The next few weeks from that point on, passed rather easily. Every day Methos and Jezebel would go out and explore the land to see what all it contained. When they came back to the house, they'd drink and dance and go through Kronos' things. At night they would lay side by side in bed and talk. It was a relief they both found, to have somebody to be completely honest with. Methos found it largely therapeutic because it had been a long time since he could be completely honest with anybody, even with Alexa there had been so much he couldn't tell her. Even more soothing he found, was the fact that Jezebel understood. Whatever he had to say, she wouldn't think he was crazy, in fact she might even know what he was talking about.
For Methos it was such a relief, for the first time in a long time he truly felt at peace. The strange thing was he had come out here for Jezebel's benefit but his visit seemed to be doing him more good than it did her. Of course he remembered she didn't show as easily when things bothered her, so it could very well be that it was doing her as much good as it was him.
One night when they were lying in bed, out of nowhere Jezebel asked him "What do you suppose it would've been like if we'd known each other as kids?"
"I don't know," Methos said, "What were you like as a kid?"
"Good for nothing," Jezebel said.
"Oh well in that case we would've gotten along perfectly," he told her.
"Methos."
"What?"
There was a brief pause before she asked, "What do you think Kronos was like as a child?"
"He never told you?"
"I never asked him, he didn't like talking about his past too much, I found that the further he went back, the more it seemed to hurt him."
"Well…I think for a while, he was happy, passive…"
"Normal?" Jezebel added.
"As normal as he could ever be. I think there had to be something early in his life that was good, otherwise 800 years later when he found me, I don't think he would've been as he was."
"How do you mean?" Jezebel asked.
"He loved me, Jezebel, he was the first person in my whole life who loved me, and it wasn't for some ulterior gain, it wasn't to be dominant, he really loved me…somebody he didn't know, somebody who was more a burden than anything, only he wouldn't admit it."
"Maybe he didn't see it as being a burden," she said.
"That's about how he saw it, rather what he told me…I could never figure it out…he cared more about me than anybody else I'd known in my life up to that point, and they had to endure far less than he did in doing it…I just don't get it, Jezebel, what do you think it is?"
"Honestly? I don't know…you know it used to be said by some, that noblemen, soldiers and the such, they used to take fondly to nursing the village babies and all that sort…I think early in his life, Kronos was a nobleman of some sort. Maybe that had something to do with it…I mean in past times, the soldiers would have something about them, a…almost a maternal instinct if you will…"
"But Kronos had already had children when he met me; he said he wanted a brother."
"And you were…but don't you see, Methos, in a sense, you were the younger brother because he was the more experienced soldier, he had to protect you, he had to do what he did, there could be no other way for him…I think…I think he spent all his life wanting somebody who he could love and he knew they wouldn't hurt him. He found that in you, in the beginning you were too weak to possibly hurt him, and he gave you no reason to think he would do you any harm. He made you trust him, and with that trust came love."
"And what about me?" Methos asked, "Just how do you explain my part of it?"
"I think first it was several things…I think you loved him from the beginning, but I also think you were scared to admit it because he was stronger than you, more experienced than you and you knew if he wanted to he could hurt you, might even kill you if he had a mind to…so you tried to convince yourself you were just relieved to be free, to be protected…and you would do whatever you had to do, if necessary, to keep him happy. All you had to do for that to happen was let him take care of you. You worried that it wouldn't last, that one day you would do something wrong and he would turn you away, but in time, as you grew closer and more intimate as brothers, you let go of that thought, because you finally realized you would stay with him," Jezebel explained, "I've had a long time to think about it all, and that's what I've come up with. Maybe I'm right and maybe I'm wrong, and maybe I'm both or neither, but I think I'm onto something with it."
Methos didn't respond and she looked over to his side and saw he was crying.
"What's wrong?" she asked, not sounding too surprised at all, rather as if she had been anticipating this.
"I was just thinking about those days…and Kronos," he laughed, "I don't know how Kronos ever put up with me for as long as he did. I must have drove him out of his mind plenty of times…for the longest time, I was completely dependent on him."
"I know, he told me," Jezebel said.
"Oh he did, did he? He never told me about that."
Jezebel rolled onto her side and looked at him, "Do you want to know what else he told me?"
"I don't know," Methos replied.
"He said that he loved you very much and…he enjoyed being able to take care of you for as long as he had…he had his reasons for it of course, he did want a brother, an equal, but he also wanted someone he could care for…but every family he had up till you left him one way or another. With you, he knew you would last, you would survive, he could look forward to the passing years because he knew he wouldn't have to go through it alone…he liked to act like nothing in the world bothered him, but he hated being alone. Ironically enough that's why he had as little to do with people as he did, he feared getting attached and then losing them…he basically told me that when he told me about Mary."
Methos' gaze went up to the ceiling. Mary, now there was another part of his life he hadn't thought about for a while.
He felt Jezebel's hand move up his forehead. "What is it?" she asked.
"I just have to wonder, of all the people in the world that Kronos came across then, why did he have to find me? Why? And of all the things he could've done, he could've taken me to a priest, a temple, something, but he kept me. Why did he keep me?"
Jezebel reached over and snaked her arm around Methos' side and his back so he looked at her as she answered, "Because it was your destiny, Methos. It's as simple as that."
"Is it?"
"Yours and his…and looking back now, wasn't it worth it?"
Methos nodded, "For my part I think so, but I can't help but wonder if Kronos would've been better off if he hadn't taken me with them."
She looked at him coyly, what was commonly referred to as a knowing look. "Better off?"
"He'd still be alive."
Jezebel smiled in such a way that to Methos she resembled a small child with a large secret she was about to blurt out. She grabbed his hand and said, "Maybe you've just lived too long to remember, Methos, but being alive is not just anything that isn't laying stone dead. You were the only thing Kronos had to look forward to really, you were what kept him alive as long as he was."
Methos shook his head, "He thought I was dead."
"He thought you were, but he had no proof, and he wouldn't let himself accept that idea until he had it."
"But he thought you were dead too," Methos said, "And when he found out you were alive, he…"
"He cried like a baby…but Methos you forget, you weren't there when Kronos found out you were still alive, you don't know how he reacted, and you tell me, who does one feel closer to, his brother or his wife?"
Methos took his time to answer that question.
"You pick your wife," Jezebel told him, "You come into this life stuck with your brother…such isn't your case however, Kronos picked you too, only he didn't…not really…fate threw the two of you together and you stayed that way until you both realized what you were."
"That is?" Methos asked.
"Family."
"And what does that make us?" Methos asked.
"In-laws are family too, Methos."
"Yes, the side that's never talked about."
"I don't think we make too bad a family, or what's left of it."
"No we don't," Methos agreed.
"Remember what I said," Jezebel told him, "If you ever need to get away from MacLeod, you can come back here and stay with me."
"I appreciate the offer."
There was silence between them after that, and a cold sensation, since both knew, but neither would admit it, that Methos would be returning to Seacouver soon.
Finally Jezebel broke the silence, "It has been a nice time, hasn't it?"
Methos nodded, "It certainly has."
The next day, Jezebel didn't seem to want to stay in the house for anything. She went all around the property looking at the trees and flowers and asking Methos questions about each and every one of them. When she came upon some moonflowers that neared their opening, she decided they would sit out there that night and watch them blossom. What Methos was finding out more in every day was that Jezebel was becoming bossier and bossier the longer he was around her, so for the time being he knew that whatever she wanted, she would get.
That afternoon when Jezebel cooked a dinner for them to take out to the woods, Methos pulled a mattress off one of the beds in the guest room and dragged it out to where they would be. With Jezebel's current attitude he had an idea they'd be out there all night and he for one this century was in no mood to be resting on the rocks and thistles on the ground. And as the afternoon turned to evening, Jezebel packed a cooler with fried chicken, finger sandwiches, slices of watermelon and two bottles of wine, and the two headed out.
Time passed, soon the food was eaten and the sky was turning colors. Jezebel had had a bit too much wine and was about two steps away from passed out. She had fallen back on the mattress and even though her eyes were open she didn't seem to be looking at anything.
"Are they opening yet?" she asked.
"Not quite," Methos replied.
"But they will soon, right?" she asked.
"I think so," he said.
"Good," she slurred, "That's good. Methos?"
"Hmm?"
"Do you really have to go back?"
The question he knew she wouldn't ask if she were sober. "Yes. Unfortunately, I do."
"I don't want you to leave," she said.
"I know, I don't want to either, but I have to."
She nodded, "I know you do…that's the thing about you, Methos…you always did what you had to do."
"No matter who it hurt," Methos added.
"Now," Jezebel pushed herself up to look at him, "Kronos for example, when you left him he was angry, but you had to leave and you knew it. And then when you killed Kronos, that was also something you had to do and you knew it…people just need to stop getting angry at other people when they do something…when it's something they need to do. It may hurt the other people but in the long run they need to realize when the benefit outweighs the cost."
Methos smiled, Jezebel it seemed could be more charming when she wasn't all there. "How are you feeling, Jezebel?"
"A little tired," she fell back against the mattress, "I'm going to lay down for a while, wake me up when the flowers start to open."
"I will."
Methos ran a hand through her hair as she closed her eyes. He could almost swear with every passing day he saw more and more of just why Kronos married her. She was a lot of things that Kronos was but also a lot of things he wasn't. She drank a bit too much, he couldn't deny that, but then again he'd never met an Immortal who didn't after all the time they spent wondering why they were still alive. Also he noted with every passing day she became a bit more pushy, bossier than the day before…but he guessed he could understand it, they hadn't seen each other for thousands of years prior to this…during which time she was undoubtedly pushed around a lot so she started pushing back on the only people she knew she could.
As he thought about it, a disturbing idea came to his mind. That's what Kronos did too…maybe he wasn't even aware of it at the time but he pushed at Methos, and he pushed him and he pushed him until one day he just pushed Methos away entirely…only at the time neither were aware of it. But there was something in Kronos at the end of the Horsemen's reign that Methos just couldn't stand being around him anymore. Kronos wasn't even aware that it had happened, somehow it just did. Perhaps it was true, he thought, about what was said regarding people hurting the most the people they loved. That had certainly been the case with them all those thousands of years ago.
He didn't like the fact that he'd have to return to Seacouver soon, but he also knew he couldn't stay out here forever. So for the time being, he decided, he was just going to relax, and enjoy these last few days with Jezebel.
More time passed, the sun set towards the west and it got darker out, he became aware that Jezebel was looking up at him.
"What is it?" she asked soberly.
He smiled and replied, "Nothing. Nothing at all."
"Oh," she said, "What are the flowers doing?"
He grabbed her hand and pulled her up so she could see the flowers as they began to open. It took less than two minutes, but to Jezebel it was worth the two-hour waiting period to watch the little white and blue blooms open.
"It's been a long time since I've seen moonflowers," she told Methos, "They open by night and the morning glories open at dawn and then look wilted the rest of the day, until the next daybreak. Aren't flowers funny?"
"They're not the only things," Methos replied.
"True, people are funny too," Jezebel added, "People are probably the most complex of all God's creatures in this world. We need more than bugs and wind and hail to hurt us necessarily…and yet we allow ourselves to hurt over so much less. Do you think people will ever be able to figure it out?"
"Figure what out?" Methos asked.
"The secret behind man…what makes people do the things they do."
"Maybe, sometime, somewhere…another thousand years maybe," Methos said.
"I'll be here," she said.
Methos kissed her and responded, "Me too."
Methos woke up when he felt something damp. He looked up and saw the moon was still out, and oh was it bright. A lot of the stars were out as well. He guessed it was sometime after midnight, and here they both were, still on the mattress under the trees. Looking over his shoulder he saw Jezebel was curled on her side, sound asleep. He laid back and was about to go back to sleep himself when he felt something wet fall on him again.
"Jezebel, wake up."
"What is it?" she tiredly asked as she sat up.
"Do you feel that?"
"Feel what?"
"It's raining."
"Where?" she looked around.
"That's just the thing, the stars are out and it's raining on me."
"Probably just a little cloud let loose," Jezebel said as she turned back on her side, "You don't always see them at night. Give it a minute and it'll run dry."
"You know something," Methos said, "You look kind of cute right about now."
"I know," she replied, "Once I tried getting my picture put on a brand of postcards, but they said I didn't have the sort of face people wanted to associate with a trusted company."
Methos laughed and lay down beside her again. "You know, this is pretty nice out here."
"I'll say it is," Jezebel agreed, "It's the air…I can always sleep out in the open when I take in the air…but I guess that happens after all the years I've spent in the open."
"Well let's face it," Methos said, "Any time you can take in fresh air it's relaxing."
"Almost intoxicating really," Jezebel added, "Works better than a sedative, that's for damn sure."
All her words were slurred by now so he knew she was right. With the moonlight shining on them, he kissed her and bid her goodnight.
"Goodnight," Jezebel responded.
A couple weeks later, Richie was at the bar talking to Joe about Mac. Over the last few weeks, not much had seemed to be right with the man. He seemed to be himself but he hadn't been sleeping well and he kept acting like somebody was talking to him when nobody was.
"I don't know what to make of it, Joe," Richie said, "I'm afraid Mac might be finally losing his mind."
"We'll see," Joe replied, "He's supposed to come in here soon."
"Joe, what if he is?" Richie asked, "What if he has gone crazy? What do we do then? I know what I said to him before but I don't think I could kill him."
"I know, Richie…now tell me again just what's been going on when you went to see him?"
"I don't know how to explain it," Richie said, "I go over, and things are broken, ashtrays, vases, I ask him what happened, he said he doesn't know. I look around the place and he starts saying "What?" when I haven't said a word. I go over early in the morning, late at night, he's never in bed, that bed hasn't been slept in, as far as I know, for a week. I'm worried, Joe, I mean I'm really worried about him."
It was then that Richie felt the all too familiar sensation in the back of his head.
"Well here he comes now," Joe said.
Richie turned around and saw Duncan come in. At first glance he looked rather normal, but as he came up close to the two other men, it was obvious he had not been resting well.
"Hey, Mac," Richie said.
"What's new?" Joe asked.
"Nothing," Duncan replied, "Have you heard from Methos yet?"
"Not a word," Joe answered, "It's like he's dropped off the face of the earth."
"How are you feeling, Mac?" Richie asked.
"I'm fine," he answered as he sat down next to Richie.
"Liar," Kronos said, "Keep telling yourself that and maybe you'll start to believe it."
"No offense," Joe said, "But you look like death ran you over."
"That's right," Kronos said though nobody heard him, "And tonight I'm going to back over him and run him over again."
"I've had a little trouble sleeping lately," Duncan explained.
"And you're going to have a hell of a lot more trouble tonight," Kronos said, "You can't get away from me, MacLeod, I know where you live and my residence is your subconscious. I'm going to stay and drive you crazy until the day you rot. I'm going to…"
His idea was cut off by what he saw out the door. He left the bar and went out to meet Methos though by now even his own brother couldn't see him.
"Oh Methos, my dearest brother, so good to have you back, you look like hell," he said.
Methos never stopped or made any indication that he knew Kronos was beside him, but of course Kronos knew he wouldn't. So he walked alongside Methos and continued to talk to him while Methos was completely oblivious to it.
"I'm just saying, Mac," Richie said, "I think…"
He stopped in mid-sentence as both he and Duncan felt another Immortal coming. Richie turned to the door and saw him.
"It's Methos!"
"Oh Dear God," Duncan said.
Methos opened the door and took a step inside. "Candygram."
Almost immediately he was nearly pummeled by Richie and Joe who dragged him up to the bar to get a better look at him.
"How've you been?" Joe asked.
"Did you have a good time?" Richie asked.
"I tell you," Methos said as he peeled off his trenchcoat, "Kronos surprises me, even now he surprises me. It blows my mind that he could've prepared that house and that land for Jezebel the way he did."
"Well we're just glad to have you back," Joe said.
"And how are things going with you?" Methos asked.
"Rather dull since you left."
"I missed you too, old friend," Methos said as he wrapped his arms around Joe and knocked the wind out of him.
"Relax, relax!" Joe said, "You were just down one state, it wasn't the space shuttle."
"No…it was nice but it did get lonely after a while, Jezebel's more of a recluse than I am if you can believe it," Methos told them.
"I can believe it," Joe replied, "How else does somebody live 4,000 years and we have no records?"
"Well we're glad to have you back," Richie said as he stepped next to Methos and locked his arms around Methos' back.
For a moment Methos wasn't sure what was going on until Richie whispered in his ear, "Maybe you can help Mac, I think he's going crazy."
Methos could hear the sincerity in Richie's voice, and looking over at MacLeod who was the only one of the three who hadn't even attempted to welcome him back, not that it surprised him much, he could tell that the Scot had seen better days. Richie walked past them with some excuse of needing to be somewhere to meet somebody and he was gone. Joe headed for his office, leaving the two Immortals alone to speak to each other.
Now more than before, Methos felt his heart in his throat. Why, he didn't know…he was certain the last time he had talked to MacLeod that everything was on the level but now he wasn't so sure.
"Mind if I sit down?" he asked.
"Go ahead," MacLeod grumbled.
Methos sat down at the bar stool next to MacLeod. Getting a better look at the younger man, Methos could tell he did look terrible.
"How've you been?" Methos asked.
"I'm…I'm okay, and you?" he replied.
"I'm fine."
"You look terrible," Methos said, "Did something happen while I was gone?"
MacLeod looked down at the counter, almost as if he were ashamed to face Methos.
"No," he quietly replied, "Nothing happened."
"Is Richie okay?"
"Yes."
"Amanda?"
"Yes."
"What about Joe?"
"Yes, Methos, they're all fine."
"So why do you look like me?" Methos asked.
"What do you mean?"
"Like death."
MacLeod wouldn't answer, he wouldn't even raise his eyes to look at Methos.
"MacLeod."
"What?"
"I have a question..."
For the first time, MacLeod lifted his head and turned his gaze to Methos.
"Am I still welcome in your loft?" Methos asked, "After all that time I spent with Jezebel, I don't know that I'm ready to go back to my empty apartment just yet."
Whether or not Methos had asked it simply to make MacLeod laugh, it did the trick.
"Sure," Duncan said as he got up, "Sure, come on."
"Thank you," Methos replied.
