A/N:
Hi Guys!
Life has been crazy but I still managed to update today. Yeay me!
I'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who reads and follows. Special thanks to reviewers - you guys are the best! And I'm sorry I didn't get the chance to thank each one of you individually last chapter. But here's a chapter to make up for it!
Love
K
Chapter 11 - Declarations of Love
Rose was in an utter state of shock. The news Sydney just delivered left her catatonic. Rose blinked several times before she noticed that Sydney was weaving her hands in front of her face and repeatedly calling her name.
"Rose!" Sydney yelled frantically. "If you don't snap out of this I will slap you!"
Sydney pulled back her hand, but before her palm cracked across Rose's cheek, Rose caught it.
"Oh, thank god", Syd sagged in relief.
"I just got my period this morning, Sydney", Rose said just above a whisper.
Sydney practically beamed, till she noticed the sullen expression on Rose's face. Mistaking the look on, Sydney pulled out a kit to take a blood sample. "I know in early stages of pregnancy minor bleeding isn't uncommon. So we'll just take a blood sample to make sure you're not pregnant and that'll put your mind at ease", she smiled to comfort Rose. "The results should only take a couple of hours".
Rose nodded and returned the smile as best she could. She went to her room, hoping she could be alone for a while. She was pleasantly surprised that Dimitri managed to find a way to keep busy without her. Sydney texted her with the test results as soon as they were in.
Rose was not pregnant.
Syd followed with a text asking if they need to discuss birth control options, accompanied with a sting of emoticon for laughter and silliness.
Rose stared at her phone and reread the text that she wasn't pregnant over and over again. She should have been ecstatic. She should have been doing backflips because she dodged the bullet. It was only when Dimitri returned to her room that she realized she was crying.
"Roza", Dimitri rushed to her and knelt before her. "What's wrong?"
"I got my period this morning", she answered between sobs.
"Okay", Dimitri said timidly. He was at a loss for words. He wondered if Rose was trying to say that the crying was just hormones.
Rose covered her face with her hands, utterly embarrassed.
"Roza, why are crying?" Dimitri asked softly.
By now Rose's eyes were puffy and red. Her nose was running. "We can't have children".
Dimitri didn't answer. He didn't know what to say because this wasn't news to either of them. "I'm not following, Milaya. We've know from the start that we can't have children together".
"Haven't you ever thought about having a kid?" Rose questioned. "Did the idea of being a father ever cross your mind?"
"Rose", Dimitri swallowed hard. "Is this about me? Or is this about you? Wanting to be a mother?" Dimitri felt guilt about not being able to give Rose children. He knew one day this conversation would come, but he didn't think it would be so soon.
Rose thought of the prophecy, about the part that mentioned offspring. She never put much faith in it, but she learning that Dimitri could have children with another dhampir, just not her, made her believe that in likelihood Dimitri would wind up with someone else. She was resigned in the knowledge that one day she'd lose him.
Rose shook her head and answered Dimitri's question. "I'm nineteen, I've never given parenthood a thought. But the prophecy-".
"Is breathtaking bullshit." Dimitri cut her off. "Even after everything I've seen and done since I met you, I don't believe that load of bull". Dimitri cupped Rose's cheek. "I'm not going to lie to you. I do want to be a father some day". He wiped her tears. "But I don't want that if it's not with you", he said fiercely.
Rose shook her head again and distanced herself from Dimitri. "You can't know that! We hardly know each other!" She raised her voice.
"I do know that!" Dimitri raised to his feet as well. His hulking figure towered over Rose as he held her face firmly. "I know you. And none of that other stuff matters to me. Not the prophecy and not being a father. I want you, Roza. I love you".
Rose's heart fluttered. She was speechless. That must have been a first. She just stared at Dimitri with those big doe eyes of hers, brimmed with tears again.
"I love you", Dimitri repeated.
Tears were streaking Rose's cheeks.
At that moment Rose didn't have it in her to be held back by her insecurities. The thought that Dimitri would one day leave her for another woman who he could have children with, the thought that plagued her ever since Rose got her results back from Sydney, had completely left her mind with that one declaration. Dimitri was in love with her.
"Why are you crying, moya lyubov?"
"Because," Rose sniffled, "Because I love you too", she finally answered, wondering how her heart hadn't burst.
Dimitri's smile could have lit up the blackest sky. Rose couldn't help but return it just before she got up on her tippy toes to meet Dimitri half way as he lent in to kiss her. It was just a quick brush of their lips. The loving embrace that followed may have been the most intimate gesture they had shared yet.
After holding each other for the longest time, Rose's brain registered that Dimitri was sweaty as hell and in dire need of shower. She pulled back and scrunched her nose. "So what have you been up to all this time?" Rose asked.
Dimitri chuckled. "I was in the gym with Lissa. She was there to make sure I didn't overdue it with my endurance training".
Rose nodded. "Good. I'm glad you didn't miss a training session because of me".
"So what did Sydney need to talk to you about that was so important and kept you away for so long?" And had you crying your eyes out? he wondered quietly.
"Sydney got some results from your blood work".
Dimitri looked at Rose puzzled. Surely if it was about his blood work, Sydney should have sought him out as well.
Rose cleared her throat. "Sydney said that you could have children with another dhampir, so she asked when my last period was, and she gave me a pregnancy test, just to make sure. She texted me a little while before you got back that I'm not pregnant".
Dimitri just looked more puzzled. "Rose, you just said you and I can't have children".
"I'm not pregnant. We've been having unprotected sex like bunnies for like a week and a half".
"So?", Dimitri still didn't follow.
"So if I'm not pregnant from our very sexual time together, I'm obviously not going to get pregnant", Rose answered sullenly.
For the first time since they'd met, Dimitri understood just how young and naive Rose was. It just made her freak-out that much more endearing to him. Plus he was going to have a talk with Alberta about going over the Sex-Ed curriculum. "Sweetie, the fact that you aren't pregnant doesn't mean anything. Not every unprotected sexual encounter ends with a pregnancy. It can take a couple month or even years to conceive", he smiled knowingly. "There are so many factors to consider. I mean if you got your period today, you probably weren't ovulating when we…" he gestured between the two of them, not quite sure which word to use.
"Porked?" Rose suggested, and laughed maniacally when Dimitri rolled his eyes. "So… one day… we…"
This time is was Dimitri's turn to fill in the blanks, "Can make a baby?"
"EEwww! That is so gross when you say it like that!"
Dimitri's booming laughter filled the entire room.
"Hit the showers, stinky!" Rose called over his laugh. "I gotta go get a prescription filled".
The following day at breakfast, Sydney was happy to see Rose back to herself. But she quickly learned that Rose wasn't done with difficult conversations. Not by a long shot.
Dimitri and Rose were already at the table when Sydney and Adrian joined them. Soon Lissa and Christian joined as well.
"Welcome back", Rose said to Christian and Adrian. Both moroi had been on assignment at court. Adrian, being the grand nephew of the queen, was the perfect liaison for Sisterhood affairs.
"Aw, did you miss me, Rosie?" Chris made kissing noises.
"Only in the way you miss an STD when it clears up", Rose answered.
Adrian laughed so hard that orange juice almost spurt out of his nose.
"Can't you be nice to each other?" Lissa asked no one in particular.
"You know they secretly love each other", Sydney chimed in, causing the entire table to burst in a fit of giggles.
When the group had calmed, Lissa approached the aura subject again. "So Rose, we need to talk about your aura. I'm not going to let you blow me off this time!" She insisted when Rose rolled her eyes.
"I don't feel like talking about this", Rose was irritated that Lissa would bring this up in front of Dimitri.
"Well I figured if you won't talk to me, maybe you'll talk to Adrian". Lissa knew Adrian was far better at reading auras than she was.
Dimitri was the one that broke the awkward silence, "What's wrong with Rose's aura?"
"Wrong?" Rose bumbled. "Why would you assume anything was wrong?"
"Rose", Adrian shook his head, not believing that Rose didn't tell Dimitri what was going on with her. "Lissa said your aura was almost completely black after you met Jeanine".
"Black is bad?" Dimitri more stated than asked.
Rose gasped exaggeratedly, "That's just racist, comrade!".
Dimitri rolled his eyes and waited for an explanation. "Someone please tell me what's going on". Dimitri was scary quiet when he spoke.
"Rose is what we call shadow kissed", Adrian explained. "When Lissa brought her back after the accident, the bond was created. The side effect of that bond, of returning from the land of the dead, is that Rose is shadow kissed. Her aura is tainted with darkness. We don't understand the darkness fully. But we do know that it's affected by Spirit magic. If Lissa uses too much magic it could get worse. On the other hand, the darkness can be elevated at least partly with spirited charms". Adrian paused for a moment before he continuing. "The thing is the darkness is effected by Rose as well. When Rose is upset or distraught, the darkness creeps in a little bit more"
Lissa concluded Adrian's little speech, turning to Dimitri, "When you and Rose ran into Jeanine the other night, there was almost nothing but darkness in Rose's aura".
Dimitri was taking it all in rather well, Rose thought.
"Okay", he said, "But what does that mean? What does the darkness do?"
The table fell silent again. No one was inclined to respond to Dimitri's question. In any case, they all felt Rose should be the one to answer.
"It blackens your soul", Rose finally replied. "Most of the time, I'm fine. I can keep it at bay. But every once in a while", Rose trailed off. Her eyes go misty. She cleared her throat, "Every once in a while, I lose control. I'm lucky I haven't harmed an innocent yet". The silence continued until Rose broke it again. "If history tells us anything, I'll eventually go insane and kill myself".
Dimitri felt his chest tighten.
"We are not going to let that happen!" Lissa said fiercely.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Dimitri asked Rose, just above a whisper.
"I never got around to it", she answered. Rose knew it was a lame answer, but it was all she had.
Dimitri nodded. His face was impassive and gave nothing away but Rose knew him better than that. She could tell he was raging on the inside. Whether it was because she didn't disclose the truth or because of the situation, Rose didn't know.
"How is her aura now?" Dimitri asked Adrian.
"Mostly orange. A mixture of fear and anger. The darkness is tinging the edges, but it's creeping further inward. Probably because Rose is anxious that we're talking about it", Adrian answered in a trance like state. He shook his head as if to clear it, "The amount of darkness right now is just slightly more than usual, but still isn't something we've never seen before".
"So Rose's aura, after her encounter with Jeanine, was something you've never seen before", Dimitri concluded.
"We saw something pretty close", Lissa said. "About a year ago, a moroi tried to get frisky with me".
"He attacked you", Chris interjected.
"And I went ballistic", Rose said. "I nearly killed him. The only thing that stopped me was a charmed necklace Adrian gave me. It activated and healed enough of the darkness that I could pull back".
"The point that we're trying to make", Adrian said, "is that Lissa and I need to make you an arsenal of charms you can wear at all times".
Rose nodded numbly.
"By the way", Adrian asked, "How did you gain control? After Jeanine?"
"It was Dimitri".
Adrian was impressed.
"It was you, Roza", Dimitri corrected.
That made Rose feel slightly better about herself, even if she could see that Dimitri was still upset.
Lissa and Sydney's phones beeped simultaneously.
"We're going out with Olena tonight", Lissa answered Rose's questioning gaze.
"Don't worry", Syd added, "we'll be fine".
"I always worry", Rose replied. "Be safe".
A/N: Don't forget to review!
