"You know, I really don't mind taking a shower together but…"

"What? Don't tell me you think I'm going to jump you. You just said you weren't ready."

Dabi uncapped his dollar store shampoo, placing the bottle back on the rim of the tub so he could massage the runny gel into his scalp. Miu was under the shower head, letting the warm water run over her head and shoulders as the soap on her skin washed down the drain. Dabi noticed the majority of her torso down to the very tops of her thighs were a few shades lighter than the rest of Miu's sun exposed skin. He liked to think that despite Miu's casual attitude toward stripping down in front of him, no one else had seen the paler areas.

"Dabi, it's kinda hard to trust your word when you keep staring like that." Miu pointed out mildly; she motioned for him to move over so she could lather her hair and he could rinse. The shower was hardly even big enough for one person. They didn't even try to avoid contact when passing one another; well, Dabi sure wasn't trying to. The feeling of Miu's soapy, warm skin against his was making his prick twitch in interest.

To Dabi's defense, in normal circumstances his libido could be kept in check and his self restraint was not so easy to be triggered. But these were hardly 'normal circumstances'.

One, the simple fact was Dabi had not had any sort of pleasurable physical contact with anyone in two years and his hand could only satisfy him so much.

Second, he could not remember wanting anyone this much before. Miu had confessed to Dabi that she was in fact a virgin; she herself honestly didn't think it was a big deal. Her whole life was pretty much occupied with dealing with day to day drama, not to mention she was the one in charge of most household duties, so dating had not been in the cards until relatively recently.

It made Dabi's mouth water thinking of all the things he could show her; in this case, Miu being untouched by anyone else was the best case scenario. If that wasn't so, Dabi's lust wouldn't be diminished, but he also couldn't stand there and say this new knowledge didn't heighten his desire. As of now, Dabi considered it his personal mission to blow Miu's mind.

"Can't help it."

Miu gave him another bashful 'aw shucks' grin as she rubbed shampoo into her tangles. "Yeah, yeah. By the way, dumb question, but did your dick piercings hurt?"

"Oh yeah, but I was pretty out of it at the time."

Dabi neglects to say he was high on twenty dollars worth of crack and a quarter ounce of weed. He figures one of those will be less well received than the other, but decides to play it safe and keep both out of the conversation. Besides, there's no logical reason Miu would even need to know. He's clean now, been clean for two years and counting.

"Like what you see?"

Miu is staring at his cock, or more accurately, the barbells. Dabi smirks lazily, his own eyes traveling over her chest. Her nipples are hard from being out from the warm water; Miu's breasts are two perfect little handfuls and Dabi could use a snack right about now.

"Maybe." Miu moves over to get to the water; she stands right under the pelting water, eyes closed and bubbles being rinsed out of her sopping wet hair. Dabi doesn't get out of the shower despite being clean as a whistle, content to stare at her backside.

It's weird. Dabi wants her, but he has to admit, this is nice. He gets the same feeling he had when Miu was supporting him; his face had practically been planted in her chest, but the sexual connotation took a backseat to the other emotions.

Dabi feels comfortable around Miu first and foremost, even if he wants to play things a bit closer to the vest. He feels like they could have known each other all their lives, but he knows that's crazy.

"Okay, all done." Miu slicks back her wet bangs and squeezes the excess water from her hair. "How're you feeling anyway? Your stomach all settled?"

Dabi stares at her silently.

"What?"

Water trails over Miu's shoulders and trickles of it drip from her neck and down her body. She looks a little less exhausted than he feels and Dabi remembers she basically stayed up all night to take care of him, even though his original plan was just to get her in bed and leave it at that. Not that she would know, but it sort of pricks at Dabi's conscious.

He knows he's scum and it's only a matter of time before Miu sees it too. It makes him want to just cut this out now and tell Miu to forget his suggestion for a date and more.

"You're a really good person."

Miu doesn't smile in humble acceptance of his compliment. "I'm alright."

"I mean it, Miu. I don't think I've met someone like you before. You're so nice, it makes me want to think you're up to something. People aren't normally this kind without ulterior motives."

Dabi takes a couple of steps forward until Miu has to bend back her head to meet his eyes. He loosely wraps his arms around her waist, slow enough so Miu could stop him, but she doesn't. He doesn't lean in for a kiss, not yet anyway. Dabi is content to just lose himself in her dark eyes. They look sad.

"Dabi, I...I wish I could believe that." Miu tilts her head down; she doesn't move to make distance between them but Dabi feels like she has with the way she is unable to look straight at him suddenly. "I don't know if I'm a good person. Can someone be called that when they act a certain way on purpose?"

"I don't follow you."

"It's just...I do try to be decent, but sometimes I don't know if it's because it's who I am or because I've always been so desperate to not make trouble. When I was little, I took up most of the chores and things to help 'cause I always figured, I'm already such a burden just existing...so the least I could do was make myself useful. And even then, I could barely do anything to change things or stop my dad from..." Miu grimaces and sighs deeply. "In a way, isn't that selfish? I was acting a certain way to justify my own existence, not exclusively to help. Wouldn't a really good person just do it because they feel it's the right thing?"

"Okay, that's total fucking bullshit. I don't know how the hell you think you're a burden, but cut it out. Don't feel guilty for being alive. Feel pissed your old man put you in a situation that made you feel so helpless in the first place."

Miu involuntarily shrinks into herself at Dabi's tone. "I know it's stupid. Sorry, I didn't mean to ramble-"

"No, no, dammit, don't apologize. I threw up on you and instead of giving me shit you nurse me to health. I don't care what you think. You're a good person."

"I...I guess…"

"Say it."

"Dabi, I...it feels like I'm lying."

"How?"

Dabi is taken aback slightly when Miu's arms come up to loop around his neck and her forehead rests against his chest. Her face rests right on his sternum tattoo; the image portrayed raging flames, with the source being from the open mouth of a furious, smoking dragon made to look as though it were bursting right out of Dabi's torn flesh. He had the flames colored blue to contrast the shadows. Miu's hot breath hits his skin as she struggles to find the words to say; she lets out a long, wearied breath. Dabi thinks she might cry, but she doesn't.

"It's hard to describe. My friend told me a good way to help your confidence is listing off your good qualities and saying them to yourself. I can't do that, not even if I'm alone. My tongue gets, like, twisted up or something. It just feels so fake."

The last word is said with a harsh edge Dabi doesn't think he's heard Miu use before. It's disdainful, like the very idea of Miu seeing herself in a half positive light is that ridiculous.

"Fake it til you make it, right?"

Miu chuckles wetly. "I like to think I have some self respect to not do that. I hate that. I can handle compliments, but insincere flattery just pisses me off."

"Have you always been like this?"

"I guess. It's not as bad though. Before I didn't even realize how messed up I was." Miu sighs again and Dabi's heart flutters, fucking flutters, when she looks up at him with a melancholy smile. "If you have second thoughts about this, I don't blame you. I wouldn't want to be stuck with me either, even for just a date."

"Well, you said I'm the only one you've talked to about this sort of stuff, right? Maybe it's a good omen."

Miu shrugs. "I don't know if I believe in that kind of thing."

Dabi picks up a piece of her wet hair. "You and my sis would get along."

"Your sister?"

"Second oldest. She's a teacher. Fuyumi's always trying to keep us together. She's the most well adjusted out of all of us; people would think she was the oldest, especially when we were little. I was the shortest for a while until Shouto came along."

Miu looks up at him with disbelief. "Wow, really? My sisters and me are about a year apart, but I'm the shortest. So, you have a little sister and brother?"

"Two brothers. Natsuo goes to school and Shouto just started high school. They're both pretty smart, but Shouto's the most athletic. He's a good kid too, wants to be a cop. A real one though, not one like my old man."

"You sound close."

Dabi frowns and looks away from Miu's admiring gaze. "We used to be until I started fucking up. Fuyumi still calls now and gives me updates. Shouto is kind of on the fence, and I don't blame him; he should be focusing on school. Natsuo won't forgive me for making things even harder on mom and Fuyumi. I don't blame him either."

Miu stares up at him with a thoughtful look. "But what about you?"

"Huh?"

"You sound like you miss them. Are you okay if your brothers don't ever talk to you again?"

"I won't act like I deserve it."

"It's okay to want it though." Miu tells him softly. "No one can blame you for caring about them."

"I lost the chance to be a good brother when I betrayed them."

Miu looks confused. "Betrayed?"

"I ran off and then spent years coming and going as I pleased."

Dabi he lets go of Miu's waist and shuts off the shower head. She backs away a bit as he steps out of the tub and grabs a towel to dry his hair, like he's trying to rub some of the slime he knows he oozes from his every pore.

"I would borrow money and stay a few nights, then be gone for months. Then I'd come back when I was desperate. I couldn't bring myself to visit any other time. I knew mom and Fuyumi would help me out; they would call to let me know when that bastard would be out of town. Then one day I come home and find out my mom got shut up in a mental hospital. She couldn't take it anymore. Couldn't take my dad's shit, my shit. She threw boiling water on Shouto's face. Doctor said she was so tired, she was seeing things. She saw my dad's face in his. She would always say I looked just like the fucker. But Shouto wasn't the fuck up. It should have been-"

Dabi feels Miu's hands on his; he's been rubbing his head hard enough to almost rip out his damp hair. Then he feels her chest pressing against his back and her arms wrap around his waist; her embrace is barely there, like she's too worried about smothering him, but Dabi kind of wants it. Wants to feel like how he had the other night when Miu was brushing back his bangs and all he could hear was her gentle shushing and steady heartbeat. Dabi stands there, dull eyes looking back at him in the foggy mirror. Miu's eyes don't look sad or apathetic. She has a look of utmost calm, like a lake on a still, winter day.

No one's ever held him this way. He wouldn't let them if they tried.

"My mom was going through hell and what did I do?"

Dabi can't stop talking. He can't keep it in, can't pretend. Miu deserves to know what a scumbag she's getting involved with. Dabi likes to think this is the one time sabotaging himself will work in someone else's favor. Maybe he can feel a sense of dignity when Miu tears out of the apartment with her number ripped into a thousand tiny pieces.

"I ran off and got high and came back just to get some money for my fix and a place to sleep for a few nights. I didn't want anything to do with it anymore. I abandoned them. So no, I don't deserve their forgiveness or to ever talk to them again. You know it's true, so don't give me any bullshit Miu. I won't lie to myself either."

Dabi leaves no room for argument in his voice. He knows what he's done. And just as surely as his father might never make amends for his behavior, no matter what Fuyumi says, Dabi won't pretend like he deserves it either. He should have to live with the regret and self loathing that accompanies it. It's the least he can do and it's really all he can bring himself to do these days.

"You don't have to feel guilty for wanting to though. You should never feel guilty for that. Didn't you say you wanted to be better for them? It's what makes you want to try harder, right? So don't let go of that feeling. It's what makes you better."

"I'm a fucking got it all wrong, Miu. I don't deserve you."

He can feel her shrug even though her face is blocked by his broad back; she's not small per say, but compared to Dabi, Miu sure seems to be. So, why does it feel like she's the only thing keeping him from falling to the ground right now?

"...do you still want me though?"

Dabi shivers because the air is cold and the steam is fading away and Miu's lips brush against his shoulder as she speaks. It's a chaste little peck but Dabi swears the skin she touches burns.

Miu gasps but doesn't put her hands on his chest to shove Dabi away when he whirls around and steals her first kiss. She doesn't do much more than breathe deep and runs her fingers through his hair over and over, nails raking against his neck as he pulls back to suck and lick at her breasts. His hands are far less gentle than his mouth; he's a few shades away from bruising her, but Miu only grows tense when they've sunken down on the chipped tile floor and Dabi is settling between her legs.

No words are exchanged. His hands rest lightly on her parted thighs and Dabi just stares at her, his dull, haunted gaze almost pleading. Miu looks right back at him and smiles.

"Just go slow."

He does and the speed never really picks up too much, it's nothing like the savage fucking Dabi usually takes part in. Miu's eyes squeeze shut and her face looks both pained and pleasured when Dabi eases himself in, but after the initial sting, her expression is one of vacant bliss. Her moans are soft and breathy and her fingers dig into his shoulders, nails scratching when Dabi is in as deep as he can go.

The room is humid now and Miu's body is slick from the water and Dabi's own sweat. He doesn't so much as thrust into her as he rocks, hardly pulling his cock out at all. He's pressing into her with what's almost his full weight. Miu is almost crushed under him, but she doesn't shift to get distance. Her arms come up to wrap around him and her face is buried in his neck; Dabi mimics these movement without meaning to and stops moving all together.

The silence is broken with his pants and her shallow breathing. He knows he's smothering her, he knows Miu probably didn't want her first time to be on a cramped bathroom floor in a run down apartment with a run down mess, but it is, so he holds her tight so she knows this means a lot more to him than anything he's ever done with anything else.

This isn't about getting off or even staking a claim. He needs her to feel the way he suffocates, the way there's some days Dabi can hardly breathe and has to chase away the thoughts that tell him he shouldn't be anyway.

Miu must understand this, whether it's because she's a little damaged herself or she's used to looking after broken messes not too unlike him. For whatever reason, she only holds him, keeping her strong legs wrapped around his waist as Dabi comes inside her and a strangled groan of relief escapes his clogged throat and his arms trap her to him so painfully tight, it's only matched by his teeth making indents in her shoulder. Self control is not in the cards for Dabi right now, but so is everything else he really wants.

Almost everything.

"Not to kill the mood but...you realize you need to get me the pill now, right?"

Dabi blinks his blurred vision into focus and his gaze land on Miu's flushed face. Her bright eyes shine like the stars she loves to look at so much and Dabi loves he made them look so pretty and for a second he really couldn't care less if he did get Miu knocked up if it meant keeping her that much closer so he can make her shine like this every single day, even though he's already getting up to get dressed and run to the store. He's not ready to be a dad and he won't force that on someone else. He won't be like him. He would never be that selfish, will never burden Miu for his own selfish desires.

Dabi pauses to wrap Miu in a fresh towel and help her to his bed, even though she says through a light stutter she's fine to walk. He tells her he'll grab her a coffee too and Miu looks ready to burst into flames from this little gesture. Miu just got rawed on the his bathroom floor in the middle of Dabi's mental breakdown and she's more concerned with him doing the smallest of favors for her and not wanting to bother him. Dabi pats her head with a roll of his eyes and say just for that, he's going to get her a donut too. Miu still looks pink but settles for a shy thank you this time, apologizes for being so weird, and only pouts playfully when Dabi throws a pillow in her face and tells her to stop apologizing for every little damn thing. It doesn't matter what she says though when it comes down to it. He won't let Miu's self conscious protests deter him.

Dabi has already made his decision. He will make Miu love with him if it's the last thing he does.