you, but I do," she says in a tense, bitter voice with strength I never thought she possessed. "Though he thinks otherwise, I have contacted a lawyer and he's given me advice as to what to do."

She gives me no time to respond and all I can do is stare at her in shock and she accosts me. Holding her head high, she pins me with her glare and states coldly, "I want you in jail, Link. I want your money, despite how little you have, and I want you to lose precious time of your life just as Colin has lost his. However…Rusl and I have agreed to let Colin decide what he wants to happen to you, but know this, Link: I will encourage him to prosecute you and sue you. I may have liked you in the past, but he is my son, my baby, and I do not take this lightly. I cannot forgive you for nearly killing him, for taking months of his life, and for any possible damages that may come of it. My family has endured too much suffering, and I demand that justice will be dealt."

The elevator dings and the door slides open. Her emotionless mask returns. Without a word she steps aside and gestures to the opening, granting (demanding) my leave. It takes me a moment to process her movements and then I slowly step out.

The door slides shut and the elevator rises away. I stand for a second or two and then stumble to a nearby chair. My legs finally give out.


Without thinking much about it I find myself walking to the psychiatric hospital, and somehow I decide that even though Zelda will be in therapy for another hour I'll wait for her to be done so that she can help me, because, oh goddesses, I am falling apart. Colin should've been awake but he looks no different than before, and I know I should be hopeful and optimistic but I can't fight this overwhelming sense of despair and now I get to add fear to my piggy bank of feelings. I always knew that if Colin ever woke up he might sue me, but it was something I had ignored, and now Uli has made the threat real and shit I feel as though I'm suffocating, like my throat has been ripped out and there's nothing between my jaw and collarbone but a bloody mess and I think I am going to be sick…

Exhausted, I clumsily sit on a plastic bench right outside Zelda's therapist's door. I stare at the floor and take deep, shuddering breaths. Am I so selfish to be worrying about myself more than Colin? Have I not changed at all? And why does Uli have to be so keen on punishing me? I've suffered enough! I lost all my old friends, my sister hates me, I am constantly burdened by my guilt, and I'm a fucking mute! Isn't that enough? Isn't it?

The sound of approaching footsteps stops my train of thought. I look up to find Dr. Gaebora standing before me. Briefcase in hand and wool coat over his brown suit, he's clearly on his way out, yet he stares at me with owlish amber eyes and with his head cocked to the side.

Our therapy sessions have been improving – I tell him about my day, my worries, my childhood, typical therapy stuff – and I might even say he's been helpful. Seeing him now…maybe I could use a therapist. I've never admitted it before, but I actually might need one…

"Would you like to come to my office?" He asks as if he's reading my mind. I nod without a second thought.

I walk with him in a disoriented daze. The windows cast dull, blue shadows as the snow falls faster and faster. For a moment I wonder if there is a soccer game happening now, and if so I wonder how they're doing in this weather. How silly it is to be kicking a ball around and taking it so seriously. How stupid.

Gaebora unlocks his door and flicks his office lights on. Without any prompting I sit in the plush green chair, and the familiar texture and cushioning is oddly comforting. He sits across from me and his body instantly snaps into therapist mode: he crosses his legs, his hands are held together in his lap, his head tilts a bit to the side, and his wide ochre eyes gaze at me with immense focus and consideration.

"What's on your mind, Link?"

Usually it takes some prompting on his part to get me to participate, but I immediately respond in a flurry of hand motions. I explain my recent decision to provide Colin with compensation, his "awakening," and Uli's threat. For once I am completely honest. I tell him how I had felt so hopeful and rejuvenated when I finally decided to pay back Colin's family for the damages I've done, and how I thought all my problems would end with Colin waking up, but they seem to have only worsened.

"So how are you feeling now?" he asks once I've finished my quick plot summary, and though his tone is casual there is purpose behind it.

"Terrified," I sign. "Confused. Sad….I am unsure."

"Well let's split these two instances up," he says calmly as he leans forward in his chair. His eyes narrow with concentration and I feel like a jig-saw puzzle, but unlike before I am willing to let him rearrange me and put me back together. "Colin. He's recovering, and yet you don't seem happy about it."

"I am happy!" I reply instantly. "I mean, when I first heard he was awake I was the happiest I have been in months, but then when I got there he was still asleep and awake meant showing signs of recovery and there are still so many problems he might be facing that I…I guess I had high expectations that were brought down by reality."

"So you understand that this is good news. Colin will likely wake up in a few weeks." He states rather cryptically.

"But he could still relapse. He might not make it."

"Hope, Link," he interrupts with a slight smile that makes his cheeks crinkle. "Hope is very important in times like these."

I look to the floor and hang my head a bit. There is a lapse of comfortable silence between us which I spend trying steady my whirring brain.

"Let's discuss Uli," he says after a minute. "What do you think of her for threatening you with legal action?"

I find the question a little strange and I peer up at him with curiosity. When he shows no sign of further explanation, I respond with slow, careful gestures, "I do not blame her. She has good reason to want to punish me, but…I do not think I deserve it anymore."

"Why is that?" he inquires instantly with a calm voice but his owlish eyes are blazing with intelligence.

"Well….I am already mute, my family is unwell, and I am going to pay his family all that I can. Do I really deserve jail?"

"Do you?"

I falter for a moment. Didn't I just say why? Ugh, therapists.

"No," I answer quickly.

He leans back in his chair and steeples his hands under his chin. "Think of it like this," he says. "Have you done everything you can to redeem yourself?"

My hands move on their own to sign yes, but my mind stops them halfway through. I feel as though my whole body stutters to a stop. Haven't I done enough? Have I done anything? Money is nice, but justice is sweeter, and that must be what Uli wants. What Colin might want.

I look at him, and when our eyes lock there is an understanding between us. His hidden messages click together in my brain and the realization of what he's saying makes me gasp.

"Are you…" I sign slowly as my hands tremble. "Are you suggesting I let her arrest me? Or to turn myself in?"

Turning myself in…that's something I never considered before, and the thought makes me shudder.

"I never said that," he replies but I can tell by a gleam in his eyes that it's the right conclusion. "You did."

"But I could go to jail," I answer rather helplessly, too stunned and weak to think of anything more profound than that.

"Maybe. Maybe not. I'm no expert in the field of law, but I believe that if you show signs of regret and you promise to change then your sentence can be reduced. Turning yourself in and providing compensation could shorten your time in jail, or maybe make it so you only have to pick up trash on the side of the highway instead."

My heart is pounding. It's doing flips and somersaults and crazy dance moves. I think I might hyperventilate.

"What…what if I do not turn myself in?"

"Then there is a good chance Uli will prosecute you." He replies with a hint of sympathy in his professional, controlled therapist voice. "But, Link, you should not do this out of fear. Do it if you truly believe it is the right thing to do."

"I know it is the correct thing to do, but that does not mean I want to do it."

He nods in understanding and we fall to a respite of silence again. I cradle my head in my hands, trying to tell my brain to stop for just a second so I can think straight. I think of Zelda. She never got justice. Midna never got justice.

And then I realize something.

"It is like a fuse box and a snowstorm."

He blinks twice and tips his head to the other side.

"So you've heard of Martha Stout," he states simply but I ignore him for the sake of giving my mind the time to connect the pieces. If I do nothing then there is a very high chance Colin's family will prosecute me and I might go to jail. If I do turn myself in then I'm doomed for punishment, but it might be less than what I would get from doing nothing. I have to sabotage the fuse box, because not only will I have a better chance of freedom, but also because it is the right course of action. How can I say I've tried my best to redeem myself if I don't take responsibility for my mistakes? How can I look at the kids in group therapy and not feel guilty for withholding another person's right to justice?

And then that must mean…that must mean I have to do it. I have to give myself to the police.

Something in my expression – probably nausea – shows Gaebora what I'm thinking. In a soothing voice, he advises, "Don't do anything right away. Take a few days to think about it, and when you've decided you can come back to me and we can discuss your options."

I nod but make no move to get up. Rubbing my face with my hands, I try to repress my growing fear but I can't. Maybe one day once all the terror is gone I'll finally feel the righteousness that should come in moments like this, but for now all I want to do is hide under my bed.

Suddenly something rough pats my knee and I look up to see Gaebora gently and somewhat awkwardly placing his hand on my leg in a comforting gesture.

"It's going to be okay, Link," he consoles as he retracts his hand but remains leaning forward, his amber eyes bright in the lamplight. "You're doing the right thing."


Zelda looks much better than when I saw her last. Her cobalt eyes are alight with keen intelligence and I can see her smiling from the other side of the restaurant. She's dressed in tight white pants and a loose navy blue top that shows a bit of shoulder, and as she slips off her black wool coat her hair sweeps to the side and the light makes it looks like gold. I watch her movements with obvious fascination as she maneuvers through the tables and approaches me. Once she gets close I smile in greeting and she gives me a little wave before plopping down in the seat across from me. There's a nervous, warm rumble in my stomach, which is either from my nerves for what I'm going to tell her or just the fact that she's a foot away from me.

Telma instantly descends upon our table in a flurry of enormous breasts, lopsided grins, and witty yet caring remarks. As soon as she leaves Zelda rests her arms against the table and leans forward.

"So," she begins with excitement. "Tell me about Colin."

It takes her half a second to realize something is wrong. She expected me to be grinning madly and bubbling with joy just as I expected Colin to be awake and active. Her smile falls and her lips part just a hair to release a disappointed breath.

"He is showing signs of waking but he is not awake," I explain with precise movements. "It is a good thing, but there is still a danger that he may suffer damages to the brain, organs, or muscles, and he might relapse. We were told not to get our hopes up."

There's a breath of silence before Zelda asks, "So what's the problem?"

Sighing, I sign without making direct eye contact, "Colin's mom told me that she is going to encourage Colin to prosecute me. She wants me in jail and she wants to sue me, and I realize that she has every right to feel that way because I almost killed her son and I took months of his life away. I have spent the last two days thinking it over and I have decided that I am going to turn myself in."

Her mouth falls open to retort, she pauses, closes her mouth, opens it again, closes it, blinks twice, looks to the table, looks back at me, and finally says, "What."

"I talked to Gaebora about it," I respond while ignoring the odd feeling of guilt and affection stirring in my chest. "I have really thought about it, and I know now that I have to do this."

"But why?" she asks with surprising volume, though it's not enough to turn any heads. "You don't have to do this. You don't need to keep punishing yourself!"

"I am not punishing myself," I reply, startled by her dislike for the idea. "I am doing what is right. This is how I fix my mistakes."

She opens her mouth once again, keen on dismissing my ideas, but she falters. Her eyebrows knit together and I think she's suddenly on the verge of tears.

"Besides, if I do not do this then Colin's mom will likely prosecute me anyway. If I do nothing something bad will happen to me, if I do something then something bad will happen but at least I know I'll have done what is right. Do you not see? This is my fuse box."

I thought that would have won her over but she looks horrified, though that's probably because she knows what it's like to have a ticking time bomb as a life. Her eyes are wide and fearful, like a deer in the middle of a dark road, and her face is drained of all color. She doesn't move or say anything for a full minute, which brings back some of my earlier qualms.

Finally active again, she shakes her head and wearily rubs her eyes. "Sorry," she mumbles. "You're right. You are absolutely right. I am proud of you, Link. You are…right."

Her voice holds none of the genuine admiration that I expected, but rather a dejected tone. I ask what's wrong through sign language and she shakes her head again.

"No, no, you really are doing the right thing," she replies with obvious reluctance while brushing her hair out of her face. "I'm sorry it's just…you know, well…. You're my best friend, Link. I don't want you to be sentenced to jail, or to lose all your money. I…"

She sighs again and rubs her face. After a second or two, she reaches across the table and places her hand over mine. My heart races when we touch and I find myself embarrassed at the thought that she might be able to hear my rapid heartbeat.

"Sorry," she says slowly with a forced smile, and the mournful glint in her eyes show she's not okay. "I'm just worried about you, but I'm proud, Link. No matter what happens you'll be able to say that you did everything you could to fix the wrongs you've done, and very few people can say that."

I nod and smile, showing my thanks through the small gestures.

"I support you, Link. Let me know and I'll do whatever I can to help," she adds while returning her hand to her side, and an internal warmth fades with it.

"Thank you," I sign. "And that's good, because I do need your help."

"With what?" she asks with a slight head tilt.

I lean across the table to convey the fact that I'd like secrecy, and then I explain.


Author's note

This chapter was hard to write. :/ It's also a bit choppy, I know, but due to time constraints I posted it anyway, so sorry about that. Not my best.

You'll notice with this chapter that Link's sign language is improving. Previously he was still rather awkward and had a limited vocabulary, but now he's more fluent. This occurrence has a metaphorical aspect to it. Any ideas?

Some special thanks are in order: Canada Cowboy deserves lots of credit for explaining to me the legal troubles Link would have and helping me tie them into the story. Together we worked on plot and symbolic significance of Link and the law. Also, maybe this is a spoiler, but I thought it'd be necessary to tell you all that Link won't be in jail for the rest of the story. If/when Link turns himself in he'll still be free but an investigation will occur. I'll explain more of it later in the story, just don't worry!

And another thanks to CC's friend Kelev who indirectly helped me with Colin's awakening scene. As a nurse, she is well informed about comas and so all my information comes from CC, which comes from her.

And now a grand thank you to all my lovely reviewers! I love hearing all your thoughts, whether you loved it or not, whether you found it fascinating or confusing, or whether you have some interesting plot ideas! So thank you NefasSegador, ShadowNinja1011, BlueFrenchHorn97, The Super Twins, DestinyPrincess, A Shadow's Lament, Yanner12, Canada Cowboy, Sparkling-Iris, SweetCarnation, The Supreme, AngelicParadox91, sslamajama97, KaChan84, Kamil the Awesome, Oblivion Star Seeker, burning book, Hummingbird-95, Linkforever125, Generala, Iliterate aghhew, The Phoenix Flower, PotterAllTheWay64, and Jogman74 for your awesome reviews! I am currently on a road trip so I might be a bit slower in responding, but I hope you will still review because I love feedback and I respond to all my reviews! (except for anonymous/guests and this one person who doesn't allow PM (if you never get responses from me but you are always logged in that's why)..

Thank you!

~~Wave~~