Bpov
I'm such a cold hearted bitch , I left him broken . I was broken . Just hearing what his dad said about ruining his life just pushed me over the edge. I knew that one day Edward would feel the same way I had to end it. For the sake of everything . Its been three days since I broke my heart and possibly his . I haven't eaten much or slept much since I left him on the steps with his head in his hands . I just keep hearing those cruel words over and over in my head .
" it doesn't matter any way the baby isn't yours and I plan on having a abortion"
"its not mine"
" no its Mike's what did you think that I wasn't fucking him"
" look Edward we had a blast I enjoyed fucking you but seriously that all it was.. I'm going to marry Mike and move so please tell your dad he has nothing to worry about"
It took everything in me not to run back to him and tell him I was lying . No he deserved more than what I can give him . I know he hated me he didn't even look at me any more he avoided me like the plague. So I started sitting with Mike at the " steroid Jock" table at lunch. Every now and then I would allow myself a look at him he would meet my gaze and quickly turn away. Alice was beyond pissed at me she wasn't speaking to me either.
I guess its really for the best . I dreaded tomorrow I had a appointment for a "termination" as the receptionist called it . I pray that I was making the right decision . I just wish that I had her to hold my hand . So I asked Lauren to go with me. Fuck I didn't even like that bitch but I needed somebody to drive me home . She seemed nice even told me it was the right thing to do Mike and I could always have more kids . like i was going to let that shit happen. she told me she had one a few months back . I still couldn't believe that she was pregnant by Taylor . Fuck who knew .. I got up to throw my tray of barely eaten food away when my cell buzzed
Can we talk please
E.
Why now we haven't talked in days
No we said all that we needed to say
B.
It broke my heart every time I was nasty to him and said things I didn't mean . when all I wanted to do was run into his arms and tell him how much i loved him .
Is it true ?
E.
I wish that he would just stop . But then I wished he would continue . I missed hearing his voice
Is what true?
B.
I walked past him and Alice and went straight to the bathroom
Are you having a abortion tomorrow ?
E.
What the fuck that bitch said she wouldn't tell anybody.. Damn her fuck it doesn't matter
Its not your business or your concern Edward
B.
I sat there on the toilet tears streaming down my eyes.
Bella please let me go with you
E.
Is he fucking serious
NO! its not your problem ! don't text me anymore were done.
B
I started crying harder there was no way that I could have him go with me when I went to do that to his baby. I wanted him there but I couldn't have him there. I decided to skip the rest of the afternoon and go home and get some sleep .
Please love don't shut me out . I want to be there for you
E.
I just didn't bother to reply anymore it would only bring up feelings that I needed to bury, I gathered my books threw them in my locker and ran to my truck I knew Charlie wouldn't be home . I drove out to our meadow and cried there for hours before I went home and cooked dinner and excused myself to bed .
I told my dad I was feeling a little sick so I was going to sleep. What the fuck did he care he claimed he had some shit with the Mayor. Always with the damn mayor .Yea Mike was right I guess he was dirty. Fuck it who cares…
When I entered my room I found white lilies on my bed with a little stuffed striped kitten and a note that said
Baby please talk to me I miss you so much its killing me Edward.
I looked up and noticed my window open with the curtain blowing fuck he climbed up that tree just to leave this for me and I was being a fucking bitch. But I had to be he needed to carry on with his life . I needed to make it as if I didn't exist. It was the only way he would continue with his medical school . Its what he worked for since he was ten . And honestly who the fuck was I to come along and snatch that dream away from him. And let him give up everything for me. No I think not I'm not that selfish this will all be over tomorrow any way.
I brought the note and the kitten to my heart and laid on my bed and bawled my eyes out all night until I finally fell asleep only to dream of him and our baby . A little boy a gorgeous little boy and we were happy and happy little family . I wanted that I wanted him I wanted our little boy . I wept in my dreams . I awoke to my cell phone ringing .I knew it had to be a dream my life wasn't that good. Lauren said shed be here in 10 minutes and reminded me not to eat anything.
As if I could anyway. The drive to Port Angeles was quite I didn't need to speak she knew how I felt so she just made small talk . At one point she grabbed my hand and told me I would be ok in time . I just nodded numbly .as we approached the clinic . I brought my eyes up when I saw them . Tears quickly flooded my eyes when I saw them carrying there signs . Showing pictures of mutilated fetuses on them . One lady grabbed my arm
" your going to hell if you murder that innocent baby" I stood there scared and shocked to move . I felt somebody grab my hand and push that lady off of me
" back the fuck off her lady or so help me I'll smack the shit out of you" I looked up at the familiar voice
" did you really think I would let you go thru this by your self " I cried harder when I saw Alice she hugged me tight and I wept into her shirt
" you're my best friend and even if I was mad at you . You should have called me." she squeezed me tight
" I love you Isabella."
" I love you Alice" I was so grateful that Lauren had a big mouth and called her.
"I'm sorry but you needed her Bella " I squeezed Lauren hand and mouthed thank you to her and we made our way thru the protesters and in to the building
I sat in the waiting room filling out forms I decided to pay cash that way I wouldn't need my dads consent . That would go over lovely if I had to ask him permission to kill my .. What ever I didn't want to fucking think about it. Alice handed the clip board in and we waited for them to call my name . there was so many chicks there it was un real . Damn how many people who didn't use protection . Some of them hinted that it was there first time having one . While I sat there crying my eyes out . I heard some dumb bitch say she couldn't wait to get it done so she could fit in to her bikini for her Aruba vacation . My god that bitch was sick .
She had no remorse for "terminating" her baby. I shuddered at the word baby . I didn't want to think of my baby Edward's baby. I just wanted this to be over. They called my name and we all got up to walk in . apparently I needed to give a urine sample and they needed blood . I passed out when the nurse withdrew the needle from my arm. I guess it was from the lack of food I have been eating and my damn nerves. She brought us into another room where I was to get a ultrasound done to determine what type of procedure the doctor would do on me
He squeezed some cold ass gel on my stomach and that's when I saw him. My baby. Yes granted it was still tiny but he was there just a little bleep on the screen I felt tears streaming down my cheeks as the girls squeezed my hands .. Just about 5 ½ weeks . That confirmed it the baby was Edwards. I haven't been with Mike in almost two months but I already knew it was his. We were ushered in to speak with a counselor and make payment she informed me that since I was early in weeks I would be having a D & C . a procedure where they scrap the walls of the uterus and remove my baby.. I handed my three hundred dollars over .. Three hundred dollars to kill a part of me . I wept silently as I waited for the nurse to escort me to the pre op room. I hugged Alice and Lauren when the nurse told me they couldn't go in the pre op waiting room with me. Alice was crying so was Lauren
" I'll be waiting for you when you get out" she hugged me again wiping hers and my tears away
" be brave I'll be waiting to" Lauren said I knew it must have brought back memories for her . I followed the nurse and watched the door close behind me as Alice mouthed she loved me. My hands were shaking as the nurse told me to strip off all my clothes and put on the gown with the opening in the front and use the bathroom one last time before they called me in … I sat on my bed crying , thinking about my decision when they called my name I started walking towards the O R when I heard a commotion . The nurse and I stopped .
" Bella" he screamed
" Bella please don't do this" he screamed again trying to push the door open the door the nurse yelled for some one to call security
"Please Bella please don't kill my baby" he screamed before the guards took him away..
Apov
How could I make her see make her understand she's making the wrong choice. But what could I do. I was so tiny she would never be able to feel me. I began bucking and thrashing myself forward . "Please mommy please I want to live please don't do this" I was just barely formed I had eyes and a nose I had a brain and a heart beat I was alive and I knew what she was going to do I felt her pain at her decision .
I loved her and I wanted to be with her. But how could I make her see. I screamed again "mommy please I love you I'll be a good baby I promise. Please don't do this I need you. I could feel her crying . Her tears burned my soul . I didn't understand why she was doing this . I heard her say she wanted me . She wanted my daddy. She loved us Why was she doing this. "Please Granma please make her see I'll be good. Tell her I love her. Tell her I want to live I want to love her and hug her and call her mommy" I just need a chance at life .
A chance to prove that she made the right choice by giving me life. "please " I screamed again" I was scared I didn't want to die I want to live.. "mommy please" I screamed again as I started to feel sluggish her voice sounded strange I could barely make out what she was saying . I tried kicking with my newly formed toes but she couldn't feel them I was still to little swimming around in the amniotic fluid she would barely feel any of my movements .
I prayed to god and begged him to make her change her mind . She would regret this for the rest of her life . I tried coming to her in her dreams . To show her how much I loved her and wanted to be with her. I even tried not to make her sick ." mommy please" I choked out before everything went black .
Bpov
I followed the nurse into the OR and laid on the bed as they started hooking me up to the machines and insert the IV . One of the nurses noticed I was crying and patted my shoulder " it will be over soon" I tried to nod but I was numb I closed my eyes and saw pictures of my baby . Edwards baby . How beautiful he looked when he was born . How he resembled Edward so much . The tears were running down my cheeks heavily as the anesthesiologist came to me with a mask to inhale.. I screamed
" no stop" I was fighting with all I had but the anthesia was starting to take effect I grabbed the nurse ..
" please don't kill my baby . I changed my mind " I tried getting off the table the doctor came in I grabbed him by the shirt
" please don't kill him" I wrapped my arms around my stomach
I I changed my mind I want my baby do you hear me " I screamed at the doctor trying to roll off the table I was crying hysterical by this point I kept trying to fight the sleep but it was coming close
" please I love him don't take him from me I want my babbbbbyyyy" I stammered out before I fell unconscious.
Epov
Alice and I decided this morning after Lauren called and told her that Bella was doing that "termination" thing to day . I burned me into pieces that her loser man wasn't here holding her hand. This is a traumatic experience for any woman to have to go thru and yet he fucking leaves her to do it alone. I told her I wanted to be here for her even if it was just as a friend. She broke me down and left me shattered on my steps when she told me it was just fucking. I thought things were changing between us .
I loved her for Christ sake. And she threw me away like yesterday trash.. Just like I used to do. Fuckem and leavem. But she was different or so I thought she was. I sat in the car watching Alice run up to Bella and scream at some lady. This place was unreal I never would have imagined ever having to be here . I could only imagine what she must be going thru seeing those people with all them fucking signs with half aborted fetuses .
It Was sickening I wanted to shove my foot deep in that lady's ass and make her leave Bella the fuck alone. I sat there watching them as they entered the building .torn not knowing what to do. She told me the baby wasn't mine but yet here I was dying inside . Trying to figure out how to stop her from doing this. I must be insane or in love .. At this point it really didn't matter if the baby was mine or not I didn't want her hurt and if she did this it would break her spirit she would never be the same again.
I slammed my hands against the steering wheel , I been in the damn car furious for the past 33 minutes if I waited any longer it may be to late for me to do anything. And then I ran into the building and up the steps to the general waiting room I stood against the wall and watched her enter a separate door when they called her name . as the door started to close I quickly slid in . I hung far enough behind so I wasn't noticed but close enough to know what room they went into. I ducked behind a wall when they were ushered into another little room . I waited what seemed like a damn eternity for them to come out . She looked distraught , I don't know what happened in the room to make her come out with her eyes swollen from crying but I was going to find out. I waited until they all exited including the doctor.. I slipped in the room and looked dazed upon the ultrasound machine I hesitantly walked to the machine reading slowly what it said stunned me .
Isabella M Swan
Dob: 09/13/87
SS# xxx-xx-3215
Wks: 5.5
PTBD: D&C
I was shocked not at the procedure being done but at the fact that she lied to me . 5 ½ weeks . She was 5 ½ weeks pregnant with my baby. I knew with out doubt in my mind that baby is mine , she hasn't been with that douche bag Mike for almost 2 fucking months she has been with me and I have left her completely tired and fore filled besides that douche had training so he wasn't even around. I didn't understand why she lied to me . I could have been there for support . Well to try and change her mind at least . I printed out the picture of the tiny ink spot on the screen that is my baby .
as I looked at the little black spot on the center of the sac I knew that what ever happened today . Whether I was able to change her mind or if she went thru with the termination either way my life would not be the same . My little princess I kissed the picture before I slipped it in my pocket and headed for the door just in time to see Bella hugging Alice and Lauren . With her held hung low she headed down the stairs into another room. I read the patients only notice on the door when it hit me that was where they were going to kill my baby.. I started banging on the door another patient opened it half way when I caught a glimpse of her walking past with a nurse I screamed at the top of my lungs
" Bella" I cried out trying to refrain from barging in the room she stopped if I could just get in there to talk to her make her understand things would be ok for us.
" Bella please don't do this" i screamed again trying to push the door open further I heard the nurse call for security fuck it I didn't care if I could arrested I needed her to know that I knew . She needed to know I knew the baby was mine . That I wanted my baby . I didn't want her to kill her. I needed them . I loved them. I wanted them.
"Please Bella please don't kill my baby" I screamed before a burly security guard push me up against the wall.
" listen guy I understand this is hard but she made her choice deal with it or you going to jail" that fucking prick didn't understand shit it wasn't his baby getting ripped out in there it was mine .. And after today I wouldn't have a baby anymore.. I was heart broken. How could she do this to me. to my baby. I pushed the fucker off of me and shoved past him were I bumped into Alice smoking a cigarette I jammed my hands in my pocket and yanked my Marlboro's out and lit it up and inhaled almost the whole damn shit in one pull. Running my fingers thru my hair ."fucccck" I bellowed getting the attention of all the other people outside smoking Alice squeezed my hand lovingly .
"Edward love you need to relax" I wanted to strangle that fucking rent a cop and she wasn't making things easier on me
"yea what ever Ali" I shrugged her arm off of me I just didn't want to fucking be bothered.
" why didn't you fucking tell me" I shot her a dirty look
" what the fuck are you talking about Edward" as if she didn't fucking know what I was talking about I truly hated when girls pretended to be dumb
" the baby Alice, My fucking baby that she's in there killing" she looked at me wide eyed and shocked .
" what do you mean yours Edward, she said it was Newton's. omg no" she brought her hands to her face and began weeping. Ok I'm a muckrake maybe she really didn't know.
" I-I- I was trying to be supportive of her . Buut she said it was Mike's baby. I was almost a Auntie." she kneeled to the curb and put her head down and spoke softly
"I'm so sorry Edward if I would have"
" would have what Alice . Would have talk her into keeping it . I think not you were being a friend and letting her make her own choice . Even if the choice she made broke my heart." I started walking towards the car and stopped . I knew I needed to see her to officially end this shit, after what she did I never wanted to see her face again.. She killed my baby and I hated her for it.
Bpov
I slowly started to wake up I felt like I was dreaming and then it all came rushing back to me where I was and what I had just done . I begged the doctor and the nurses not to kill my baby. My boy. But here I was and he was gone . I could hear girls whispering and talking . I heard one or two crying but it seemed like this was normal to pretty much all of them here. Have unprotected sex with there boyfriends or their fucks of the week
and if they happened to get pregnant they would just come here and have it sucked out like nothing. I hated my self . And I began to cry hysterical until the nurse moved me to a separate room and told me the doctor would be in to talk to me . Maybe I needed a sedative or something. And she closed the curtain. Bitch I screamed in my head ..,
Bpov
I slowly started to wake up I felt like I was dreaming and then it all came rushing back to me where I was and what I had just done . I begged the doctor and the nurses not to kill my baby. My boy. But here I was and he was gone . I could hear girls whispering and talking . I heard one or two crying but it seemed like this was normal to pretty much all of them here. Have unprotected sex with there boyfriends or their fucks of the week
and if they happened to get pregnant they would just come here and have it sucked out like nothing. I hated my self . And I began to cry hysterical until the nurse moved me to a separate room and told me the doctor would be in to talk to me . Maybe I needed a sedative or something. And she closed the curtain. Bitch I screamed in my head . I sat there with my hand on my stomach crying for what I had did. I pleaded with the doctor to stop , but I guess he didn't pay any attention to me. My pleas fell on deaf ears and I hated them . I hated this place but most of all I hated myself . Hated me more than Edward could ever hate me. I felt like a monster. I killed a part of me and a part of my Mr. Wonderful and I was going to burn in hell . There would be no kinds of forgiveness for me.
And I'll never forget hearing him shout not to kill his baby . I told him it wasn't his baby but he knew the look in his eyes told me that he knew the baby was his . It was to late and it didn't matter that he knew the baby was gone . Their wouldn't be a beautiful baby boy with his hair and his eyes . Oh god His intense green eyes that could see threw my soul. I cried harder " he's gone" I pulled my knees to my stomach " he's gone and I want him back" I whimpered ,I laid in a ball on the bed shaking from crying so hard I didn't hear the doctor come in . he sat on the foot of the bed and patted my leg.
" there there sweetheart there's no need to cry " I looked up o see him looking at me
"my baaaby" I sobbed out not really able to say anything more .
" it's ok sweetheart , you still have your baby" I looked at him in disbelief
" whhat" I choked out
" after your pleas in the OR I didn't have the heart to continue with the termination"
I swung my legs to over the bed and hugged him tight . He saved my life and my baby's soul . He didn't kill him . I still had a chance to make it up to him for even considering taking his life . I would be the best mommy to him and love him every day for the rest of my and his life I would cherish him forever my little baby boy . I smiled yes I knew it was a boy.
"tthank you" I started crying again . This time they were tears of joy ,tears of love and happiness .
" good luck Ms. Swan" as he stepped out of the room the tears streamed down my face I was lost in emotions I was thanking god for hearing my pleas and for his divine intervention. It was a miracle . And I was thankful I still had my little miracle inside of me. A second chance to make things right . I would cherish my baby and never forget this place and the horrors it holds inside. I didn't even want the money back I'll gladly give it to them for not harming my boy. I wrapped my arms around my stomach trying to hug my baby.
" I'm so sorry " I pleaded with god I'm so sorry. I cried I prayed for forgiveness from him
I held my hand at my stomach "my baby" I cried harder " oh my sweet baby I'm sorry"
" pleeasee forgive me" I cried out just then Alice entered with Lauren and Edward behind her. And all he heard was me begging for forgiveness and misinterpreting my tears of joy for those of sadness. I didn't have the heart to look at him I couldn't say anything to him . There were no words appropriate for him . He deserved better I was a bitch to him and I pushed him away when all I wanted was him with me.
" why didn't you tell me I was almost a Aunt" Alice asked as she squeezed my shoulders
"I-I- I'm so sorry Ali " I knew she was upset about the baby and she knew it was Edward's
" I know baby I know" she kissed the top of my head and walked towards the door bumping into Lauren when she got there dragging her by the hand out the door
" take your time we'll be out front" I knew she was leaving to give me and Edward a moment alone I nodded trying to stifle my tears but they kept flowing . I wanted to tell him our baby didn't die but he didn't give me a chance .. He was angry and hurt he had a lost look in his eyes . They were dull .
" how could you Bella . How could you lie to me then take my baby away" he ran his fingers threw his already tousled hair dropping his head into his hands.
" Edward I-I- I'm sorry I sobbed out there was so much I wanted to say to him but this wasn't the place and now was no the time.
" I guess it doesn't matter any way , what's done is done and there is no going back" he yanked his hands threw his hair again pausing in front of the door giving me a side glance I noticed a tear fall from his eye before he exited . I heard his barely clear voice " there is no forgiviness" I wanted to call out to him but I just let my Mr. Wonderful walk out of my life for good.
Epov
I hated her I really did I thought about what she did and I hated her for it . we walked in on her crying and begging for forgiveness . She let them take my baby's life away and she was asking to be forgiven . Was she fucking serious she did this shit , I tried to stop her but she wouldn't listen. she walked into to that room and let them rip my baby from her womb.. My baby didn't have a choice in this and neither did I she just took it upon her self and destroyed a part of me . A part of my love . But when I looked into to her eyes full of tears I knew that I still loved her and although she did this horrible fucking thing I want to be there for her to hold her hand and help her mourn the loss of our baby. I looked at Alice and she instantly knew I wanted to be alone with Bella there things that I needed to say and I didn't want a damned audience I asked her why but she sobbed some bullshit that she was sorry .
To be honest I really didn't give a fuck what she had to say . I was beyond pissed at her and I really don't know if I could ever forgive her.I wanted to grab her and scream at her ask her why. Why my baby but I just didn't have the heart to rip into her at this moment I needed to get myself together.
I 'm sure my dad will be happy that my baby is no more. Not that he doesn't like Bella he said she is like another Daughter but when it came to me and anything standing in the way of my medical career he was fit to be tied and he would handle anything that compromised me in any way. Look how he handled things with Maddie he wouldn't even acknowledge that she was .. Oh fuck it I cant deal with that right now . I need a moment to mourn my princess..
