A/N: Okay, so here we are, one more chapter closer to the end.

Thanks as always to everybody for their follows and comments.


The shadows shift behind her, the sky outside clear and bright and unknowing of the darkness it had just contained.

Lena sits beside Sam's bed, a hand resting on her friend's arm as she runs her hand gently through her daughter's hair while she lays against her.

It had felt wrong to feel as happy as she did when she had pulled Sam toward her finally, a part of her wanting it to be Kara in her arms instead, a part of her still wondering if she would ever get the chance to again.

Still, she looks at Sam with Ruby held safely in her arms and she knows it's this moment that she had wagered everything for, knows it's what she thought she had lost the chance to do, knows it means that despite everything against her, Kara had kept her promise to Sam. But what Lena realizes now is that Kara may have made that promise to Sam but she made it for her, made it to protect her from her own heart and her own fears, that she made it to keep another promise — one Lena thought she had broken but that she knows now she was willing to die to keep.

Lena thinks about Kara bleeding out in front of her, thinks how it could have been the last memory of her she had and tries to hide it somewhere so deep inside her that it can't be felt. She hasn't seen her since, knows only from J'onn's brief updates and Winn's hurried words that they are still waiting for her to be more stable before she can be with her again.

Eventually, it's Winn who comes to get her, silently placing a shaking hand against the small of her back as he guides her, trying to offer her what little comfort he has to give when he too is still trying to make sense of everything that's happened.

Lena hesitates when they stop at the door, her eyes drawn to the outline of Alex's back silhouetted against the glow of the sunlamps in the otherwise darkened room, her shoulders are slack in a way that has either admitted defeat or accepted relief. And Lena wasn't sure if she was ready for the answer. Not when she can still see the blood on Alex's clothes, not when she can still feel the same blood on her own hands.

Winn squeezes her hand gently — one last bit of comfort before he leaves her alone again— and she wishes she had something to give him in return but all she has to offer is her thanks; not just for being with her then, but for helping to bring Kara back to them all. And when he gives her a small smile in return she thinks that maybe that was enough.

She stays just outside still, stranded with all the thoughts and questions she is afraid to say aloud and wanting to give Alex the time she needs with her sister. But then Alex turns toward her , slightly stepping to the side in a simple gesture that seems to offer a silent acceptance of Lena's place in Kara's life.

She finally steps into the room standing next to Alex as her eyes remain on Kara. Lena studies her face under the amber lights. She looks so different now from the last time she saw her. All the traces of fear and pain and blood are gone now but still, and like everything else that has happened, it feels all wrong.

She wonders if there are words to say. Thinks that if there are that she does not know them. But she needs to say something if only for all this to feel real, if only because she still feels numb.

"I don't hate her."

Alex doesn't look at her though, she just steps forward closer to Kara instead.

"I know."

She steps up next to her.

"But I am still angry."

"I know."

Lena pauses but continues, needing Alex to understand.

"For so long she was the only person in my life who never lied to me. But then…" she trails off, her eyes wandering to the torn and bloodied suit that now lay discarded like so many of the secrets they had both tried to keep from each other.

Alex finishes her thought.

"But then you realized she had been lying to you all along."

And Lena remembers the pain in Alex's voice as she had called out her sister's name in front of her without even realizing it.

"Yeah."

But Alex looks at her with nothing but understanding in her eyes.

"How long have you known?"

She thinks about it carefully. It's a question she's asked herself over and over, a question she isn't sure she really knows the answer to. Maybe she had always known, maybe it was accepting it that was hard.

"I think for longer than I was willing to admit."

Alex nods as she looks back at her sister.

"How long have you loved her?"

And Lena doesn't even think this time.

"I think for longer than I was willing to admit."


Alex looks at Kara and she thinks of what Lena said and realizes it's another kind of pain; another part of their pasts that they share. Because she still remembers Kara as she broke down in front of the image of her mother, still remembers the look in her eyes after she took the only family she had left from her; because Clark abandoned her, because her parents disillusioned her, and because Kara has had to forgive everyone she's ever loved.

And she knows there is more than the need for forgiveness between them, but she thinks at least she can tell Lena this to prove to her that Kara deserves a chance at the time needed for the rest of it.

"You know, you were the only person that never lied to her too."

Lena turns to face her, her eyes leaving Kara for the first time.

Alex takes a deep breath.

"Forgiveness causes its own kind of pain, its own burden, but Kara has never let herself feel it. She's hardened herself to it because forgiveness is less painful to her than loss. But she knows now how much it could hurt, what that type of pain felt like, and she hated herself for not realizing sooner, for not understanding the kind of pain she would be causing you."

And Alex knows then, in the gentle way that Lena takes Kara's hand after that, that some part of Lena had already started to forgive her and that even without asking her to — and maybe without even realizing it — Lena had long since accepted the burdens Kara was trying to protect her from.


Lena sits with Kara's hand in both of hers, holding it tightly whenever she feels the need to be reminded that she was still there, that they hadn't lost each other yet like she knew they both feared.

She stays next to her as one hour becomes two and then four, as day turns over into night. She stays until Kara starts to wake up. But when she does like a part of her is still somewhere far away inside herself struggling to find a way out; her hands pulling at the sheets underneath her, her head trying to turn toward the sound of Alex's voice, the traces of words neither of them understands spoken between uneven breaths. And it isn't until her eyes open for the first time, just for a few seconds, that Lena lets herself believe that Kara knows they are there with her and that she doesn't think she is alone anymore, still stuck in that place anymore.

After that Kara seems to try harder to hold onto the moments she is there with them. Slowly she starts to return Lena's grip on her hand when she holds it, slowly she starts to lean into Alex's touch when her fingers brush the hair from her forehead — slowly she comes back to them. And then there's a moment when they are alone that Kara's eyes find hers, and even without words, Lena knows from the look in her eyes that she remembers what happened, that she is struggling to believe it was real, that she is trying to ask if it was.

And she is thankful she is at least able to give her the answer she does, understands how easily the words could have been untrue.

"She's gone. They're all gone, and we're all okay."

Kara's eyes blink closed for a second in quiet relief and open again to reveal that they are once again the familiar shade of blue that Lena remembers and not the pale gray she has tried to forget.

She doesn't say anything else after, just lets them both feel grounded in the feeling of gentle touches, and it's then, for the first time since she heard Alex say Kara's name, that she doesn't feel numb anymore.


Kara tries to remember the feeling of Alex's hands pressing into her side. Tries to remember the scared look on Lena's face. She tries to remember them there with her, tries to remember if it was real, hopes that the pain means that it was. But the darkness feels real too. The memory of a starless sky just as clear as the bright lights and white walls.

There are brief moments when she feels the world around her again, seconds when she is sure she is safe despite how hard it feels to even breathe, but eventually, the darkness always comes again.

So she slowly learns to welcome the pain, tries to hold onto it as long as she can because with it comes the sound of Alex's voice, with it she can feel Lena's pulse under her fingers, with it she at least knows she's alive.

And when the pain finally outweighs the darkness, it's Lena whose there, who reaches out and takes her hand. And Kara wants to ask her if any of it was real. If Reign was dead, if Sam was safe, if Alex was okay…. if it was all finally over.

But each breath is enough effort on its own, and her lungs ache too much for anything more.

Still, somehow Lena knows the words that are too hard for her to say and the question she feels afraid to ask.

"She's gone. They're all gone, and we're all okay."

And she feels her eyes close, feels herself take the next breath just a bit deeper, feels the weight become just a bit lighter and the world just a bit clearer.

She opens her eyes again wanting more time, more words to tell Lena the truth, to give her everything she owed her, to ask her to accept the pain of forgiving her and the burden of loving her.

And she worries that it still won't be enough, that there isn't enough time and there aren't enough words, but she sees something just then in Lena's eyes that gives her at least the hope that there is.


A/N: After tonight's episode, I think I want to fit the reveal of Lena's backstory into the final chapter, but what do you all think?

Comments and feedback are always appreciated.

PS: I also wanted to say that after this I am going to try to write some more for "How Living Feels" so if you guys have any ideas or prompts to throw my way feel free to head on over to that fic and leave me a comment.