TC Stark: Hello! I apologize for taking a couple of days. I'm been working on a few projects and my story in my Batman section. I don't want to be unfair to those fans. But, I just couldn't stay away! Lovelydovey21- Thank you so much for all your reviews! I hope this chapter clears things up a bit.
I'm glad everyone likes my story. I go over these chapters over and over again and I am so, so sorry if I leave a few errors behind. But, I'm glad you all like the smut! Lol I'm actually starting to feel bad for Steve lol It's so hard writing dramas! Lol And Mystique84- You continue to crack me up lol My former Loki stories in the Thor section featured a pregnant OC. I don't see myself doing that hear, I don't know how Natasha would be as a mother lol
Again, sorry to not get to all of you! Just know I always keep your suggestions in mind! QueenVamp- You hit the nail on the head. Though, to go with Krittle-v- He definitely has a broken child within him and I kinda wanted to tap into both sides of him in this chapter, as well as the story. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I only own my thoughts!
Chapter Eleven
One hundred. There were one hundred tiles in her bedroom's ceiling. Funny, how she never stopped to count before. Well, she never needed to before. Never needed a distraction. Her eyes flew to the other side of the ceiling, beginning all over again. She couldn't stop. Even if she slipped up for a second, she would unravel.
Why was her mind cracking? Natasha squeezed her eyes shut. Fuck. She had lost track. Now, she was thinking. God, she was so tired. She hadn't slept the entire plane ride home. If she slept, he would be there. Tormenting her. Looking to tear her apart. If she even closed her eyes, all she saw was him. She didn't even want to blink, out of fear of having her vision covered with him.
Her nostrils opened, as she breathed in. Instantly, she frowned. She smelt him on her. How had she fallen off the bandwagon again? Things had been going well. Steve was treating her right. They went out. They laughed. And they had great sex. Surely, there was no attraction to Loki. What would there to be attracted to? He was an arrogant and evil bastard. Why had she given herself so easily to him again?
Natasha sighed. She knew why. She was well aware of her needs. Of what she liked. Over the years, she had become disgusted by it. Ever since meeting Barton, she realized that she needed to repress those needs. Her eyes were opened and she now knew that she could use her skills for good. That she could be more than what she was programmed. And yet, a little part of her past survived.
There was a buzzing. Looking over, she noticed her cell phone vibrating. It was Steve. Reaching over, she silenced the call. She couldn't speak to the soldier. Not right now. Not after what she did. Again. Steve had preached to her, about not punishing herself, but there came a time to take responsibility for her actions. Her one day at a time attitude, was slowly going out the window. What good was it, if she was just going to keep repeating the offense.
No. She couldn't. Natasha shook her head. This couldn't happen again. Slowly, she began to grow angry. Loki was a true manipulator. How dare he find her most vulnerable spots and press deep within. She would not allow him, to take control of her again. She was stronger than that. Stronger than to fall prey to her most basic instincts.
Clenching her fists, she swung her legs over the bed and got up. She would not be defeated. Not allow Loki to feel as if he had conquered her. What was he, other than a jealous brother? A pathetic being just trying to prove his worth. She had worked so hard, to become what she was today. A monster wasn't going to crack her open.
"Man, you look like hell."
It was always nice, to be showered with compliments. Natasha rolled her eyes, as she entered the gym, "Always the flatterer."
Clint shrugged, as he wrapped his knuckles, "I'm just calling it like I see it."
Was it that obvious? She had observed herself in the mirror, before leaving. Even though the sex, with Loki; was just as rough as the first time, she hadn't any visible marks. There a few opened cuts on her thighs, but her pants covered that. Her scalp was tender, from her hair being yanked; but there was no way the archer would be able to see that.
Natasha stayed quiet, as she wrapped her own knuckles. Her gaze stared down at her hands. The same hands that glided up and down Loki's body. The fingers that gripped his black locks, as he jammed himself inside her. Her nails still stung, from tearing at the skin of his back. Gritting her teeth, she cursed under her breath. She could still feel him.
"What's bugging you?" Clint asked, nearing her, "Seriously."
She could have told him. The archer knew plenty of her past and accepted all of it. Neither were perfect and he had been the first to believe she could change. Because of him being merciful, she was able to prove herself more than a cold blooded killer. Since becoming an agent for SHIELD, she had gone on many missions with Barton. The two were the best in the field and had become closer than she had ever thought she could, with someone.
But, no. She could not tell him. Rather, she spoke vaguely, "My past has been coming back to haunt me."
Clint stared at his comrade, seeing the seriousness on her face. She was staring at the punching bag that hung from the wall. Her body was tense and her fists were clenched. He knew the way she felt. After having become a slave to Loki's army, he felt vulnerable. Exposed. He needed to fight every day, to keep his training from unraveling. Every wrong doing from his past, slowly crept into his mind. It was as if a little part of the god stayed within. Urging him to release his restraints and break free.
"Natasha, you've been brainwashed and tortured before. Loki is only the beginning of a new kind of enemy. We're going to face worse. And we need to stay strong."
He was right. She knew he was. Clint was the only one out of the Avengers, who could even come close to knowing what she had gone through. How she worked inside. How her past had shaped her. He knew her. It was probably why they were so close. But, as close as they were; she wasn't about to reveal what was really bothering her.
The doors opened; causing both to turn. It was Steve. Natasha froze. Apparently, he was shocked too. He was in gym clothes and it was obvious he wanted to work out. She should have known that he was going to work out. He always did. She cursed within. This problem with Loki needed to be squashed soon. She was losing her edge.
The captain slowly approached the assassins, while greeting, "Hey, Clint."
Barton nodded, "Captain."
Steve then turned to Natasha, "Hey."
Her eyes darted over to Clint's. He got the message. Natasha waited until the archer left, before turning up to the soldier, "I'm sorry for missing your call."
"I figured you might still be on Fury's mission."
"I came back yesterday."
Steve mouthed an oh, before scratching the back of his neck, "Is everything alright?"
How stupid she was. How could she really be throwing things away, with the captain? He looked at her, so innocently. So kindly. Not the way Loki would look upon her. The more Natasha thought about it, the angrier she became. The god stared at her with a sense of entitlement. As if he owned her. No, she would never be owned.
"I just need time to clear my head."
Steve nodded, while stuffing his hands in his pockets, "I'm here."
Natasha frowned. Why did he have to say that? His kindness killed her, "I know. I just have a few things I need to clear up. A few days to make up for."
With a smile, he nodded, "Remember what we talked about."
He still believed in her. That was even more heart breaking. She was an idiot. Slowly, she reached her hand up and touched his cheek. The gestured caused him to smile. She returned it weakly, not having the strength to fake happiness. She needed a way to yank Loki from her mind. And she really couldn't do that, with Steve being so nice.
As Natasha turned to leave, she heard him suggest, "Maybe we can get drinks this weekend?"
Turning around, she slowly smiled, "I'd like that."
"Brother?"
Loki was snapped out of his thoughts, when Thor had called out his name. He had to admit, he was exhausted. Natasha had certainly worn him out. As predicted, the redhead couldn't fight off her primal instincts. She hated that he looked to make her enjoy her shameful needs. But, what she hated the most, was starving her body from those very needs.
The god couldn't deny that he was enjoying their little dance. The little game they played. Oh, how she denied him. Denied who she really was. She looked to reject the very woman that he wanted to help emerge. How much he enjoyed the little black widow, crawling up his arm. How much he enjoyed knowing that at any moment she could strike.
Casually, he glanced over to his brother, "Why, Thor, I haven't seen you in a couple of days."
"I've been busy."
"Doing what?" Loki questioned; raising his eyebrows and smirking mischievously.
Thor rolled his eyes and ignored the question, "Father wants to see you."
Good Lord. Loki groaned. It had been a while, since Odin had come to visit. The visits were few and far in between and didn't last long. It was obvious that after what Loki had done, it would take a while for things to feel comfortable. The Frost Giant had felt a hole in his heart, for his whole life. His feelings wouldn't change overnight.
It was obvious, though; that Thor wouldn't leave without him. He shouldn't have been surprised. The God of Thunder was always so persuasive. Practically every adventure they had ever gone on, was because Thor had talked them all into it. It was why Loki's plan had succeeded. He knew, with a little persuasion; that his older brother would want to invade Jotunheim. And he knew, with a grand speech; Thor would be able to get the other warriors to join. Sometimes, he really was predictable.
With a frown, Loki stood up. His body felt heavy. The idea of confronting Odin, was mind numbing. Every fiber of his body drooped. It felt as if weights were tied, to his hands and feet. He trudged through the halls, with his brother. He felt less than confident, seeing his father. There was no reason, to feel ashamed, while walking with Thor. But, for some reason; he was really dreading this trip.
He took in a deep breath, through his nostrils; as they approached the king's quarters. His green eyes glanced over, at Thor. The blonde haired man looked back and asked, "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine," Loki replied quickly, "Let's get this over with, shall we?"
Thor nodded, as opened the door. Odin sat upon his throne, while awaiting his sons. His one eye stared down, at Loki. His adopted son. The king would never forget, the first time he laid his eyes upon Loki. How small and vulnerable he looked. He remembered the anger that rose through his body; wondering how Laufey could just throw his son away. From that day forward, he loved Loki as his own. The boy became his and despite everything, he still loved the boy. Could he really have showed favoritism towards Thor?
Involuntarily, Loki bowed slightly. He remembered what it was like, to feel like a king; for that short amount of time. To have subjects, to command over. Though, had he ever had complete rule over the Chitari? The army was a loan. A temporary means, to take over Earth. It had been all wrong, from the beginning. He wouldn't fail next time.
The two brothers waited, for Odin's next action. They watched, as he slowly stood from his throne. The older man always moved that way. He looked and behaved like a king. Like a man who commanded the room around him. Even as a young boy, Loki remembered viewing Odin in this manner. It was one of the things, he most admired of his father.
"Loki."
"Odin."
By now, the king stood directly in front of his sons. Thor stood silent, as Odin spoke, "When you were young, I had high hopes. I looked to see you grow up and be great. I wanted the two of you, to work together. I wanted for you, to have a new life."
Loki wanted to growl. He thought for a moment that Odin should have left him to die, in Jotunheim. He had saved him and raised him as a prince. For that, he loved him as his father. And he hated that love so much. Keeping tight lipped, he listened as Odin continued, "I could not fathom, what has become of you. Though, I must blame myself. I should have told you. Maybe none of this would have happened. I can only hope that one day, we can be a family again."
Thor looked over, to Loki. His face hadn't moved. His lips stayed put and his body was stiff. But, looking into his eyes; he knew the sorcerer was touched. Still, he kept quiet. Odin continued, "Despite the crimes you have committed, you are still royalty and still my son. I have sentenced you, to imprisonment, until I see you are fit to be released. But, it truly upsets me, to see you locked within that prison. So, I have decided that from this day forward, your room will be your prison. You should be allowed, to sleep like a prince. But, you won't be able to leave without Thor or I, just like before. Guards will be stationed outside your door and below your window. If you try to escape, I am sorry, but I will have to enforce stricter sentencing. Is that understood?"
Loki stayed quiet; deep in thought. His room. He would be able to have his room. His bed. Suddenly, his body stiffened, from the hard bed he had slept on. Just like before, he knew he'd be able to sneak down to Earth. But, he couldn't deny that he missed his bed. It felt like that stone slab would be his sanctuary, for all eternity.
"Yes," The sorcerer nodded, "Father."
Odin nodded, while looking over to Thor. The blonde knew what to do. How much of a good son the older had become, since his banishment. What had started as a great plan, certainly backfired. Thor would never disagree with the king, in fear that he would never be crowned. Loki wanted to comfort him and tell him not to worry. There was no chance in hell that the Frost Giant would ever be crowned king.
"You understand, don't you, brother?"
Loki rolled his eyes, as they stood in front of his room; "Yes, yes. I'm to be a good boy. No TV or video games, for a week."
Thor raised his eyebrows, confused at the humor. Loki needed to remember that his brother was less knowledgeable of Midgardian activity, than him, "It's...Midgardian..."
The God of Thunder mouthed an oh, before clearing his throat. They had almost had a laugh. How awkward that actually felt. They both knew it and therefore, continued on the task at hand. The two guards outside the door, nodded, and opened the door. Loki glanced over the them, before stepping in. He looked back and asked, "Are you all going to watch me undress?"
"Please, Loki, just comply..." Thor begged.
"Aren't I?"
Thor looked over at the guards, before commanding, "Give the prince his privacy."
The guards looked at the future king oddly, before closing the door. Once that happened, Loki looked back. He breathed in. Strange. He had thought that he'd recognize the atmosphere. But, it was so foreign. Everything. The large paintings. The expensive gold that decorated his room. Even the view outside the window. Was this really what he had called home, once upon a time?
Finally, his eyes fixed on his bed. It was large. Bigger than king sized. There were grand, gold pillars at each corner of the bed. He thought it was strange that his room was kept exactly the way it was. His hand reached down and touched upon the forest green comforter, causing him to take a moment and close his eyes. How soft it felt.
It may have been early in the afternoon, but Loki collapsed onto his bed.
