Bewitched
Chapter 10
The next week went by in a blurry haze. But there wasn't one moment that I was asking myself what I did to screw things up; why Jesse could never like me. And then I kept telling myself that he was dead, and even if he did like me, it wouldn't have worked out, anyway.
But it still didn't help to ease the pain that was overwhelming me.
I was so absorbed in my own self-pity that I wasn't even very aware of what was happening around me.
More accusations.
Oh, sure, I heard about them, from my mother, of course; but I never really acknowledged them. And that made me feel really self-centered, that I was only thinking of myself and my life problems than the lives of others.
After that dreadful week, I finally decided to put an end to weeping every night over something as stupid as this. We just had to be . . . friends. As much as it would kill me to do so, that's how it had to be.
I went to the church that night to have a discussion with Father Dominic. I had to ask him what was going on, what I had missed when I was wallowing in my own misery.
"Why, Susannah," he said pleasantly when I arrived. His voice was pleasant enough, but it still held an ounce of pain in it. I knew why, too. He didn't like to see people dying for no reason; he didn't like seeing people dying at all, for that matter. And neither did I. "What a wonderful surprise. You know, I haven't seen you around here in quite a while."
I tried as best as I could to smile, but all that came out was a slight twitch of my lips. Father Dominic noticed my lack of enthusiasm for anything, since he asked me, "What is wrong, Susannah?"
I looked down. I couldn't tell him what was going on. I knew he would have forbidden even the thought of me being with Jesse, but me telling him that I fell in love with him?
I'm sure he would have had a heart attack. And that I did not want to cause him. Not at all.
"Nothing, Father. Just . . . well, the obvious." Of course, some of it was the obvious, but mostly it was the fact that I couldn't even get a ghost to love me.
He nodded knowingly. "Yes, yes," he said. "I can see why that would put you down."
I looked at him. "Is there . . . is there any way to stop this?"
He sighed. "Susannah, if there was any way to stop this, I would have done it all ready. The human race is remarkable in its own way, but foolish in another. We tend to act on impulse alone, and that will probably be our greatest downfall."
How he comes up with these speeches, I will never know.
I felt the tears pricking the back of my eyes and the tingling sensation in my nose. Not now... "How . . . how many?"
Father Dominic looked at me questioningly. "How many what, child?"
"How many were killed?" I could barely get the words out of my mouth. I didn't want to even say them at all, didn't want to think it. But if I don't now, its going to build up later on and be even worse.
He looked down at the floor. "Since Goody Grace?" I nodded. "Three. Three were killed, Susannah. But I'm sure you've been keeping up with that."
I nodded again. No, I wasn't, I wanted to tell him. I've been too busy thinking about what could have been instead of what is happening now.
Four people have been killed. FOUR PEOPLE. All because of some pathetic people who have nothing else better to do but ruin people's lives. And end them, too, apparently.
"I was just . . . just making sure," I stammered out. Suddenly everything was getting too overwhelming. If it wasn't all ready before, it was surely now.
I blinked back the tears that were threatening to erupt. Why can nothing go right with my life? Why is everything so screwed up?
"Susannah."
I looked up. Father Dominic was looking down at me, concerned. "Susannah, what is wrong? It's clear that it isn't just about these trials. Tell me, child."
I contemplated telling him about it. Telling him how foolish and stupid I was. But . . . no. This was my stupid mistake and it was going to stay that way. No one else had to know about it. No one.
"Father, I mean no disrespect, but I would rather not discuss it."
He nodded. "All right, child; but if you ever do need to talk about something, you can come to me. You know that, right?"
I nodded. I turned around to get out of there as fast as I could. I knew I couldn't keep those tears away any longer. Someone, however, stopped me.
"Not so fast, Susannah," Father Dominic said. "You and I need to discuss some important matters."
I turned back around. "What matters?"
"Have . . . have any of the . . . victims come to you yet?" he asked.
I blinked. Victims?
. . . oh. Them.
I shook my head. "No. The only ghost I've seen lately are Mary and - and Jesse." My voice cracked when I said his name. I couldn't help it. Just saying his name brought me pain.
Father Dominic looked at me curiously. "Jesse? Come to think of it, I haven't seen him today. Have you?"
I shook my head. Of course I haven't. I probably wouldn't be as stable as I was now if I had seen him today.
"Oh. All right, then. I guess I will see you tomorrow, then, Susannah? At church?"
I nodded. "Of course," I said.
- ยง -
"Paul, this isn't some kind of joke!"
The smile he had on his face quickly disappeared. "Suze, I was just trying to cheer you up . . ."
I glared coldly at him. "I don't need cheering up. I am perfectly fine, thank you."
He sighed. "Oh, really? Then why have you been so distant lately? It's like you're not even all there, or something."
"In case you haven't noticed, people are dying," I said. I know my words were harsh, but he was making it seem like it was a couple of ants we squashed instead of people actually being killed because of something they didn't even do.
"I have noticed," he said defensively. "But we can't do anything about it, Suze. The people in this town are . . ." he trailed off, trying to look for a word to describe our town's inhabitants, ". . . savage."
Affronted, I said, "Savage? Oh, so I'm savage now?"
"No! I didn't say that! Everyone else is, Suze. The people who can just sit back and see people being hanged for no particular reason!"
. . . oh.
Maybe he was human, then. I mean, before it seemed like nothing could ever bother him. But now . . . well, he was actually showing some emotion now. God knows I've showed enough all ready.
I didn't say anything to what he said. What could I say, anyway?
So we sat in a very uncomfortable silence for I don't know how long. It seemed like an eternity. But, suddenly, Paul stood up.
I gave him a questioning look and he said, "Come on. I want to show you something."
About ten minutes later, we arrived in a wooded area โ it wasn't heavily wooded, like some of the places in our village were, but there were quite a bit of trees. I looked around and didn't recognize anything within sight.
I bit my lip. Okay, I trust Paul. He didn't lead me in here so he could do something horrible to me. He wouldn't do that.
Would he?
I shook my head. Of course he wouldn't. Remember, Suze? He's actually human.
Paul stopped suddenly. I nearly bumped into him because I was walking right behind him. I looked around and was confused as to why he stopped when I noticed this lake in front of us. It was an ordinary lake, but its natural beauty was enhanced by the pinks and oranges of the sky as the sun was setting.
My eyes roamed over to the sunset that was in plain view. I gasped at how beautiful it was. So this is why Paul brought me here.
Paul came to stand next to me. "I take it you like it?"
I smiled and tore my eyes from the natural beauty. "Yes. I do."
He smiled to and looked ahead at it. I did to. In about two minutes the sun was gone and all there was left was the darkening of the sky.
I was about to turn around to leave โ getting out of these woods in the dark wouldn't be an easy feat โ when Paul pulled me back to face him.
I looked up at him, a look of confusion taking over my face, I am sure. He quickly answered my confusion, though, by bringing his lips down on mine.
I was shocked.
Okay, understatement. I was astonished.
I mean, sure, I wanted him to kiss me. After everything that happened with Jesse, it would have been a relief. But it just came as a surprise, because I didn't actually think it was going to happen. I guess my subconscious made out his first attempt to kiss me to be a mistake.
But whatever it was, the feeling of his lips on mine was good. He was a very good kisser. Regrettably, though, he had to pull away; we both needed some air.
He looked into my eyes and smiled. I smiled back giddily. We both walked back out of the wooded area and back into civilization.
Maybe everything would be okay after all. I didn't need Jesse to make me feel wanted. Paul all ready did that with his kiss.
And, okay, maybe Jesse's kiss felt like it held a little more love in it than Paul's pure-passion-and-fire kiss, but I didn't care at this point. At least someone wanted something to do with me.
