One minute past their scheduled meeting time, Joker knew something was wrong. Harleen wouldn't be late for no good reason – it was likely that interfering plant busybody had found out about what Harleen was up to and put a stop to it. Joker stormed over to their tent intending to have a very strong word with Pamela, but was surprised to see it completely dark inside.
"Where is she?" he demanded, storming in.
"Where is…who?" yawned Pamela, blinking sleepily. She woke up instantly as Joker kicked her hard in the stomach, seizing her around the throat and dragging her to her feet.
"Don't play dumb with me!" he snapped. "Where is Harley?!"
"I thought she was asleep!" snapped Pamela, glancing over at Harleen's bed, which was empty. "What are you doing poking around here while she's supposed to be sleeping anyway?" she demanded.
"I was supposed to be meeting her outside the forest, but she hasn't showed up!" retorted Joker. "What have you done to keep her from meeting me?!"
"I haven't done anything!" snapped Pamela. "Maybe she just came to her senses and realized how stupid it would be to be meeting a man like you in a dark forest!"
"Not in the forest, outside of the…" Joker trailed off, releasing her suddenly and racing out of the tent towards the woods. "Harley!" he shouted, heading into the trees. "Harley, are you in here? Harl…"
He paused, kneeling down as he noticed several sets of footprints on the ground. His eyes narrowed and he let out a stream of swear words as he headed back toward camp.
"Did you find her?" demanded Pamela.
"No," snapped Joker, storming toward his tent. "She's been taken."
"Taken?" repeated Pamela. "What do you mean taken?"
"I mean she's been kidnapped!" he snapped, rounding on her. "I found her footprints surrounded by booted ones. And there's only one kinda people who wear boots that make those prints."
He grabbed several more of his guns and knives and various weapons. "Looks like I'll be adding to my Nazi scalp collection real soon," he muttered.
"Nazis?" repeated Pamela. "Harley's been kidnapped by Nazis?! Wait a minute – I'm coming with you to find her!" she snapped as Joker headed back toward the forest.
"No, you ain't," he retorted. "I'm not looking after your sorry ass out there in the wild."
"I don't need you to – I can look after myself!" snapped Pamela. "I certainly don't need any man to do that! Just let me get my gun!"
Joker rolled his eyes. "Fine!" he snapped. "But only because I might need someone to use as Nazi bait!"
"How are you even going to track them in the dark?" demanded Pamela, as they entered the woods.
"I'll track 'em," muttered Joker. "I can smell 'em a mile off, all beer and bratwurst and sauerkraut."
"You didn't smell that ambush coming," reminded Pamela.
"I was distracted telling jokes to Harley," retorted Joker. "Trust me, I'll find 'em now. I just gotta think the exact opposite way that I usually do. See?" he said, pointing off into the woods, where Pamela could see that the foliage had been trampled. "I woulda taken a haphazard route to avoid detection, but Nazis are taught to march in a straight line, because that's orderly. And their goosestepping means they disturb the plants at knee height. Easy."
"My poor babies," murmured Pamela, staring in pity at the plants.
"Just keep up, Weed Lady," snapped Joker, heading deeper into the forest.
They came at last to an outcropping of rocks which dropped off into a steep cliff. Below the cliff was a valley, and peering over the edge, Joker and Pamela saw a huge castle, with blazing lights coming from the inside, and Nazi banners draping the outside.
"What the hell is that?" whispered Pamela.
"Dunno," said Joker. "But Harley's either in there, or somebody in there will know where she is. And I'm gonna make 'em talk," he said, pulling out his gun.
"Are you insane?" demanded Pamela. "We can't head straight into a castle swarming with enemies! There are two of us, and probably hundreds of them! We'll be killed!"
"Or, because there are two of us, we're less likely to be noticed," retorted Joker. "The other option is to go back to camp and try to convince the rest of the army to join us, and we'll probably still be outnumbered even if they do. Plus draw a lot more attention to ourselves. Anyway, I know Captain Wayne, and I doubt that hardass bastard will send his men into danger to rescue a lady. He believes the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few and all that crap. Well, I don't care about the needs of the many – all I care about is getting Harley back from those heiling, humorless Hessians! And Captain Wayne may believe that one life is worth sacrificing to save a thousand, but I sure as hell don't!"
"I don't believe that!" said a voice behind them. Pamela screamed as she turned around to see a man in a bat costume.
"Don't shoot him!" snapped Joker, knocking her gun from her hands. "It's Captain Wayne."
"What the hell is he doing here…and dressed in a bat costume?!" demanded Pamela.
"The more relevant question is what are you both doing here?" demanded Batman.
"We were tracking Harley," said Joker. "She's been kidnapped by the Nazis. Their trail led us here."
Batman stared at him. "Miss Quinzel's been kidnapped by Nazis? How did that happen?"
"Long story, which I don't have time for now," retorted Joker. "I'm going in."
"Negative, soldier!" snapped Batman, grabbing his arm. "That castle is a highly secure fortress – you'll never get in without my help."
"Ok, so come with me," retorted Joker.
"Negative – you're a loose cannon," retorted Batman. "And more of a risk than I'm willing to take. I need to infiltrate that castle unnoticed, with subtlety and stealth and speed, and I don't need to be accompanied by a guy who enjoys making loud jokes, and who can't resist killing a Nazi when he sees one."
"I'm not letting you go in to rescue Harley alone!" snapped Joker. "I don't trust you to bring her back, because obviously she's not what you're here for."
"No," agreed Batman. "I'm here for the device. I need to find it, and destroy it. And that device is locked up tight inside Schloss Fledermaus, a top secret, highly guarded Nazi stronghold," he said, nodding at the castle.
"What does Schloss Fledermaus mean?" asked Pamela.
"Bat Castle," replied Batman.
"Wait a minute…the German for bat is Fledermaus?" asked Joker. "As in…flying mouse?"
"Yes," said Batman, nodding.
"So that would make you…Fledermausmann," said Joker, slowly. "As in…Flying Mouse Man."
He burst out laughing hysterically. "Oh God, that's hilarious! I love it! I'm calling you that from now on!"
"See, this is what I don't need!" hissed Batman, clapping a hand over his mouth to silence him. "Random bursts of maniacal laughter will be the just the thing to draw attention to ourselves, which is why you're not accompanying me!"
"Look, Flying Mouse Man," snapped Joker. "I am going with you. Or I'm heading back to the camp to tell everyone that you're Flying Mouse Man, a secret agent for the government who has been leading his men straight into danger because he has some top secret government work to do. If you think there won't be a mutiny against you that will ruin all your secret government work, then you don't know the kinda lunatics we have in Camp Arkham!"
Batman looked murderous. "All right!" he hissed at last. "But you have to swear to do exactly what I tell you, and be completely silent!"
"Can do, Flying Mouse Man," said Joker, saluting.
"I'm coming with you too," said Pamela, firmly.
"You most certainly are not…" began Batman.
"Or I'm telling the guys about Flying Mouse Man," finished Pamela, folding her arms across her chest.
Batman growled. "Same goes for you," he hissed. "Not a word, or I'll silence you myself. This is too important an operation to be ruined by careless talk or stupid mistakes."
"Yeah, people who dress up in bat costumes should really lecture other people about stupidity," retorted Pamela.
Joker chuckled. "Y'know, maybe I was wrong about you, Weed Lady," he said. "You're all right. But then again, your own stupidity did get Harley kidnapped, so actually you're not all right, and if you get yourself killed in that castle, I'm not gonna mourn you."
"Same to you," replied Pamela. "If Harley's still alive, at least she'll be able to find a better boyfriend once you're dead."
"No fighting amongst yourselves either," snapped Batman. "Everyone just shut up and follow me."
"Hang on a second, Flying Mouse Man," said Joker. "If we're heading inside to rescue Harley and find and destroy this device, don't you think you should tell us what it is, so we'll recognize it if we see it?"
"Believe me, you'll know it when you see it," retorted Batman. "It's the Nazis's secret weapon, and it looks like how you'd imagine a secret weapon to look."
"What, it's like a really big gun?" asked Joker.
"Yes," replied Batman.
"And what does the really big gun do?" asked Joker.
"That's classified, soldier," retorted Batman. "You don't need to know what it does. You just need to know that it needs to be destroyed, for the sake of all mankind. It should never have been invented, and after we destroy it, we'll see that it never is invented again."
"Well, that seems unlikely," said Joker. "The guy who invented it can probably duplicate it – he probably took notes at least."
"The man who invented it, if he's still alive, didn't want to help the Nazis in the first place," muttered Batman. "And certainly wouldn't have if we had been able to get him out of Germany before they could find him. Unfortunately once they did, they forced him to help them."
"If he invented a thing that could destroy the world, surely he should have chosen death before he shared it with the Nazis," said Joker.
"They probably tortured him pretty horribly," said Pamela. "Not everyone is strong enough to withstand that, even if it means making it stop will result in everyone on earth being killed."
"He doesn't care about everyone on earth," retorted Batman. "Just like you didn't care about sacrificing the lives of your comrades to rescue Harley, Joker. To some men, a single person is more important than all the rest of humanity put together. And that's who the Nazis tortured. Not him, but his wife."
