Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or any of the wonderful characters that I am taking on this journey.
Hi All, Here is the next chapter which I have to say turned out much better than I thought it would. There were a few happy accidents along the way story wise so I hope you all enjoy it!
All mistakes are mine. I have no medical training so if there are any inaccuracies just go with it!.
Chapter 11
Deception by Any Other Name
Sam's POV
Dean watched Sam sleep heavily, like he hadn't slept in days and was finally exhausted enough to crash, but he had been asleep ten hours now and Dean was starting to get edgy. He was anxious for his brother to wake up so he could see for himself that he was alright. After everything his brother had been through it would be cruel for him to now be brain damaged on top of everything else.
He kept up his vigil beside his brother for hours, even Bobby's constant nagging didn't convince him to leave, to sleep anywhere but beside his brother.
In the darkest hours of the night Dean sat staring into nothing when he felt the hand he was holding twitch. He immediately looked down at the hand and squeezed it back. "Sammy? Sam, can you hear me? Squeeze my hand if you can hear me" Dean was looking at his brothers face as he spoke, hoping to see signs that he was finally opening his eyes.
Dean felt another twitch in his hand and smile in relief. "Come on Sammy, open your eyes for me, Please Sam, I need to know you're alright" Dean watched as his brothers eyes moved under his closed eyelids.
Sam tired desperately to open his stubborn eyes that felt like they were being weighed down. He squeezed his eyes shut and his eyes opened blearily to see his brother beside him. Swallowing to moisten his dry throat "D'n" Sam croaked out and Dean grabbed the jug of water on the roll away table and filled a plastic cup and put it gently to Sam lips and after a few sips he put the cup back on the table.
"I'm right here, Sammy. How do you feel?" Dean asked making sure he spoke clearly and was in his brothers line of sight so he could read his lips.
"My head hurts and... All my muscles are aching... Chest and ribs are throbbing... but nothing new to report" Sam said, he was getting quite good now at reading lips, some people were a little tricky when they didn't speak clearly or if they had a moustache, but his brother was clear and concise and as he took a breath to speak, the door swung open and his doctor walked in, picking up his chart and noting something in his file.
"It's so good to see you awake Sam... Your family has been quite worried about you" Dr Marquez conducted a few cognitive tests on him to check his eyes and his reactions. Once the doctor had finished his tests and wrote another note on his file, he looked at the young man in the bed and seeing the pained look on his face, pressed the call button. Once the nurse entered the room the doctor gave orders for his next dose of pain meds and she walked back out of the room to get his correct dose. Sam was trying to relax his muscles and sink into his pillow, Dean looked down at him and all the pain and anxiety lines around his eyes and hoped, not for the first time that the nurse was quick, he hated to see his little brother in pain.
The doctor looked back up at the brothers after making further notes on the file and put it back in its slot at the end of the bed. "I want to run a few tests to see what your seizure has done to your brain, I can see a slight delay in your reactions, that could be just from exhaustion as the type of seizures you had, can take a lot of you, so we'll do a MRI scan and I'll bring a specialist down to see you so we can gauge how you're doing. I'm confident that if there is any damage it will be minimal and with a bit of therapy you can get back to where you were before and well on your way to walking without your cane. I can tell your really anxious about that Sam, I don't see any reason why you won't get back to walking unaided" Dr Marquez said smiling reassuringly to his patient, knowing that Sam had worked really hard to get as far as he had and this was just a small set back in his recovery. Unfortunately Sam's mental state was not as stable as his fighting spirit or his strength.
Sam had been silent through the whole exchange, feeling a mixture of dread at having to re-do all the physical therapy he had already done and at the same time, relief that he would eventually get back to where he had been, so close to walking without a cane he could almost taste it. He tried to hold off the feeling of uselessness at not being the brother or partner Dean deserved. His older brother was right beside him, ready to help in anyway he could, which was something he thought would never happen again.
Sam blinked slowing up at the doctor and his brother as they spoke about his recovery and what it would entail. The nurse came back in with Sam's next dose of pain killers and as she depleted the syringe into the IV, Sam took a deep breath. Once he started to feel the coolness of the drugs running through his veins he started to feel sleep taking hold of him.
Sam blinked slowly again and when he opened his eyes, he could suddenly see a swirling, pulsing silvery white, glowing outline around the two men and the nurse. It moved around them like a cloud, encircling them in long tendrils and pulsed like a heart beat. When he looked down at his own hands he realised it was around him as well. The outline didn't appear to be hurting anyone but as he stared at it, watching it for any sign of danger, he noticed it was actually part of them.
Sam wanted to warn his brother about it, tell him about this unusual thing he was seeing but he wasn't sure if he would just laugh at him, especially with the doctor and nurse there as well, he thought better of it. He would be shipped off to the nut house straight away if he told them, then again it could be a side effect of his seizure. He wasn't sure if he should tell his brother about what he had seen, he would have to make that decision after his nap, his mind was just too fuzzy. The drugs were taking affect, making him feel drowsy and numb. Sam kept blinking slowly at his brother once the doctor had left and each blink took longer for him to open his eyes again.
Dean watched as his brother dozed off, having noticed when he got a far off look in his eyes and had zoned out, he wondered if there was something else going on with his brother or if it was just something another side effect of the drugs he was on. Making a mental note, to talk to his brother when he had reawakened and then his doctor if it was warranted. "Just have a nap now Sammy and when you wake up, you'll have had your MRI scan and hopefully we'll know a little more about what's going on with you" Dean said softly to his brother, not really knowing whether he would remember anything he was saying but needing to say it none the less.
When Sam opened his eyes again hours later, he felt brighter and in less pain than he had before, wondering just how long he had been out. He looked to his left and saw his brother snoring softly in the uncomfortable hospital chair beside him but holding his hand in a tight grip. His older brother never ceased to amaze him, no chick flick moments be damned, since they had reconnected all those old mucho rules had flown out the window. If their father could see them now, Sam wondered if he would disown them, make them run laps or hug them and never let go.
Looking at his brother he noticed the weird white glowing outline was not present. It must have been a trick of the eye, or perhaps a sign of just how tired he had been. Sam decided not to tell his brother about the outline unless it happened again.
Sam took a deep breath and as he exhaled his brother woke with a start. "Sammy?" Dean asked straight away.
"D'n" Sam said through a croaky dry throat. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Dean"
"Hey, how're you felling?" Dean asked scanning his face then his body for any signs of injury or pain.
"I'm... I'm much better. How long was I out, I feel like I slept for a week" Sam was a little confused that he felt so much better than he had last time he was awake.
"You've been asleep for two days, you were starting to freak me out a little but the Doc said it was your body getting the rest you needed" Dean said looked at Sam, glad that he was doing so much better than he had two days ago but now the long and hard road to recovery was about to begin and he was ready, to be his brothers cheer leader every step of the way.
"Two days?... What... What happened?" Sam was feeling a little out of the loop, he couldn't believe he had missed a whole two days.
"You had a MRI so the Doc could get a better picture of what was going on in the big head of yours... He found nothing to indicate any further damage but there was a weird anomaly in the mostly unused visual part of the brain" Dean was standing right beside his brother, rubbing his arm where it was above the blue hospital blanket and a little cooler than the rest of him. His brother was usually so warm that to feel his tan skin so cold was a little disconcerting and the motion of his hand was as much for himself as it was for his brother.
"I remember the doctor mentioning the MRI but... Everything after that... Is a complete blank... Wait.. What anomaly?" Sam's heart rate picked up a little at that. What was wrong with him now?
"It's okay Sammy, don't panic... The Doc just found a small dark spot in the visual part of your brain. It's in the part that isn't typically used, so they don't know a lot about it. I don't think it's something that the Doc's worried about so I don't want you to get all stressed about it." Dean watched as his little brother looked away, trying to hide the shock and fear on his face, the big brother in him was not going to let Sam get away with not talking about what that meant.
"What's going on Sammy?... It's fine, you're going to be fine" Dean went straight into crisis mode.
Sam was thinking frantically for a reason that Dean would believe. "I know Dean... It's nothing, I just... I was thinking maybe it was my visions... Or the hallucinations from withdrawals of the demon blood" Sam said the last bit with his head down, not really wanting to mention the worst time of his life, worried to the core of his brothers reaction, that all the progress he had made with his brother would be shattered with the mention of the ultimate betrayal.
Dean sighed, seeing his brother visibly deflate at the mention of the demon blood. He was more than certain that he had forgiven his little brother and after everything he had been through was actually sorry for the way he reacted and wanted to make it up to his brother. "I don't know Sammy, it's possible I guess, I mean I know your visions were painful but I wasn't there with you in the panic room... I should've..." Dean watched his little brother as he spoke, keeping his eyes downcast until he said that he should've been with him, Dean had always regretted not being in there with him. He felt now after all this time had past that maybe, if he had been in there with him, that maybe their relationship wouldn't have been so broken and it may have been a lot easier to repair. Swallowing his emotions he looked at Sam and said "That's all in the past though Sammy... If either of those things are to blame for this then we'll deal with it"
"I guess... Thanks Dean" Sam was glad that his brother had taken the bate but also relieved at his reaction. He didn't want his brother to think he was going crazy on top of everything else.
Dean cleared his throat and patted his brother on the shoulder as a thank you. He may have become more open to his emotions and to listening to what his brother had to say but sometimes he was uncomfortable to with having his walls down and allow his brother to see the scared little boy buried inside him. Watching his brother he noticed a guarded look cross his face, as if there was something unsettling or uncomfortable that he was hiding from him. He wanted desperately to ask his brother about it but thought he would wait to see if his little brother would open up to him on his own.
"Alright so, the Doc wants you to stay for another night, then and only then, can you go home..." His little brother shot him a questioning look., hoping his brother would break him out of the hospital much sooner but it didn't look like his brother was going to back down "Soon Sammy, I promise... I'll bring you back for PT in a few days after you've rested and if you want, we can do some exercises at home" Sam nodded his head in acknowledgement, knowing he was in good, over protective hands. "Oh and I wanted to tell you, Anna has become quite enamoured with Finny, you may need to butter her up to get him back" Dean was amused that the rich, well dressed, caring older woman had been running around her back garden, playing ball and talking baby talk to the little dog.
Sam smiled to himself, the older woman was strong, formidable but ready at a moments notice to give comfort when needed and to give tough love when warranted "It's very hard not to be charmed by that puppy. I won't deny Anna access to that little guy, she's been my touch stone through some rather tough times... And I think she deserves to have a bit of fun. You know she is involved in all these charities and fundraisers that it's as if she has a full time job, but really she just spends her ex-husbands money" Sam chuckled at the memory of Anna actually cursing and calling him an 'ass' once, Sam off course was shocked to hear such a word come out of her mouth and as she light heartedly slapped him on the arm he had said "I've heard worse from a Paster" which then lead to him teaching her to say some rather unladylike like swear words in latin to keep her ladies who lunch guessing.
Dean watched as his brother got lost in a happy memory and knew it was with the older woman who had become a veery important person in his life. A wave of jealousy swept over him but then he pushed it back, he had no reason to be jealous, he should be grateful, she kept Sam from depressions doorstep and from collapsing under the weight of his own guilt. Dean told himself to be happy he had her and to be even happier that he was with him now.
"I think Bobby's in love... He gets up early to have breakfast with her and chats about nothing, Although, if I think about it I don't know if it's Anna or her chef, she is cooking all these delicious things, he goes back for seconds, I think Bobby is putting weight on... I caught him moving his belt to the next hole this morning" Dean was delighted with the reaction of that little story, Sam's dimples came out, full blast, Dean smiled right back at him. Mission accomplished.
Later that afternoon Sam's doctor confirmed that he could go home, with a bag full of prescription medication and a list of instructions for his exercises. Dean helped Sam begrudgingly into the wheelchair the nurse had provided and pushed him towards the Impala that he had parked outside. When he got to the sleek black car Anna was in the back seat holding Finny to the half open window so he could stick his heat out, his tail started wagging and he barked a little when he got closer. Anna had a little trouble holding onto the wriggling little dog but on orders to not let the dog go on penalty of death, she had him steady and tried to shoosh him as best she could. Once Sam was situated in the passenger seat, Anna practically leapt over the front seat to pass the adorable canine to his master. Sam spoke softly to the puppy who was content to lick his chin clean and wag his tail right off his body.
Once Dean was situated in the drivers seat he took a minute to watch his brother for a moment. The big smile on his face was causing the dimples that had always been his kriptonite, to be on full display. Dean found himself smiling, his little brother had rarely smirked let alone smiled in the the last few years, especially after the Lucifer debacle and the brothers relationship had been shattered and scattered to the wind.
Dean's smile faltered when he remembered his brothers unusual behaviour in the hospital and made a decision to ask him as soon as they were through the door of his room.
Turning back to the steering wheel, Dean gripped it tightly and said "Alright everyone, buckle up and please keep all arms, legs and tails inside the vehicle, thank you for driving with Winchester wheels" both Anna and Sam chuckled at his announcers voice and got comfortable in their seats. Finny settled on Sam's lap as if he had understood that he wasn't able to move around in the car.
The car was silent for the first fifteen minutes as each of the passengers were lost in thought then as they turned into the town centre Sam gasped as his head spiked with pain, he heard the puppy on his lap start to bark and yip in warning and he scrunched his eyes together and pinched his nose, trying to halt the severity of the headache. He felt a hand on his shoulder as the pain went away, he opened his eyes and as he scanned his surroundings, the weird white glow began to appear around everyone outside the car.
People walking around or shopping, families, couples and kids all going about their day, had a glow around them, pulsing and twirling around them. Sam took a deep breath and calmed his racing heart, and he now realised that this wasn't just a fluke.
He put his shaking hand on the hand on his shoulder to reassure them he was OK, the fuzzy voices quietened and the barking from the puppy turned to whining.
He took a better look at the people they were passing. Most of the people who were smiling, talking and having fun had the white glow around them giving him the feeling of peace and happiness, then he noticed there were people with other colours around them, a man yelling at someone for bumping into him had a red tinge to his glow that seemed to pulse faster around his angry face, a woman crying as a man walked away from her had a blue slow pulsing glow around her, it looked as if it was encircling her, to comfort her. Then a group of young girls were huddled together and were pointing at a young couple kissing against a building, they had a green glow around all of them, it swirled around them as they all felt the same thing, it was as if the glow grew around them, jealous of the young couple.
Sam took a deep breath and blinked as he looked away from the street and looked at Dean who was casting worried glances at him as he drove. The pearly white glow around his brother moved to surround Sam, he felt the warmth envelope him, like he was being hugged.
The comfort he got from his brothers light calmed his heart from its frantic beat. The fear that he had felt from seeing the unusual light that sounded everyone was fading away, he would have to tell his brother when they got home but was scared about what this might mean and who or what was the cause.
Sam rubbed at his eyes and scrunched his eyes together hoping to clear his vision. He opened his eyes and even though he could still see the glowing aura around his brother, it was fading to a pale fog around him. "I'm... I'm okay. It's just a headache" Sam tried to sound convincing but it came out sounding pained and stalling.
"Sammy? What's going on?" Dean worriedly asked. Anna leant forward to look at the younger man to gage whether he was lying. She saw a resigned look on his face, that what ever he was hiding would have to be revealed.
"It's nothing... Um... Okay look I... Something's happening but I'll tell you everything when we get home, after I've had my meds" Sam said seeing the concerned faces of his family.
"Alright little brother, I'm holding you to that" Dean said pointing at Sam making sure he knew he meant business.
Anna pulled the little puppy back onto her lap, as he kept whining, knowing inexplicably that there was something wrong with his owner.
The second half of the trip back to the house seemed to be faster than the first half as Dean put his driving skills to the test. As soon as they drove up to the garage and parked Dean leapt out if the car and ran around to the other side of the car to help his brother out while Anna picks the puppy up, now pliable and warm with sleep.
Dean passes the cane to his brother who uses it to keep himself upright and puts his arm around his waist on the other side and with gentleness he helped his brother walk towards the guest house as Anna walked behind them holding onto Finn who was wagging his tail with excitement.
As Dean pulled the keys out of his pocket and opened the door, dragging Sam inside and towards his bed. Sam sat carefully down on the bed and put his head in his hands. Anna put Finn down on the ground and the puppy started jumping up and down beside the bed wanting to spend more time with its owner. "Sam, sweetie would you like a glass of water, or do you want me to ask my chef to whip you up something?" Anna asked picking the puppy up and putting him beside Sam on the bed, she touches his shoulder while he shakes his head still in his hands.
"Sammy? Come on talk to me... We're home now and... all I want to do is help you... let me help you buddy" Dean said in a gentle voice, kneeling in front of his brother putting his hands on his brothers head feeling the shaky breaths coming from his weakened brother.
Sam lifts his head as Deans hands move to cover his shaking hands, they look at each other for a few beats and Sam takes a deep breath. "I... Something is happening to me and I'm... Im not sure what it is" Sam looks into his brothers eyes and while they don't waver, he can see the worry in his big brothers eyes.
"What Sammy, what's going on?" Dean is still holding his little brothers hands, warming them and giving him comfort.
"Well... ever since my seizure, 'I've... I get these spikes of pain... in my head and... when I open my eyes, I can... I can see this glow... an aura around people..." Looking down again to shield himself from the looks of disgust on their faces.
"What did it look like?" Anna asked looking first at Dean who gave her an appreciative glance, knowing that Sam would be panicking and anticipating that they would think the worst of him.
"the first time I saw it, it was pure white and... It pulsed and wrapped around you, like it was a part of you" Sam said in what Dean would call his geek voice, obviously it fascinated him, even if it freaked him out, it was a beautiful yet scary sight. "Like your soul or your aura"
Smirking at his little brothers fascination with the very thing that scared him to death. "Sam... Focus please, you can geek out in your own time..." Dean said smiling reassuringly. "When did it start happening?"
"The first time it happened was at the hospital, after the seizure" Sam shook his head at the memory "I thought... I thought it was just the drugs they had me on but... on the way home, it happened again... this time, there were colours, the glow wasn't just white but red, blue, green... I think it changes with your mood or how you feel" Sam said thinking about what it could mean. Sam thought he was enough of a freak but the powers that be wanted to give him something else, another reason the feel like a freak.
Dean scrunched his eyebrows together thinking about what this might mean, did Sam need to go back to the hospital, was there something wrong with his brain or his eyes that was causing these seizures and this unusual light display, was this something supernatural related, was it something that Dean could kill or destroy?
"So... You could see this 'glow' around everyone... including me... us?" Dean asked looking at Anna then Sam as he spoke, trying really hard not to think the worst, he really wanted this to be something they could use to their advantage, once Sam was better, or as good as he could get, they would have to go back out there and lock Lucifer down, once and for all. He really wanted to give his brother the safe, normal life he had always wanted, so when they finished this hunt, both of them would retire and settle down. Dean had been seriously thinking about it for some time and finding his brother again, cemented the idea for him.
"Well, I saw it on you first, both of you.. had this white glow around you, it was shimmery and it pulsated and twirled around you. It's hard to describe but... You're glow, made me feel calm and safe, like it would protect me. I'm not sure what it is, but I think it's your auras or... an echo of you or something" Sam was scared that this was yet another thing that Lucifer was tricking him with but so far he wasn't scared or it wasn't hurting anyone. He blinked and realised what he had just said.
Embarrassed he looked down at his hands, he had just opened his mouth and let his girly feelings spew all over his brother. As if his brother needed yet another thing to tease him about. Dean had been teasing Sam since he hit puberty but they hadn't really been in a playful mood for quite some time, that didn't mean that Dean didn't love to rag on him at any and all opportunities.
Dean however was too busy being profoundly touched that his little brother could feel and see something so true, that his 'aura' was showing his true feelings, that he only wanted to protect and take care of his brother. He was actually extremely thankful that his little brother was able to see it, in this unusual yet truthful way, rather than him have to say it out loud.
Sam kept his head down, the longer it was taking for his brother to react to his description, the more he was thinking that perhaps Dean was thinking how he could dump him somewhere and never look back. "Well... I can ask Bobby to try and find something about glows or a persons aura in his library... and I'll mention that you think they belong to the person and they make you feel their emotions" Dean watched as his brother raised his head and looked at him with weird grateful look of his face. His little brother still had such a low self esteem that Dean would have to work hard to make it higher, if only Sam could see himself the way Dean did, even when he was at his maddest and his most disappointed and angry, he still Sam Sam as a strong, intelligent man who was as stubborn as an mule, what he lost sight of, was that his bad choices were never made for selfish reasons, they were for the right reasons, they were for him, the big brother he always looked up to, but his own stubbornness blinded him to it. His brother was a great man, a great hunter and an even greater brother, he just had to convince him of that.
"You ah... Believe me?... You don't think I'm crazy or just seeing things?... I was worried that..." Sam shook hiss head, his treacherous mouth was at it again, making him spew his emotions and fears all over the place. He had to be strong, he had to show his brother that he could be the brother he needed, not this emotional wreak before him.
Dean watched his brothers face, the emotions that crossed it, his little brother didn't know it but he could tell exactly what was going through his head, just by watching his face, his eyes, they gave the game away, he could never fool him, they couldn't play pool or poker with each other because they knew each other's tells and facial expressions. "You thought what Sammy?" He said softly. "You thought I would put you in a padded room... Or ship you off somewhere? Seriously? Sam I'm on your side..."
"Yeah but you gotta admit this is crazy" Sam interrupted with a nervous laugh.
"Yeah it is...a crazy situation... not you... I don't think your crazy... If you think your seeing this stuff, then I believe you... and we'll get to the bottom of what's causing it... together" Dean said almost wanted to grab his brother and throttle him.
Sam nodded his head, perhaps Dean was right, he needed to tell himself to be positive, to believe in himself, which after everything he had done and all the mistakes he had made, was an extremely hard thing to do, but not wanting to annoy or aggregate his brother with his constant negativity, he decided to do it for his brother. "Okay Dean, together... Sorry" Sam gave a small smile to his brother trying to let him know he would stick with him.
"Alright Sam, honey, I'm going to take Finny for a walk, then I'll organise dinner and we can all have dinner together in here. I want to spend some time with you outside of that hospital... I have a few books I found that you might like while you convalesce" Anna smirked as she spoke from her spot in the kitchen, making coffee for everyone, the brothers had almost forgotten the older woman was there.
Sam looked over at Anna and smiled, the mother figure always seemed to know what to say and when to say it. "When I come back with lunch I want you to get some sleep, then your brother and I are going to try and get to the bottom of all this" Anna walked through the door and closed it behind her. She wasn't going to stand back and allow his brother and his uncle to do all the heavy lifting. Ever since Sam had come into her life and told her all about the life he had lived since he was six months old. Anna had read up on all the urban legends he had told her about and every other type of monster she could find.
"Sammy, how's the head? You're looking a little peaky" Dean asked seeing his brothers eyes pinched in pain.
"I am feeling a little fuzzy, I think the last lot of drugs the hospital gave me is still in my system" Sam said rubbing his forehead as pain throbbed behind his eyes.
Dean went to the bag of medication the hospital had given him for his brother. "Hey buddy, take this, it's for your headache" Dean passed Sam two pain killers and gave him a bottle of water.
Sam looked up at his brother suddenly overwhelmed with the knowledge that his brother had never changed, he still looked after him, and would probably keep doing it even when he was in his eighties."Thanks De'n"
Sam made himself comfortable against the pillows that Dean had stacked behind him, grateful that he even had a place to rest his head that wasn't a cheap, smelly, flea ridden motel pillow that he used to. It was not something he would say that he missed but it was more the camaraderie, the bantering and the way his brother would show his feelings by doing small things for him, getting his favourite coffee, buying his sales instead of greasy burgers, checking his injuries just being his brother. It felt so good to have it again, even under these circumstances.
Dean decided to help his little brother out and to stop the inevitable onslaught of emotions that once he started he wouldn't be able to stop and as much as he was going to be that shoulder for his little brother to cry on. "Your welcome kiddo, come on, close your eyes and get some more rest" Sam closed his eyes and opened them again, long enough to see his brother pat him on the chest, then leave it there, letting the heat from his palm spread over his skin, it spread out, warming him to his core. Sam closed his eyes again and let sleep take him away.
Dean and Anna sat at Sam's small dining table looking through musty old books and science journals trying to find anything written about coloured auras or glows around people. A newly arrived Bobby was sitting in his wheelchair at the computer desk typing away their findings.
Patients with ailments, or conditions that caused similar things usually also showed signs of deterioration of the cornea or detachment of the retina but Sam didn't show any of the symptoms so any medical condition that could have caused this was swiftly crossed of the list, on use other hand witches had been moved to the top of the list, considering the hex bag they had found that originally started this run away train moving. Bobby had also included angels to the list of possibilities as he wouldn't out it past them to be involved somehow.
Hours later Sam awoke with a gasp, to Bobby's worried voices and his tired, weary face. With the invasion of his dreams by Lucifer still swirling around his head, he looked up at the ceiling and took some deep breaths. His tormentor had been exceptionally cruel this time and if it wasn't for the constant licking on his fingers by his dog. "You alright now? You were howling like a dog caught in a trap" Bobby asked from his wheelchair with concern and anxiety on his face. He knew that if Dean had seen what Bobby had just witnessed he would be an mamma bear mess. Sam had been in so much pain that he sounded like a wounded animal and by the look on the youngest Winchesters face he was still lost in that pain.
"I... I'm... I'm okay... I'll be okay..." Sam took a deep breath in through his mouth and exhaled through his nose. "I just have to... stop seeing that... Every time in close my eyes... and I'll be fine" Sam blinked away the tears that started gathering in his eyes.
"Wait... What? What are you seeing Sam?" Dean asked as he came in through the front door and held it open for Anna who held a small tray with a jug of ice tea, a silver coffee pot and an assortment of glasses and cups, along with her maid who was carrying a tray with sandwiches, savoury tarts, fruit flans and chocolate slices. Deans mouth had been watering at the sight and smells coming of the trays but as he had opened the door he heard the conversation between Sam and Bobby and was instantly on high alert. Dean walked further into the room taking in his brothers appearance as he opened up two stands for each other trays in the small kitchenette so the two women could unburden themselves with the food and drinks.
Dean walked over to the bed and put his hand straight on his younger brothers forehead and felt a slight fever coming off it. Shaking his head at his brother he looked him straight in the eyes and saw pain, but not the physical kind. The kid had been visited by Lucifer again and it had been a doozy of a home visit. "What's happening now Sammy, what did that bastard do to you in your head?" Dean just cut straight to the chase, no need to pussy foot around, he knows what the pained look on Sam's face was all about and he knows Sam knows that he knows... Or something. He reached out and grabbed the bottle of pills and bottled water on the night stand and took out two tablets and handed them to Sam, hoping to reduce the headache that always seemed to accompany these vists.
Sam handed the bottle back to his brother once he had swallowed his meds and looked up at Dean and clenching his trembling hands together, willing them to stop, along with his wildly beating heart. He felt like it was going to leap right out of his chest, he takes a few deep breaths and squares his shoulders, this is going to be tough. "Well... Um... You see ummm... Lucifer... Most of the time, he tells me that he cares about me, that he is the only one I can trust and he promises to give me what I've always wanted... But... sometimes... He shows me all the pain and suffering that I have and will cause on all man kind... But it's not them that... causes... the most pain..." Sam was looking at his hands and he wrung his fingers together in anxiety.
Dean scrunched his eyebrows together, his heart started pounding in his chest, his little brother had been enduring unimaginable things in his own head on top of everything else. It's not the Dean hadn't thought about how lucifer was trying to persuade him into saying yes, but he had thought it was more of a passive thing.
"What ah... What exactly is he showing you Sammy..." Dean watched Sam try to shrink away. It was bad enough having to see it in high definition in his own head, now he had to relive it, conjure up the images that only moments ago had made him almost pee his pants.
"No... Please don't ask me... I can't... It's too much Dean" Sam whispered, anxiety was coming off him in waves.
"Sammy... I know it's hard but if you can't talk about it, to me or anyone else, maybe you should write it in your journal, that's what I bought it for..." Dean leaned over to the night stand and picked up his little brother new leather bound journal and pulled out the pen in the spine, opened to the first blank page and handed it to Sam putting the pen in his still cps hacking had. "I promise you, that you'll feel better it you get it all off your chest, and maybe... one day, you can let me read it, so you don't have to say it all out loud" Dean said in his gentle big brother voice, which Sam had always found incredibly soothing and calming but now he just had to imagine it.
Nodding his head and wiping the tears that had escaped from his face. "Alright... Alright I'll write it down... But Umm... Okay" Sam nodded and moved the journal to a more comfortable position and started to write in his familiar, flowy script that Dean had actually associated with his little brother and had found himself missing when he and his brother had gone their separate ways. He had never admitted it and now he kinda wished he had that his genius little brother was so much better at research then he was and when they were on their own, Dean had actually appreciated the long hours and skill it took to find all the information they needed to catch and kill all the monsters they hunted on a daily basis.
What he realised now was that Sam would always find a plan B, C and D just in case. In the last few weeks before Sam had left, he hadn't noticed how many hours Sam had actually put in, their relationship had been so fractured that he didn't notice Sam was always in front of his laptop, clicking away, probably not sleeping more that an hour a night, plagued by nightmares and guilt and worthlessness.
Dean watched him for a while then turned to see Bobby in his wheelchair and Anna kneeling beside him talking softly too each other, stealing worried glances at the brothers, when Bobby caught Dean walking toward him. "Dean... How's he doing?" Bobby spoke in an uncharacteristically soft voice, Dean blinked and saw nothing but concern on the older hunters face. "The noises he was making... Dean, I was scared that something was actually hurting him... I know you told me what he was going through, but to see it first hand... I didn't know what to" Dean hadn't seen Bobby so shaken before.
"It was Lucifer... I don't know how much more he can take..." Dean sighed how a frustrated breath. Not really knowing how to help his brother, at least not until they had some answers.
"Well... I wanted to tell you when I got here but with Sam still asleep I wanted to wait until he was awake..." Bobby looked knowingly at the young man in front of him. "I know what's causing Sam to see those auras... and it's interesting to say the least"
Dean looked over his shoulder at his brother who was writing furiously in his journal when he stopped and looked up to see three faces looking at him curiously. "What? Do I have something on my face?" Sam asked innocently, wiping his hand across his face and looking at it to see of anything had come off.
"Ah no... Sammy. You don't have anything on your face, but... Bobby has some news about the weird stuff happening to your eyes" Dean chuckled as he moved to sit beside his little brother on the bed and Bobby manoeuvred himself beside him.
Anna walked to the trays of food and served up some of the treats onto small china plates for each of them, then put them on the drinks trolley and moved it over to the men as they made themselves comfortable. Anna was going to stand by her injured charge as he had taken hold of her heart and helped to heal it when her son had died. He was a bright light in her otherwise boring life and even though she enjoyed her life of wealth and privilege, she enjoyed this young man's company more than any of the rich ladies who lunch she spent a majority of her time with. The smart, thoughtful ex-hunter was more funny and cheeky than she had initially thought, making her laugh at his jokes and she had an intellectual and strategic match when it came to her love of chess and crosswords.
"So... What did you find out Bobby? Good to see you again, by the way" Sam said with a tired smile, he still felt fuzzy from his nightmare/headache but it was at a reasonable level at the moment.
" You too son, you too... Anyway... these auras or glows as you called them, can be caused by certain head injuries, including blood clots and aneurisms... but when I took the hex bag outside to burn at the hospital, I took a photo of the contents before I destroyed them and what was inside, was VERY interesting" Bobby could see the expected faces watching him, waiting for the punch line. Taking the yellow file he had stashed in the hanging pocket on the side of his wheelchair out and flicked through the pages, then turned it so Sam and Dean could see a photograph of the contents of the hex bag on question, Bobby pointed at the bones and said "These were the bones of a hornless goat, this gauze has your blood on it Sam so we know it was made especially for you and these small charms which, when I originally saw them looked demonic, I had first thought that it was... Ruby, playing tricks on us... beyond death... But on closer inspection I realised that they are in fact, angelic... These symbols are enochian" Bobby paused for dramatic effect seeing the confused, shocked looks on everyone's faces. "I think... Maybe one of our little angelic friends planted this hex bag... but the million dollar question is... Did they do it to hurt Sam or did it backfire?"
Sam was staring off into space with his eyebrows raised and mouth open in shock. Could it be that he was being targeted on both fronts. The demons who had chosen him to lead their army and infected him with their blood, then twisted his soul until he had let Lucifer free on the world, and angels who, up until twelve months ago he had thought were ethereal and forgiving creatures but were in fact giant douche bags who had manipulated him and his brother into cracking then breaking their seemingly unbreakable bond until it was unfixable. Sam had always believed in the power of god and had believed that if you were a good person and helped other people without requesting anything in return, you would be rewarded with love, forgiveness and second chances. His naïveté had just been highlighted in the fact that now, he was carrying around a huge target of his back and if he wasn't careful he would bring all the people that he lobed down with him. He would rather die than allow that to happen but he was reminded that his big brother was on his side now, he wouldn't allow his little brother to make such a sacrifice.
"So we summon one of those douche nozzles and find out what the hell is going on" Dean said rather passionately, he was over watching his little brother suffer and fight just to survive.
"I'll have to find all the ingredients for the spell... where should we do this, I don't think here is appropriate" Bobby replied.
"You'd be correct. Sam may have told me all about this stuff but seeing it with my own eyes is another thing entirely. I hope you don't mind?" Anna said knowing that Sam wouldn't mind but his brother and uncle were an entirely different story.
"Its fine Anna, we'll find somewhere else..." Sam said looking at Bobby and Dean waiting for their objections that didn't come.
Dean agreed that they couldn't bring this to Anna's doorstep. First and foremost she was innocent and she had been so great to Sam that if anything happened to her, Sam would never be the same again. Secondly she will be able to convince his little brother to stay behind, he was too emotionally invested and taking him with them was like dangling bait on a hook. Telling him that he wouldn't be going with them was not going to be pleasant to say the least.
"You're right, we'll find somewhere else. Bobby and me, we'll find something else... Sammy you can't come with us... not this time" Dean watched as hurt then anger crossed his little brothers face.
"Like hell, this is about me! Damn it I have to go Dean... Don't leave me out this fight... it's not fair" Sam's eyes blazed with the knowledge that his older brother had been lying to him all this time, pretending that Sam was good enough to hunt with him.
"Sammy... come one, know it's just for now, while your recuperating, I want you beside me, like you do, like always but Sammy, your not ready... I wish you were but your not. I'm sorry but you have to stay" Dean was adamant, he wasn't going to let his little brother to get hurt again. He started to back away, grabbing his jacket and a sandwich from the tray and took a sip of hi coffee, watching his injured brother as face as it crumbled.
"Dean, don't... please man... I'm... I'm sorry" Sam as suddenly aware of his own limitations and knew instantly that his older brother didn't mean this to hurt him, but it hurt non the less.
"Sammy, I swear to you, I would have you in that car right now if I thought you could handle it. if I thought your body could handle it" Dean said gently, hoping to convey the concern he had for his little brother.
Sam took a deep sigh, he knew his brother was right but the weight of his limitations and now the time it will take for him to get over this new setback through rehabilitation and exercise. "Okay, if... if you think it's best..." Sam said in soft resignation. The hurt was still there but he was very aware of his injuries and knew that he really wouldn't be of much help to his brother if they were thrown into the thick of things or got into a fight.
Dean leant forward and put his hand on his little brothers hands which were currently scrunched into the sheets around him, his knuckles white from the strain.
"Sam... buddy, this isn't me pushing you to the sidelines because I think your weak..." Dean said gently watching as Sam lifted his head in shock as his older brother had hit the proverbial nail on the head. "Yeah, Sammy I know how your brain works... I just want you to heal up first before you try to jump back into it. Besides, you've set a nice little life here Sam... that Liberian you work with is hot with capital H" Dean said, watching the smile form on his brothers face at the mention of his co-worker. They were just friends and they hadn't spoken for a while but there was always a little spark when ever they had the same shift.
Nodding her head Anna watched the exchange, she didn't think the young man sitting up in the bed in front of her was really up to doing any fighting or even walking at this point but she also understood his need to prove himself and to get back into the thick of things. He had spoken to her about his desperate need to prove himself to his older brother, to be physically, physiologically and emotionally ready to get back to hunting. Not that he really wanted to, she had the feeling he was actually enjoying the calm, healthy and safe life he lived here with her. "He's right Sam dear, you're not quite up to scratch yet, but you will be... very soon if you and I have anything to say about it"
Sam smiled at Anna gumption and complete faith in him. She was a special woman and he didn't know what he would do without her. Sam looked up at her and smiled, then cast his eyes to Bobby and lastly to Dean. He nodded his understanding and as the stepped back and gathered their belongings and jackets, he was grateful for their trust and love.
As Bobby and Dean made their way to the door, Dean looked back at his little brother in his bed, leaning against his pillows and the niggling feeling in the pit of his stomach made his hesitate. Sam appeared to be content to stay in bed and rest. Anna was busy getting a plate of cakes ready for them for the road as well as a plate for Sam, filled with his favourites which she made a habit of making sure were always available if Sam were to ask. Dean shook his head, it must be nerves, or perhaps apprehension of leaving Sam on his own. Their relationship was getting stronger but at the moment it was like walking on egg shells, any wrong move could cause an argument or a misunderstanding, it was so fragile that he really didn't want to make any wrong movements, He just hoped this would be one of them.
Anna handed Bobby the covered plate and the flask of coffee for the two of them, and wished them a safe return and promised to watch out for Sam while they were gone. The pair walked out the door and Dean cast a quick glance back at his brother and waved, seeing Sam wave back with a grin made the butterflies calm their fluttering.
Sam watched as they walked out the door and waited a while for what he would was a reasonable time for them to leave and he grabbed his laptop from his night stand and clicked and clacked on the keyboard until the tracker website was up and running and logged in and began tracking his older brothers gps. Then he moved his legs to the side of his bed and moved to stand, his legs were shaky and his head swam for a minute but it wasn't as bad as he had predicted.
He took a few tentative steps and walked like a new born colt to the bathroom, washed his hands when he was done and grabbed a clean set pair of jeans and old comfortable sweat shirt from his Stanford days. He placed them on the chair beside his bed and got back into bed, settled where he was before and was reading his book, drinking his coffee and just finished licking his lips of the sugar from his vanilla slice, when Anna came back inside and smiled brightly at him and he put the book and his now empty coffee cup down on his bedside table and leant back on his pillows as Anna gathered up all the dirty dishes and once her maid had taken the trays away she tucked the blankets and feather down quilt around Sam's relaxed body as his eyes blinked slowly and exhaustion takes him. "You rest up sweetie and we can have dinner together when your ready. We'll have Shepard's Pie for dinner if you like, I know you liked it last time" Anna said brushing Sam's hair out of his face.
"Thanks Anna... sound great" Sam's eyes drooped as he yawns, stretching like a cat making Anna chuckle. "I'll just have a nap, I'm just really tired all of a sudden" Sam says yawning again.
Anna nods her head and talks as she walks toward the door "Alright Sam, I'll leave you too it then" Anna closes the door behind her.
Sam stays where he is for a moment then leaps up and on wobbly legs, he grabs the clothes he had placed on the chair and gets changed. As he is putting on his sneakers he realises just how unwell he still is, his head is spinning, his legs have almost continual pins and needles and his back is throbbing in time to his too fast heart beat. He takes a deep breath and stands slowly, not wanting the change in height to make him nauseous or dizzy which is inevitable anyway given his injuries.
He takes a moment and steels himself, He can do this, he tells himself as he picks up his backpack, shoves his laptop, phone and camera inside it, then grabs his jacket and his car keys and heads to the door. he turns to see Finn laying curled up on his bed, eyeing him but not moving from where he was. "Don't give me away Finny and there'll be a nice juicy bone in your future" he smiles as his little head pops up with interest. "Good boy" Sam says softly as he closes the door and walks slowly and little unsteadily to the side gate, slips through and walks to his car, getting in silently and once he is settled he opens his laptop and quickly opens up the gps search engine and as the map zeros in on a little blue light , he takes the hand-break off and lets the car coast until it is far enough away from the house that he can start it without Anna overhearing it. As he moves away from the sanctuary of his home, following the gps signal, he hopes he can get to his brother in time, to ask a few questions of his own and to convince himself and his brother that he wasn't a liability.
tbc
