Just as soon as my vision had dimmed, I was awake and in a forest just like the one I found myself in after I climbed out of that well. I was all alone, laying in sun-warmed grass with the sounds of nature all around me. It was nice, but it felt off. Like there was something missing from me.
I looked down at myself and saw I was wearing the same tattered kimono I had before my captor had taken it off of me. I was still covered in blood and dirt and urine. But I didn't necessarily feel dirty. It was kind of like when you spill kool-aid on the counter, and if you don't wipe it up quick enough it stains the counter. It would be clean, it was just stained. It was almost as if my death was stained on me.
Which made me remember my death. My final seconds of consciousness replayed in my mind, Sesshomaru's face hovering over me. I believed his words. I didn't question that he was not the one who tortured me until death, that he was sorry for hurting me. I still loved him, and I found that his apology was all I needed to diffuse the anger I had for his actions.
Somehow, the feeling of sadness would not come. It was as if this place warranted no negative feelings. I doubted that, even if I wanted to be, I couldn't be angry at Sesshomaru. But all I was able to harbor were the positive feelings I had for him-love, lust, happiness.
I sat there for what seemed like hours. I was perfectly content just staring at the greenery motionless. No feeling of hunger ever came over me, and I never got the urge to use the bathroom. It was so nice, every once in awhile I would forget that I was dead and have to remind myself. The only thing I really wondered about, though, is how uncrowded it was in this place. I always pictured the afterlife with more people to spend it with.
I heard the faint calling of my name after a long while. It snapped me out of my thoughtless state, filling me with the feeling that I needed to move away from the voice. I stood up slowly and moved away from it mechanically, like it was instinct.
It became a routine, however. I would hear my name being called for a short period, and I would move away from it until it ceased. But not too long after the calling died down, it would start back up again and I would move away from it once more.
I think it was somewhere around the twentieth time the calling started that I stopped for a moment and really analyzed what I was doing. If someone was calling my name, they had to know me. Why would I move away from someone that knew me?
The instinctual feeling of moving away from the voice paralyzed me as I tried to turn and go towards it. It was almost like a nightmare, really. Finally, I got frustrated and remembered that I had my voice, and called out. "Who's there?" I yelled out, hopefully loud enough so that the person calling my name could hear.
"Stacey?" they replied questioningly. "It's Kagome!"
And just like that, my body had become unglued. Strange, really. I didn't understand what that was about.
I flitted through the trees, continuing to call for Kagome and she for me as I tried to find her. I eventually ran into both her and Inuyasha. I took them in, and noticed that they seemed out of place in this world. Almost as if they were thicker than they should be. In the words of the Mad Hatter, they seemed much more much-y.
"Are you guys dead now too?" I asked hopefully, wanting some companions. I thought it was stupid to ask that, because obviously they wouldn't be there if they weren't.
"No. We've come to get you out of here and bring you back to life."
Well. I guess that works too.
"Sounds good," I replied evenly, not even questioning it. "Lead the way."
I followed them through the woods, a sense of urgency about the speed with which we travelled. I wanted to be worried about the looks on their faces, but found that I could not feel that emotion either. There was something wrong, and I wanted to know what it was. But something kept me from asking.
We finally arrived at a circular portal opening that floated in mid-air. It featured a beautiful castle, and it almost looked like a painting. But of course I knew it wasn't. It was very plainly an opening to somewhere else, being so out of place in this forest. Rin waited patiently by it, and her face lit up when she saw us. It wavered slightly when she saw me, and I had no doubt it was because of the way I looked. None the less, she ran up to us and nearly tackled me to the ground with a hug.
"Are you in pain?" she asked me, picking at the shreds of my kimono. "You don't look too good."
"I'm not in any pain," I told her, awkwardly putting my arms around her. I was not very close to her so it was odd that she would hug me. It would not have been so weird if she actually acted and thought like the child she was, but I knew she was advanced beyond her years. "You end up here like how you died. So you're reminded that you're dead, I guess."
She snuggled into me. "At least you're okay. I love you!"
I was caught off guard with that. "I...love you too?"
She beamed up at me before releasing me to examine the portal, then cast a glance to the woods, where Sesshomaru promptly exited. I had not actually thought I would see him here for some reason. I should have expected it since Rin was here, though. It just never crossed my mind.
Pure happiness and joy flooded me at the sight of him, and all the love I had for him hit me harder than a rocket would. I couldn't help but paste a stupid, goofy grin on my face as I tried to manage my emotions, but it was like this place wouldn't let me feel what I wanted to.
His own face twisted into a mixture of such pure joy and love that tears started rolling from his eyes. It was almost like he had spent his entire life looking for me, and now that he had found me, he couldn't contain his joy.
He ran to me, wrapping his arms around me tightly. He sobbed into my hair, and I sobbed back just as hard. At least this place would let me cry from happiness.
"I'm sorry," Sesshomaru choked out. "I'm so, so sorry. It was my fault you died."
I put my hands on either side of his head to make him look at me, so that he could take me seriously. "No, it isn't," I told him, sniffling as I tried to steady my voice. "Don't ever think it was your fault. I will never forgive you if you go on thinking it was your fault. I will resent you forever. It's okay now, though. We'll have forever to spend together now."
Sesshomaru added new emotions to the expression on his face. I could tell that he was relieved I had forgiven him, that I still loved him-but there was a sadness there, a foreboding that I could not place. Just like I had felt with Inuyasha and Kagome, there was something wrong. The world still wouldn't let me ask what it was, like it knew it would send me over the edge, that whatever it was would make me have so much negative energy that it wouldn't be able to suppress it, and it found just steering me away from it altogether was simpler and easier.
"Yes," Sesshomaru agreed, tears of happiness at my forgiveness flowing out of his eyes. "Now hurry and go, we only have but a minute!"
I gave him a kiss, and he returned it with more passion and love than I had ever felt. But there was great sadness though, and finally some negative feelings began to creep up on me. Suspicion, fear, sadness.
We broke apart, and I gave him a smile before turning and stepping into the portal.
At first I was confused, because all of a sudden I was staring at the sky. I couldn't help but let out a scream in terror, not knowing where I was. Was I falling from the sky?
Then I gasped and gulped in the air, like I had been suffocating. My entire body was sore, particularly my back, head and lungs. But I remembered that I had been dead, and that now I was alive, and that was why I ached so badly. I wonder how much worse the pain would be if I had been dead longer? But it brought me to a final question: where was I?
A flood of words came into my mind then. It stemmed from my headache and then just exploded into a jumble of voices. It was as if I had fallen into a room filled with thousands of people that were talking all at once. I grabbed my head, the movement tearing at my back, and screamed.
I flailed around frantically, the pain from the voices growing like each voice was a person taking up space in my skull. I felt hands grabbing me to try and settle me, but I knocked them away in my frantic attempts at trying to claw away the pain.
"Go away!" I screamed at all the voices. "Leave me alone!"
And just like that, the voices ceased. There was absolute silence in my mind for the first time since I woke up and found myself with Sesshomaru. There was no static and no voice but my own.
I panted and took in my surroundings as I settled from my fit. Inuyasha, Kagome and Sesshomaru all hovered over me, holding my body and limbs down to the ground in case I broke into another fit. I felt cold, though I was laying in a pool of something hot.
I couldn't help but stare up at Sesshomaru, at the mask that couldn't hide the emotions playing in his eyes. I so desperately wished I could know his thoughts, though as I wished so they came. It was like a private channel to his mind opened up, and thoughts and feelings and events that he had throughout his entire life flashed before me.
The group's grip on me tightened as I gasped and bucked into the air. Marvelous places I had never even dreamed of came into my mind, though there were also horrible scenes of death and murder at Sesshomaru's own hands. In just an instant, I knew everything he had seen, felt and done in his life, and my understanding of him finally came. The mental slideshow slowed into his current thoughts, and I found myself outraged at what he had been planning to do. Though the sadness of Rin's loss overwhelmed me, particularly because she had sacrificed herself to save both Sesshomaru and I. I owed her a debt I could never repay.
The three of them finally decided that I wouldn't freak out anymore and slowly let me free. I struggled to sit myself up through the pain, but when I finally did, the first thing I did was reach out and slap Sesshomaru as hard as I could manage. Inuyasha and Kagome gasped, but Sesshomaru took it numbly. Which actually pissed me off and made me want to just beat him to death.
"What the fuck!" I screamed at him, all of the negative feelings that the afterlife wouldn't let me experience coming back with a vengeance. "You were going to leave me here in this world all by myself?! How dare you think I would let that happen!" I slapped him again. "I would have hated you forever for doing that! I would have just killed myself again so I wouldn't have to suffer without you!" I sobbed as I thought about his plan more. "Why would you do that?" I whispered it to him, hoping that maybe he wouldn't hear the pain I felt for it. "Why would you be that cruel?"
Sesshomaru did not answer me. He was too caught up in the grief of losing Rin. All he did was put his arms around me, and all I could do was return the embrace as my anger flooded out of me.
He lifted me into his arms, needing my warmth against him to keep his emotions in check. He would not let his emotions get the better of him anymore, but something about my presence soothed him so much. He needed me now for more than he ever had before. Not only that, but he no longer had Tensaiga to bring life back. He sacrificed his treasured weapon to save me. And now he lost the only other person besides me that he loved. And it was all my fault.
"Why could you have not used Meido Zangetsuha?" I asked him, trying to think of any other way to have gone about bringing me back. "Couldn't you have gone to the netherworld with that ability?"
"No," a woman that looked strikingly like Sesshomaru said, and from Sesshomaru's memories I knew it was his mother. "Meido Zangetsuha is an ability that sucks enemies directly into the hell of the underworld. The portal within the netherworld that is usually guarded by a spirit is a sorter. Good souls go to 'heaven', or a neutral ground that mirrors our own world without its plights. Bad souls are eternally damned in 'hell'. There is also a third plane, though it is strictly for the most pure souls. Not many know about it, though some say that the the souls of those people are the stars themselves. Anyhow, Meido Zangetsuha bypasses the portal and goes straight to hell. While Sesshomaru could have entered if he wished, it would have been useless in bringing you back as your soul was in the plane of Heaven."
Sesshomaru's grip tightened around me. "You knew Rin was there. And you let her follow, knowing she would sacrifice herself."
The woman put a hand to her forehead in mock concern. "You don't think it pains me to see my son lose someone he views as a child?" Her expression turned serious as her eyes locked with mine. "She is far more important to you than that child was, and you know it. She knew it as well. That child sacrificed herself because she knew the importance this woman has in this world, not only to you, my son, but to everyone else. In the breaking of the Meido stone, I was shown her true importance. It is not for me to say what it is, but soon the events will unfold and it will be revealed to you as well. Have not a heavy heart for the loss of a loved one, but joy in having the one you cherish most and air in your lungs. Now you must go and seek out the Cave of Despair."
"Well, that sounds like a fun place," Inuyasha said sarcastically, trying to break through the tension.
Sesshomaru was still upset with his mom over the loss of Rin, but he knew that she was right. He was alive, and he still had me. And there was a more important task at hand.
"What will we find there?" he asked coldly. His expression was a rock now, and there would be no more breaking of it. Rin's death would see to that. Though his emotions on the inside would roil more than ever, he knew that I was able to see into his mind now, and that would be enough for him to know that one other person would always know how he felt.
"You will see when you arrive. Head east now, towards the ocean. On the coast is where you'll find your destination."
"I'm not going to get kidnapped again, am I?" I asked nervously, Sesshomaru's grip on me tightening even further as I locked my arms around his neck. I wouldn't get kidnapped again unless Sesshomaru died first. He wasn't even going to let me out of his arms. Which sucked, because lack of exercise would make me even fatter.
A smile played on her lips. I so desperately wished I could see into her mind, but there was some kind of wall that wouldn't let me. "This is more for the benefit of another than for you," she said, not really answering my question.
"Is that a yes?"
She let out a soft laugh and waved us off, transforming into a large white dog and taking off into the sky.
I didn't like how she didn't give me a straight answer. It's never good when they don't come right out and tell you.
To keep my mind off of the potential kidnapping that lay ahead of me as we traveled back to the village first, I snooped deep into my cohorts' minds. There was a lot of deep emotional stuff between Kagome and Inuyasha and some dead lady named Kikyo, who was actually Kaede's older sister and the owner of the new kimono I finally had noticed I was wearing. I felt kind of weird wearing the clothes of a dead person, particularly because I had died once already. And that it was already poetically stained with blood.
When we arrived at the village, Kaede greeted us. She was overjoyed to see that I was alive, but dismayed that the blood from the cuts on my back (which had reopened upon my resurrection) had ruined the beautiful kimono she had given me. She immediately removed it from me for cleaning, and Sesshomaru took the top of his kimono off so that I wasn't naked.
Kagome was the one that treated my wounds with ointments made by Kaede, while Kaede herself was out washing my kimono. I was kind of disappointed that I wasn't magically healed upon being revived, but I guess beggars can't be choosers.
We were all ordered by Kaede to stay in the village that night so I could rest some before the three day journey to the coast. It would also give Kaede enough time to make up some ointments that could be used for my wounds. Sesshomaru was told not to give me any more blood, in case that it had some long term negative effects that we didn't know about. I hadn't ever thought about it having negative effects until then, and it made me a little afraid to drink it anymore. But it was just so wonderful, it was hard to wrap my mind around the fact I wouldn't have it anymore.
After I was cleaned and my wounds were dressed, Kaede handed me my newly cleaned yukata. I wanted to wear Sesshomaru's top for a little longer, however, because my time in the underworld made me realize how much I missed him, and I wanted to inhale his scent and feel the warmth of his fabrics as much as possible in case I died again.
No one had any quarrel with that decision for the time being, so Kaede showed Sesshomaru and I to a small hut just for the two of us. I knew Kagome had convinced Kaede that Sesshomaru and I needed to be alone after the events leading up to (and resulting from) my resurrection, and I mentally thanked her profusely. I didn't think I had telekinesis, but it was better than nothing.
By the time Sesshomaru and I lay down in our little home, it was the sunset of the second day of my resurrected life. The fact settled with me awkwardly, and I knew that my feelings were spilling into Sesshomaru as he pulled me on top of him. I was still afraid of crushing him with my weight, even though I knew he could probably handle a couple tons, but old habits die hard. He kissed my forehead as he chuckled at my absurd feelings, and I decided at that moment that if I lived through whatever it was I was meant to do in this world, I wouldn't try to go back to my family. I would stay here with Sesshomaru and the complete love I had for him. I admit that going back to my home time was something that was lodged in the back of my mind, but now it was just some absurd nightmare. This was my home now.
I sat myself up on top of him and looked into his eyes. There was a stray ray of orange light peeking into the hut, and it lay right on his eyes and made them sparkle like pure gold. They were entrancing and beautiful (even if yellow was my least favorite color), and I leaned down and kissed him on the lips. He returned it hungrily, having missed this intimate contact with me. An image went through his mind after we broke apart, and I knew that he was mentally asking me for my permission. I laughed quietly, almost astounded that we were actually going to try it again, though I kissed him again as silent approval.
Sesshomaru moved his lips to my neck, sucking hungrily and to my liking. I could feel my own pleasure roll into him through the bite mark on my neck, as I knew that meant I was his mate and it let him feel what I felt, and feeling my own pleasure be his pleasure made my own increase. It was an infinitely growing cycle.
He finally put his lips on my bite mark, and such pleasure shot through me, I thought surely that I was actually still dead and that this was some heavenly, unheard of reward. But it was just the bond that I had been bestowed, the benefit of having a demon mate. And being able to see into Sesshomaru's mind and feel my own pleasure there mixed with his, it was a bliss far more intense than his blood would ever give me. I wanted this more than I wanted to live.
I let out a loud noise of pleasure, and Sesshomaru stopped. He thought he had hurt me for a moment-but it was just the opposite. He studied my feelings through the mark a moment as I panted into his chest, making sure I was okay, before making me sit up so he could slowly remove his top that I wore. I studied his mind as he took in my naked body so I knew what he really thought of me.
Tears rolled down my face as I looked at myself through his eyes and felt the emotions he felt. I was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, I was perfection to him. The softness of my skin was so wonderful, the healthy, human glow that it had was so enticing, it was irresistible.
I felt so much better knowing he felt the same way I felt about him, and I nearly ripped off his undershirt so that I could feel myself against him. We lay motionless in an embrace for a few moments, taking in how we felt against one another, before he gently lay me on my back so that my wounds would not reopen. He then took off his pants, and finally we were able to experience one another in the most intimate way possible.
He ran his tongue over the mark on my neck as he worked his way in and out. Being a virgin, it was painful at first-particularly because he was so big. I always used tampons, so I was used to having something there, but it was nothing compared to this. It was a good pain, though, and mixed with the extra pleasure from my mark, it was the absolute most wonderful experience I had ever had, and I pitied everyone from my time that could not have it.
He began pounding me hard, and I felt my muscles begin to spasm and finally I orgasmed. The pleasure I could feel from Sesshomaru as I tightened around him was immense, and he orgasmed along with me. I could feel his juice mix with mine, and as the pleasure faded, it gave way to perfect contentedness.
Sesshomaru rolled back onto his back, and he gently lay me back onto him and we lay there in each others arms for an hour or so before falling asleep like that, happy to have one another.
