Author's note: TRIGGER WARNING! There are racial slurs in this chapter as well as sexual violence. This chapter is perhaps the roughest, cruellest and darkest out of all of them so far and I hope you guys will forgive me for what I have done. It was the scene at the end of this chapter that inspired me to write this story and the rest of the plot has been built around it. Please, continue with care and if you feel like this is not the right time to read a chapter containing violence of a physical and sexual nature as well as racism, please wait until the moment is more suitable.

I actually felt a little unnerved when I wrote this chapter. I have written dark stuff before for the Harry Potter fandom but to do it for something like SVU, where the characters are so much closer to real people, almost hurt me. I can't say 'enjoy this chapter' because that would be wrong. I thank you all for your wonderful comments and patience so far and please, please don't hate me after this one. I promise I'll make it right.


Chapter 11

Come back when you can.
Let go, you'll understand.
You've done nothing at all to make me love you less.
So come back when you can.
~Barcelona – Come Back When You Can

Amanda got to the corner of23rd and Sixth Avenue just before eight o'clock. It wasn't quite dark yet but the sun had started to set, painting the skyline of New York in fiery shades of orange and red. She brushed a strand of hair out of her face before her hand ghosted across her chest and stomach, reassuring herself the wire was attached and in the right place. She had noticed the town car following the cab she took from her apartment to the meeting point and had watched how one of the officers inside had gotten out and was now observing her from inside the coffee shop across the street. She was out of her comfort zone.

"Hey, you been waiting long?"

Lori's voice snapped Amanda out of her thoughts and she effortlessly slipped back into her role. She smiled.

"Nah." Blue eyes narrowed. "Why did you wanna meet here?"

"There's something I wanna show you," Lori said. "You up for a walk?"

They were not far away from Fifth Avenue and Amanda wondered why Lori had chosen this area. It was full of people of all backgrounds and ethnicities. She'd noticed that Palace was mainly frequented by white, high profile workers but here they were amongst tourists and New Yorkers of all backgrounds. The area was home to some of the most expensive apartments in the city and she briefly wondered if perhaps this was where Lori lived.

"Where we goin'?" Amanda asked as she and Lori started making their way through the crowds of people that surrounded them. From across the street the Gang Unit officer appeared, clutching a cup of coffee. Amanda could feel his eyes on her even if she couldn't see him but knowing he was watching her, that she wasn't heading into an unknown situation alone, made her feel more at ease.

"There are some people I'd like you to meet," Lori smiled. "I've been thinking about what you said the other night. You know, about your girlfriend leaving you for that useless piece of shit." Lori's face changed into an emotionless mask and her eyes were so cold that it sent a shiver down Amanda's spine. "I think you'll find their company… enlightening."

They walked for about a block before Lori stopped outside an upscale apartment building and pressed the buzzer. Amanda heard the front door open and she followed the blonde inside. When she looked over her shoulder before entering the elevator she realised that her protective detail was no longer following her. He had to have lost her in the crowd. He couldn't follow her into the building anyway but she wondered if he even knew where she was. Her only way to alert them to her location was by using her wire but she'd have to make sure she did it without drawing attention to herself.

"You live here?" Amanda asked, hinting at the two officers listening to her tape that she was inside an apartment building.

"Not me," Lori answered and a smile lingered on her lips. "Gina."

Amanda remembered the woman she had met the previous night. Lori pressed the button with the number five on it and the elevator doors slowly closed. Both women were silent as the lights above the door lit up one by one, indicating the floors. With a soft 'ping' it came to a stop at five and the doors slid open, revealing a brightly lit hallway. There were only a handful of doors and Amanda followed Lori to the one in the far back. The number 20 was attached to the door in golden digits. Lori knocked twice and the sound of footsteps could be heard on the other side of the door.

"Hi," Gina smiled when she opened the door. She stepped aside to let the two women in and Amanda wasn't sure what to expect but this wasn't it. Gina's apartment breathed the same expensive atmosphere as her own undercover pad, with a luxurious and large kitchen, glass dining table with black leather chairs and a large corner piece suite that was accompanied by a glass coffee table, a large flat screen TV and expensive carpet. Everything about Gina screamed class and wealth but Amanda knew that most if it was pretend. She had entered the lion's den.

"Wine?" Gina offered as the two women made their way into the living room and fetched two more glasses from the kitchen. An open bottle of red and two half full glasses stood on the table and Amanda recognised Liz. She stood by the window, rigid. Something about her body language unnerved the detective but she couldn't quite put her finger on what it was.

"Thanks," Amanda smiled when Gina handed her the glass.

They all sat down on the large couch and sipped their wine in silence. Minutes felt like hours before someone finally spoke. Lori put her glass down and shared a glance with her friends before fixing her gaze on Amanda. "You know, we've been talking about what you said last night, Diana."

"I try not to," Amanda said sharply. "Bitch isn't worth the time of day."

"We feel the same way," Lori answered and something about the way she said it sounded threatening. "We've had some experienced of our own that have been, you know, unpleasant. All those women out there taking our jobs, our homes and our men." She glanced at Amanda. "Or our women." She took a deep breath. "Don't you think the government should be doing something about that vermin?"

"What, with a black man as president?" Amanda scoffed. The words tasted like poison. "Yeah, like that's going to happen anytime soon. He'll look out for his own kind before he starts lookin' out for us." The southern accent grew stronger as she became angrier. The hatred coiled in the pit of her stomach but it wasn't the hatred for what she had said but what these women represented.

"Politicians only care about the alligator bait and border hoppers," Liz interjected and the women around her all nodded in agreement. "The government doesn't care about real Americans anymore."

"There ain't nothin' we can do about it though."

Amanda finished off her wine. The alcohol tasted bitter but not as bitter as the vile she was forced to discuss with these women. She leant back on the couch and stretched out her legs, appearing to make herself comfortable. Anger flashed behind her eyes as she thought about Fin and Amaro. Fin had helped her when things got too rough with her bookie and her gambling addiction. She and Amaro didn't have much to do with each other but she respected him all the same. He was a good man. To hear these women talk about them the way they did infuriated her but she channelled that anger into making herself appear credible.

"There are some who take the law into their own hands," Lori said. The huskiness of her voice drew Amanda's attention and she glanced at the blonde, her eyes narrowed. She saw something in Lori's eyes that unnerved her. "Like they should."

The adrenaline suddenly rushed through her veins. "Government gives them housing, money and keeps them safe from hate but who protects us?" She looked at Liz and Gina and the reflection in their eyes mirrored what she saw in Lori's face. Amanda ran her fingers through her hair. "Who stands up for us when these bitches come in and take our jobs and our home?"

"We do," Lori whispered and jerked her head in a way that made Gina stand up. She extended her hand as an invite and Amanda took it. She noticed Lori and Liz stayed behind as Gina led her across the living room, through the corridor and towards what she assumed was one of the bedrooms. Gina reached into her pocket and took out a simple key, stuck it into the lock and turned it. The door opened and she switched on the light. She stepped aside so Amanda could walk into the room.

Her heart sank. The wall was plastered with newspaper articles, all describing cases where black people and Hispanics had been arrested for crimes. Murder, sexual assault, violence and robbery were some of the headlines that jumped out at her. Pictures had been stuck across the snippets. Most of them were of women and to her horror she noticed that some of them had their faces covered with red crosses. The paint had been sprayed on, like graffiti. Right here was the proof that the victims of the vicious sexual assaults she'd been investigating had not been chosen completely at random.

Her eyes darted around the room. In the corner stood a couch, surrounded with magazines and books. To add to the sick combination the couch was covered with cushions in a flower pattern. She recognised one of the books on the floor as Hitler's Mein Kampf. The others were racist print outs, with big bold letters printed across bright coloured papers. Her throat became dry as she took in the sight and slowly turned to look at Gina. This large, beautiful, upscale apartment was home to their racist headquarters.

"Wow," she whispered. "You did all of this?"

"Me and Lori," Gina smiled. "It's our little project."

"Impressive," Amanda smiled and stepped into the room. She looked over her shoulder and found a large swastika banner pinned to the wall. When it came to their taste and their attitude, the women's group was no different from the men they'd been dealing with in the past. They were just as sick, just as twisted and just as angry. She was about to speak when her gaze fell on the bag by the couch. She recognised it. It was the same bag she'd seen on the security video.

Amanda turned to look at Gina, curiosity flickering in her eyes. "So what the hell do you do in here?"

"Expressing ourselves," Gina smiled and she briefly put a hand on Amanda's arm. The touch startled her and she resisted pulling herself away from her. "There is no law against racial purity. We have to clean this city from the filth that pours into our streets every day."

Amanda studied Gina's face. Her blue eyes had turned a few shades darker and her face was cold and emotionless. Her voice was soft and low, her southern accent more pronounced than it had been all night. "I want in."

"Lori thought you'd say that," Gina smiled. She guided Amanda back out of the door and locked it behind her. She took a step closer to the blonde woman and Amanda could smell her expensive perfume. The contrast of what she appeared to be on the outside and what she was like on the inside was astounding. She looked so normal. "We could use someone like you."

They walked back into the living room and Lori sat up. She appeared intrigued and smiled when she saw Amanda's face she nodded. "I see we got your interest."

"You more than got it," Amanda answered and walked around the couch and sank back down next to Lori. Intense blue eyes met Lori's and she smirked. "I was born in Georgia. My daddy raised me right." She ran her fingers along her legs, feeling the fabric underneath her fingertips. "If my daddy knew what happened, he would roll over in his grave. Let me tell you, he would be proud to know I found someone like you."

They continued to talk for a while until Gina and Liz stood up and disappeared. Amanda followed them with her eyes and noticed they stepped into the room Gina had shown her earlier. After about fifteen minutes they returned and Amanda felt her breath choke in the back of her throat. Gina and Liz had changed their expensive clothes for white hoodies and jeans and both wore working boots. They wore scarves that covered the lower halves of their faces.

"Let's show you what we really do out there in the world," Lori said and stood up. She slipped her hand in her pocket, took out a set of car keys and dangled them in front of Amanda's face. "Let's have some fun, shall we?"

Amanda followed the three women out of the apartment. Her heart pounded in her throat and the palms of her hands had become sweaty. She was this close to stepping into something she wasn't sure she could ever get out of. Seeing the way Liz and Gina were dressed told her that tonight they would try and destroy another precious life. She didn't know who it was or where they had found their target but she had no choice but to follow them. The wire recorded everything and she could only hope that the Gang Unit would move in before things got out of hand.

The air outside was fresh and crisp and Amanda climbed into the backseat of the black SVU parked around the back of the apartment building. Lori got behind the wheel, Liz got in the passenger side and Gina shared the backseat with Amanda. No one spoke as Lori reversed her car, started down Sixth Avenue and then got onto the quickest road that would lead them to Harlem. Amanda watched the city flash by outside the window, the discomfort growing in her stomach when she realised she didn't see the town car following her. No one was there with her tonight. She was in this on her own.

About half an hour later, Lori parked the car in a dark alley way between two bars. She switched off the headlines and Gina and Liz left the SUV. Both pulled up their hoods and readjusted their scarves. Even in the darkness of the alley Amanda could make out their figures and she pressed her face against the glass. Liz and Gina lurked behind a dumpster, as if they were waiting for someone. She didn't know who but she didn't have to wait for long.

A lone figure walked past the alleyway after about fifteen minutes after they arrived and Amanda could see the woman was Hispanic. Liz and Gina moved within the blink of an eye. Liz whacked the unsuspecting victim over the head with a baseball bat and she slumped down, her outcry of pain muffled by Gina's head. They dragged her into the alleyway and continued to kick and beat the woman.

Amanda felt her stomach turn at the sight of violence erupting before her eyes. She had felt sick when she watched the attack on video but now she saw it with her own eyes and there was nothing she could do. Anger seeped into her blood and began to poison her brain, her heart. She clenched and relaxed her fingers, the bile rising in her throat. She felt delirious with anger, a red haze forming in front of her eyes. She fought against the tears burning behind her eyes when she watched Liz yank down the woman's jeans and panties as Gina clutched the metal bar.

Lori turned around and she looked at Amanda. A demonic grin lingered on her face and their gazes locked. "This is what we do," she smiled and pointed at the scene unfolding outside the car window. "We clean the streets." There was a pause that seemed to last forever. "You in?"

"Yes," Amanda answered without ever taking her eyes off the horrors that were happening outside. "Yes, I'm in."

~()~

She didn't hail a cab. Instead she ran three blocks to the nearest subway station and sprinted down the stairs. Her lungs were pressing against her ribcage and by the time she boarded the train she thought she was going to explode. Amanda threw herself into one of the seats and covered her mouth with her hand, afraid she was going to be sick there and then. She gagged, tasting the vomit in the back of her mouth, but managed to hold on. She felt sick. She was angry. The adrenaline pumped around in her veins. The fury she felt inside was unlike anything she had ever experienced before. She couldn't see, she couldn't think. The world appeared like a haze.

Lori had dropped her off exactly at the same spot where they had met hours earlier. Liz and Gina never made it back to the SUV. They had vanished into the night, leaving their victim for dead in the alleyway. She had looked for the town car that was supposed to follow her but it was gone. There was nobody there to help her.

Amanda looked up. The carriage was empty. It was one of the last trains of the night. Not many people travelled this late. She reached behind her shirt, ripped the wire free from the tape that held it against her chest and switched it off. It was best if no one knew where she was about to go. She pushed the device back in her pocket and rubbed her hands together. She didn't know what to do with herself. She had never felt this way. This angry, this wound up.

She left the train after about twenty minutes and ran her way back up the flights of stairs. She knew exactly where she was when she reached the top and walked for another block before climbing the stairs in the apartment building she had been looking for. She glanced at her watch. Just after half past eleven. Her fist made contact with the wood without really thinking and she waited. A lock was turned and a chain moved before the door opened and she released the breath she'd been holding when she saw Olivia peer past the door.

"Amanda, what are you doing here?" she whispered when she saw her girlfriend outside and quickly stepped outside. She saw the strange, dark look in her eyes. "What happened?"

Amanda pushed past Olivia without speaking and slammed the door behind her. The loud sound made Olivia jump but by the time she had turned around to look at her lover, Amanda's hands had closed around her wrists and she pushed Olivia with her chest and face flush against the wall. A knee found itself between the older woman's legs as her arms pressed down on the small of Olivia's back, keeping her in place. Panic suddenly overwhelmed Olivia and she attempted to free herself but Amanda's grip was firm and tight.

"Amanda, what the hell…" she began but one of Amanda's hands shot up to the base of her neck, forcing her to stop moving her head. She managed to catch a glimpse of her lover's face and what she saw frightened her. Amanda's normally soft features had contorted into an ugly mask of anger and hatred and the darkness in her blue eyes was unlike anything Olivia had ever witnessed before. She felt her body stiffen up when the hand that had been pressing against her back slipped around to her stomach and started sliding behind her sweats.

Olivia's hands shot down to stop Amanda from moving but her wrist was caught by the hand that had been pressing her head against the wall, forcing them back up. Amanda pressed Olivia's hands down alongside her face and leant in. Her breath was warm against the olive skinned woman's face and rough, hot lips kissed Olivia's cheek before tracing down to her ear, suckling on the pulse point along her neck.

"I need this," she rasped, her voice so low that Olivia could barely hear it. "Please…" Her index finger slid further behind the sweats and she found Olivia was wearing one of her more comfortable girlie boxers. "You have no idea what happened tonight." The thoughts made her sick. She felt tainted, disgusted. She anger in her body had no other way out other than this.

"Talk to me," Olivia whispered. The fear that had settled in her chest slowly started to subside now that she realised Amanda didn't intend to hurt her. She hadn't come here for that reason. "Please, just look at me and we can talk about it…" Her words were cut off when Amanda's lips roughly crashed down on her own. The kiss was fierce and Amanda's teeth unexpectedly sank into Olivia's lower lip. Both women tasted the blood on their tongue.

"Don't move," Amanda groaned as she pressed her full body weight against Olivia, pressing her harder into the wall. The fingers that had closed around the older woman's wrists travelled down across her arms and eventually found the curve of her breasts through her shirt. Olivia's breath hitched when Amanda's hand slid behind her sweats and dipped behind her panties. Without warning two digits slid inside of her and her back arched in surprise when Amanda began thrusting into her.

Nothing about this was kind, caring or loving. Amanda's touched were rough and Olivia sensed that this wasn't about either one of them feeling anything. She had suspected this side of Amanda existed, it was why she had created the safe word, but she had misunderstood the need she experienced. She had thought Amanda was the one needing the domination but the way it looked now it turned out that Amanda was the one with the darker side, feeling the need to completely overpower her lover in a way that they would perhaps not even approve of in their daily line of work.

Feeling the climax building up was unexpected and Olivia bit down on her lip when she felt Amanda's fingers curl inside of her, brushing along her walls. Olivia's nails scraped across the wall as Amanda's thrusts became harder and rougher, bordering on painful. She added an unexpected third finger, drawing an outcry of pain and lust from Olivia. Her free left hand shifted from fondling Olivia's breasts to grabbing a fistful of her hair and pulling her head backwards. Olivia's eyes filled with the tears at the experience of pain mixed with pleasure and for a moment, a split second moment, she remembered what had happened years ago. The fear was instant and her hands reached for Amanda's in an attempt to slow her down. She wasn't sure if she wanted her to stop.

"Amanda…" she moaned. "Amanda… please… you're hurting…" She couldn't finish her sentence because Amanda pressed her face hard against the wall. Her thumb flicked over Olivia's clit, drawing a raw moan from her lips. Olivia felt her knees buckle. Fear and passion went hand-in-hand.

"RED!" Olivia suddenly cried when the grip around her throat tightened and Amanda started cutting off her oxygen. Fear filled her brown eyes as she attempted to look at her girlfriend but when she saw her face she wished she hadn't. For a moment she didn't see Amanda. She didn't know who she saw but this wasn't the woman that she loved. When she blinked the image was gone and she saw Amanda again. The blonde released her grip around Olivia's throat enough for the brunette detective to repeat the safe word they agreed.

"Red! RED!"

She wanted to repeat the word again but it died on her tongue when Amanda's thumb rubbed over her clit again and suddenly, out of the blue, she hit her orgasm. It made her knees buckle and Olivia could no longer support her weight. She slid down along the wall to the ground and landed on her knees, fighting for air. Her body was left shaking and beads of sweat had formed on her forehead. She reached for the wall to support herself and tried to look over her shoulder for Amanda.

All she found was the open door. Amanda was gone.