Happy Mother's Day to my mom, I love you so much, you made sure I had the best adoptive mom and dad in the world ;) I know it wasn't easy choosing adoption or raising me, but it was probably the best choice. Even though I don't know you, I hope one day I can meet you and Dad; and happy Mother's Day to my amazing and wonderful adoptive mother, I don't know where I would be without you...literally. You're always there for me when I'm sad about my other parents and all of my other problems and paying for my soccer expenses. I love you so much 3
So sorry I didn't update last night, I got home really late and was super tired and went straight to bed. Lol, anyway here's chapter 10
Disclaimer: I don't own the Hunger Games
Katniss' POV
They just leave me here. Alone. In this small room. Alone with my dark and depressing thoughts. All I can think about is Peeta and Briar. How are they? Are dead because of me. It's all of my fault. If the rebels shall win this war, I'll have no one left. If they killed Peeta and Briar, that shows me they also had no problem killing my family and Gale's family. I tear falls down my face at this thought. If I didn't pull out those stupid berries, and would have just killed myself, this would not have happened. But then the Hunger Games would continue on for how ever more many years, over 1800 innocent kids have already died from the Hunger Games, and they all had the same common goal: To get back home.
A peace keeper comes in to give me my food, it's just a slice of bread and a glass of water, I try to ration out the bread so I could eat it evenly for the rest of the day and for tomorrow, since I only get food every other day. My hunger makes me crave and eat the entire thing. This time the peace keeper also gave me a razor, I heard about these, it removes the hair less painfully than what my prep team would do, which I think they would pluck. My prep team. I wonder how they're doing. I wonder if Snow killed them off too? I try to shake that thought from my mind, but that would just be three more innocent people I basically killed. Because I know Cinna is dead, so four.
I also remember learning about razors at school, when we were studying about suicide and mental illnesses, how people use it to relieve pain, I think they cut themselves with it? I don't understand how that could make you feel better about yourself and how it makes you relieve pain.
The days pass by slowly. I don't like to sleep, mainly because I'm afraid they'll hurt me. I haven't seen anyone for days, I become stir crazy, there isn't really anything in the room that I can throw which makes me even madder. "Why Mrs. Mellark, I think you should calm down some, we want to try an experiment on you. He grabs my bicep and pinches it, I wince in pain but I follow him without a choice.
I'm taken to a room that is also white, that is like my cell but only larger. Much, much larger. When I walk in, there is a bed rest and next to it is a computer with wires. In front of the bed is a t.v.
"Ms. Everdeen, please come and lay down on the bed." A man says. I want to tell him that it's 'Mrs. Mellark', but I don't want to get him mad at me, so I just listen to what he says.
He picks up a needle and is about to put in my skin, "What's that?" I ask, that better not be going inside of me.
"Don't worry, we think that it will help with your depression. We had to get special permission from the rebels to use this." The man says. Ohhh so he's with the rebels? I can trust him? But what if he's just saying that to gain my trust? The man must notice that I don't believe him yet, but he shows me a watch with a mockingjay on it sort of like Plutarch's watch. I wonder what they did with him. Was he rescued by rebels? Or is he dead because of me? Or maybe, just maybe, he's also being help captive here like me.
He slides a needle through my vain on my right wrist. I try to shake off the pain and then, they try to stick another one into my back, "We also want to see how you've been recovering since your pregnancy. And this the needle that does it." I nod and he slides the needle into my back area, this one hurts.
He starts to pump fluids from an iv into both places where the needle are. He then turns on the t.v., it's of Peeta and me. We're in the meadow, he pulls me in to kiss me, then he pulls a knife out of no where and then stabs me in the leg. Another doctor points to a wound on my leg and tells me this is from the knife Peeta stabbed me with. I don't remember this happening. I don't believe it. Peeta would never hurt me on purpose. Another hour passed of me watching these horror films of Peeta doing horrible things to me. And one even included of him killing our Briar. The baby WE made together, even though we didn't know it. Some were of us in the arena and he tried to kill me when I wasn't watching.
I was taken back into my cell. I look in the corner where I kept my razor. I remember saying that people used this to relieve pain. And I'm in so much mental pain right now, I put it up to my left wrist and pressed really hard and glided it horizontally across my wrist. At first it stung, it stung really bad but that feeling stopped and then it felt really good to feel the blood seeping out of my wrist. I decided to do it again. It had that amazing feeling. I then did it to both of my hips and top of my thighs.
Everyday for however many weeks, this was my routine: getting my food every other day, I'm taken to that same room where I watch horrible scenes of Peeta and me I used to love him more than anything, but people change, and I begin to cut. It still burns, but then it starts to feel better. Soon, they start to show me scenes of Haymitch, Prim, My mom, Gale and his family doing horrible things to me. I don't know who to trust, I guess I have those doctors who were showing me these horrible things because if there was a chance they were still alive, it was showing me what they can do to me.
Sometimes, I start to miss Peeta and Briar, because I could tell them anything, and I wouldn't be judged, even though I only knew Briar for a very short amount of time, I still loved her more than anything. I cried myself to sleep that night and several of the nights to follow.
"Mrs. Mellark, President Snow is having another interview for you." The peace keeper says. He unlocks my cell and brings me to a new stylist, I don't remember this one at all, but I'm sure she must have been a stylist for a district at one point. I'm in a room with the stylist,
"We're sending the planes out for bombs tomorrow." I hear a voice say outside in the hallway.
"Shhh. Ms. Everdeen is in the room right there." Another voice hisses. It doesn't take common sense to know they are talking about bombing District 13, since I'm sure many of the districts are already destroyed." Are they really going to bomb 13?
This time, I wear a dress that is skin tight, it shows how much weight I have lost. This dress is an ombre, similar to a dress I wore on the Victory Tour all of those months ago. I'm wearing absolutely no makeup, now the whole world can see how ugly I am. And in this dress, you can see some of the scars from my cuts. I wasn't given any lines on what to say, so I'm sure I will have to be really careful on what I'm going to say.
I'm escorted to the same place where the interviews for the Games take place. "Now, I'm sure you remember the Girl on Fire. Katniss Everdeen, or now Katniss Mellark." I hear Ceaser say, the crowd roars in response. I take this as my signal to walk out on stage. I look into the crowd and everyone of the capitol citizens that are there look absolutely ridiculous. Their hair, makeup, clothes, shoes, and everything else.
Ceaser greets me with a kiss on the check and has me sit down on a red velvet chair. "Katniss, I must say, your dress is perfect. It fits your body very well. Isn't orange Peeta's favorite color?" Ceaser asks.
Although in my last interview, Ceaser told me that Peeta was still alive, but it's just so hard to believe it. "Thank you. And yes Peeta's favorite color is sunset orange." I let a tear fall down. I may hate him right now from what all he has done to me, but another part of me loves him with all of my heart.
Ceaser gives me a sympathetic smile. His eyes goes down to my wrists even though he doesn't say anything, I'm sure he is wondering what happened there. The interview goes on and on, "Anything you want to add Katniss?" He asks. He is smiling, like no care in the world.
I take a deep breath, and I know the capitol guards are going kill me, long and painful death, but I need to save District 13. "District 13, the capitol is sending bombs to you tomorrow to kill you. Please take cover." I scream. I feel arms trying to close my mouth.
"End it! End it!" Another screams. Yep. I'm going to die. Slowly and painfully.
A peace keeper takes me down to my cell, "You stupid fucking worthless person. Now because of you, District 13 might actually live." He screams and starts to walk out, "Oh, by the way, I just received orders, no food for the rest of the week, and you'll water will be cut in half." He says and then actually leaves.
Great. I think, I'm starving and today is only Tuesday, so no food until Monday.
I continue to go to the room where the bed rest is and I have needles injected into my right wrist and my back area. And the scenes keep getting worse and worse of my friends, family, backstabbing me. And every time I come back to my cell from that room, I cut. Some days are only a few but some are a lot. It depends on how much pain I feel.
One day on the way to the room where the doctors hook me up to needles, I pass by a mirror, I pull up that long tshirt and notice I can clearly see my hip bones, my rib cage is clearly defined, the gap between my thighs is huge, and then I look at my face. I immanently regret that, my hair is matted and in several directions. I can't even remember the last time I brushed it. My eyes are really red, I guess from crying. My checks feel like they're stained from all of the tears. And then I can see the scars from the cuts. I don't regret cutting, but I wish they didn't leave scars because now, people will gossip over them...
Peeta's POV
I fall in to a routine, I somehow managed to convince Coin to get me out of my schedule so I can spend more time with Briar, since she needs at least one parent around. Right? With each day passing, I can tell she is more and more like Katniss. If she doesn't want to eat, she won't. If she doesn't want to go to sleep, she won't. Her hair is the same as Katniss', I can see her hair is turning into curls, like Katniss'. Every time I look at Briar, I want to break down crying because I see Katniss in her (she only has my eyes).
The last interview I saw of Katniss broke my heart, she thinks I am dead and Briar. But I'm not I can't help but feel for Katniss when I see her in that much pain. It was like when she was giving birth to Briar and how much pain she was in. I just wish I could go through that instead of her.
My nightmares cool down some, but Briar never sleeps in her crib, I guess it's more for me than for her, to have something of Katniss close to me. I set my alarm early because Briar has her two month doctor appointment. It's hard to believe that tomorrow it's been two months since the last time I saw Katniss.
At about three a.m., Briar wakes up and starts to cry. I sigh and roll out of bed and fix her bottle for her. I love being a parent, more than anything. But it's the most tiring job, and no one came prepare you for it, especially if you're playing the rolls of both 'mommy' and 'daddy'.
I fed Briar her bottle and went back to sleep. I awake to the alarm, I dress Briar in a pink sun dress. In 13, there is really no color but for babies clothes. And Briar is one of the only babies, so I want to add a little color for this place. I feed Briar another morning bottle change her diaper.
I grab Briar and her formula just in case I need to feed her again. I hold her with one of my arms and the baby bag with the other, the doctor said Briar should slowly start to sleep less during the day and more at night, but for us, this is the total opposite.
I sign in and wait in the lobby. I see a lot of other patients in the lobby as well. I can feel all of their eyes staring at me. When I look up and make eye contact with them, they just give me a sympathetic smile. I'm sure they all know what I'm going through right now. Katniss is missing out on Briar's life.
"Peeta Mellark?" A young women with blonde hair asked.
"Right here." I say and walk over and follow her to the room where the doctor will be preforming the check up on Briar. The woman weighs her and checks her temperature before taking us to the room.
"The doctor will be with you soon." She said and smilied. "I'm sorry about Katniss, I'm sure it won't be much longer before the capitol kills her. But I'm single. And I'm sure we could even make an even cuter baby than Briar." She said and put a hand on my shoulder.
I knock her hand off immanently. "Katniss isn't dead. And even if she was, I would never remarry. I love Briar and I'm doing the best I can to be the 'mom' and 'dad', and Briar is beautiful because I created her. Katniss and I created her together." I say clearly dismissing her. She leaves, I can tell she's pissed, bu I don't care. I'm pissed at her too.
I sit in one of the chairs in the room, "You're just like your mommy Briar. Your looks and your personality, besides you eyes, you got those from me." I say. She just looks up at me in amazement. "You're going to see mommy very soon. I promise." I just made a promise to a two month year old, I hope I can keep this promise.
The doctor comes in and checks up on Briar. He says she is a perfectly healthy baby. And that if I ever needed help with anything, his wife could help. I take acknolagement in this even though I have a ton of babysitters. I decided to swing by Prim's apartment in 13. I don't see her that often anymore because I've been so busy with Briar and she started working in the hospital.
At the Everdeen apartment, we sat and had some lunch. Mrs. Everdeen and Prim cooed over Briar and couldn't believe how much she looked like Katniss. I was walking out the door when Mrs. Everdeen stopped me, "I really appreciate you taking responsibility for Briar when Katniss couldn't be around. Briar will realize how truly blessed to have you as her father. I know we'll get her back, but it's hard holding on to something that might not be there tomorrow." I smile at that, I pull Mrs. Everdeen into a hug with Briar. I can feel my shirt become a little wet on my shoulder from her tears, but I didn't mind. But I'm still taken aback at how Mrs. Everdeen basically said I was a really good father.
I have had the same routine for another month now, Briar is three months old. There has been no mention of rescuing Katniss, I have been invited to a meeting tomorrow night, and I'm going to bring up Katniss and rescuing her.
For the first time in a long time, I lay Briar in her crib and lay down on the couch trying to grab a few extra hours of sleep. I close my eyes then I hear a knock on the door. I groan and get up. I look through the pep hole and it's Haymitch. "What do you want?" I asked annoyed.
"Coin wants to see you and Briar. She thinks that the capitol will be airing something you might want to see." Haymitch says. I really don't have a choice but to follow him. I pick up a still sleeping Briar and follow Haymitch to the command center.
"Why it's nice to see you Mr. Mellark and Briar." Coin says. There is something about this lady that I don't like. I don't know what it is, but she seams power-hungry. But I do know one thing, I don't trust her. I smile in return. "Now, I was watching some Capitol News, and they said something about an interview and Katniss, I think they will be showing Katniss live." Coin says.
When she says that, I glue my eyes to the t.v., I see Katniss walk out on the stage where Ceasaer is. I'm glad Ceaser is the one interviewing her, because he's one of the only few people in the capitol that I actually trust. Her dress is gorgeous. She's so beautiful. But she's so skinny. I swear she must have lost twenty pounds since the Arena, which is impossible because she doesn't have twenty pounds to lose. It was so pitiful so see her like this.
I thought the interview was over, but she screamed that we were going to be bombed. This catches me off guard, I then hear people yelling 'cut', the last thing I saw was peace keepers all over Katniss trying to control her and get her to shut up.
I look over at Coin, "What are we going to do?" I ask. She just stares at me dumb foundingly.
"Make sure everyone is safe." She says and picks up a mic that feeds out to all of the people in 13, "Attention, attention, this is urgent. We have recieved news that the capitol plans to bomb us, please make your way to level 101 immanently." She says.
"I mean what about Katniss. When can we rescue her? Because we all know that they are going to torture her now. She is hardly even eating anything. She's so small.
"We will rescue her when we can." Coin snaps at me and walks away. "You have ten minutes to get to level 101." She says and I follow.
Katniss was right, the bombs did hit, and it was horrible. I have to admit, I was scared. I tried not to show it because I had to be strong for Briar. Who I could also tell was scared because she would shiver. We were under cover for about a week before it was 'safe' to come out.
I'll never forget the one time Coin called me down to her office and told me we were going to rescue Katniss.
A/N: Really crappy ending, but hoped you enjoyed it. Thanks to Brownieangel for leaving those two really long reviews. (:
