Pre-Comment: [Excuse Goes Here.] [Insert Standard Stock Apology Here.] [Witty Hint That I'm Not Actually Sorry Goes Here.]
But seriously, if you want to know, I *can* explain it to you in words that extend beyond my broken leg--which is all nicely healed up now--thanksforasking. Between the leg and lack of Minute Maid, for me it's enough to go incognito for 'X' months. You'll have to ask me nicely for reasons why though.
Anyway, you've all whined, complained, sent death threats to bomb my house, and cried extensively for me to update. So here it is. I hope you're all satisfied. I hope you Enjoy Chapter Eleven. Because I know I enjoyed how hard it was.
To write.
Chapter Eleven: That's What She Said
"I can't understand why a simple trust exercise is so hard for you," the instructor queried, arms folded in curious disapproval. "You're getting married. You two love each other, right?"
"We—"
"Yes, we love each other very much," Suzaku supplied eagerly. "That's why we're here—so we don't lose that flame."
Clearly, Suzaku was keen on making Lelouch's life even more miserable than it already was.
It was a mean feat considering the wedding in a little over a month.
Four weeks to the wedding.
Four weeks to the wedding.
Four weeks to the wedding.
It played in his head like some horrible countdown to the apocalypse on an endless loop cycle. Despite his efforts to forget all about it and think about how much happier he'd be after purchasing ill-gotten goods (like that new sports car, and a riverfront mansion) through ill-gotten means, all he could think about was how badly he'd be hunted down if Suzaku ever found out this entire thing was a hoax.
Naturally, CC was to blame for all this based on a rather careless comment she had made—about how Suzaku had enough money to make life less than pleasant for Lelouch as a jilted husband. Of course, she had mentioned this more than once, but the latter times started to really affect him with the impending marriage ceremony.
Compound interest, you know.
The instructor turned to him. "So what's the problem? Should we talk it out?"
Sure. Why not?
Let's talk about how he was only pretending to be gay for money so he could run away with all of it (or at least a good tidy sum of it) in the end. Never mind how, day by day, he was starting to really dread D-Day where no chastity-preservation method on earth could possibly save him from a fate, in his opinion, much worse than death (of course, other than death). And let's not forget how, in the end of all things, CC was right all along about how he hadn't managed to get a cent out of this rich queer boy since entering this fictionally-real relationship x months ago. (Diamond studs notwithstanding.)
Sure.
Let's talk about it.
"No! No! There's no problem. I just… ah…"
Quick. Think fast.
"…am afraid of the dark!"
Clearly not fast enough.
The instructor blinked accordingly. Her eyes shifted to the ceiling and the bright fluorescent lights mounted within, and then back down at Lelouch—who, impressively enough, looked like he had meant every word.
"He closes his eyes when he falls, you see," Suzaku filled in—seeming to have played a quick game of vague (and inevitably handy) connect-the-dots.
It wasn't true, but it worked anyway and Lelouch wasn't about to argue it.
The instructor's disbelieving eyes shifted from one charge to the next. Suzaku shrugged helplessly, giving her an honest smile. "Oookay. Why don't you catch him then?"
"I—"
"Lelouch is fragile."
The urge to throttle Suzaku surpassed almost all others.
Their instructor sighed and glanced at the clock. "Alright then. We'll just have to skip this activity too." She looked down at the clipboard, clicked her pen, and clearly wrote an 'X' next to the little box in the checklist. "Well. We've finished with the physical activities for now; it's time to start the actual sessions."
Lelouch gulped.
The instructor walked off, leading them to a counselling room—muttering dark complaints under her breath. When Suzaku reached for his hand and squeezed it, Lelouch felt the urge to physically maim him increase tenfold.
"Come on, Lelouch, you can handle a few heart-to-hearts right? We're going to be married soon," he said airily, kissing his hand before tugging him along gently. "It's like… practice for the real thing!"
Lelouch had other things in mind that he wanted to practice for, but all of those activities came with legal ramifications and a sentence of, at least, life in prison.
Suzaku finally turned around. "Lelouch, don't dawdle. The faster we get this all done the faster we can get back to picking the colours."
This was all Suzaku's fault.
Lelouch glared at his husband-to-be accordingly.
Why him?
Was he not trying hard enough?
Did someone upstairs really hate him that much?
Was conning people for the entirety of his adult life since graduation life really that bad?
And no, he wasn't looking for an actual answer to that last question.
CC had warned him that his homophobia would get the better of him someday, but he never really took it to heart. Turned out she was right. This whole mess could've been prevented, too—if only he had just—
But he wasn't.
Wouldn't.
Ever.
But then again…
This tragedy, in the end, could've been avoided yesterday.
Somehow, someway, he had been roped into preparing dinner for Suzaku again. While he wasn't too clear on recalling the details of how that happened, he was pretty sure he didn't want to remember them anyway. The only saving grace was that he was able to refuse wearing anything remotely resembling frills in favour of his regular clothing (plus apron) this time.
Which CC had picked out again after stealing his credit card.
Apparently it needed lock and key.
For instance, the pants fit just a bit too snugly in the—
Arms circled his torso.
"I can't wait for the honeymoon…"
It was high-time his self-preservation mechanisms kicked in, and so Lelouch flailed away from Suzaku, only to end up tripping—falling on the ground as his arms wind-milled wildly.
Suzaku was beside him in an instant, but simply squatted next to him, smiling in ill-contained amusement. "You know if I had to guess, you have some intimacy issues that need to be worked out."
Lelouch's eyes widened as he turned red at the accusation. "I do not!"
"Oh really?" Suzaku goaded.
CC had warned him this topic might come up sooner or later. (Lelouch was gambling everything he had on the 'later.' To a better extreme: 'Never.') Thus, she had been tutoring him profusely on pre-marital behaviour and Lelouch was forced to endure it for the sake of the oodles and oodles of money waiting for them at the end of this colour-confused brick road full of sacrifice, humiliation, and a few other unmentionable events not worth naming.
He sighed, sitting up and crossing his legs before sulking. "It's just that… I… er…"
What did CC say again?
That he was—
Lelouch looked away.
"I'm just… not used to it..." he said in a small, appropriately shy voice.
This, right here, was real-world application of CC Emasculation Lesson Three: Be coy.
Abject humiliation settled into his cheeks by way of a very red flush.
When Suzaku didn't say anything, Lelouch turned to look at him, only to be greeted with an almost pitying look.
"W-What?"
"You're shy." He grinned. "That's so cute. I'm sorry, Lelouch, I didn't know. And all this time I—"
"It's alright."
"Hey, how about I sign us up for some pre-marital counselling? To work out your intimacy issues. It'll be great!"
Lelouch blinked.
Out in the hallway, you could hear the clock ticking before several long tones resounded throughout the house.
It was six.
"I'm sorry, did you say something? I didn't quite catch that."
Suzaku laughed. "Look, I won't do it on only one condition."
"What's that?" Lelouch deadpanned, not liking where this was going already.
"That you kiss me and tell me you love me. Right now. Your future husband will need to hear this daily. I can't live without your love and affection."
There was something profoundly wrong with all of that. Just now.
"Prove to me that you don't need this."
Lelouch could feel his lips seal shut effectively in what could only be interpreted as the inability to do just that.
And so that was the short recollection of why he was now walking into a private room—as private enough to even have 'PRIVATE' printed in bold, black letters on the opaque glass of the door—to discuss his intimacy issues.
As soon as they sat down, their instructor wrote some notes on a fresh sheet of paper before humming thoughtfully over a list.
"Okay, first of all, let's discuss the sex."
Hell surely had no better substitute.
"Master Kururugi ordered… flowers?"
The maid eyed the bouquet of fresh flowers warily. Obviously, the belief wasn't there.
"Yes. Well, no, not really. Lelouch asked me to stop by with them."
The maid looked even more perplexed. And thus blinked accordingly. "Master Lelouch? Really?"
"Of course. Lelouch and I are very good friends."
"Are you CC?" she inquired, tilting her head slightly.
CC blinked. Well, well. Son of a gun.
"How'd you guess?"
"Well, Master Kururugi tends to ask Master Lelouch about you a lot as well."
Her eyebrows rose. "He does, does he?"
"Yes. Quite a bit."
CC smirked.
Well wasn't that an interesting little bit of information.
She folded her arms with the bouquet casually. "So, am I allowed in or not?"
The maid stepped aside and bowed.
CC whistled.
If the outside was stunning, the inside looked like it had walls lined with gold. Various potted plants decorated corners here and there. Old statues, paintings, and other random furnishings were tastefully placed here and there. Overhead there was even a softly glowing crystal chandelier. It was a wonder Lelouch could even resist the temptation to murder Kururugi while—oh wait, he had to wait for the marriage and will.
The maid cleared her throat and CC whirled around.
"May I ask a question of you, Miss CC?"
"Shoot."
"Is… is Master Lelouch… really…" She blushed quite the vivid shade. "I mean, not that I'm—it just doesn't seem to me that he's—I apologize it's really none of my business," she cut off hastily, bowing slightly while looking a little flustered.
Oh.
Now she understood.
"Well," she grinned. "Can you keep a secret?"
Somehow, he was alive.
Alive and feeling like he had misunderstood the entire conversation that had just occurred behind closed doors. The instructor had flat-out declared that they would be talking about sex. What ended up happening, however, was that they had a lengthy conversation about baking.
The ingredients involved.
The equipment needed.
Even the type of flour that was best suited to which kind of cookies.
It was like the whole world wanted to suddenly become a pâtissier.
After the first few awkward minutes, Lelouch, having an intermediate level knowledge of baking himself, took part in the conversation. After all, the instructor seemed to know what she was talking about, and he couldn't afford to be a stranger with the oven and mixer considering who he lived with. And who he had grown up with.
He wasn't sure if Suzaku needing to leave every few minutes—or the roaring laughter that echoed down the hall after—was a good thing or not.
Needless to say, they had been sent home with only one 'homework' assignment.
And it resulted in him being handcuffed to Suzaku until tomorrow's session.
Yes.
With real, grade 'A,' cop-approved handcuffs.
And no key.
"Think of this as the start to us really getting to know each other, Lelouch."
No, it wasn't. It was the start of Lelouch learning how to pick locks.
Never know when you might find yourself handcuffed to a sexually deviant lunatic.
"It's only for a day," Suzaku reasoned, trying to placate him. "Once we're married it won't be any different."
Sure it would.
Once they were married, Suzaku would still be here in Japan—possibly hunting him down with all the resources and tracking equipment available to man—while Lelouch was in Pendragon driving a brand new Mercedes under a probably different name with a signed marriage annulment in the mail.
Once they were married, it would be very different.
And even if they were in union without a marriage annulment on the way, no car, and not separated by an ocean and maybe half the globe, things would still be different unless Suzaku wanted to keep any potentially fatal and or lethal objects permanently out of the hotel room during the hone—that thing.
That is, if he didn't want to be widowed so soon after the wedding.
However, as it stood, they were currently sitting on a bench in the park and nothing had changed. Partly because Lelouch was winded from a quick sprint Suzaku decided to take suddenly, and partly because it was where they were meeting Kallen and Gino—who had surprisingly hit it off after she used him as a punching bag after the party a few days ago for reasons that were never fully revealed.
And so, because Lelouch, who was still in a particularly foul mood—with regards to the handcuffs—clearly had no desire to, Suzaku had taken it upon himself to open up a conversation with—
"What did you want to be when you grew up?"
Lelouch blinked, dragged away from self-destructive and violent (towards only one person) thoughts. "Me? What about you?"
Suzaku was looking up at the sky with a wistful look in his eyes.
"I was never really able to think about it too much myself. I was too busy growing up into someone who could inherit the Sakura Group proper to think about it. So, any dreams?"
Of being the greatest con-artist known to man—and if not that then he'd settle for the monetary equivalent.
But, of course, he wasn't about to say that.
So, with no real idea of what to honestly say, Lelouch derived how to respond by referring to his first lesson in life:
Lie.
Cheat.
Lie some more.
And hope it all worked out or skip town otherwise.
(The second lesson was: Deny, deny, deny—a lesson which Lelouch learned tended to work very well in tandem with the first.)
"I always dreamed I would do something really great for humanity."
Suzaku's eyebrows shot up in surprise. Almost incredulously. "Like…?" he prompted.
"You know, like saving the world from something awful. Or becoming a tyrant and ruling it with an iron fist instead."
"That's supposed to be good for humanity?"
Lelouch shrugged nonchalantly. "It could be."
Suzaku blinked. He took in Lelouch's casual posture and general impression that he meant every word of it. Coughing, he started to break out into a fit of laughing.
Lelouch frowned at him and turned away, hiding the subconscious smile on his lips. He had never seen Suzaku anything but calm and carefree, so it was a relief to have him back to normal and away from the path of 'deeper male bonding.'
But at the same time, he sort of wondered what had come over him.
Theirs was an unconventional and completely false relationship. Lelouch was in it for the money and Suzaku was playing the fool (even though he wasn't). The only 'friend,' by definition, he ever had was CC. Other than that he had been tutored all his life and thus grew up with his siblings.
If this was what it was like to have a best friend, then maybe it wasn't so bad. Maybe, after this was all over they could be frie—
A hand slipped around his waist and pulled him flush up against Suzaku.
—and then again, everybody made mistakes in judgement now and then.
Suzaku leaned on him slightly, causing Lelouch to eye him warily.
"Tell you what, if you ever become king of the world one day, cut me a portion of it and I'll tell you what 'baking' really means."
"I know what it means to bake," he declared haughtily, folding his arms.
"What does it mean then?" Suzaku goaded, sitting up, eyebrow perking in amusement. "Do you want to go home and bake?" he asked, wagging his eyebrows.
A shiver based off natural instinct alone crawled down Lelouch's spine.
Okay.
So he didn't know what the heck 'baking' was referring to. Apart from the eggs and flour kind, no, no he didn't.
But that didn't matter, right?
Right?
So, undaunted, he stood up and looked Suzaku straight in the eye determinedly.
Even if he didn't know what it meant right now, that just meant he'd have to figure it out when they got home and improvise from there.
"Fine! Then let's go home and bake!"
Suzaku's eyes widened significantly in some very real horror.
An idiot says what.
"What?"
"I think we're lost."
"We're not lost."
"Then where are we, genius?"
"I don't know, but we're not lost."
Kallen whacked him on the head. "That means we're lost, idiot!"
He huffed. "We're not lost."
Growling, Kallen folded her arms obstinately and turned away from him. Frustration had merely grown, and grown, and grown at Gino's typical male inability to admit to being lost.
"Gino, you're so—"
"Amazing?"
Shooting a quick glare, Kallen sighed, pulling out her phone, speed-dialling Milly Ashford. "Chi—"
"Charming?"
"Ann—"
"Drop-dead fantastic?"
Cue cry of frustration.
"That's not how the saying goes—and you're not!" she screamed.
Gino merely laughed, shrugging. "There's exceptions to every rule. For instance, for someone who looks like she'd have a harsh exterior, but is really soft and sweet on the inside, you actually are all thorns and—"
WHACK.
Gino blocked her attack and parried it off harmlessly before laughing and taking a few cautionary steps away from her before she could move in for a second assault.
After three short rings—
"Hello, Milly Ashford speaking."
"Milly! I was supposed to meet Suzaku and Lelouch at this park somewhere, but I don't see them." Kallen took a quick glance around, as if the pair would appear out of thin air. "I think we're—"
"—not lost!" Gino yelled out long and loudly.
Kallen looked up at Gino—currently with his back turned admiring the fountain with his hands folded behind his head. And even though she couldn't see it, she knew—she just knew—he was grinning his stupid face off. She glared at his back angrily to appease her frustration. If only slightly.
"WE ARE LOST!" she screamed at him, resisting the urge to chuck her phone at him. And the realization that Milly— "Ah! Milly, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to—"
"It's fine, it's fine. Lover's quarrel?"
Kallen's eyes widened and her blood ran cold as her eyes reflexively centred on Gino.
It was not a date.
Never mind the fact that Gino was the one who asked her out, and that she accepted—but only because Suzaku and Lelouch would be out with them. They were just going to Suzaku's place for movies.
As a group.
Not as two separate couples out on a date together.
Kallen worried her lower lip. The more she reasoned it out the more it sounded like—
It was not a date.
Noticing the lull in the conversation from his not-date, Gino looked over his shoulder to look at her tomato-red face. With a snicker, he turned back to admire the running water from the fountain and flicked a coin in.
"He isn't—I'm not—"
"May we be blessed with a winter wedding to match the bride's frosty nature!"
"WE ARE NOT TOGETHER!" she yelled as Gino clapped his hands twice and bowed.
Milly giggled.
"Oookay~ So what's the problem, Kally?"
She twitched. It was a nickname she had somehow earned all throughout high school at Ashford Academy—world's best institution for children of the elite.
Kallen hated it.
A lot.
"Don't call me 'Kally,' you know I don't like that."
Milly giggled. "Fine, fine. So I gather you're lost? Haven't found Romeo and Juliet?"
"No. We looked all over the park and we can't find them anywhere."
"Did you check the bushes?"
She blinked. "The bushes? Why would they be—?"
Realization dawned on Kallen as her face flushed a perfect hue to match her hair.
"M-M-Milly!"
Her friend giggled unashamedly. "It's a valid answer~"
"Th-That—!"
Milly laughed. "They might be waiting at the wrong park; there's another one across the street if I recall."
Kallen spun around to get a bearing of her location and caught sight of a stretch of trees and grass just beyond where they were now.
"Oh, I see it. Thanks, Milly."
"Any time. Enjoy your date, Kally!
"Don't call me—It's not a—!"
"Toodles~"
Click.
Sigh.
A hand fell upon her shoulder. "Hey, Kally, I think I see them," Gino said, pointing a thumb behind him at the approaching couple.
Kallen spun around to look.
It was true.
A weird feeling overcame Kallen; to have Lelouch actually coming her way instead of running in the oppo—
"Did you just call me Kally?"
Gino grinned. "Yes."
Kallen coloured. "Don't call me that."
"Why not? It's a cute nickname for you."
A frown twisted her lips. "Just—just don't call me that!"
Gino sighed.
"Okay," he agreed.
"Now let's—"
"Kally."
Fury, thy name is Stadtfeld.
"You know, I don't think I'm feeling well. Definitely not well enough to—"
"No," Lelouch cut off adamantly. "We're going to 'bake' and that's that."
Okay, so it was roughly fifteen minutes ago he had made that declaration.
Between then and now, Suzaku had tried to dissuade him of such a thing without bothering to hide his effort towards doing so. While he had made some very good hints at what baking actually was, a solid definition was not to be gleaned from Suzaku's frantic attempts to do otherwise with their night handcuffed to each other.
And so, fifteen minutes later, Lelouch still didn't know what 'baking' was.
But Suzaku clearly didn't want to do it and so he figured now was a good time to be insistent and maybe find some small way to get back at Suzaku for all the offences of sexual harassment he had to put up with.
If 'baking' was the way to do it, well, he'd be damned if he was going to give it up so willingly.
(With little to no thought of whether it would come back and bite him later.)
(Which it would.)
"But we have a busy day tomorrow and—"
Lelouch stopped looking around for Gino and Kallen to turn and look back at Suzaku questioningly, frowning slightly in feigned dismay and hurt. "You don't want to? It's okay if you suck and make a mess; I'm actually really good at it."
A hand clapped over Suzaku's mouth and he looked like he would be ill.
Lelouch was confused.
Pleased.
But still very confused.
"W-Well," Suzaku started nervously, "It's just that… we'll need… ah… cream."
Lelouch blinked. "Cream? I'm sure we can make-do without cream. I've gone without it lots of times."
Suzaku, if possible, looked even more ill than before.
"You'll have to prepare the oven, though; I'll be too busy doing other things." Suzaku swayed on his feet. And then he spotted the missing pair, waving them over. "Hey, I think that's Gino and K—"
"DON'T CALL ME KALLY!"
Definitely Kallen.
In a rage and coming towards them with, to put it nicely, an unpleasant look on her face.
Gino was just laughing—albeit like a wounded animal, rubbing a sore (and probably now bruising) arm.
"Where were you two?" she demanded angrily glaring at each of them individually, as if every second of her frustration with Gino was their faults. "And what's wrong with him?" she asked, nodding over at Suzaku—who was gagging slightly.
Internally, Lelouch grinned.
Recovering just enough, Suzaku coughed slightly. "I-I'll be fine. Looks like you two had fun without us."
Kallen's eyes narrowed in deadly vehemence.
Lelouch cowered in fear slightly.
Good Lord man!
Don't stoke the fire!
Didn't you ever learn not to throw rocks at the neighbourhood fire-breathing dragon?
Kallen tossed a glare over her shoulder before sighing. "I wouldn't say that. What's with the cuffs?" she asked, glancing down at their solid steel binding.
Suzaku gave her a sparing smile. "Just a bit of homework."
Her eyebrow rose. "Homework?"
"It's to work on his intimacy issues," Suzaku explained properly, turning to give a soft smile to Lelouch.
Kallen blinked.
"Intimacy?"
She probably found it odd.
And why not?
He had all but cuddled her like a puppy every time he saw her while courting her. It had taken a long time to find it, but beneath the bubbling rage, fury, and generally violent intentions that could only be born of a cop's daughter, Lelouch was able to see the inner teddy-bear that was Kallen Stadtfeld.
A teddy-bear with very sharp fangs and claws.
But a teddy-bear all the same.
Naturally, being the opportunist that he was, Lelouch took that opportunity to propose to her before the moment was gone forever.
So, in light of that, she probably thought it was odd he was having intimacy issues.
And he didn't.
With women anyway.
There was no need or desire—especially desire—to get intimate with other men. So much that Lelouch never even let his father or brothers hug him.
Yes.
It was quite the complex.
"Come on guys, hurry it up! We'll be late!" Gino called over to them—after having apparently recovered. "I want to be able to cuddle with Kally!"
Even a bat could see the aura of anger ebb off her in waves.
In the next three seconds she marched over and—
"AAAHHHHH!" Gino cried out in a true shriek of agony as a kick was delivered straight to his shins.
Both Lelouch and Suzaku winced in sympathetic unison before warily closing the distance between them.
Gino had lifted his leg up to nurse it while hopping up and down on one foot. Actual tears were being fiercely held back at the corner of his eyes. And then he grinned.
There was something to be said about people who could withstand that much pain.
"Who'd cuddle with you!?" she raged.
It could've been his imagination, but Lelouch could've sworn he saw her blush just now as she folded her arms. And he would have said something about it if he didn't value his life—or the fact that the kick she gave Gino would have probably cripple him for life—entirely too much.
Laughing nervously, hoping to ease the pressure off the situation, Lelouch attempted to deflect the focus, "You can't be late to a home movie, Gino. Besides, Suzaku and I are going to do some baking when we get back."
Gino (who seemed to temporarily forget his pain) and Kallen both blinked at them.
Tilting his head, Gino looked Lelouch up and down before taking careful note of his face and hummed slightly.
Wait for it.
His lips started curling.
Wait for it.
They twitched.
Wait for—
"AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Kallen blinked, looking between Lelouch and Suzaku—who was looking away, grinning—and Gino, who was laughing so hard his pain had been forgotten and was clutching a stitch in his side. She frowned in confusion—not understanding and clearly not liking it.
"What's so—?"
Gino pulled her over and whispered something vaguely in her ear.
Her face turned bright red.
"Oh G—" she half-swore, "Have some decency, Lamperouge!" she screeched squeakily before grabbing for Gino's wrist and pulling the laughing, grinning, gasping man away.
He managed to give the handcuffed pair a sly wink before allowing himself to go with the flow. Vaguely, he gave a thumbs up.
A dark cloud of discontent and confusion settled over Lelouch.
Bad feelings were on the horizon.
"She's not for hire!"
"Are you sure, Kururugi? I can offer you a pretty sweet deal."
"I'm not giving you Sayoko, Kallen."
"Pretty please?"
"No."
"What if I starve back in Britannia? I might die without her cooking!"
"Then what am I supposed to do without her cooking?"
"You're marrying Lelouch! Don't be greedy!" Kallen objected.
Lelouch bristled slightly, but decided to say nothing at the implications. This conversation had been going on since Kallen took the first few bites of the meal.
Besides, figuring out how to use chopsticks with his left hand was proving to need a sacrifice of all his mental acuity. Suzaku was left-handed. So, unless he wanted to eat in sync, his right hand was going to have to be obsolete.
It felt quite horrifying to have his main hand restrained to a lunatic, now that he thought about it.
"I intend to do too much baking with Lelouch for him to cook."
And, no, he still had no idea what it meant.
And, yes, between then and now, here and there, the park and Suzaku's house, Suzaku's entire take on 'baking' had taken a one-eighty.
It was quite disconcerting.
Kallen coloured, but didn't much look deterred. "Well, you should let him cook for you every now and then. There's nothing like a home-cooked meal from the wife, right?"
Lelouch bristled again.
Just because he was the woman here didn't mean that made him the w—
Never mind.
This argument was a lost cause anyway.
He took a long pull of wine.
"Oh? And did you ever cook for Lelouch, Kallen? You two were apparently married—"
"For a week!"
"For a week!"
Perfect harmony.
Gino perked up. "You two were married?"
(Simply because it hasn't been said in a while—)
All hail selective hearing.
The entirety of the dinner had been rather boring for him since Kallen only ever asked for Sayoko, Lelouch was taking great interest in the origins of the bottle of wine, and Suzaku was trying to rebuff Kallen's attempts at employing Suzaku's maid.
Thus Gino, with no real pocket of conversation to smoothly fit into, decided to take this offered olive branch and proceed to run with it, having no intentions of ever returning that branch.
"For a week!"
"For a week!"
"Whoa," Gino marvelled. "And now he's marrying Suzaku. Hey, Lelouch, after you two divorce in a week, can we get hitched?"
His eye twitched.
Let it slide.
Let it slide.
Let it slide.
Suzaku let out a long sigh, rubbing his temple slightly. "We are not getting divorced after a week, Gino."
"You might; I'm just keeping my bases covered. They did," he added, nodding towards Lelouch and Kallen.
Kallen groaned loudly before stuffing her face with the remainder of food on her plate. Standing up, she proceeded to chug the rest of her wine—with a perfect ten on Unladylike Grace—before picking up the rest of the dishes.
"I'll be waiting downstairs in the theatre," she said curtly before heading into the kitchen.
Gino let out a content sigh. "So, you guys are baking, huh? After the movie? Can you stay up that late?"
Suzaku grinned.
Lelouch pointedly ignored the ongoing conversation, still struggling with left-handling chopsticks and coordinating food between them.
"It all depends on what recipe it is. It could take all night if it's hard."
Now it was Gino's turn to grin conspiratorially.
"You should prepare some tea. You take yours with cream, don't you, Suzaku?"
"No, I prefer it straight. It has a better aroma if you drink it directly. But, Lelouch, you're originally from Britannia, so you'll want cream in yours, right?"
He hesitated from answering. Lelouch didn't appreciate the feeling of that low-flying airplane constantly circling overhead.
"I… I've never tried it with cream. I prefer milk."
Gino suppressed some giggles before standing up and clearing away his long-since empty dishes as well, nodding towards the kitchen doors. "I think I'll finish up here. I have to go keep my honey company or she might explode on me—after all," he explained before disa—
"I'M NOT YOUR HONEY!"
It would be good to note that Gino Weinberg was the sole proprietor of an as-far-as-I'm-concerned opinion that he and Kallen were lovers and would inevitably have a winter wedding to complement her frosty nature.
(When he told her as such, Kallen had promptly given him a harsh slap and kick to the shins as per reward for his good work.)
Suzaku sighed before glancing over at Lelouch—who was having difficulties eating left-handed, and flushing considerably because of it. (Or it might be because of the three glasses of wine he had consumed within the last hour.)
He smiled innocently.
Currently, Lelouch was struggling with lifting a piece of chicken using the chopsticks. It wobbled unsteadily between the chopsticks and was lifted carefully towards his m—
"Shall I feed you?"
—and dropped back onto the plate.
"I can feed myself," Lelouch defended earnestly.
"But I want to," was said as huskily as possible.
Lelouch decisively pushed his plate away. Now that Suzaku was watching his every painstaking bite, it was a lost cause now.
"Actually, I'm not hungry anymore."
Suzaku leaned closer. "Then shall we move onto dessert? Sayoko didn't prepare anything so we'll have to go bake it ourselves."
The chair clattered noisily as Lelouch suddenly stood up. "Kallen and Gino are both waiting for us. We can bake later."
"But I can—you know what, never mind." At the last second, Suzaku had decided such a comment would unacceptably benefit no one (since Lelouch still had no idea what it was despite the several references throughout dinner). "We can bake later. If you're still up for it."
Lelouch blinked accordingly. "O-Of course. I'm interested in what kind of things you can bake."
Suzaku smirked. Gathering up the remaining dishes and leftover bottle of wine, he nodded towards the kitchen. "Let's not keep our guests waiting, then."
"Oh! Oh! And this is wh—"
A pillow was callously whacked in Gino's face. "Shut up! Don't spoil it!"
"—kiss, and then he—"
"Shutupshutupshutup!"
Onscreen, the couple exchanged heartfelt looks of love and kissed.
Another pillow connected with his face.
Much to everyone's surprise (most of all Gino's—who made a significant act of pointing it out at the cost of his own welfare) Kallen really, truly, loved, and enjoyed stupid romance videos. Because no one really wanted to sport the kind of bruises that Gino would be parading around with for at least a week, they hadn't said anything.
(Lelouch was afraid of pain. Kallen was the living reminder of that.)
(Suzaku had been afraid of Kallen since she beat the snot out of him when they were kids for flipping her skirt (this had no effect on latter attempts to do much the same) and still succeeded to do so even now.)
Lelouch, while not having fully encountered the full effects of near-alcohol poisoning, was however on the verge of falling asleep and jerked away every time his head had hit Suzaku's shoulder. He would have leant the other way if his unconscious habit of always leaning to the right refused to change after twenty-one years.
Suzaku didn't say anything, but with the way he was smirking he probably didn't need to.
And finally, with a ridiculously cheesy public marriage proposal that sparked several images of déjà vu in at least two individuals, the movie ended.
Kallen hopped to her feet right away and stretched before yawning.
"That was great," Gino announced. "So where's our room going to be tonight?"
"I'll go ask Sayo—did you just say our room?"
Gino looked up at Kallen innocently. "You don't want to snuggle more?"
A few incoherent and rather colourful words were sputtered. "I'm going to—"
"But, Kally," he whined. "I had my arm around you all throughout the movie!"
It was true.
A fiery scarlet flushed her cheeks. "A-Anyway I'm going to sleep!" she declared, storming upstairs. "And don't call me Kally!"
Gino rose from his seat. "Alright, I'll—"
"In my own SEPARATE room!"
He laughed. "Definitely a winter wedding. Good night, Suzaku. It looks like he's already out cold," he added, nodding towards Lelouch.
"Yeah. Don't worry, I'll handle it."
Gino smiled. "Okay."
He headed towards the stairs before stopping and—
"Thank you for the generous hospitality you've shown us today," he said, bowing with an arm crossed over his chest. (Gino grew up in a strict household and under a stern father.)
It was times like this that Suzaku remembered that, despite Gino being Gino, he was actually a very capable adult.
It was times like this that Suzaku remembered that, despite Gino being Gino, he was actually a very capable adult.
No, that was not a typo.
It was just one of those things that needed repeating because the first time floored you so hard you only catch the second time.
Suzaku smiled. "Any time."
Turning to head back upstairs, Gino stopped before swivelling back around again and took in the sight before him. Lelouch was fast asleep, leaning on him and Suzaku was looking pretty comfortable there. So, deciding that, since there was no repercussion not to, he—
"Are you sure you're not gay, Kururugi?"
Suzaku groaned out a sigh. "Go to sleep, Weinberg."
Gino gave a hearty chuckle. "Congratulations on your engagement, man, really."
"Go to sleep, Weinberg."
With stifled giggles, Gino had gone.
Suzaku shrugged his shoulder a bit and Lelouch shifted a bit closer to him.
"I don't… taste good…" he mumbled.
Suzaku turned away.
He had to admit, girlish good looks and all, Lelouch really did look quite adorable. Maybe Gino was onto something when he made that careless comment about Lelouch being able to—
He actually didn't want to go there right now.
Shaking him slightly, he watched Lelouch jerk awake and look around blearily, gathering his senses and surroundings. Yawning, he shook himself fully awake before noticing two vacant seats on the defective loveseat. (He had earlier adamantly refused any seating arrangement involving aforementioned loveseat. Suzaku had snickered secretly.)
"Gino and Kallen already go to bed? How long was I asleep?"
Another yawn.
"Not too long."
"Sorry."
"It's fine."
"So, do you still want to do some baking? It's sort of late."
A kind of guilt swept over Suzaku for not telling Lelouch about the underlying connotation of the word. After watching Lelouch sleep so peacefully, he felt bad for teasing someone so unbelievably naïve about something so—
"You know what, it is late, let's just get to bed."
Lelouch started standing up, shaking his head and rubbing sleep from his eyes. "No, no. We can still do it. You seemed like you really were looking forward to it earlier. There are a lot of things we have to do tomorrow."
Uh oh.
Suzaku rose. "No, really, we don't. You need your sleep. You're tired."
"It's no trouble. I can stay up all night. The movie was just really boring. Don'ttellKallenIsaidthat."
"But—we—I—"
And then a thought struck him.
Why not actually just bake?
Lelouch wouldn't know the difference.
"Okay, if you insist."
Lelouch really did have reservations about baking at this time of night—especially since he was still feeling a little intoxicated from the wine they had consumed throughout the film—but not quite past lines that ought not to be crossed. But Suzaku had made such a big fuss about it throughout the day that he had ended up insisting that they go ahead with the plans—late or not.
And so they both returned back upstairs and into the kitchen to prepare—
CC.
Currently, she was wearing an oversized shirt and was bent o—
White.
With lace and little bows on each side.
She stood up and turned around. The shirt was (wait, was that his shirt?) buttoned up, but if you looked closely—(which, of course, Suzaku wasn't at all)—you would see that she wasn't wearing a bra.
(Once again, Suzaku Kururugi was reminded that he was truly and undeniably straight.)
"What are you doing here?" Lelouch hissed, sounding quite scandalized.
CC shrugged. "Sayoko let me in. She's really got a thing for sewing. But, of course," she looked at Suzaku, "You knew that, didn't you?"
Suzaku's eyes widened fractionally for just a moment.
(Oh God. Does she know?)
Lelouch didn't notice.
"That—so—why did you come here?"
CC shrugged by way of answer. "My, my, you two are getting close, I see. Into that kind of thing, are you?" she asked instead, nodding towards the cuffs.
"It was a homework assignment."
"I see. So what are you boys doing up so darn late?" she mock scolded, planting her hands on either side of her perfectly shaped hips.
Lelouch sighed. "We were about to do some baking."
CC blinked.
Golden eyes slid over to glance at the clock.
Three past midnight.
"Now?"
"Yes."
"Baking?"
An incredulous look raised her eyebrows sky high.
"Yes."
"What kind of lunatics would bake at this—?"
Enlightenment.
Here was a quick summary of Suzaku's thoughts at the moment:
Uh oh.
Uh oh.
Uh oh.
Accompanied by frantic shaking of his head and waving of his hand.
"Ohhhh~ I see."
CC made her way over to Lelouch and leaned generously on him before whispering in his ear—
There was nothing like the truth of the matter to overpower the overwhelming urge to just sleep.
If a look of horror had a speedometer on it, Lelouch's just went from zero to holy-crap-you're-breaking-the-speed-limit-so-bad-you'll-kill-physics in less than three.
The English language alone was not enough to express the horror on his face.
Baking…
Meant…
And he…
To Suzaku…
…insisted…
All the lights in Lelouch's head chose this exact moment just to turn off in a blackout as the horrifying result of recent enlightenment.
Which was kind of ironic in a way.
"Now, Lelouch, it's not quite like that," Suzaku defended earnestly.
CC walked around between them and clapped them both on the back solidly, "Have fun baking, boys!" and disappeared.
Breath was sucked in and—
Boy A stopped walking and turned to his girlfriend suddenly. "Did you hear that?"
Girlfriend of Boy A blinked. "Hear what, darling?"
"It sounded like someone screaming."
Girlfriend of Boy A laughed and took hold of Boy A's arm tightly. "Oh, sweetheart, this is Britannia, no one screams that loudly at night. And the crime rates are non-existent. You're imagining things."
"I... If you say so."
"I do."
Linking hands, Boy A and Girlfriend of Boy A continued their private walk.
None of them quite knew what exactly happened thereafter, but it probably involved CC coaxing Lelouch away from a nearby stair-railing and assisting the handcuffed-to-each-other pair upstairs for some much-needed, non-baking sleep.
As Sayoko was making the final cleaning rounds for the night—which actually included very little actual cleaning—she paused outside the door to her master's bedroom.
On the ground, sleeping silently with a blanket and pillow, was her master: Suzaku Kururugi.
Handcuffed.
To something, or someone, on the other side of his bedroom door.
Sayoko paused to think for a moment and recalled briefly how the master and his—as recently discovered—not-really-gay fiancé came home handcuffed to each other.
Oh.
Right.
It still didn't explain why he was sleeping out here in the hallway as opposed to in bed with master Lelouch. And if they were handcuffed that meant master Lelouch was also sleeping on the ground on the other side of the door.
And this was the pair that was getting married in a little over a month from now with unclear motivation on both ends.
Strange.
Pulling out her pad of pink Post-It notes, Sayoko wrote a brief message on it before kneeling down and sticking it on the door a foot above the floor.
Dusting her skirt off, she continued on with her nightly rounds.
'Breakfast will be ready at nine 'o clock as usual, sir. Please be ready in time.'
Comments:
So... did you? You know. Yes? No? If you don't know what I'm talking about, it's best not to ask. So, without further ado, I promise this:
I will never again intentionally make another 'That's What She Said' joke. Ever.
And, anyway, trivia time. It's been a while. This one comes with rewards of a sort though.
1. What is my favourite Code Geass character?
2. What is my favourite brand of juice?
You have only one guess because this should, I sincerely hope, be glaringly obvious.
And, if you don't care about that one: Bubble Tea. What's your favourite flavour? Mine is lychee and coconut and it hasn't changed in over 5 years and I don't intend to change it for at least another three.
Please R&R.
- Minute Maid
Beverage of Queens.
