Nothing and Everything Else

He missed.

For the third time.

In a row.

"It's oka—" Hinata started;

"It's not!," Kageyama growled, "are you kidding?"

Hinata walked over to him slowly and patted him on the arm rather than hug him like he wanted to, "I think it's me.. I almost keep running into the net"

Kageyama crossed his arms. He didn't know how to act. This idea was just fucking stupid and throwing them off. That line of friendship or relationship didn't exist anymore. Their friendship was always completely part of their relationship. Like friendship plus some more.

And it was fucking stupid because they were just pretending. But it still bothered him because he never wanted to act like he wasn't in love with Hinata again.

And to watch Hinata purposely act that way, too, still hurt.

Even if it was just pretend.

It just wasn't right. And he kept thinking about it and it wasn't right.

And he kept missing his shot.

It wasn't right.

He shrugged Hinata off, "this is stupid."

The usually bouncy boy tried not to look hurt, "I know it's stupid, but..". He didn't know what to say.

"But what?" Kageyama tried not to yell, looking at his hands so he didn't have to see what Hinata's face looked like.

"The point is that this isn't what we want, right?" Hinata muttered.

"Yeah, obviously, Hinata. Don't we already know that," Kageyama brought his hands down in fists, finally looking at the older boy.

Hinata looked down but more importantly away from kageyama, eyes hidden,"I don't think you do. Not really."

"Just because I don't deserve you doesn't mean I don't want you," The taller huffed, keeping his voice low so they wouldn't attract attention.

"Stop saying that thinking it's about me, you idiot! This goes both ways here. Get it through your dumb head that I need you. " Hinata squeezed the volleyball in his hands, "I don't want you thinking that. I don't want you to stress over me. I want—"

"Then why are we doing this?" Kageyama cut him off flatly, his eyes narrowing hard, "this isn't being together"

"Because I don't know how else to show you," Hinata dropped the ball and watched it roll to the side, "I can't help feeling like it's my fault for making you think I wouldn't be happy unless you did things I wanted... so I wanted to prove that I only need you for me to be happy... but also ...punish myself for doing that to begin with."

Kageyama stared hard at him. They were just blaming themselves in circles. For

No reason. Stupid. Stupid. So stupid.

And he couldn't bare to see Hinata upset.

But it was mostly his fault, really. He started this self blame game. He should have know Hinata would have to join in. They were always so competitive.

And he couldn't bare to see Hinata upset.

He still didn't see the point, when he could just take the blame by himself; And fix it so he can feel the sunshine again.

And he couldn't help the words that snapped out of his mouth,

"Fine. If you want to keep acting this way to teach some sort of stupid lesson then just fuck off. Actually leave. I don't want to even look at you let alone deal with this bullshit. FUCK OFF".

And he couldn't bare to see Hinata upset.

And he couldn't bare to see Hinata upset.

And he couldn't bare to see Hinata cry.

And he didn't look when Hinata left.

oOoOoOo

Daichi sighed, watching Kageyama angrily throw a ball at the wall only for it to bounce back and hit him in the face.

He deserved that.

"This is exactly what I was afraid of." Daichi shook his head, looking at Suga, "I know they've fought before but it's never been about a relationship like this".

Suga thought for a moment, eyebrows furrowing, "I think that no matter what their relationship is, those two are drawn to each other. I don't think anything can actually get in between them, they always just forget they're fighting for each other. It's the simplest kind of love."

"Simple love for simple minds," Daichi stretched his arms, smiling when Suga laughed. They were about to pack up everything and head to class but he wondered if anyone should check on Hinata before then. There wasn't much time.

"Um... Can I ask you something..." Suga started quietly, also stretching his arms.

Kageyama touched his fingers to his nose, looking at them to see if he was bleeding. He really deserved that. No, he deserved worse. He wasn't even bleeding.

He should probably... find Hinata... after class. That was probably best.. since then he could think about what to say to him.

Or he just couldn't bring himself to face him.

He couldn't pay attention in class, not that he would have anyway but...

He made Hinata cry. Actually directly made him cry. Not happy tears either.

Kageyama buried his head in his arms on his desk and willed time to go faster, or to stop. And this time he really hoped he was in a dream.

He looked at his phone, peeking over the edge of his desk. He texted him: did you go to class? Can we talk after? Please

He waited a while. Hinata had the habit of responding to him almost instantly. But.

Nothing.

He just had to apologize right? And everything would be fine? He didn't mean what he said, really... not in the way he said it. He just couldn't handle it...

He was just pathetic and afraid. And.

He couldn't lose him.

As soon as the period ended, Kageyama grabbed his bag and scrambled out the door, pushing by people like they didn't exist.

He went towards where Hinata would be, looking around for that familiar orange head of hair.

And then he found it.

Hinata looked at him like his eyes where drawn by a magnet. Dull like dust but still beautiful, like everything else.

Hinata tore his gaze and tore the universe, turning the other direction to leave an empty space.

And Kageyama's heart stopped beating for a second and forever and nothing in between.

And suddenly it was like the sun never even existed.

oOoOoOo

Hinata wiped his eyes as he tried to go anywhere not where Kageyama was.

he doesn't want to see you

he doesn't want to

he doesn't want to see you

he doesn't want to

he doesn't want to see you

He doesn't want you.

oOoOoOo

((Listen to this if you wanna be dramatic like I am: Machine-Amber Run ))

"Maybe you should skip practice today... Hinata already told Daichi he isn't joining." Suga's words barely reached the setters ears.

It was kind of like he was underwater, the sound muffled and everything with fuzzy edges. It didn't feel real. But not in the same way Hinata made him feel. This world just seemed fake, badly made with bland, unsaturated colors.

Hinata was just too good to be true.

"Kageyama?" Suga waved a hand in front of him, barely drawing his attention, "he just left...if you run you might be able to catch him".

And So He Ran.

He ran even though it was through an ocean he made of himself.

Without Hinata, there was nothing.

He ran even when gravity hurled the world out of orbit.

Because of that empty space where the sun should be.

And he ran because he wanted Hinata to smile.

Because all he needed was to love him.

Because that was enough.

That was enough.

Everything else didn't matter.

oOoOoOo

He saw Hinata's bike laying on the ground haphazardly by the bridge post.

Hinata was sitting at the edge of the stream with his feet in, shoes and socks thrown about and his pants rolled up to his knees. His eyes were closed, And he wore a pulled back frown like he was trying to keep himself from crying out loud.

Kageyama dropped his stuff on the ground, rushing to the other boy. He instantly wrapped his arms around him, burying his face into the crook of Hinata's neck.

"I'm sorry," Kageyama blubbered out, squeezing him tightly, "I'm such an idiot, I'm sorry."

Hinata didn't act surprised at his touch, as if he could feel him there without looking.

He spoke quietly after a moment, getting his feet out of the water and into grass, "we're both idiots who don't know what we're doing."

"Maybe nobody knows what they're doing," Kageyama raised his head to look at his loves face, "all I know is that I love you and I want to make sure you're always reminded. Even if it's just simple like this," he laced his hand with Hinata's.

"I want to prove myself but it's going to be because I love you, not because I think it's the only way you can be happy. Sorry for thinking you'd ever be that superficial," Kageyama pressed his forehead to Hinata's.

Hinata leaned in more to touch their noses, "sorry for coming up with a stupid idea instead of just telling you how I felt".

"It did end up scaring the shit out of me, so at least it worked," Kageyama closed his eyes and absorbed the warmth of the sun, "If it's okay with you, though, let's never be apart like that again. Can I just love you forever?"

Hinata smiled; And Kageyama's heart started but skipped a beat.

And they were everywhere in the universe but only in that exact spot, feeling the rush of jumping from a plane and soaring down but in all directions.

Everything all at once.

"That's more than okay with me".