*TRIGGER WARNINGS* Rape/Violence

CHAPTER 11: Dig Me Out.


Jane sighed as she got in the car to go have dinner with her parents. She hadn't gotten a wink of sleep last night, not after that failed attempt at pleasuring herself. That and finding herself lusting after her best friend. Last night as she watched TV to distract herself her mind kept returning to that photo of Maura, the way a few strands of hair were stuck across her cheek and how god damn beautiful she looked. Jane had gotten ready 30 minutes early to stop in at Maura's to see if she wanted to come. That and she really just wanted to see her.

Jane arrived at Maura's just as her friend came out the front door. "Hey Maura?" Jane called out getting Maura's attention. The way Maura responded made the detective grin. Maura jumped the slightest her mouth opening in an 'o' shape as she looked towards Jane. She really recovered though, waving at Jane. "Ma's having dinner, wanna come?"

Maura walked towards Jane and Jane's eyes were on her friend's hips, watching as they rolled in that purple dress she wore. How did she look so good walking? "Hey, your Mother actually already invited me. I was just about to leave."

"I'll give you a ride." Jane grinned, one hand on the wheel the other hanging out the window. "Come on." Patting the seat next to her she waited for Maura's reaction and when her head nodded yes Jane quickly manoeuvred across to the other side of the car quite awkwardly before getting out on the passenger side and opening it for Maura.

"Oh, how sweet of you Jane." Maura grinned and Jane felt like a kid in school being praised. She smirked briskly walking around the car and got back in starting the car. As Jane drove to her parents house she couldn't help but steal little glances at Maura when she wasn't looking every then and again. This whole attraction she felt towards Maura was starting to get out of control and she to be honest, didn't mind one minute of it.

"You look amazing as always." Jane casually commented; the smile on her face staying strong. She turned to see Maura's reaction and that smile on her face widened. Maura faced her a huge grin on her face.

"Thanks Jane. You look great too."

"Yeah, I'm wearing that chick magnet suit you wore at the bar." Jane chuckled a little teasing her friend playfully. "Okay, we're here."

"Well, that suit is certainly drawing me in." Maura grinned, pleased with herself.

Jane tensed her stomach hearing Maura's words. Though she loved the way Maura's words made her feel recently they also distracted Jane and confused her even more. They made Jane want Maura more and those feelings that surfaced recently ate at her all day long. She had never felt that way towards any one before, not for this long. Jane wasn't one for that romance and stuff. Sure she had little crushes and stuff but nothing like this. She wanted to hold Maura, spend all day with her which she basically did already. She came to the realisation last night that she did indeed love this woman and had for a long time.

The pair stood at the front door and Jane knocked waiting for one of her family members to answer. Her brother Frankie answered and immediately greeted her with a hug and once again his hug hurt her but she was determined to not let it show. Still only Maura knew about the cuts that had maimed her thighs and back.

"Hey Janie!" And there was that name again. Jane's teeth clenched against each other, her eyes closing tightly. Did he not learn from last time? Her brother let go and gave Maura a hug. "Hey Dr. Isles! Glad you could make it." Frankie hugged Maura a bit too long for Jane's liking.

"Okay big guy, move along." Jane pushed him lightly motioning him inside. The women followed him in and was greeted by Angela who gave Jane another painful hug. "Hey Ma, can I talk to you for a second?" Jane wanted to apologise to her Mother properly face to face.

"Sure Janie-Uh I mean Jane. Sorry."

Jane flinched the tiniest bit but she appreciated her mother's quick editing of her mistake. She put her hand on her Ma's back leading her towards the empty living room. "Hey Ma, I'm sorry about the other week and about avoiding you. I love you, Ma."

"Jane, I love you too. I'm sorry, I just get so worried." Angela's brows were twisted in concern. Her mother went in for another hug which Jane let happen. "Thanks, Ma." Jane returned the hug before walking with her mother back to the dining room and took her place right next to Maura.

"Hey." Jane smiled at Maura looking into her best friends eyes. Maura returned the gaze that made Jane's heart melt.

"Hey Frankie, got it yet?" Jane heard her dad call out from under the sink and looked over trying to see what was happening. Looked like the sink was broken.

"Yeah, I'm coming back now Pa!" Jane heard her brother reply and then felt a hard object jab her in the side. She jumped and turned to see what was jabbing her and it was a wrench. A fucking wrench. The blood drained from Jane's face and her brother jabbed her with it again and she snapped. Her eyes closed and when she opened them Frankie was on the ground, her fist coming down onto his face. "Don't you fucking touch me with that again!" She heard coming out of her mouth.

When she realised what she had done she quickly got up, helping her brother up. "Shit, fucking shit I'm-I'm sorry." Her voice kept breaking. She was trying to hold back the sobs that were going to come out of her mouth. Not again, not a-fucking-gain. She looked down at her brother and then at each face of everyone in the room and they all looked in shock. Her gaze fell onto Frankie's again. "I'm so sorry. I have to go, I..." Jane's hands went to her face wiping it. "Shit!" She groaned throwing her hands down and walking out the door to her car. She didn't punch it this time, she just opened her door and sat down slamming the door shut.

Shortly after she heard a tapping on her window. She slowly looked up to see Maura. Her hand went to unlock the doors allowing Maura in. Her friend got in the car and closed the door.

The Detectives eyes went to her lap. "Jane, do you want to talk?" Maura asked carefully, her hand going softly onto Jane's shoulder.

Jane replied with a little nod of her head which said no.

"Well, as much as the Limbic system is needed sometimes one can wish to be without some of it's features." Maura explained trying to make Jane feel better.

Jane just turned her head to look at the Pathologist with her eyebrows raised. She had no idea what Maura was talking about. She let out a chuckle, "Jeeze Maur. Still with the google mouth?"

"Oh, sorry. The Limbic system is a set of primitive brain structures that is located on top of the Brainstem. It's buried under the cortex, it's involved with many of our emotions and motivations. The way you reacted with Frankie makes sense that this system was involved as in those emotions and motivations related to survival are involved in this particular system." Maura was gushing out all these words. Worry and stress a contributing factor to this case of Google mouth.

Jane just stared at Maura blankly trying to make sense of what she was trying to say. "In basic language."

"Oh um." Maura blushed a little. "Basically, as much as you can wish you didn't have any, Homo Sapiens have emotions and it seems those emotions are affecting you in a negative way right now."

Jane smirked the tiniest bit before going back to a frown. "Thanks, I guess." The detective desperately wanted to admit everything to Maura, to let it out instead of having it build up any more but she didn't know how to tell her friend that she was sexually assaulted.

"My family, you know them. They can be a bit... Overwhelming. Right now I'm finding it... Hard to uh..." Jane trailed off, her eyes going back to her lap. Jane felt Maura's hand start to rub her shoulder causing Jane to relax a little, her stomach muscles relaxing from their earlier tensing.

"That's understandable, Jane. I, myself have problems with being around people some times."

Jane looked at right into Maura's eyes. She couldn't stop the next words coming out of her mouth. She needed to tell someone. "I was raped, Maura. He fucking..." Her eyes left Maura's for a second before looking back up. Maura's reaction was something Jane had never seen before. Her left eye twitched a little, her lips pursing and if looks could kill Jane would be dead. Maura was starting to tear up, the watering in her eyes matching Janes.

"Fuck him." Maura said, her voice low. Jane was surprised by Maura's use of the word 'fuck'. She didn't think she'd ever heard her say that before. Before she could say anything Maura lunged at Jane, her hands wrapping around her friend. "I'm here for you, Jane. I'll always be here." Maura hugged Jane tightly, her arms avoiding the wounds.

As soon as Jane heard those words the barrier she tried to keep up came down. Her arms went around Maura, gripping her as if her life depended on it and sobs came out. "He-He used a..." Jane couldn't get the last word out, her sobs preventing her from talking. She felt Maura rub her back and her grip on her friend got tighter.

"He used a fu-fucking wrench, Maura." Jane's words were almost incoherent. "Fucking, fuck Maur." She still held Maura as if she was holding onto her for dear life. Maura didn't let go and Jane didn't want her to. They just sat there holding each other until Jane pulled away, tears in her eyes. "Fuck Maur, I'm-I'm not coping." She confessed, her hands resting on Maura's hips.

"You've been through a traumatic experience. It's good that you are talking to me about it but you should consider perhaps seeing a psychologist or rape counsellor." Maura explained, rubbing Jane's arm. "Do you want to go back inside or I can drive you home?" Maura asked, her eyes full of concern.

"I uh, I better go apologise properly." Jane ran her hand through her hair trying to work out how she was going to fix this. "Just gotta calm down and collect myself a bit first." She leant back against the chair.

"Here, look at me sweetheart." Maura said and it gave Jane those oh so familiar butterflies. She turned towards Maura looking at her and then felt Maura's hand cupping her cheek. Jane's eyes went to Maura's lips and back to her eyes. She wanted to touch Maura, to be comforted and feel good instead of feeling this this frightened little girl who was afraid of the monsters under the bed. In reality though, Jane's monster was real.

Maura looked away from Jane, reaching into her bag and got out a wet wipe. Jane didn't notice, she was too entranced by her friends face. Jane felt her lips curving into a smile getting bigger each second she stared at her friend. Maura's soft hand was still on Jane's cheek and her other hand came to Jane's face to reveal a tissue that was used to wipe the tears off Jane's face. Jane normally wouldn't let someone do this for her but she enjoyed and needed Maura looking after her right now, she needed Maura to keep herself from completely breaking apart. She just needed Maura.

When Maura pulled her hands away Jane couldn't help herself. She lunged forward, her goal was to kiss Maura but just at the last second her head moved left and she hugged her friend instead. "Okay I'm ready to go in can you uh, come with me?" Jane asked awkwardly as she moved back onto her own side of the car.

"Of course, Jane." Maura stepped out of the car with Jane and the pair assembled together at the front door again. Jane slowly moved her hand and grasped Maura's much to the Queen of Deaths' surprise. When Maura squeezed the hand in her grasp Jane knocked on her front door to have her Ma open the door.

"Hey uh, Ma. Can I talk to everyone?" Jane scratched her head nervously finding it hard to gather her fingers together and keep them still.

"You really hurt Frankie, Jane!" Angela scolded but moved back from the door letting the women come in. Maura's hand was still grasped in Jane's and neither of the women had any intention of letting go. Everyone was still at the table so Jane got all their attention.

"Excuse me, uh. Everyone. I have something to tell you." Jane was playing with Maura's fingers.

"You're finally coming out Jane?" Frankie joked holding an icepack to his cheek.

"What do you mean Frankie? We just came in." Maura obviously didn't understand what he meant.

"Maura just..." Jane sighed shaking her head. "Okay no Frankie, I just wanted to apologise to everyone." Jane squeezed Maura's hand. "I'm sorry I uh, don't know what came over me Frankie but I need you all to know that one of the things... Hoyt attacked me with was a wrench. And I had a... Flash back or something like that, of what he did to me when you jabbed me with it." Jane looked at Frankie. "I'm sorry."

"Oh Jane we're so sorry!" Angela began but Jane put her hand up in protest. "Please Ma, let me finish."

"I've been finding it hard to be around people. It's been really overwhelming. I love you all so much but I need a bit of time alone, ya know?" Jane continued, her hand still tight on Maura's. "That's all really."

Angela rushed to Jane's side hugging her tightly. It hurt Jane once again but this wasn't something they needed to know. Jane didn't want them to worry more than they already were. To her disappointment Jane was forced to let go of Maura's hand to hug her Mother back. "I love you Ma."

"I love you too Jane." Her mum gushed back.

Her dad came up to Jane patting her shoulder as Angela let go of Jane. "You're still my little princess" He grinned.

"Come on Pa, me a princess? I don't think so." Jane's hand found Maura's again.

"You'll always be a princess to me Jane."

Jane smirked walking over to Frankie hand in hand with Maura. "Hey Frankie, you okay?" Jane reached out and put her hand on his shoulder. "I'm so sorry."

"Hah, that's okay I've had worse." He chuckled a little smirking.

"Yeah, sure you have." Jane laughed a little. "Anyway I might uh, go and take some time off. Is that okay with everyone?" Jane asked everyone in the room.

"You can go Jane, do you want any leftovers?" Angela walked into the kitchen getting a container.

"Nah it's okay, Ma. I'm just gonna go chill with Maur tonight. If.. That's okay with her." Jane turned to look at Maura and the Medical Examiner just nodded. The smile on Jane's face became wider, feeling better after apologising to everyone. "I'll talk to you all soon, promise."

Still holding each others hands they started to walk towards the front door. "Hang on a second, Jane. Can I talk to Dr. Isles for a minute?" Jane heard her Mother call out causing her to stop and turn around.

"Uh, yeah okay." Jane pursed her eyebrows wondering why her Mother wanted to talk to Maura. She was forced to let go of the Doctors hand and she gave Maura one last look as if she was saying 'you better tell me what she wanted when you get out' and walked out the door to her car. She kept playing with her fingers playing with the bandages as she kicked the dirt around with her feet. A few minutes later Maura came out a smile on her face and Jane looked up at her. "Tell. Me. Everything." Jane pointed her finger at Maura.

Maura just giggled a little and it sounded like magic to Jane's ears. "She just wanted to thank me for helping you out and then she said something I didn't understand."

"Yeah?"

"Yes. It was quite confusing."

"Maur?"

"Yes Jane?" Maura just cocked her head to the left the tiniest bit and smiled

"So... What did she say?" Jane coaxed Maura.

"Oh. She told me that you need a man and she stressed the male part.. It came out of nowhere. It was... Strange." Maura looked confused, leaning against the car door.

Fucking Ma. Jane frowned. "Seriously?! She said that to you? Jesus. I'm going back in there." Jane said, pissed off as she headed back to the door but Maura grabbing her hand arm. "Jane, I don't think she meant any harm. She just wants to make sure you're okay." Maura smiled.

Maura's smile stopped Jane's anger and Maura pulled Jane back towards her. The Detective ended up pressed against Maura who was in the middle of the car and Jane. In the midst of the moment Jane whispered "Would it be so bad if it wasn't a man?" Before she realised what she was saying and moved off Maura covering up her words by laughing. Damn, this whole lusting after her best friend thing was starting to get the better of her. "Hey come on, I'll drive you home." She walked to her side of the car flashing Maura a smile before getting in and driving to Maura's.


Sorry about the delay! Holidays went great, though. Gave me a lot of story ideas which I've used to write a one-shot about that jar of Marmite! :P

Enjoy and thanks as always,

Crystal. (SleaterKinney.)