A/N: This chapter is dedicated to Everto Tenshi for two reasons. First off, he was the first to review to last chapter and second is that he helped me with my Summary too. So thank you!

Thank you everyone else for reviewing too, and please continue to do so! I finally have gotten over 20 reviews! Let's see if I can get to thirty! :D

Hehe... Now that that's out of the way... This is an extremely dark chapter... Don't go hating on me please! D:


It's been two weeks since Kyle and Stan started dating. At first it didn't seem like much had changed at all, but as the days went on I started to notice changes. Once they only sat side by side, maybe Stan sneaking Kyle looks here and there, or them touching each other more then normal. Then Stan started to make more moves, rubbing Kyle's leg under the table, or pulling him out of class to make out in the bathroom.

It made me furious to see him doing things like that, yet I had no reason for it or a person to aim it at. So I held it all inside, smiling on the outside until after school, then resorting to my 'jobs' to take out all the feelings I had. I had to wear long sleeves and jeans to hide all the bruises over my body, and had to be seriously careful to not let anyone see it in the locker rooms.

Not that anyone would have cared or been curious. The one person who really might have was too busy sucking lip with a jackass, leaving me behind in the dust trying to figure out what the hell has happened to my life.

I didn't get to see Kyle as much as I wanted to, so the rare moments that I did get were treasured. Not that he would ever know that, and I didn't plan on telling him anytime soon. For now, I was just letting life come at me and not try to mess the delicate balance by adding my own messed up feelings and thoughts to the equation.

So life was actually pretty good, if you ignore how much pain I was inside. There was no true drama, no people in absolute misery or others trying to cause a riot, so life was well. But all good things never last, and if only I had known what was going to happen in the very near future. If I had known... I would have changed my words, controlled my actions and would have walked away from those two.

But I didn't do that. You wanna know why I couldn't just walk away from Stan and Kyle, though they seemed perfectly happy?

It's because I'm a fucking jackass too.


"Kyyyle." I whined, leaning back in my chair and throwing my books onto the table in disgust. "I don't get this at all. Can we please stop now?"

At the moment we were in the schools library, Kyle finishing up some of his homework and attempting to teach me how to do my math problems. Though he must have known that no good would ever come from it, he still hadn't given up, even after a half an hours worth.

Rolling his eyes he brushed a piece of hair behind his ear and pushed the math book back into my hands. "This is easy Kenny! Look, all you have to do is..." He rambled on about the steps to solving the problems, but honestly, I don't remember a word he said. My attention was solely distracted by that piece of hair that he had tucked behind his ear. The way it slightly curled around his ear, then waved back towards his face was hypnotic in a strange way. I'd never before really looked at Kyle's hair, but inspecting it now, I noticed how different it was compared to the way it was when he was younger. Back then it was coarse and puffy, never wanting to work with what others wanted it to do. Now it looked soft and light, spiraling down in waves instead of puffy curls like before.

It glistened brightly under the liabraries lights, a color not quiete red but not a simple dull brown either. It looked so soft and fluffy, so much that I couldn't controll my hand when it reached out to grab one of the locks lightly. His hair wasas soft as it looked, feeling a bit like the silk blankets that rich people's baby's get after returning from the hospital. I continued to stroke the piece of the hair slowly, moving on to another piece of hair before Kyle interrupted me.

"Uh... Kenny?" I snapped out of my thoughts to see him looking up at me in confusion. "Huh?" I asked back dumbly, my hand stilling from petting his hair. "Um... Why are you touching my hair?" My eyes widened slightly as I really realized what I was doing, and I snatched my hand back like I had been burned. I felt my face getting a little hot, but smiled at him instead and muttered something stupidly about spacing out. He started laughing at that, and said that we had done enough homework for one day.

I was almost out the door when Kyle stopped me. "Hey Ken! Wait for a second!" I winced at that old nickname, and turned around annoyed. "Don't call me that Kyle!" He laughed again before saying, "What? It's better then being called Barbie isn't it?" I rolled my eyes and huffed, muttering cursed under my breathe at him. He packed his things slowly, only adding on to my annoyance, giggling the whole time. Once he finally had his things, we continued out the door.

"Want to go to my house today?" I did a double take at his words before blinking at him in disbelief, Kyle stuffing books into his backpack with an amused expression on his face. "Wait, is this true?" I said, a sarcastic smirk growing on my face, "Is the oh so amazingKyle inviting me over to his house? This can not be, where did the real Kyle go, you impostor!" A got a smack on the arm for my comments, but I only laughed it off. He gave me a friendly glare before replying in the same fashion that I did, "Why yes Kenny! It is true, the amazing and wonderful Kyle is inviting the not so amazing and wonder-OW!" I had pushed him into the wall for his sarcasm too.

We laughed the whole way to the exit, occasionally pushing each other into other people, and then giggling even harder over the looks on their faces once they positioned themselves again. The easy fun ended once we accidentally pushed Tweek into a locker, and an angry Craig came chasing us down the hallways.

I was still laughing hysterically as we dashed out the doors and around the corner. "Run Kyle! The big bad Craig is gonna get us!" I yelled out to him, mocking Craig as he began to fall behind us so much that there was no way he could catch up. We jumped into a bush and waited for a few minutes until we really decided that he had given up.

In the end, I decided to go to Kyle's house, seeing as I didn't really have much better things to do. Plus, I was really having fun, and that was such a rare and great thing for me now a days. I could just forget the thousands of thoughts bouncing around in my head and laugh at anything and everything with Kyle. My face was starting to hurt from smiling so much, but I was having so much fun with him at his house that I couldn't stop.

We messed around for a while, just hanging around downstairs, yelling at the football game on the TV and eating random things from Kyle's fridge. Though soon enough we made our way up to Kyle's room and began to play video games on his X-Box.

"UGH!" I screamed in frustration, throwing the controller down at the floor. "You're cheating Kyle!" I whipped around accusing him. He blinked at me groggily from his spot on the bed, a small smile creeping on his face. "Really?" He whispered to me, waving one of his hands in the air in an arch. "Try and prove it."

I really wish that I could've blamed Kyle solely on what happened next, but he can't control my actions. This was completely my fault, no matter how much I can try and pin it on others. This last act would tip us over the edge, setting our destinies in place for the finale incident. It's not the act itself that was so bad, but what the act set up to happen in the near future.

Maybe it was the hot white anger flashing through me that caused me to do it, or possibly the way he was positioned so suggestively. But excuses don't change what I did.

He was sprawled out across the bed, his shirt ridding up to show off his well-toned stomach, glowing slightly from the light of the TV in the dark room. His shorts let you see his legs, but cut off suddenly right before they met, leaving a hungry taste in my mouth. His hair was curling around his face, his eyes shining brightly in the dim light, flickering unknown emotions across them. And his lips... They were so pink and full, parted slightly as words whispered across them. I just couldn't take it.

I jumped on top of him, straddling his hips and devouring his lips against mine. It wasn't soft or gentle, and I felt a bit guilty for that, but a deep hunger was ripping inside of me, needing to be satisfied NOW. My skin was burning where it touched his, my mouth moving away from his lips and going towards his soft neck, my hands gliding across his body, touching everywhere it could. The moment my lips touched his neck, I was pushed off of him.

His lips were bright red from the kisses, and though lust was visible in his eyes, a firm and cold look was there too. For a moment, the heavy haze seemed to lift, but when he licked his lips it returned in a heated wave again.

"Kenny, what are you doing?" He was panting as he looked up at me, and I started to lean towards his lips again when he pushed me up again. I felt a whine leave my mouth as I was denied from the kiss. Annoyed I replied snappily, "Isn't it pretty fucking obvious?" Thinking that was a good enough answer, I moved towards his lips before being thrashed away again. My patience was thinning quickly, and I wanted Kyle NOW.

Kyle glared at me, and shook his head quickly. "You should fucking know that's not what I meant. I'm dating Stan now, Kenny. So why the fuck are you doing this," he motioned to the position we were in, "to me? There better be a good reason." He placed his hand on my chest, making sure that I couldn't lean down again.

Right then everything clicked together. I liked Kyle. Shit, how the fuck had I not noticed that? Sure, I'd always been attracted to him, but I thought that was normal for a hormonal run teen with a hot best friend. Oh my god, what have I done? He... I... Oh god... Why hadn't I figured it out earlier? That the reason I hated Stan wasn't just because of his lousy attitude, but because I was jealous? Oh FUCK, I just kissed Kyle. I just kissed Kyle. What was I going to do? I couldn't let him know, it would ruin everything, more then I had just done. I needed... I have to get out NOW, before I fuck everything up more.

I lept off of Kyle as fast as possible, sprinting out of his bedroom, and almost was down the stairs when I was slammed against the wall. My ears were ringing and tears formed in my eyes, as my heart beat in pure panic at all the things going on. Kyle had both of his hands on either side of my head, blocking me from running away, his face hard as he stared at me. I looked away from him, anywhere at all, as long as I didn't have to look at his eyes. His hands brushed my head, and GOD, my heart was beating so fast. It was beating so fast I thought I was about to have a heart attack. Stop it, Stop IT, STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP-

"Kenny." I still refused to look into his eyes, and tried to get out of his arms, but he grabbed my shoulders and slammed me against the wall again. Tears were slipping from my eyes and I couldn't stop them from flowing. He forced my face to turn to his, and his eyes didn't waver at all at the fact that I was crying. My shoulders were shaking slightly, but he only gripped them tighter until I locked eyes with him.

Kyle's voice was cold and even when he spoke, not a flicker of his usual friendliness left in it. "If you walk away from me now without an answer, I won't forgive you. Now ANSWER ME," his voice was gaining volume as he continued his sentence, "Why did you just do that!"

My vision was growing blurry and my voice was straining painfully as I was unsuccessfully attempting to hold back sobs from escaping my mouth. I shook my head harshly, refusing to answer his question. If I told him how I felt, it would mess everything up. Nothing ever good would happen to me, because every time I came into a story, the people involved with me would be cursed with bad luck. I tainted everything I came into contact with, and if I really loved Kyle, I had to let him go. I couldn't dirty him, I just couldn't.

I broke out of Kyle's arms, and slammed the door shut behind me. The noise resonated loudly in the empty house, almost as if signing the deal for a contract.

In a way it was, because that would be the last time I entered Kyle's house for a very long time.


We didn't talk at all the next day. For me, it just hurt to much to even think of him, let alone watch him kiss Stan and be so close, yet so so far from me. My heart became so shattered, that I became used to the constant pain that followed me throughout the day. But that day turned into another day, then a week, then two weeks. And my heart never did heal from all that pain.

I walked alone most of the time, because my mood was so depressing, that not even Butters could put up with it. Cartman was sick of my shit, and told me daily, but never tried to help me. I couldn't even bring myself to care though.

Craig came up to me after school one day, a sinister smile stretched out across his face, but I didn't care about him and his mood swings anymore. I just wanted him to get out what ever he wanted to say, and leave me the fuck alone...

"Well, hello there Kenny." He said, wrapping a skinny arm around my shoulders as he directed me through the hallways. "You'd be surprised to see what dirt I have on you... I think that I shall get quite a nice price for this one." He grinned lazily, pulling out a picture with smooth grace. I squinted as my vision adjusted on the picture. My heart stopped for a moment when I noticed what it was of. It was a picture of Kyle and I in the janitors closet from that one day a long time ago. I sighed sadly, and removed Craig's shoulder from me. "Do what you want with it."

His eyes widened as I walked away from him without even a glance back. "That's it Kenny! You don't care if I post this all over the fucking place?" I flipped him off sluggishly as I tottered away towards the exit. As soon as I was outside, I pulled out a cigarette and stared up at the gray sky. My life was so fucked up now. I didn't know what to do...

Feeling a small craving from the relief of a smoke, I pulled out my lighter, but at that exact moment it started to rain. I flipped off the sky, deciding that God really did hate my existence.

Running back inside, I ran straight into the person I hadn't talked to for weeks. Kyle staggered back and was about to scream at me, until he noticed who I was. My mood plummeted even more, and I cursed at God more inside my head as Kyle opened and closed his mouth trying to find words.

Finally he just gave up, and glared at me with hate in his eyes as he passed by me. Deciding that I had nothing more to lose, I grabbed onto Kyle's sleeve stopping him from leaving. "Stop...Please." I whispered, almost surprised by how desperate I sounded. He turned around curtly, his eyes absolutely cold as his green eyes meet my blue ones. "I-I'm sorry..." I let go of his sleeve, dropping my head so my bangs covered my eyes. "I messed up again, and... Is there anyway I can make it up to you?"

Kyle's face stayed completely neutral as I tried to apologize lamely. After I did, he only shook his head in disgust, "You don't get it do you Kenny? You just don't fucking get it."

He stormed out the door into the rain, and I followed right behind me. "What do you mean, Kyle! I'll make it up to you, and I won't try to do something like that again, so just..." He continued to walk on, not turning around once. "LISTEN TO ME KYLE! Don't just run away!" I screamed at his back as he walked onto the edge of the road in front of the school. He turned around suddenly, rage distorting his face. "Running away, huh! Just like you did Kenny, so don't get so fucking mad at me, you hypocrite." The rain was pounding down now, soaking both of us to the core, and making it hard to see each other.

"I'm not running now Kyle! So tell me what the fuck you want me to do!" Kyle took another step onto the street, but this time when he replied there wasn't anger in his voice. "I broke up with Stan." My heart completely stopped at those words. "What?" I managed to say, even though inside I felt frozen. He lifted his face to meet my eyes, water dripping down his face, making it look as if he was weeping. "You heard me," his voice didn't sound exactly angry, but it was becoming louder again, "I broke up with my boyfriend. Do you wanna know why Kenny? Do you really fucking want to know?"

He pointed to me and said, "It's because of you." He must of seen the confusion written across my face because he laughed harshly, a sarcastic rage sweeping back into his voice. "I'm fucking in love with the whore of the town, isn't that sad? I could've been happy with Stan, he was great to me, but I couldn't get you out of my fucking head. What makes it worse though, is you. Maybe I could've gotten over my feelings for you, but you just keep messing with my mind. One second you're all over me and then the next you're saying that it was a mistake, that you never meant to do it. I can't take it anymore Kenny, so leave me the fuck alone."

I was speechless as I tried to process all his words. Kyle was in love... with me? Instead of feeling happy, a desperate and aching feeling came over me, and I knew that I had to act now or I would lose the one thing that I really needed in this world to feel like I was worth something.

Kyle was halfway across the street when I called to him. "KYLE! Wait!" His head started to turn towards me, a hopeful look brightening in his eyes, when the world fell to hell.

I would give anything to take back those words, to make it so that I never called out to him, so that he would have walked away from me just like that. Then it would have been over, none of this would have had to happen.

Because at that moment when I called to Kyle, and he stopped to face me, a bus had turned around the corner. The rain was falling so hard and thick, that by the time the bus slammed on it's brakes, it was too late.

At 1:44 P.M. in the middle of December in South Park, Kyle Broflovski was hit head on by a bus, right in front of my eyes.